10 Things You Should Know About Me If We Are Going To Be Friends

1. I speed. I do not follow the speed limit, but I have not had a ticket in over 20 years (just 950 warnings). My rule of thumb is that 10 miles over the speed limit is acceptable. And I follow this rule 97.5% of the time. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m saying it’s what I do.

2. I talk about running. A lot. Probably too much. This is fine if it’s with fellow runners because they have the same one track mind.  My non runner friends might be sticking needles in their eyes.

3. No sugarcoating allowed. I think it is the responsibility of a friend to be honest. If you ask my opinion I will tell it to you straight (yes your nipple is showing). Or, if you are dear friend and are doing something harmful to yourself or your family I will tell you that too. I expect the same from my friends in return.

4. I don’t diet or obsess over food. I don’t talk calories and burning off fat and fitting into clothes. I eat well, drink wine, train hard, sleep when I can and do my best to be the healthiest 45 year old possible while still having some vices. It’s all about balance and personal choices.

5. There's on Open Fart Policy (OFP). Flatulence is done in the open and without embarrassment. What I mean is - I have NO desire to hold gas in. It makes me cranking and gives me cramps. I also don’t like to play the mystery game of “It stinks in here – who farted?” when you can just admit it right before, during or after it happens. This in no way means my friend has to be open about farting, but I will be and it’s easier if we do it together. Most people are relieved to be able to rip one out in the open. Even prudes.

6. I ask too many questions during movies. Unless it is a Lifetime movie that is so shallow and contrived a newborn infant can understand it, I am always lost during movies. I’ve gotten to the point where I cannot watch anything to do with the CIA or terrorist plots because it goes over my head.

7. Monty Python is off limits. I realize you all (or most people) think quoting Monty Python movies is a great past time, but I it annoys me for some unknown reason. Probably because once people start, they just don’t stop. For days. Or, maybe in a different life I had a flesh wound and no one took it seriously enough.

8. I don’t answer my home phone. I don’t even know why I have a home phone. I will 77% of the time answer my cell phone, however.

9. I am controlling and demanding. My good friends and I have a running joke about when we get together to make Christmas cookies. I am a total drill sergeant – no nonsense, all bossy pants and no fun. “Stop eating the batter and get your ass in gear rolling out that dough” and, “This is not the time to talk about your pregnancy/crumbling marriage/child’s potty training issues. We have cookies to make, so shut your mouth and start dropping teaspoons of chocolate crinkles onto that cookie sheet.”

10. Vomit terrifies me. I can’t hear or smell it or I’ll have an anxiety attack. I can’t even watch people throwing up in movies (Bridesmaids was a tragic experience for me). If you are my friend and have to puke, I cannot hold your hair or clean you up. I apologize in advance.

What’s one thing people should know about you?

SUAR

PS: The awesome Anne Franklin designs is running a great sale this week on running necklaces. Regularly $15, they are now just $10!