Saturday, July 31, 2010

Laying Down the Law

I don’t know what my problem is. I’m tired. I hardly ever get tired. I am energy all day long and into the night. I am up early and ready to go. I am multi tasking and getting it done. Productive is my middle name. Shut up and be productive. But, these past two days I am dog tired.

Blame it on marathon training. Blame it on too many drinks in Vegas. Blame it on work. Blame it on being with the kids 24/7. Yesterday I was that mom that you don’t want to be. Laying down the law. Yelling (and I’m usually not a yeller). Setting down rules left and right. Removing privileges. Bottom line: taking out my irritability and fatigue on the kids. Not fair. I apologized. I’m human.

Last night I slept almost ten hours. I’m hoping that helps rev me up for my 16 miler in the morning. I love to run, but sometimes it makes me tired physically and mentally.

I’ll tell you what made me smile. In all of his summer time boredom, Sam created quite the contraption yesterday for Betty Sue, the guinea pig:


Is it just me or do you break down too?

Happy weekend. Get some sleep and don’t forget my giveaway.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Crazies in Vegas

Vegas is never boring. It may be sinful and outrageous and explicit and indulgent, but never boring.  I think this is because people who visit there take liberties they would never take in their normal lives.  Case in point:


Well, I hope she wouldn’t wear these in her normal life.

One walk done the Strip and you’re inundated by the sights and strange, awful smells.

You have strangers jumping into your photo ops. This is not my grandpa. He just wanted to be in the shot or hit on me. Not sure which.


You have men dressed in pink who say they want a photo with you, then they charge you money that you have to pay or you might get “offed” and shoved in someone’s trunk for dead:


You have Hangover wannabes:


And  have dudes who wear angry shirts:


You have star crossed lovers enjoying margaritas on their 15th wedding anniversary. Collective “awww…” from the blog world.


And then, just when you think the night is over, you run into Dolly Parton:


I may have lost all my money, but at least I got to see her big boobs in person. I asked if I could feel her up and she said yes! It was good for both of us.

Great trip except for when I did a major party foul and spilled my vodka lemonade all over the blackjack table. The pit bosses don’t like it when you do that. Especially when you soak all the cards and dealer’s chips and they have to wipe them off by hand. Then, as a joke, they call security on you just to see if you’ll crap your pants. I didn’t. I save that for the trails. They obviously don’t read this blog.

And, in case you die-hards are wondering if I ran in the horrid desert heat, why YES! Ken and I did the smart thing and slept in, then went out for a 5 mile run, hung-over at 8am when it was 95 degrees. Maybe this blog should be called Shut Up and Puke, at least on those days.

Don’t forget my CSN $100 giveaway!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

CSN $100 Giveaway!!

I’m off to Las Vegas this morning. Please don’t have a pity party for me as I play blackjack in my bikini by the pool with a cold Heineken in hand. I’d much rather be in a cubicle trying to breathe life into my pointless day. But, alas, Steve Wynn summons me as he does every few months. I can’t let the man down.


But, before I go…giveaway time, my friends! I can’t help it if I like giveaways. I think they’re fun. I think they reek of possibility and hopefulness and optimism. The chance to get something free!

I’ve said it and I’ll say it again. I like free things so much that if there are condoms or tampons for use/taking in a public bathroom I will shove my pockets full. And, I don’t use either one. For God’s sake people, they are free and not to be denied! One day my daughter will get her period and she will need a tampon. Hopefully not a condom because she will be a virgin until she gets married when she is 28.

In a past life I volunteered at the Richmond AIDS Ministry. As a part of the whole AIDS epidemic there were colored and flavored condoms by the thousands offered up in baskets in the girls’ room. I stuffed my purse full. I was volunteering my time and this was my payoff. I’m pretty sure I never used even one of them. I probably broke open the packs just to see what they smelled like. Mmmm….cherry. That was during my immature days.

I know this giveaway has made it’s way around the blog world, but I’m here to offer it up again.

$100 gift certificate to CSN Stores!

CSN Stores has over 200 specialized online stores featuring a variety of home goods such as furniture, home decor, house wares, fitness equipment, shoes, bags and luggage. Plus, they provide free shipping and returns.  CSN even has dutch ovens (and I’m not talking about the kind where you are suffocated under the covers by your significant other’s gas – who would want to buy that anyway when you can get it for free any night of the week?).

We’re talking the real deal, like this Rachael Ray Cast Iron 7-Quart Round Dutch Oven:


Personally, my favorite item offered by CSN is this toilet:


It may be $2,100, but it would be worth every penny because: the lid opens and closes automatically. The toilet flushes when a sensor is activated. The best part? There is front and rear warm water washing, automatic air drying and deodorizing.

Ahhh…imagine coming back from a long run or bike ride and getting your ass rinsed with warm water, dried and then deodorized! Fresh as a flower!

Want $100 in CSN bucks? Do this (a comment for each):

  1. Go to CSN and browse around. Let me know what you might get - +1 entry
  2. Write about this giveaway on your blog - +1 entry
  3. “Like” CSN Stores on FB – + 1 entry
  4. Post this giveaway on your FB page – + 1 entry
  5. Become a follower of my blog if you’re not already.

Good luck! Giveaway ends Tuesday, August 2nd.

The fine print:

  • CSN Stores provided this giveaway. I did not pay anything for it.
  • Contest only open to US and Canadian residents
  • The winner will be chosen at random by
  • Check back August 2 to see if you won!
  • If I don’t hear back from the winner within 2 days after posting that they’ve won, I’ll another name

Thanks for playing and good luck!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Bambi Spies On Me and Giveaway Winners

Excuse me while I am distracted. Concentrating these days is difficult. I have visions of trail races, an ultra marathon man, a 2,700 ft. elevation gain over 20 miles, running at 9,000 feet of altitude and hoping I don’t crap myself, and falling down mountains because I am not a trail runner and I am clumsy.

If you have no clue what I’m talking about, click HERE. Just know that by this time next month, Dean Karnazes and I will be like this:


Not intertwined, per se, but just tight, bonded. BFFs. If only.

outsidedean_thumbI mean, seriously. 

Since Thursday I have felt an urgency to start running up mountains. Must be something about knowing I will need to do this in 28 days along side of the trail running star of the universe.

Today Ken and I went out for a trail run west of Boulder. 10 miles. 1,300 ft. elevation gain (in the first 5 miles nonetheless!). Hard as shit. And shit I did, because I usually do when I exert myself. A friend lent me some TP on the trail. A few deer watched as I tried to clean myself up. What must they have been thinking? She is tarnishing our vista. Bambi, do not let her be an example to you.  Hopefully one day I’ll remember to bring my own paper. Really, I should just carry a toilet. They have those portable ones these days you know. I’m sure I could make a backpack to fit it.


My next climbing endeavor will be the famed Magnolia Road. Ever read “Running With the Buffaloes” about the University of Colorado cross country team? This is where they trained. The road/trail starts at 8,200 feet and climbs 7.5 miles (1,800 ft.) to the gorgeous Peak to Peak Highway.

Then you run down. So, 15 miles total of altitude and hill training. Who’s in?

Today, while reading up on how to get to the start point, I found this comment about the run:

“I live along Magnolia Road. The views are pretty darn nice and you have a good chance of seeing elk herds this time of year. Please take a dump in town before you come up to go for a run.”


I love runners! This person was obviously speaking

By the way, winners of the Champion shirts are (per

Female - #19 – Katie from Run This Amazing Day. Her sportsmanlike principle was, “respect for others, no matter where they are in their journey!”

Male - #56 – Kovas Palubinskas from Midwest MultiSport Life . His principle was, “play fair and clean and get everyone involved.”

And even though he didn’t win, I have to give kudos to Fitmacdaddy who made me laugh when he commented, “Poor sportsmanship: I was once farted on by a chick in a cheetah skirt. Smelled like apple cinnamon.”  I do believe he was referring to me…


Send your addresses, shirt size and color preference to And congrats!

Friday, July 23, 2010

The Post You Will Not Believe

Hold onto your panties. This is big. I still can’t believe it is happening.

I received one of the best invitations of my life yesterday.

On August 22nd I will be running the first stage of the TransRockies Run. It is a six day ultra run on trails spanning 113 miles and many mountain peaks. I will be sponsored by Gore-Tex and will run the first leg: 20 miles.

What’s the big deal, you may ask?

I’ll tell you what the eff’ing big deal is.

My running partner will be….


Yep. The way this race works is that you and a partner run together all day. Outside PR, who does PR and marketing for Gore-Tex, has asked me to partner with Dean for this 20 miler. No, sorry, I’m busy.


Hope he isn’t offended by some farting on the trails and some trips to the bushes

Hope he can slow down and wait for me.

Hope he doesn't mind if I listen to my iPod the whole way (that’s a joke, the other two were not)

It is surreal.

Also – I am going to be a media member, which means I interview Dean before the race, then write about my experiences on the trail. Dream come true.

They are actually giving me his phone number. And email. “Hi Dean. It’s Beth again. What are you doing now? What are you wearing? Can I touch your abs on the trail?”


The future in a picture (credit to my dear son, Sam):

momdean I’m just a bit ahead of him

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Who’s Got the Cat’s Balls?

Today is the day I’ve designated to run my ass around Boulder leaving fliers for my Skirt Chaser 5K race in every possible running, multisport, tri store and fitness center. Fortunately, Boulder is full of crazy athletic people so there are ten million of these stores in the area.


I call it “my” race, which is not true. It is not my race at all. I only take ownership of it because it is my first race as a logistical coordinator. Plus, I’m actually getting paid to coordinate the race. I know, right?. Pretty sweet.

I am waiting for Sam to wake up so I can buy him a coffee and bribe him to help me.  He is only 12, but he sleeps like a hung-over frat boy. For God’s sake it’s 10:01 a.m. and he’s still asleep. Time to check his breathing.

Speaking of Sam, yesterday we were talking about a camp he went to last summer at the local humane society. They got to watch a cat get neutered. I asked Sam if it was gross and he said, “No, but I got to hold the cat’s balls.” Seriously? They let kids hold cat nuts? Who knew. When I was his age I’d be lucky to get a lollipop at my paper doll camp. What ever happened to paper dolls anyway? Ever play with those? By the way, he said they were squishy.

Back to the race. If you have any desire to volunteer, please let me know ( You’ll get a nifty black running skirt from Skirt Sports (or a t-shirt if you’re a dude), you’ll get to meet me in all of my farting glory (I promise to leave those at home that day), and you’ll get free beer and food. It’s an evening race (5pm) on August 28 in Denver (Cherry Creek). Or, come out and run it!!!

Geez, 10:05. That kid’s got to get up. I KNOW! Last night Sam hid behind a chair in our room when Ken was changing. He then set off one of those party poppers to scare him. He came downstairs sheepishly saying, “That made dad really mad. He said the “f” word and the “s”  word.” Think I know how I’ll wake him up. Hope he doesn’t poop the bed.

SCORE!!! I just made it to 600 followers. So it seems that 600 of you like to follow potty talk. Just so you know.

Don’t forget my Champion shirt giveaway!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Remember Lorena Bobbitt?

I admit it. I read Women’s Running magazine. To me, it is a cross between Runner’s World and Cosmo. You get articles on the “Summer’s Hottest Swimwear” and “The Jerusalem Half Marathon” (which would be amazing, by the way) all wedged into the same periodical. There is variety. There is fluff. And there is also some good reading.

In the July/August edition, you can find a really inspiring article about Shalane Flanagan, U.S. record holder in  the 3K, 5K and 10K and Olympic bronze medalist.  Having only run middle distances, she decided to train for first half, then full marathon. She ran the 2010 Houston Half Marathon and set a course record of 1:09:41 (I could so do that if I wanted. Except that 1:09 was about my first 10K time).

Shalane (we’re on a first name basis) then started marathon training. Of course she doesn’t just want to run a marathon. That would be too easy and too human-like. She wants to win the whole race. Still contemplating which race to run, she’s thinking about London in 2012.


Certainly her sustained 5:15 and 5:30 minute miles throughout the half marathon were impressive. What really caught my attention, however, is what she had to say about marathon training. Her words resonate with all of us non-elites:

“Flanagan was surprised by the total commitment the marathon demanded. ‘It’s a lifestyle,’ she says. After her first 20-miler she spent the rest of the day on the couch.

But she loved it. She loved that she was transforming her bodying into something new, strengthening areas that had played supporting roles for so long (slow twitch muscle fibers), and going places she’d never been before (21 miles?). The process fascinated her, the idea that you can train the body to do more, take more, and it would hurt and you’d curse it, but then a miracle could happen: what felt hard a month ago felt good now.

‘My coach constantly reminds me that marathoners are not born, they are made,’ Flanagan says.  ‘And every time he asked me to go longer it became a bit easier.’”

So, if you are struggling in your training, hurting, cursing, nursing tired legs and psyches - remember her words: you can train the body to do more, take more but then what felt hard a month ago might feel good soon. Hang in there. Enjoy watching and feeling your body and mind get stronger. Because it will happen.

Quote of the day:

My son is taking a photography class. It meets at a local senior center (which he thought would smell like urine but it doesn’t). Yesterday, as part of the class, he had to take a portrait of someone. He chose the old lady at the front desk. She refused to smile for the picture saying that “she doesn’t smile because her husband told her her smile was ugly.”

 Who is this husband and why has no one done a Lorena Bobbitt on him yet?

PS: Win a Champion running shirt. Check out my giveaway HERE.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

You Don’t Get These Odds In Vegas

Today’s tempo run started at 6:24 a.m. which is about the time I am usually turning over in bed to move out of my own personal pile of drool. I admit it. I am a drooler. As in I leave a perfectly round drool spot at least 3 inches in diameter on the sheet just below my pillow. I like to think it’s a sign of intelligence or at least an indication that I’m a sound sleeper.

I never get up this early, let alone run. Today, however, I have to get my daughter to a camp in Boulder by 9am, so you do what you have to do. Get up and shut up and run.

I was feeling sassy in my new booty shorts and tech shirt from a marathon I have not yet run (Boston). Here I am posing for a JC Penney catalog (no, I did not run in these flip flops – I do, however, have a review coming up about them):


The SUAR schedule called for 1 mile warm up, 4 miles tempo @ 8:04, 1 mile cool down. I can’t stomach much this early, so I did an apple cinnamon Hammer gel about 15 minutes prior with water. I never do gels pre-run, but it’s what sounded good today.


On the way out I was feeling particularly gassy. Good for me I was alone and it was early. I could just let ‘em rip as they came. Smelled like apple cinnamon. I did pass an old guy who gave me a sour look. What? He doesn’t like apple cinnamon?

Here’s how it panned out:

Mile 1: 9:11
Mile 2: 8:11
Mile 3: 7:53
Mile 4: 7:54
Mile 5: 8:07
Mile 6: 9:04

Not too consistent, but I’ll take it. I’m not smart enough to figure out the average of those four miles (Steve Q? Are you there?), but I’m going to guess 8:02. Sound good?

Got speed this week? If so, what are you doing?

Don’t forget my Champion Giveaway. You didn’t hear it here, but if you are a guy you have a 100% chance of winning right now. You don’t get those odds in Vegas you know. Only on this blog.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Champion Giveaway – Let’s Bring Back Sportsmanship!

With the recent public displays of poor sportsmanship (think red/yellow cards at the World Cup, temper tantrums on the tennis courts, or even parents, refs and coaches fighting at your son’s Little League Game), Champion is on the move to bring back sportsmanship. Champion and the National Alliance for Youth Sports administered a survey of 1,500+ athletes. The results?

  • 81% say that athletes today would rather win the game than play completely fairly
  • Most people (73%) believe it’s cheating only if you get caught
  • 79% say that showing good sportsmanship is not what it used to be - most athletes don’t make it a priority but just want to win
  • 86% of young athletes indicate that “trash talk” during games  has gotten worse as they’ve gotten older
  • Many believe that coaches have had a role in decreasing sportsmanship. 45% of respondents have thought about quitting sports due to a coach’s behavior
  • 41% think their coach is more concerned about winning than being sportsmanlike

Holy cow! What are we teaching our kids about how to act on and off the field?

Since running can very much be a team sport and does embody principles of competition and camaraderie, poor sportsmanship very much affects us too. My principle?

“Run your own race. Play your own game. Only compare yourself to others to make yourself stronger and more driven. Congratulate your opponents and learn from them.”

Champion has taken action by starting a campaign on Facebook called The Athlete’s Creed. They want to put FUN and FAIR back in PLAY. You can help by entering the principles you live by on/off the field, track or race route. If your principle is chosen you'll WIN some cool prizes from Champion!

Also if you play along you’ll be entered into my giveaway right here. I will choose one male and one female winner.

The female winner gets  a Women’s Double Dry V-Neck T-Shirt. Your choice of color/size (depending on availability). A $22 value!


The male winner gets a Men’s Double Dry T-Shirt. Your choice of color/size (depending on availability). A $22 value.


Ways to enter:

  1. Go to Champion’s Facebook Page by clicking HERE. Enter your principle and leaving me a comment telling me what it is = +1 entry (mandated entry, all the others are optional).
  2. At the same place vote on your favorite principle = +1 entry and leave a comment letting me know
  3. Become a fan of Champion on FB and leave a comment = +1 entry
  4. Write about this giveaway/Campaign on your blog an leave a comment = +1 entry
  5. In a comment tell about a time when you were a victim of poor sportsmanship and how you reacted =+1 entry
  6. In a comment tell about a time when you promoted fine sportsmanship = +1 entry

Some people wonder why a comment for each one? That way when I pick a winner at your odds are better the more comments you have.

Contest will end on July 26th. Good luck!

Fine Print: Champion is sponsoring this giveaway. I paid nothing for the items listed.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

14 Miles of Nothing

Miles run today: 14  
Time: 2:04:29
Average pace: 8:53
Liquid consumed (water/Accelerade): 40 oz
Nutrition: 1 Razz Cliff Shot at mile 7
Pounds lost: 1.5
Temperature at finish: 80*
Bathrooms stops: 0
Number of tampons used: 1

Here’s me when I got back. Not too much worse for the wear (I just looked up this idiom because I have never used it before and wondered where the hell it came from: If something's worse for wear, it has been used for a long time and, consequently, isn't in very good condition. A person who's worse for wear is drunk or high on drugs and looking rough). No, I haven’t been used for a long time (well those frat boys might say different). I was not drunk or high, just missing part of my head:


I know I should look forward to long runs, but sometimes I dread them. The bottom line is I am still afraid of feeling pain, fatigue and discomfort. You think I would have learned by now that I can and do run through the suffering. I have done it too many times to count in the past two years. I still, however, am afraid of failing. And fearful of the unknown.

I felt strong on this run,  if not a bit toasty. I started at 6:45 a.m Since Denver had a record high of 102* yesterday, I knew I should have gone earlier, but there is only so early I am going to voluntarily get up on a Sunday morning.  Especially when my kids were both at sleepovers. If I wasn’t a runner I would have partied down until the wee hours doing shots of tequila and would still be asleep right now. I guess this is better than tequila after all:


Before a long run I often think I’m going to solve any problems I might have.  Then I am going to figure out my true career path. Then I might just brainstorm how to permanently stop the oil leak and have a vision about where Natalie Holloway’s body is. Truth of the matter is that after being out there for over two hours I have no clue what I thought about the whole time. It certainly wasn’t deep and awe-inspiring.

“I’m thirsty. Do I have enough water until I get to my refill spot? I think I’m getting a blister. It might be the shoes. Hey, there’s a helicopter. Is it time for my gel yet? Do I like this flavor? Maybe it will upset my stomach. Are there are a lot of tress around if I need to crap? I wish there were more trees. I need some shade. Wonder if the kids had fun. I need to buy artichoke hearts. Sad. There’s a dead cat in the road. That is someone's cat, not a stray. It has a collar. That family is going to have an awful Sunday. What’s that rustling the weeds? Snake? It’s Clair’s birthday. I need to call her. We’re out of dog food. HI! There’s another runner. She looks strong. I wonder what she is training for. I like her sport’s bra. Her boobs are bigger than mine.”

And so it goes. For two eff’ing hours. Endless brain chatter of no substance.

What do you think about when you run?

PS: I’ve got a great product review and some killer giveaways coming up, so stay tuned this week.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Giveaway Winner & Vacation Memories

The winner of the Scape Sunblock giveaway was #121 Patti L! Congrats, Patti. Email me at with your address and I’ll send it right out to you!

Now onto the good stuff. I am so glad to be out of the traveling turd RV. Don’t get me wrong. I love my family. But, I could have been in that RV with Jesus and would have gotten sick of him. If my children are close enough to me at night that I can throw a shoe and hit them, it’s too tight of quarters.

P107002625 feet gets really small really fast 

We did make lots of memories, however.

Number of times I walked across this suspension bridge at the Royal Gorge: 1


Number of times I looked down between the slats at the river 1,200 ft. below wondering if that day was the day the bridge would finally collapse: 49


Number of times Ken ran into a tree and took off the passenger side mirror: 1


Number of dollars to fix the mirror: $600

Number of times I crapped in the RV: 3

Number of times we emptied the sewage and felt the warm contents moving through the hose (at least I have my Life is Good shirt on. Oh, the irony): 4


Number of miles I ran: 12


Number of mountain passes I drove over in the traveling turd (guardrails optional): 3


Number of times I threatened to put my nine year old in a time out in a camping chair with no food or water or books: 1

Number of times I actually did it: 0

Number of bottles of wine I drank: 2

Number of times I counted my blessings: 5,234


Some of my clearest and most fond memories growing up involve family vacations. My parents loved to rough it. Once we did a cross country road trip from Maryland to Montana for a month and slept in a tent the whole way. That was the trip my sleeping bag caught on fire with me in it. 

I have found that the best memories are not made when everything is perfect. They are created when things don’t go quite right, when there is some challenge involved, when we move outside of our comfort zone. Our senses hold on to those experiences with an intensity that lasts throughout the decades.

Two weeks ago a friend’s mom found out she had cancer. She died this morning. I am reminded about the brevity and preciousness of life. I am reminded to hold on and to make it a wild and memorable ride. I am reminded to never let fear stop me from doing anything. And mostly I am reminded to love.

What’s your favorite/funniest childhood vacation memory?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Book Review: Breaking Stride

breakingstride A couple of weeks ago author Stephen Paske sent me his book to read and review. It’s called “Breaking Stride” (2006)and is a fictional account of two high school cross country runners competing for the state title. The summary on the back of the book reads,

“On a late July evening, two runners tear by each other in the middle of Elm Creek Nature Reserve. Their eyes meet. In the cold stare of the enemy comes the sudden realization that the State Title is no longer a certainty. Each runner had thought nobody else could possibly be training with the same ferocity. They thought wrong. Now an inevitable confrontation looms.”

If this sounds dramatic, it is. Written with seriousness and intensity, Paske has created two competing characters who believe in puking their way to the finish line every time.

An all-state runner in high school and a college competitor, Paske himself has always had a love of running.  More recently he coached high school track/field and cross country and took his team to several championships. His passion for and knowledge of the sport is evident in his writing.  Full of vivid and gut-wrenching descriptions of what it feels like to push beyond one’s physical limits, the book draws in any runner who has had these puke threshold experiences.

Paske has undoubtedly undergone these physiological challenges himself. A little researching done on his website reveals that he ran a 10K in 32:03 in 1998. His fastest mile is 4:23 in 1996. Dude is amazing!

Here Paske describes the main character’s quest to run a sub 15 minute 5K (three consecutive 4:48 miles):

Fiery acid ravaged his legs. The lungs and heart increased productivity to meet the escalating demand. Due to their training, they adjusted. Accustomed to torment, Rod’s body attained a point of survivable homeostasis.”

For me, these descriptions were the best part of the book. Even if we’re not shooting for elite times in a race, we all know the feeling of our bodies breaking down and pushing on anyway.

After the reading the book my guess is that Paske’s target audience is 12-18 year olds and possibly those of college age. The writing is basic and the storyline is easy to follow. The lessons learned in the book would be relevant to any teenager faced with doing the right thing versus winning. There are not many novels written about the cross country or track runner, so this would be a great and informative read for anyone who runs in high school/college.

*Immaturity Alert* Because I love all things flatulence, one of my favorite quotes in the book describes a character’s experience during a race when he has just been cussed at by another competitor- “Words didn’t bother me. I just cut him off, farted, and let him fester in the stench.” I could SO relate. I do this ALL THE TIME in races. Don’t let the running skirt fool you.

Overall, I enjoyed the book for its subject matter. A point of criticism is that, IMHO, Paske occasionally writes too melodramatically and overuses  metaphors. The 112 pages of this short book are loaded with figurative expressions such as, “calves rippling like cooled waters,” the weeping willow trees hung like mops of hair,” and, “the heat made him as loose as a brothel." (my personal favorite). One gets the sense that Paske is sometimes over-trying to be deep and literary.

“Breaking Stride” can be purchased at the author’s website. Also on this site you can download a copy of the book for FREE! Donations are appreciated.

Don’t forget my SCAPE giveaway!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

RV Waste

9:36 p.m. I'm laying in my claustrophobic yet surprisingly comfortable RV bed outside of Telluride, CO. I've got a glass of wine in a red plastic cup because I'm classy that way. Ken is reading "Runner's World" because what else do you read at 9:36 pm at night in your RV when you have no cable? Oh Bachelorette I miss thee.

It's been an adventure thus far. Yesterday Ken ran into a tree branch and broke off the passenger side mirror which is as big as Oprah's butt. That should cost several race entries.

Last night we slept by the gorgeous Arkansas River in Salida, Colorado.

This morning I emptied the toilet. I laid a few good ones in there:

This morning I also took a beautiful six mile run from the RV park into town. Running cures all.

We drove and drove today until we got to the amazingly scenic town of Ouray. We are at 7,600 feet, surrounded by towering peaks and other RVers. Quite an interesting yet friendly and colorful crowd. We went to dinner tonight in town at a Mexican restaurant. Sam dripped fajita juice on his Bolder Boulder race shirt. Ken said, "Wow, looks like when mom gets the shits while running":

Tomorrow we are off to Gunnison, CO. It is close quarters, but there is something very sweet about having your whole family within an arm's reach.

An Invitation for First Time Marathoners!

Melinda Hinson Neely, author and runner, is in the process of writing her third book, a how-to run a first marathon, for non-elite runners, by a non-elite runner. She is looking for YOU, the first time marathoner, to help her out.

As part of the project, she will feature 5-6 first time marathoners in the book and on her blog. She will also provide free running coaching while you are training. In her own words she wants to:

“…understand why you want to do it. I want to hear about your highs and lows, peaks and valleys, accomplishments and challenges. And most of all, I want to see that photo of you crossing the finish line and hear your description of why that experience felt so great. And possibly changed your life.”

For more information, visit Melinda’s blog and website HERE. She can be reached at if you are interested or have questions.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Wet T-Shirt Contest

The training schedule dictated 12 miles this morning, so that’s what I did. I do what I’m told.

It’s a great day to run in the Rocky Mountains! One of my favorite long runs is an out and back that heads west towards the foothills. It is up hill the whole way out with an elevation gain of about 500 feet. Not the steepest, but a good workout none the less.

This is a view from my house this morning since I didn’t have my camera on the run. That distant mountain is Longs Peak, one of Colorado’s 14,000 foot mountains. It’s only without snow in late July and August. Told you it was a good day to run around here.


I have to add this one too taken on a hike last week. Just ‘cause it’s so gorgeous!


At my start time of 7:00 a.m. it was cool and sunny. Perfect running weather. I clogged the toilet before I left, but still had to visit the weeds on the way out. Thank God for country roads that are sparsely travelled. At the six mile turn around I refueled with some strawberry GU chomps, stuck in the iPod (on long runs I usually only use it for the second half) and started for home. Being slightly downhill, the way back is so much easier and I always feel like I’m flying.

At 9.5 miles I stopped at the country store with the bathroom tip jar (I’ve left many a tip for many a load left there. Surely not enough to cover Lysol or plunger costs) and got some more water. I cruised home for a final time of 1:46. Average pace 8:53. Total miles for the week: 29.5.

Ken was on the porch reading the paper. I walked out and he informed me how see-through my running tank was. It’s white and I’ve never thought it was see-through before. Then again, by the end of the run it was soaked with sweat and we all know what happens to white stuff when it gets wet. Ever been to a t-shirt contest? Don’t go zooming in to see the evidence:


Could be worse. It’s not like it was this or anything. Man her daughter is giving her the stink eye, as if to say, “Seriously mom? You’re going out in public like that? Just cause you’re famous doesn’t give you the right to be ridiculous”.


I wore the booty shorts today:


I think this is possibly the most flattering picture ever taken of me. Except for this one when my face blew up due to some  reaction to some unknown allergen:


Fortunate for me I have really good friends who doctor pictures to add insult to injury:


Ken and I just signed up for the Georgetown to Idaho Springs Half Marathon on August 14th. Who’s in?

Tomorrow is blast off for our family RV trip. Pray for me.

Don’t forget my Scape Sunscreen Giveaway!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Crap at the Track

Okay you East coasters and Midwesterners  in the middle of a heat wave, don’t kill me. I have to admit that this week I’ve been spoiled by very cool running temperatures. My long run on Sunday was 50 degrees and overcast. For all of the complaining I did about feeling exhausted on runs, this cool wave has restored my confidence. Trust me. The heat f&%!#s with you more than you know. Cut yourself some slack.

Week two of marathon training and I’m feeling strong. I am only running four times per week. One long, one tempo or speed/interval, one mid-week longer run, and one short recovery run. Of all the runs I still find speed to test me the most. This week’s was the following (not many intervals due to it being the start of the training cycle):

2 warm up miles
2 x 1600 with 800 recovery jogs
2 miles cool down

The end result was:

Mile 1: 9:03
Mile 2: 9:07
Mile 3: 7:09
Mile 4: 7:11
Mile 5: 9:41
Mile 6: 8:38

I went to the local middle school track. You might recall that last summer while running at this track I had a bathroom emergency and ended up dropping some friends off in the cluster of pine trees by the track. This is the one and only spot within miles to squat. It was a lifesaver. Even if it is my son’s school, I feel I can defile it if I wish. What’s worse? A bit of waste in the trees or messy pants? No one likes a mom with messy pants. Especially a 12 year old.

On Tuesday my stomach was cramping even before the intervals began. I feared the worst, but knew I had those trees to fall back on if needed. While I’m doing some warm up laps, guess who shows up? Mr. City Worker Spraying for Mosquitoes. And guess where he’s spraying? Around the track. In the pine trees. In my outside bathroom.

I panicked. How the hell was I supposed to have a bathroom emergency with Mr. City worker around? I eyed him throughout the whole run, navigating how I could crap if need be. When he left towards the end of my workout I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t end up having to use the trees, but it was nice to know I could if need be. Kind of like how when you’re on an airplane and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign. Even if you don’t have to at that moment, you like to always have the option.

Here’s the thing. In the midst of my second 1600 I found myself thinking how the hell do people run entire races at a 7 or sub 7 pace? It took every ounce of energy I had to just do it twice. I continue to bow down to you speedsters.

Don’t forget my Scape Giveaway!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Subway Winners and Scape Sunscreen Giveaway!

I know. I know. It’s been giveaway central around here. It’s fun to give away things that I don’t have to buy. Better yet that these are goods that I can confirm are beneficial for us runners and couch potatoes alike.

The three winners of the Subway $10 gift cards are:

  1. Emz from If I Can’t Convince You Maybe I’ll Confuse You. I love this girl. All heart and soul. She is a crazy speedy runner going for her 3:23 marathon PR. She is ab central. She has legs up to her eyebrows. She could use a good meal (just kidding, but you are one slim chick).
  2. Kim from To Dream the Kimpossible Dream. This lady has lost 106 pounds since March 2009. I know. Talk about determination and motivation. Kim you look incredible. If you haven’t yet visited her webpage, do so. She has this really cool slideshow that takes you through her weight loss milestones.
  3. P from the Adventures of an Average Athlete.  P is a mom, wife and very strong runner and cyclist. She struggles with stomach issues like me, so we are soul sisters. Only her stomach issues involve vomiting profusely during marathons. Remind me to not run downwind from P.

Congrats ladies. Email your home addresses to and I will visit you late in the night with a machete have the cards sent out to you!!

Remember that SCAPE sunscreen review I did a couple weeks back? I loved RunnuRMark’s comment: “What? The cheap bastards didn't give you a second set to give away? Boo.”

Well, Scape has come through! Not only did they send me a bunch of their lip balm since that was my fave, but they gave me a pack of good stuff to giveaway:

P1060971 4 oz bottle 30+ SPF Sun block,  50+ SPF face stick, 50+ SPF lip balm – a $30 value!

To enter:

  • Leave a comment telling me why you MUST HAVE this stuff. Do you sweat a lot and it runs into your eyes? Perhaps you have a bald head. Maybe you, like me, have herpes simplex and need lip protection. Or possibly you are just cheap and like free things +1 entry
  • Leave a comment with a story about the worst sunburn you ever had. Feel free to include peeling, blistering and crying + 1 entry
  • Become a follower if you’re not already. Or if you are let me know +1 entry
  • Talk about this giveaway on  your blog and leave a comment telling me +1 entry
  • Become a friend of Scape on FB  and leave a comment telling me +1 entry

Make sure each comment is separate so you get credit!

Giveaway will end July 16. Good luck.

Fine print: Scape gave me the products for this giveaway free of charge.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Road Trippin’

Call me crazy. I am Robin Williams. I am in the movie RV. I am erupting sewage all over myself mostly so I can cover up the fact that I crapped myself during my last run. Why all of this?

Because here is where I will spend next week with my family:


You know me. Always up for the next adventure. The next tale to tell. Thus, I decided yesterday, with Ken’s blessing, that we should rent an RV. I’ve never stepped foot in an RV, let alone driven one. And wonders of all wonders, I got the last RV rental in Colorado. Seriously. It is a 25 foot C Class. Made in 2011. That meant nothing to me before this week. but now I am RV savvy. I am in the world of hook ups and amps and sewage dumping and getting 8 miles to the gallon. I am going to have Ken wear his wife beater tank top and I might just take up smoking and lose a few teeth. Did you know that if you can’t find a place to camp Wal-Mart actually lets you spend the night in their parking lot?  Now that would be an interesting crowd.

True views seen recently at Walmart:




Of course when booking camp sites, I gave notice to running. I will be able to run in some of the most beautiful Colorado locations. Salida. Telluride, Gunnison. Breckenridge. I will be sucking air at 8,600 feet and wearing my colder weather running gear. I will run ten miles then saunter up to my RV where I will take large dumps and have Ken empty them. I have always been a tent camper and have looked down on the RV-ers. I mean, what kind of camping is that? But I tell myself, I am doing it for the kids. I am making their memories. Wish me luck.

Shop ‘til You Drop

I’m not a huge shopper. Let me rephrase that so you don’t think I mean that I’m not a really overweight shopper. I don’t shop much, as in browsing around stores, trying things on, etc. I do enjoy a nice visit to Target, however, because I can always find a light switch bracket or a carrying case for my stamp collection or something else I don’t need.

This week, I deviated. I ordered some cool running stuff from this here computer because going to a store is just too much effort. Yes, I will run 15 miles, but DO NOT ask me to go from the dairy aisle to the electronics section in some big box store. That’s got to be like 47 miles.

I had a gift certificate to the National Running Center from my birthday back on February 22 (mark your calendars). I told you I don’t shop much, even when it’s free money. Have you checked this place out? Lots of good stuff and sales. I got:

Body in Motion booty shorts. This is not a picture of me. If it were me, it wouldn’t look as good and there might be hair seeping out. Plus, I don’t know how to do that half backbend thing the model is doing.


2010 Boston Marathon tech shirt!  I know. I shouldn’t have the shirt before I’ve even run the marathon. Get off my back. Now I just hope I can get in. Registration opens October 18. I’ve already got my hotel room at the Radisson where all the cool people stay:


Frank Shorter handheld water bottle. Kind of gross that Frank used to use it. It was free with any purchase!


Then, I did a total egomaniac splurge. I really wanted to be able to tell the world (not just friends, family, strangers on the street, Facebook, blog world) about my BQ. It is tough to find a piece of clothing screaming the fact that you got a BQ. Maybe because most people don’t find the need to advertise it on their chest. But, you know me. Never afraid to put it out there. This shirt is from  I can’t find a picture on line, and my kids paparazzi are still asleep, so here’s the best I can do today:

P1060969 P1060968

I’m pretty sure Kara Goucher wears one of these.

I have no bra on. It’s early. Don’t get too excited.

I still can’t get over my grizzled neck. Can you?

Bought any new running stuff lately? Do share.