Thursday, April 26, 2012

Is That Map Happy To See Me?

My friend, Lisa, took a run around Boulder yesterday. She reported feeling “happy” when she finished. I just don’t understand why.


Today is MRI day. I had a panic attack last time I was in the tunnel. The only way I can avoid freaking out is by looking backwards out the end of the tunnel for 30 minutes. Something about seeing “outside” seems to help.


I just love how this makes my forehead look like a topography map. I think this may be the most unattractive picture ever taken of me.

To make things more fun, I could dress up a bit. Radiologists love that.


So, while I might find out what is wrong with my left side and fix it, my neck will be permanently disabled. My guess is that it is easier to run with a crippled neck than a bad leg, hip or pelvis. It is the sacrifice I must make.

I do have some Xanax I use for flying, but since I have to drive myself there and I rather not get a DUX (driving under Xanax), I will forgo.

I go to the doc tomorrow, so that’s when I’ll know my results.

What’s the last panic attack you’ve had? I don’t know if mine are full fledged attacks. I don’t think I’m dying. I just cry, my heart rate goes up and I feel like I have to run away. Hard to do in the tunnel or on an airplane.

Do you ever medicate for anxiety? Not really. Only when I fly or am having a really, really bad night.



  1. My only form of self medication is getting drunk. It solves all my life problems :)

    Good luck, never been in the tunnel but I bet I would be hyperventilating and spazzing a bit. Take the pills :)

  2. Alright, someone has to call out the white elephant in the room... I totally see a penis in that map... is it just me? I mean that schlong has some jagged nuts on it but it is definitely a penis... right?! ;) hahaha

  3. Ooh, I hate MRIs too and had a panic attack last time too :( I was wishing I had my ipod with me . . . thinking music might help.
    Good luck, hope it's an easy fix!!
    There IS something about that map, but what? hmmmm.

  4. I would love to have an MRI, unfortunately my finances wouldn't. I hear they're SUPER expensive! Hope everything turns out ok! :)

  5. Now, if we could all find our happy place just by running! What a map!
    I totally understand freaking out in the MRI, hope everything turns out ok.

  6. My one and only kinda panic episode was my first OWS. :( This is a problem since I am signed up for an oly tri in august. In the ocean. I'm hoping I get over it before then.

    Good luck with your MRI.

  7. Btw anybody else notice the names on the map in strategic places. Newlands, Arapahoe and Boulder? To Funny!

  8. Maybe meditation would help? Definitely worth a try.

  9. Your route, where downtown is... I feel that there are a number of innuendos to be made of this.

  10. I have always fallin asleep in the tube. Mine have always had a fan blowing on me, and it is kind warm in there, so I just drift off to sleep!

  11. i love the 2nd look. very high fashion.

    hoping they can figure out what's going with your left side. mine's been all jacked up lately too. lame.

  12. I have pretty bad claustrophobia and have to medicate for flying too. I've had an MRI but it was on my foot so I could have my head outside of the machine. I can't imagine having to be inside; I would definitely freak out. I say go for the Xanax and take a cab. :-)

    I know I posted this on fb...but I am guessing some of your readers don't use fb, so I have to share the Marine Corps Marathon route here....check out the section of the Nat'l Mall at the Smithsonian. LOL!!!!

  14. I was surprised at how well I handled the MRI. I made up songs to the beat of the noises the thing made. Lame, yes.
    Wine is the only medication I need. Oh, and Melatonin for those really bad nights.

  15. So one time at band camp...
    Seriously it was my first time flying without my family last year, I went to Mexico with girlfriends (supposed to be fun-so freaked about flying couldn't enjoy it). A friend gave me my first Xanex pill and I threw it up because I thought it might kill me. Nice. Freak
    Good luck with MRI!

  16. Good luck in the tunnel. They gave me headphones and really crappy music. I closed my eyes and thought of England. It didn't help.

  17. Hugh Jass: OMG. Downtown!!

    1. I know!! I didn't even notice that. Hilarious!!

  18. I laughed right out loud when I saw the running route outlined! I think her next run should be mapped out in the shape of ovaries.

  19. I have one every time I go down an aisle at Lowe's. I'm good in the corridors and garden center. And Home Depot doesn't bother me a bit.

  20. I didn't know that was called a 'panic attack'…I thought that was called 'life'.

  21. Never had a panic attack, but it doesn't sound like fun. Hope the MRI gives a specific diagnosis that doesn't rhyme with 'chess plaster'.

    I wouldn't recommend running on your neck, but if you do, try to do a mid-neck strike. I think Vibram makes a special turtleneck for that.

  22. I think a subliminal "finger" was just given to the world through that map! LOL

  23. I love you. You are fricken hysterical!

    Good luck tomorrow.:)

  24. Good luck with your MRI! I had 2 last year before the eventual diagnosis of my hip injury and just had hip surgery last month. Have you seen the Office episode "The Injury" where Michael sticks his burnt foot in the MRI machine as Dwight is having his head scanned? This image got me through my last MRI! And if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend watching it.

  25. I agree with Matty O, I have several scripts for alcohol......

  26. Don't like medicine - I'd rather run - so, I sympathize with your frustration & not feeling good. Good luck on the MRI & with the diagnosis.

  27. I'm hoping the MRI reveals the much-needed reason for this left side madness!!

    I get panic attacks where I just can't breathe. Or it could be an asthma attack exacerbated by panic which causes me not to breathe...either way, not breathing is really not as much fun as it may sound.

  28. I hope it went well (if it's over) and featured no panic attacks. I had an MRI once--I don't remember much about it, just that I liked the white noise.

  29. I must be totally lame... I've had three MRIs to match my three knee surgeries, plus one more to find a mass in my thigh... I totally loved each one! No kids asking for something, no ringing phone, no husband looking for whatever... Paradise! Just me and the white noise...

  30. I'm with Kim--I find MRIs very peaceful. But then again, the best time I have had in years was spending the night in the hospital after emergency surgery. I was completely happy on drugs, being waited on, no kids, didn't even have to get up to go to the bathroom thanks to the catheter.

    BTW--Crying, heart pounding and wanting to run constitute a real panic attack.

    Love your blog to bits and pieces because I am a fellow farting runner/running farter.

  31. I've only had to have my head in an MRI machine once, and I hated every second of it. Fingers crossed for you my friend. Lightning cannot strike again for you!

    And yes, when I had a root canal (which freaked me out completely) I took valium. It made me an emotional mess but got me through it!

    Thinking of you!

  32. I'm a huge fan of Ativan for flying. It makes me very brave. And forgetful...... which can be problematic and cause me to misplace my boarding pass.

    I hope you get some answers from your MRI!

  33. I’ve been a follower on your blog for a while now (39 pages back on your follow wedgit...yep...that long now)and would like to invite you to visit and perhaps follow me back. Sorry I took so long for the invitation

  34. Hope your MRI went well, and that you didn't get too anxious.

    The only time I had a panic attack was Sept 11, 2001.

    I don't meditate for anxiety, I usually like to talk to as many people about it so they can all share my anxiety with me.

  35. I'm a terrible flyer - that's where I've had my panic attacks and I can only fly with Valium. But I've found out that I don't actually have to ingest the Valium. I'm fine if they're just in my purse. Maybe Xanax works the same and if you have it in close proximity you'll get through with flying colours. I'll be thinking of you.

    1. I love that idea - the security of having them in your purse, just knowing you can take them. It's like having altoids as back up for bad breath. Genius!

  36. Haha love those pics. For me, being in the MRI machine doesn't bother me but the staying still does. I always feel like my muscles are twitching and then I'll have to start all over. Especially when I'm almost falling asleep.. how the heck do they expect you to stay still?! I'm only human!

  37. OMG I am an MRI drop out. Got halfway in and had to eject! I live in Canada and the doctor actually made a special request to have an "open mri" in Buffalo, NY covered by my Canadian Health care. Let me tell you that the clinic's definition of "open" is a hell of a lot different than mine! I was better than the tunnel of death, but not by much.
    I would love to have taken meds, but I think I would have needed an elephant tranquilizer to make it bearable. I am interested in the results you get. I am still struggling with my hammie/butt pain. It would seem to have some link to a slightly bulging disc in my lumbar and a lot to do with my weak ass. Maybe we an compare MRI CDs??? Good luck, just think "Big sky lots of space, Big sky lots of space" Will pray for you!

  38. How about having someone drive you to the apppointment, wait for you (support) and then drive you home so you can take the Xanax and relax? That's what friends are for, Superwoman!

  39. I had an MRI about 6 weeks ago [for my neck/shoulders] and it was supposedly "open". It didn't help when I got there and the reception said "Oh, if you are claustrophobic, you should have gone with the "jumbo tube" -- not the Open MRI b/c "the thing" is only a few inches from your face. Great. She was right and then I of course became panicky. I couldn't see way to the left or right when I was in there, b/c they strapped my head down, put a cage over it and jammed foam on the sides of my temples. Of course I drove myself so drugs were not an option and I had to get it done! I cried alot (which is very unlike me). I felt thrown off my game and would have paid $500 for a dirty martini right then. I finally gathered myself together (poor technician who thought I was looney) and with the help of an eye patch [I never opened my eyes the whole time] and thinking about the trip I took to Mexico with my girlfriends, I managed to make it through!

  40. Can't say that I'm a big fan of MRIs--too close quarters for my comfort. Of course that was when I was a lot bigger, too, so it might not be as bad now; nah, I think it would still make me a little panicky. As long as it gives you both answers to be able to get back to running pain free, though, it's worth the temporary unpleasantness, right? Keep thinking happy thoughts and hang in there.

  41. I pray everything goes well with the doctor. Keep us posted girl!!

  42. I know how you feel, I have had quite a few MRI'S you would think a person would get used to it. Hope things turn out well for you.

  43. Good luck! I suffer from panic attacks and they are the worst! Flying and large crowded places are no fun, but I have learned some great breathing exercises and self-talk crap that seems to help.....most of the time. I had an MRI years ago and I did the same thing....stare out and try and find a little bit of daylight. :) Hang in there!

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