There was the time when I cut my ear while shampooing my hair because I kept the razor in my hand from shaving my legs and went to lather up my scalp and - ouch.
Then there was the time right before Ken and I got married when I was driving his car (yes, we were still in "his and her" land) when I got a foot cramp at a stop light. I put the car in park to massage my foot. I then took the car out of park (the light was still red - long light) and meant to put my foot on the brake, but instead put it on the gas, revved up and ran right into the truck stopped in front of me. The guy I hit was so confused. I'll never forget when he said, "You were just sitting there, stopped at the light when all the sudden you sped up and hit me. What the hell?" And yes, Ken still did marry me. You can talk to him about that.
Truly, the list goes on and on.
Well, unfortunately I got to add to my dumb-as-shit list today. I went to the gym, feeling a bit nervous about this tempo run I was going to do. So, maybe I was distracted. I hadn't done 7:56 min/miles in awhile. I got there and all the treadmills were taken. This never happens. So I change and stand around waiting for one to open up. Finally, an older woman gets off of her treadmill. I wasn't totally sure she was finished, so I asked her and she said she was. I guess I was so giddy to finally score a treadmill, that I walked up and got on the treadmill without realizing (wait for it):
The treadmill was on!
Yes, my friends, she had left it on. I was in enough of my own world that I didn't take note. Most people would have noticed it was on with the belt moving and all. But, nope, not me.
So, you can imagine what happens next. I swear if someone had been videotaping this I would for sure win some contest. I go flailing off the end of the treadmill (not unlike those contestants on the Biggest Loser who can't take it and roll off). My water, phone and iPod go flying. Someone (It might of been me starts yelling, "Oh no! Oh no!"). I am scrambling, trying to get some sort of footing, but I am on my stomach and really the only thing to do is to let the damn machine throw me onto the floor. This whole episode has actually made quite a bit of noise in our echoey gym, so I'm pretty confident everyone there saw this happen. The only thing that could have been worse is if I crapped myself during this escapade, but I was spared.
So what do I do? What any respectable person does when you make a fool out of yourself. You ignore any and all pain you are feeling and get up and act like you meant to do what you just did. You do anything and everything to divert attention away from yourself. Someone asks if I have any injuries. I'm smiling, giggling even as I say "Oh, no." But my knee is killing me and as I pick up my phone I notice it has a piece of skin on it (I later realize this is from my thumb).
And the tempo run? Hell yeah, I killed it! My ego might be kind of damaged and I might need to join a different gym, but those 7:56 min/miles have got nothin' on me. What's really ironic? I am coming back from a stress fracture and spend every ounce of my being trying to not get re-injured and then I go and do this. Seriously, what is wrong with me?
The damage (could've been a lot worse and yes those are hairs on my leg. If Nair wants to send me some samples to review, that would be fine):
PS: Happy birthday to Ken who turns 44 today. He is the love of my life. And he married me despite all of my short comings (bloody ear, wrecking his car, poopy pants).
Drinking: Nothing. Should be doing shots to forget what happened.