Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I Bet You've Never Done This

Sometimes I really wonder about myself.

There was the time when I cut my ear while shampooing my hair because I kept the razor in my hand from shaving my legs and went to lather up my scalp and - ouch.

Then there was the time right before Ken and I got married when I was driving his car (yes, we were still in "his and her" land) when I got a foot cramp at a stop light. I put the car in park to massage my foot. I then took the car out of park (the light was still red - long light) and meant to put my foot on the brake, but instead put it on the gas, revved up and ran right into the truck stopped in front of me. The guy I hit was so confused. I'll never forget when he said, "You were just sitting there, stopped at the light when all the sudden you sped up and hit me. What the hell?" And yes, Ken still did marry me. You can talk to him about that.

Truly, the list goes on and on.

Well, unfortunately I got to add to my dumb-as-shit list today. I went to the gym, feeling a bit nervous about this tempo run I was going to do. So, maybe I was distracted. I hadn't done 7:56 min/miles in awhile. I got there and all the treadmills were taken. This never happens. So I change and stand around waiting for one to open up. Finally, an older woman gets off of her treadmill. I wasn't totally sure she was finished, so I asked her and she said she was. I guess I was so giddy to finally score a treadmill, that I walked up and got on the treadmill without realizing (wait for it):


The treadmill was on!

Yes, my friends, she had left it on. I was in enough of my own world that I didn't take note. Most people would have noticed it was on with the belt moving and all. But, nope, not me.

So, you can imagine what happens next. I swear if someone had been videotaping this I would for sure win some contest. I go flailing off the end of the treadmill (not unlike those contestants on the Biggest Loser who can't take it and roll off). My water, phone and iPod go flying. Someone (It might of been me starts yelling, "Oh no! Oh no!"). I am scrambling, trying to get some sort of footing, but I am on my stomach and really the only thing to do is to let the damn machine throw me onto the floor. This whole episode has actually made quite a bit of noise in our echoey gym, so I'm pretty confident everyone there saw this happen. The only thing that could have been worse is if I crapped myself during this escapade, but I was spared.

So what do I do? What any respectable person does when you make a fool out of yourself. You ignore any and all pain you are feeling and get up and act like you meant to do what you just did. You do anything and everything to divert attention away from yourself. Someone asks if I have any injuries. I'm smiling, giggling even as I say "Oh, no." But my knee is killing me and as I pick up my phone I notice it has a piece of skin on it (I later realize this is from my thumb).

And the tempo run? Hell yeah, I killed it! My ego might be kind of damaged and I might need to join a different gym, but those 7:56 min/miles have got nothin' on me. What's really ironic? I am coming back from a stress fracture and spend every ounce of my being trying to not get re-injured and then I go and do this. Seriously, what is wrong with me?

The damage (could've been a lot worse and yes those are hairs on my leg. If Nair wants to send me some samples to review, that would be fine):

PS: Happy birthday to Ken who turns 44 today. He is the love of my life. And he married me despite all of my short comings (bloody ear, wrecking his car, poopy pants).


Drinking: Nothing. Should be doing shots to forget what happened.

52 comments:

  1. OMG...that is hilarious! I don't mean to sound like I'm laughing at you, but that had to be pretty funny! I'm sorry you hurt your knee..that sucks, but at least you got your tempo run in!

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  2. You'd be surprised... a work colleague of mine has done this exact same thing! Don't feel too bad :) I'm glad you were able to recover and still get your run in.

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  3. Oh and, not to mention, I have tripped on thin air and busted my ass on a sidewalk in front of lots of people.

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  4. Oh no!! I have to say, no-one would be surprised if I did that. Aren't those things supposed to turn themselves off? Hope your knee feels better!

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  5. This is totally a scenario where I am positive I am laughing with you! LOL!

    I hope the knee feels better soon!

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  6. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you!

    And if you want to laugh a bit with me - I did my first bikram yoga class EVER at 6:15 this morning...and farted in class...kind of loudly...WHOOPS!

    Haha, I'll be blogging about it tomorrow (the bikram, probably not the farting!)

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  7. Hilarious!

    I'm glad you weren't seriously injured.

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  8. oh my goodness.. what a great read! LOVE IT! ... i am so glad you are OK and you rocked your run!!!.....

    by the way... it could so happen to me too... i am the only person i know to slam her own hand in her car door and actually have to UNLOCK the door to get my hand out! .. :)... .. :)

    rock on!

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  9. Always remember that stories you put up on the Internet are there forever. :) Thanks for sharing your foibles with us. That will make for some good story telling this week...

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  10. Can I say "retard" without any repercussions?

    Feel fortunate - at least you know where your injuries come from. My wife gets bruised all the time and has no idea what she ran into or when.

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  11. Oh no!! I'm always terrified of that happening! Good on ya for finishing your workout though - what a sily woman for leaving it on

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  12. If your gym has surveillance cameras, you should ask for a copy. I'm glad you're okay, but I really did LOL.

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  13. You are too, too much! I was laughing, of course, but knew I shouldn't be because that's just something I would totally do. At least you got in a killer tempo - that's super speedy, congrats to you!

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  14. Classic. Treadmill . . . meet Knee. I admit I was giggling but only because it is something I would totally do too.
    Nice work on the tempo. Shoooo you're gonna fly and kill at your next race!!

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  15. OMG, I feel like we are friends from another life! We are so the same person!!! Last December, I did the EXACT same thing. Only I couldn't fake that I was okay. The treadmills were all full, it was 6:30AM, I saw a guy get off the treadmill from across the gym, so I rushed to get on it and he left it on. Not at 3.0 but at like 7.0. I went flying and somehow ended up punching the ground with my fist on the fall. People rushed to me, I was crying, I couldn't move my hand. I thought I broke it!! I then went to the hospital (yes I did just write that... the hospital!) and I got a deep sprain. Needless to say I stopped going to the gym in the morning for awhile. So embarrassing!! It happened over a year ago and I still get made fun of from my friends... "remember that time you fell off the treadmill..." I still like the blame the dude for leaving it on. But yes, I probably should have looked down before stepping on. You live you learn. Glad you recovered with an awesome tempo!

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  16. Oh Beth, what are we going to do with you? You are so funny, the things that happen to you are just crazy:) Thank goodness it is just a mill burn and nothing more serious! Glad to hear you kicked butt on your tempo run!!

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  17. Loved the title of this post! Couldn't wait to read it! OWE! I can't believe she left it on---how, why, huh? Is what I say to her leaving it on! I can't believe you ran after that! I would have just sat there and cried. ;)

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  18. Oh my gosh! I'm so glad that you are okay! I probably would have done the same thing. I am so absent minded sometimes and totally accidently hit the gas instead of the brake and blew a stop sign one day-- after i intentionally slowed down for it. if it makes you feel any better, when i was away at school, i was in the cafeteria getting my food. salad, chicken fingers, ranch the works... and slipped on a grape. god only knows how one can slip on a grape but i did and my tray, food, ranch and everything went FLYING. needless to say i landed very hard on my knee and the entire place went silent. i obivously was red as can be and felt like a giant moron. i couldnt walk and had to be carried out of there. fail. it was the most embarrasing moment of my entire life.... and i think falling off a treadmill is something i would do. time and time again im always getting my footing wrong. one of these days i will end up bass ackwards and on my head. i may laugh though, then bow for being so grateful.

    well im glad your okay. thanks for the laugh! :) happy birthday ken!

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  19. Who leaves the treadmill on? Actually it happened to me once and I was rather grumpy (read bitchy) with the person who did it. I never thought I had to check to see if the treadmill was on!!! And I fell off once because I talked to the person next to me. Now I look forward and do only one thing at a time. If I turn to talk I hold on! So you have my compete sympathy. It hurt like hell when I fell and I was mortified!

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  20. This post made me crack up! I do not fault you, who in the world leaves the treadmill on?

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  21. I don't mean to sound mean, but I love laughing at you. You always brighten my day!
    But I really am sorry that it happened because I can only imagine how much it hurt!

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  22. Thank you so much for letting us all laughing at you! I love stopping by to see what happened next to you!!!

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  23. oh no! This is totally normal... I think? haha seriously though... i tried to "scare" my friend by running up to her while she was on a tradmill. Well it was the kind without a back so the belt moves pretty freely. Welllll I didn't notice that and while i was doing a poor job at scaring my friend, I felt a very cold sensation on my leg... then a very very hot one! I realized the tradmill was spinning so fast it felt cold at first. Burned a few layers of skin on my leg!!

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  24. Hilarious post...of course because I know you're okay. You're a very funny woman :)

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  25. Of course you act like you meant to do it! What else could you do?

    NICE job on the tempo run!

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  26. First, who leaves the treadmill ON?!

    Second, I am sorry that there isn't video of this. Video of people falling is about the funniest thing ever. Treadmill falling makes me pee my pants.

    Third, I'm glad it did nothing to affect the tempo run. And that you're okay. If only missing a touch of thumb skin....

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  27. So funny!

    And seriously.. .Who leaves the treadmill on????

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  28. Well, not exactly the same thing, but:

    Decided to run on the treadmill with my eyes closed -- landed in a puddle at the bottom of the wall. Locked keys in the car, in the middle of the road, with the engine running. Stick finger into car lighter to see if it was working (it was). Fall into boxes. Pee (not poop, tho) my pants way more than any childless woman of 40something should ever admit to. Leave groceries on the roof, food on my shirt, keys in the front door. Can I stop now?

    You are not alone!

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  29. Well, no, I've never done "that". I'm sure everyone saw you (thankfully my DH wasn't there because he would have clapped for your performance) and then you stuck it out. I hope today is incident free.

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  30. Oh...my...goodness! You are so hilarious! I love that you can find humor is something that makes you so irritated! Way to get back on there and run! Happy Birthday to your DH!

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  31. You will now forever be George Jetson to me. The only thing that makes those episodes better is sharing, so you know your sacrifice was worth all of the enjoyment we get from it. (And impressive that you still did such a great run.)

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  32. I literally laughed all the way through this post (except for the cutting of the ear, ouch!)!!! I can only imagine what the guy in the car was thinking - I mean, I'm laughing just thinking about it again!!

    And you poor, poor thing!!! I can't imagine falling off of the treadmill with a gym full of people!!! I'm so sorry!!!

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  33. OMG this story made me laugh when I really needed it - but... I CANNOT for the life of me figure out what the heck that is a picture of?? I realize it's a part of your body, but is it your knee? It sort of looks like your heel? I've re-read the post looking for clue but I'm still lost! Clue me in!

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  34. I feel bad but cannot help but to be laughing heartily...primarily because this is totally something I would go and probably will. Youtube the treamill scene in Mr Woodcock. This will be me I am sure.....

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  35. I feel bad for laughing but that really made me laugh. Hope your knee feels better soon and awesome run!!

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  36. I'm sorry but that is hilarious! I'm glad you are okay because then I would feel awful for laughing. Way to go on your run, I bet no one was laughing after you killed those miles.

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  37. I'm sorry, I hope you're all right, but that was freaking hill-hairy-ass! (Yes, I had to be obnoxious and spell it that way). :)

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  38. I'm busting a gut over here... thanks for allowing us to laugh at your expense. :)

    Happy Birthday to Ken!

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  39. We must be cut from the same cloth. I'm always hurt and have to think up ways to explain the injury that doesn't sound retarded. The "I meant to do that" thing goes down to the bone in me. I once rode my bike into a sewer grate, flew over the handle bars and landed - miraculously - on my feet in front of a crowd. What could I do? I shouted "Ta-da!" and took a bow.

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  40. Best.Post.Ever. I'm not laughing at you but with you my friend. I am the biggest klutz! Just yesterday I ran square into the corner of the paper shredder that has been in the same spot for YEARS. It hurt like a mo-fo, too! I always have bruises and never know where come from.
    Glad you're okay! BTW, I only shave my legs when I have races in the winter...lets just say I haven't raced in awhile :)

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  41. I'm sorry but that was FUNNY! I'm glad you killed the run and I hope nothing hurts.

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  42. That so the funniest!! I am laughing out loud at work! They are looking at me and I didn't even fall down.

    Glad you were not hurt. Great story.

    Happy Birthday to your hubbs!

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  43. How do you feel about frontal farts during crowded, quiet Yoga classes? I'm just sayin'.

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  44. It is very funny. I almost did it once after I jumped off the treadmill for a bathroom break and then almost walked back on without considering that the treadmill was still on and moving. Right at the last minute I caught myself.

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  45. I feel so bad about laughing at your experience but you created such an image in my mind.
    Sincerely hope your injury doesn't get any more sore that it already is. Maybe you shouldn't multi-task. I'm not very good at it either.

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  46. I loved your story and can totally relate! I once fell running on a flat surface in a straight line. Mind you this was during the post work rush hour on a running path in downtown Houston. Lots of people to see. I ended up sliding on the gravel trail until I hit the pavement. I guess I made quite a scene because the guy running behind me and a guy running the other way both rushed over to check on me and even offered to help me back to my car. I thanked them and ended up finishing my run bleeding from my knee, ankle, and arm. One of the guys was running in front of me and he kept turning around every minute or so to make sure I was still upright. It was pretty embarrassing. If nothing else, it makes a great story now. I even have scars to prove it. Glad you can laugh about your moments too!

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  47. I'm so sorry that it happened to you, but I'm freakin laughing my ass off! I wonder if the gym has security cameras? You might have to check failblog.org for the video...

    Hope your knee feels better though!

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  48. I think *I* just pooped my pants reading this! You crack me up! I saw a girl fall off the treadmill at my gym once. I have to admit, I laughed first, hard. For one: she kept holding on letting the belt smack her repeatedly and then she sorta let it take her off to the ground. She was way more busted up then you too, bleeding and skinned alive. She rocked it right back on the thing, and I thought she was nuts! That was before I was a runner too, and before I myself fell while running outside and skinned myself and ran bloody kneed home. Runners are hardcore. Even the ones who jump on moving treadmills without a brainfart in the world ...

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  49. Okay.....you just made my mornining!! I'm glad you got your run in too. I would have probably got up and left...lol. I'm so glad that you were okay and just to let you know...just thinking of that image in my mind makes me giggle out loud=)

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  50. This post happened before I discovered SUAR, so I'm just reading it now because you linked to it in today's post. I laughed a LOT about how you wrecked Ken's car. That is excellent.

    And I've fallen off treadmills twice. It hurts like hell.

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  51. Ok, you linked to this post today and I just read this for the first time. I seriously spent a few minutes laughing out loud to myself, totally getting the best mental image. This is HILARIOUS!!!

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