Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Me and My Injury at the Doctor

Here’s a recap on yesterday's doctor’s visit.  If you don’t know why I went to the doctor and you care, and I know you do, read HERE.

2:30 p.m. - Enter Mr. Attractive-Young-Sport’s Doc and Mr. Attractive-Young Assistant.

Doc: Hi, nice to meet you what’s going on?

Me: Hip stress fracture…blah blah…recovery…blah blah…training….ass pain…blah blah.

Doc: Let’s take a look and a feel, please lay on your stomach

I do as I am told because I am a rule follower and I’m not as educated as this doctor. Plus, these two have out numbered me and my ass hurts. I don’t have a lot of fight in me.

Doc: {Lifting my legs, pushing on things} Does this hurt?

Me: {Trying not fart} Nope.

Doc:  {Pressing on my pelvic bone inching closer and closer to my woman parts}. Is this tender?

Me: {Gulping, trying to appear as if this happens every day and I’m totally fine with it} - Kinda

Doc: {Exactly a millimeter away from popping my cherry}: Any pain?

Me {sweating}: A bit. Do you have a cigarette?

I  find it funny that you meet someone - a doctor or massage therapist or hooker - within two minutes they are touching skin and holes and orifices that hardly anyone gets to touch. I know it’s their job and that what they are doing is completely appropriate, but it still can be kind of surreal. I can only imagine how it is for guys at their physicals – “Hi I’m your doctor. Now I’m going to insert a finger into your anus, sound good?”

So, you want to to know the verdict?

My cherry is still intact.

The good news is, he does not think I have a pelvic stress fracture.  He thinks it’s bursitis or some kind of high hamstring tendonitis. But, he’s really not sure. Story of my life.

So, he has ordered the magical MRI. I have resisted this expensive test, but I have been told one too many conflicting things over the past few months. I’d like technology to do its thing and give me some facts. At least if I know for certain what I am dealing with I have a better chance of tackling the problem, right? KIP!! (Knowledge is Power).

Here’s the thing. I really wish I had an MRI machine in my house. It would making being a runner so much easier. I mean if Angelina Jolie or BeyoncĂ© can have ultrasounds they carry around when they’re pregnant, I should be able to have an MRI machine. Christmas is right around the corner.

Hoping for an MRI and answers by the end of the week. How’s that for an update?

KIP!

Anything crazy ever happen to you at the doctor, massage therapist, or PT? Not really. Once they were doing the reflex test on my knee and my clog went flying across the room and hit the nurse. That’s it. Oh, and once I had a massage in Mexico that took me to at least third base.

SUAR

76 comments:

  1. I'm still waiting for my insurance to even approve my MRI.. :( I hope it goes well with you.

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  2. Coffee snorted out my nose when I read this - brava, my hilarious friend. Brava.

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  3. I just had an MRI and was diagnosed with a hip stress fracture. Not running is making me loopy! My best awkward PT story was after giving birth to my first, they prescribed PT for my torn lady parts. (I imagined vaginas weight lifting together and gossiping) ... I had a lovely young girl (about my age which was awkward, but we became friends ... how can you not?) and she had to massage all of the scar tissue. It was strange for sure!

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  4. Just last week having the female doctors poke as far as she could into my butt cheeks about 10 minutes after meeting her. Thankfully she was cool and didn't make me and my lazy gluts feel weird.

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  5. I had a massage a few years back, the cliche' hot foreign guy. I left there quite sure I had cheated on my husband.

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    1. Hahhaha!! That is exactly what happened to me. I came back to the hotel room and told Ken, "I think I might just have cheated on you.."

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  6. When is the MRI test?? Let's hope for some major KIP and answers shortly! Oh - and a short recovery time :)

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  7. Keeping fingers, toes and legs crossed (to prevent random strangers from popping my cherry!) for you!

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  8. I hope it's just bursitis. Bursitis sucks but it's not a stress fracture. :(

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    1. Just bursitis? I had a tibial stress fracture many years ago and it healed completely within three months. I've also had chronic bilateral hip bursitis that lasted more than two years, even after three cortisone injections, NSAIDs, ice and complete rest. Bursitis can be brutal. Good luck with the MRI.

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  9. Fingers crossed for you...I've been in what I feel like is a chronically injured state for about 2 years now and know how much it sucks. Speaking of which, I was in PT back in 2010 after a rollerskating accident with my then 1st grader...My PT determined that I needed to have my tailbone manually straightened out, which was quite a treat. The part where he told me my sweatpants were too thick and was I comfortable "working" in only my underwear was especially thrilling...I think I mentally went away to my own special place during that procedure!

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  10. Thats a classic SUAR post! Hope its nothing serious, i'll be over in early january for my MRI and pelvic exam.

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    1. Hahhahah!! Can you make a contribution to my MRI fund and speculum?

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  12. I've been going to PT for my knee. My PT was rubbing some biofreeze on it before he taped me. He commented about how smooth my legs were then lost his train of thought. After he snapped back to reality he said "sorry, I got to rubbing on your leg and got distracted." I had kind of gotten to know him pretty well so it didn't freak me out and we both laughed. Then the next week I asked him how his half marathon had gone over the weekend. He said fine other than some scrotum chafing. I about fell off the stationary bike. Who says that to a patient?

    Good luck with the MRI. I hope it's nothing serious.

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    1. Scrotum chafing??????? TMI for sure, but that makes me laugh and shows just how comfortable he is around you. It's not easy to talk about your scrotum with just anyone.

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    2. LOL!!!!!!!! I had no idea guys even had troubles with this....

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  13. I'm glad they're ordering an MRI, even if it's precautionary. I wish I had your docs, even with all the poking. Long story short, mine WAS a stress fracture. Take care.

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  14. Hoping it's nothing serious and just a strain or something easy to heal! It sucks being injured... I've been having knee pain for the past month and with a half marathon less than 2 weeks away, i've decided to just run through it because it doesn't hurt when I run, just afterwards lol... I just don't have the time or the money (as a college student) to have fancy tests done and go to fancy doctors to see what it is and how to heal it...

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  15. Hoping for the best! I dealt with hip bursitis for almost a year. Major strengthing of my hip was/is the only thing that helped me get back into the running game. For awhile, I couldn't even do a 5k without pain. Such a pain to deal with.

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  16. Lmao - no pun intended! "Christmas is just around the corner". Haha! Seriously, you make the ugly stuff funny and I wish you a quick answer and even faster recovery.

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  17. Oh sheesh my third base massage was in Puerto Rico.

    I hope the MRI shows no sfx. Then I'll tell you again to get a magical myofascial release guru.

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    1. Isn't that the same as ART? I've been doing a lot of that.

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  18. Hope the MRI gives you answers. Once I was getting skin cancer screening from dermatologist. I went from coaching before heading home and he asked me to lift my left breast... I did and I squirted him with breast milk--- guess I should of tried and pumped before--- I was quite embarassed!

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  19. Brilliant. You are hilarious!!! Glad you're getting it checked out further. Most important part of the exam? You didn't fart :)

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  20. Once had a massage at a Russian sauna...he concentrated A LOT on the lymph nodes in the groin area. He didn't seem to speak English and I was a couple a millimeters away from a happy ending. These things happen right? Hope your MRI is all you hope it to be-full of answers!

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    1. A couple mm away from a happy ending. Hilarious, that is making my day!!! That is exactly what it was like in Mexico for me. He also concentrated alot on my chest area, which I can't say I've ever had a massage therapist do.

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  21. I just blogged about my massage therapist having to inform me there was a tick on the back of my leg. Then he yanked the thing out and showed it to me. Classic. Embarrassing. And gross.

    Also, "Me: {Trying not fart}" Story of my life!!

    I hope the MRI reveals a minor issue that's quickly resolvable!

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  22. Have you tried active release therapy? Sounds like your physical issues are too far advanced for it, but it's like myofascial release and deep tissue massage. Makes those weird butt aches go away for me! I like Cherry Creek Sports & Spine Clinic on Colorado Blvd. in Glendale...

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    1. Yes, done lots of that and dry needling - it does help for awhile.

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  23. Oh man! I just read your first post on this and now this one. Really, really, really hoping it is some sort of soft tissue issue that can be easily remedied. Life would not be fair if its a sfx. Thinking of you!

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  24. This is going on with me. I have been rundown for the last three weeks. I had vertigo for a week now and had all sorts of tests done. All normal. In fact, I've been told that I have diabetes to take it back, bipositional inner ear vertigo to take it back, and now I'm waiting on MRI results to find out if this is MS or a tumor. My gut is telling me its a viral infection, but damn, I hate unknowns. I would rather know what it is and then tackle the problem.

    Went to a boy masseause once. I can handle a girl getting near "the girls", but not the boy. I couldn't totally relax, because I kept thinking he was going to "accidentally" touch something.

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  25. Your so stinking FUNNY!!! I wish you were my Mom!

    Hope it's not anything life changing and you are able to run again, pain-free very soon!

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  27. Think of all the money you could make if you had your own MRI machine... shoot... it would pay for itself in no time. Clearly it's a good investment. :)

    Glad you are getting checked out and hope you get answers soon. Glad that the cherry is intact. (And what's up with that? You would think that the doctors would at least warn you when they are going to go sticking their hands in private places!!!!)

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  28. I'm so sad for you that your appt didn't have a happy ending. The diagnosis!! Sheesh, what were YOU thinking. ( I know what you were thinking.) At least you didn't fart in their general direction.

    The slippery finger of life is just one of those things that have to be done. I don't like it much, but it only takes a couple of seconds. What I really don't like is my eye appointments, especially putting in drops, or hovering that little bright light just outside my eyeball. Not looking forward to the invasive procedure that is the followup from the slippery finger.

    After one of my races I made it into the massage tent. I told the nice young woman to do her thing, and I didn't care where she touched me; if her fingers found tightness to work on it. Granted I'm all sweaty, but it was like she was afraid to touch me at all. She kept asking if the pressure was ok, and if it was all right to touch me there. As in my scapula, or calf muscles.

    Hope the MRI gives you the info you need.

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  29. Well, POO on not getting answers yet, but at least you had a couple of attractive guys to take a look. I totally get the "trying not to fart" thing, somehow you don't want to do that in a hot guy's face. Hoping the MRI turns out to be worth the expense and gives you the answers (and hence solutions) you need.

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  30. Oh yes, I had 8 weeks of physical therapy for my shoulder when I was a freshman in HS. This PT place also let a small number of people have a membership so it was also a mini gym. My PT and myself were chilling, I was throwing a medicine ball into a trampoline/net and it would bounce back to me. However, a gorgeous gentleman was to my right I might have tried to steal a glance or two while still doing my medicine ball throwing reps. I ended up missing the ball and it hit me in the chest (no worries, I'm well protected in the ta-ta dept!), knocked me back a couple of feet, and I had to scramble after my ball while everyone in this tiny workout room watched. My face was beet red!

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  31. My pubic bone separated during my second pregnancy...Granted, I found this out AFTER she was delivered, but none the less. All related doctor appointments involved the examination of my pubic bone. Horrid, I tell you. Horrid.

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  32. It is a pain to have pain:) I hope it is nothing serious. The only way to tell for sure is with the MRI. I am glad your doctor listened to you and prescribed the test without a hassle!!

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  33. I hope your MRI shows something conclusive and that it's something not too serious. Your posts crack me up. I love how you say out loud what the rest of us are thinking!

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  34. HAHA! I am an athletic trainer, and you would not believe how uncomfortable it can get... I mainly work with football players, who manage to injure almost everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING!

    Hopefully the MRI shows exactly whats going on, and then you can get back to life as usual!

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  35. Been there, that's for sure. When I went to the ER and had to show them where the pain was, pointing right inside where few men have gone before, I have to admit I saw a look on that doctor's face that I haven't seen before. :) Or since.
    An MRI machine, and a massage therapist, at home would be soooo dreamy.
    My issue is a tilted pelvis, I don't know if you've ruled that out, but you might want them to check that out, just in case. My (2nd) PT figured it out, but a chiropractor could, too.
    Good luck! Glad you at least got close to 3rd base! :)

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  36. I've also had a very... sensitive... massage. It was a guy that spent a lot of time on the tendons and lymph nodes around my groin. He explained why he was doing it to me while he was doing it, but I still walked away thinking I needed to go to confession after it.

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  37. I had an MRI before Boston because they thought I had a pelvis/pubic fracture. $1800 later, no fracture but horrible tendenitos in 3 places. Cortizone shots in my pub to mask the pain for Boston. Only way to heal it....stay off it? Gonna happen?....I don't think so! Good luck...start saving your pennies!

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  38. oh! i hope you find answers soon!!! i know its frustrating! (HA i just type FARTStrating!!!)
    keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!!

    oh and before this last kiddo,i worked in orthopedic rehab...and yeah i have had to work on all types of individuals,mainly athletes....(and the occasional elderly person)
    and yes, unbelievable how uncomfortable it can get...
    like when the HOT Brazilian soccer player with a groin strain needed a deep tissue massage?
    he couldn't speak much English so me trying to explain WHERE i needed to massage without him getting the wrong idea...oh wow....

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  39. I hope the attractive doctor and his attractive assistant had a sense of humor and laughed when you asked if he had a cigarette. That totally cracked me up! Some of these comments are hilarious!

    I'm betting the MRI will tell you something useful And if it does then I am going to lobby my doc for one. ART is great, but when the issue continues to recur... you need a plan based on the facts, ma'am :) Hope it goes well and you get better :)

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    1. YES, exactly!! I find that ART/dry needling really helps, but does not cure the root cause of the injury.

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  40. I have a kind of hot physical therapist right now and its totally unnerving to be looking at his cute face while my foot is wrapped around the back of his neck while he is stretching my hamstrings or while he is massaging my calves! I just keep talking like this is normal everyday stuff but I imagine I talk REALLY fast.

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    1. I have not one but TWO hot PTs right now and it is ruining my life. I find myself rambling and trying not to flirt (I'm married) and it just gets all awkward. At least I'm not alone! :)

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  41. While playing volleyball, I jumped to pass a ball. I jumped too high, and couldn't get my feet back underneath me, falling hard on my butt bone - it's really a "tuberosity". It was bruised so bad that they wanted an x-ray. Since I couldn't lay down on my back, I was face down on the x-ray table. Bearly wearing anything except the breezy gown, as I was changing into my own clothes, I found the toilet paper that was stuck between my cheeks. Nice.

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  42. Lol at your Mexican massage. I had a body scrub (and massage) there on a fitness retreat and I was like whoa we aren't in the US anymore Todo when she started getting all up in my business. Someone could have warned me at least!

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  43. First - nothing says I love you like an MRI machine. Your hubby will definitely hook you up - maybe in as an Arbor Day present?

    I had an appointment today because I am 11 days postpartum and I have a decent fever. Mastitis? So, my regular midwife/primary care was off today and I saw another nurse - a dude. The weird part, to me, was that he DIDN'T want to look at my boobies. He asked me if I was tender (DUH, I have a 7 pound being sucking on my teets 10 times a day!) or if there were "hot spots". I said, "ummm, I don't think so." But, again, he didn't take a look himself! Is it weird that I'm disappointed that this guy didn't feel me up?

    Oh, well. We will just keep taking Tylenol and hope that whatever this is works itself out.

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    1. 4 kids later and breastfeeding over a decade, take raw garlic. it will knock it out and won't harm your feedling. :)

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  44. I had my first PT experience recently. IT Band issues. During the initial consultation, the PT also commented on my posture and told me I needed to do pelvic tilts. He then proceeded to demonstrate 'how' to do this. Imagine the horror of a 50+ year old, overweight man thrusting his pelvis back and forth, telling me it's like 'making babies'. Ewwww....not exactly the image I wanted.

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  45. Loved this post! Hope it is nothing serious. I try to avoid doctors at all cost for this reason!

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  46. I had lots of early labor with my first baby, and was in and out of the hospital so they could stop the contractions. Anyway, I think I got felt up by just about anyone who had a medical degree, was trying to get a medical degree, had thought about getting a medical degree, or could say the word "dilate". Seriously, the doctor would come in with a couple of young kids and say that they were interns, and could they feel my cervix for practice? I was like, sure, why not? And while my legs are spread, should we grab the janitor too?

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    1. Hahahah!!!!!!! I have this vision of the janitor feeling you up with all of his keys dangling off of his belt. Too funny. It's weird how you can get so nonchalant about that stuff when you are pregnant.

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  47. First you want the Alta-G and now a f'n MRI machine too? Just open up a damn sports physiology business already would ya? I mean I know you know ART guys and Chiros and have gotten VO2 tests done by top Drs as well......so just do it!

    And with my visits to the Dr they are no longer just one at a time. I say Doc....put the finger in and cup my nuts at the same time. At least I won't feel so violated.......haha!

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  48. considering i've been through the PT, doc, and massage therapist array lately, i can say yes. i've been poked and prodded in places that should not be poked and prodded by complete strangers. at least take me to dinner first.

    hope you feel better soon. i hate the mystery injury.

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  49. So frustrating when all you really want is an answer.

    The worst that's ever happened to me is to have my breasts examined by a boy that I'd been to high school with. Yes, he was studying to be a doctor and this actually happened in a hospital so it's not quite as slutty as it sounds. He didn't actually remember me (maybe my giant, pregnant boobs distracted him) so I took it upon myself to remind him of our connection. Stupid mouth - it loves to embarrass me.

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  50. As a PT, I have had to go many places that I never thought I would have to. My last day of my very last clinical I had to do deep tissue massage to a male soccer player right along his upper groin...awkward! But after a while you get used to it, just have to always tell myself that the patient is not used to it and probably needs a good explanation before examining their low back, hip, etc.

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  51. Good news that it's not a stress fracture! Hopefully you get some answers! Yeah it's sort of weird what we allow people to do to us under the form of being a professional......also you gotta love the teaching hospitals...when you have more than one involved at any given time...that's always fun!

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  52. Its so true about doctors! We meet them and in a few seconds they are touching us all over the place and moving around body parts. I would LOVE an MRI machine in my house. With my track record I probably could have bought one by now if I saved up the money from all my MRIs

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  53. It would be so awesome to have my own MRI machine, or even better, a CAT scan machine. I can't tell you how many times I yell at my kids to stop doing stupid things so that they don't fall down and need their head put in a machine this close to bedtime. Well, maybe that wouldn't be such a great idea because they would probably hurt themselves more. Supermom's comment about it paying for itself is so true, but you'd need a dr to help you read the scans.

    Good luck with your MRI!

    My friend from church is a massage therapist, and has such reasonable rates! The worst part is that I almost feel like I am more comfortable having a total stranger prod at me because I won't ever have to see them again outside of the therapy! Same goes for using my neighbor's best friend as my GYN. That seems a bit weird too, but I hear she is the best. What to do, what to do?

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  54. A word of advice: House does not do MRI justice. That thing makes you think you're in the middle of a construction site!!! Just sharing my one and only MRI experience....

    Sounds like the MRI is the way to go for a definite diagnosis tho - good luck!

    Ever since I've been diagnosed with kidney disease, practically every conversation with my (male) nephrologist has always been about sex...as in, me having sex. Who knew kidneys had so much to do with it??

    After a kidney transplant, a 3 year old daughter, and now a female nephrologist, surprisingly sex does not come up anymore...altho making babies still do....hmmm....

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  55. Hoping your MRI is so calm that you accidentally take a nap in there, and that they act all miffed afterwards that you wasted their time because there is nothing to see on that MRI.

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  56. I had a stress fracture in my pelvis and they could only diagnose it once I had an MRI.......!

    I had to quit running for 5 months.

    Hope that's not what you have!

    Keep me posted.

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  57. Lynn Wilkins (spottedturkey)April 26, 2012 at 3:56 PM

    It pains me to write this comment because prior, u had 69 comments. Boo number 70. Anywho, fingers and toes crossed that the diagnosis is easily treatable.

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  58. The cigarette part had me ROFL. Awesome SUAR-- I love your humor.

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  59. This may be your best post EVER. I think I just peed myself laughing!

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  60. Praying it's nothing serious! And that you get that MRI for Christmas. ;-)

    When I was in first grade I spent (a lot of) time in the hospital for various reasons. Once I was in for pneumonia and my mom was helping me change into fresh pjs. I flicked my slipper off into the toilet. Yuck.
    When I was in labor with my first child ( was 20 yrs old and maybe looked a lot younger), the nurse (old angry lady) who was "prepping" my girly area almost got my foot in her face when her response to me saying a contraction had hurt was, "You should have thought of that before you got yourself into this situation." (I was NOT an unwed mother) She was a bad nurse! But looking back, it's funny because I came really really close to kicking her in the face. kinda glad that I didn't. Kinda.

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  61. I hope you get good news!

    Most awkward nekked moment. I was getting a massage and the masseuse started talking about college. Turns out I taught at the school she attended and she kept asking to take my class. Sorry, I don't let students in who have rubbed every part of my body while I'm naked in. Sort of a course policy.

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