Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Laxatives and Other Such Things

I am blushing over here. Gosh darn, thanks for all of your compliments on my ageing body. Some of you even used the word "HOT" (in caps), which has never been used to describe me in any way, shape or form except for that time when I was three years old and my mom felt my forehead and exclaimed, "You, my sweet thing, are HOT."

Seriously, thanks for the kind words. I really wasn't fishing for compliments (want to see my abs again?) but I thought the bikini thing would be funny. My son might be scarred for life after videotaping his mother grabbing her girls, but he's grown up with me for twelve years, so I think he can handle it.

I am trying not to think about the fact that my foot is hurting at the site of the my stress fracture so I have been engaging in other activities. Like messing with people.

I know it doesn't surprise you that I love practical jokes.

When I first got out of college I was working in an (unnamed) office in D.C. A friend and I were supposed to bring food to the staff meeting (40 people or so). The night before, we made muffins, melted ex.lax and drizzled it on the baked goods. No one really ate the muffins except for my co-worker, Alberto. He told me after the meeting, "Your muffins sucked so I just picked the chocolate (aka laxative) off of the top." I told him what the chocolate really was. He spent the afternoon running to the bathroom yelling in his Spanish accent, "I'm going to KEEEELLL you!" I realize in hindsight I could have been fired or even arrested, but what the hay? It now makes for a good story. But those were the days when I was immature.

I might have too much time on my hands.

Two years ago, Sam was this for Halloween:

I was cleaning his closet out the other day and found the mask from the costume. I put it in the kids' bathroom. Pretty scary, huh?

They didn't really freak out too much, just had a few nightmares that night. Later on, Ken and I got into bed and looked up to find this:

So, I had to hide it in Sam's backpack and he took it to school. Kind of uncool for a sixth grader.

And, this morning I got in the shower and found this:

You never know where it will turn up next. It could be in your house right now.

What's the best practical joke you've ever played or that's been played on you???


Drinking: Coffee from Amante in Boulder

40 comments:

  1. I LOVE the travelling mask, that is hilarious.

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  2. delurking today ;o)
    One year on April 1 st we covered my bosses desk in paper dixie cups...stapled them together...then filled them with water (we even added some goldfish to a few cups) he couldnt move the cups because they were all stapeled together, but if he left them too long the water would leak out.
    He thought it was funny...at first. :oP

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  3. I'm so confused -- what the HELL was Sam for Halloween?!?

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  4. Bootchez - he was a baby on a grandmother's back.

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  5. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! your so damn funny! that is the scariest beyond scariest halloween costume ive ever seen! that mask is freaky and if i came across it anywhere i would sh*t my pants! lol!!

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  6. I love it all! My grandma was a total joker like that--not that you're anywhere near a grandma.
    Your son's costume reminds me of that book Strega Nona!

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  7. OMG that mask is freaky!!!

    In high school we had this guy friend that was a freak about his car. He wouldn't let anyone ride in it or drive it, he washed it all the time...he was in love with it! One day, my friends and I decided to play a trick on him. Everyone was hanging out at someone's house and my friend and I took his keys and I drove his car a couple miles down the road while my friend followed me. We drove back to the house and blended back into the crowd. When we are all getting ready to leave my friend noticed his car was gone and completely lost it. He was so upset and worried and didn't know what to do. Finally we fessed up and drove him to get his car. He was so PO'd at us! We were stupid high schoolers and in retrospect shouldn't have done it, but he forgave us and we're all still friends today!

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  8. Totally impressed with the costume skills. Nice. The mask is flipping hilarious! Woulda scared the crapola out of me for sure in the shower.
    Mmm, best practical joke for me was freshman year of college, April fools day I drafted a letter from 'department of college housing' and faxed it to my dad explaining how I illegally used a "hot plate" (gasp) in my door room which lit a rug on fire and caused a fire truck to arrive (all totally false, well except I did catch a rug on fire junior year). I faxed it to his work not realizing he shared a fax with his entire office. Whoops. I am still waiting for his revenge.

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  9. I am not good at practical jokes...I always start laughing. My 6-year-old know I am terrified of snakes and likes to hide her plastic one under my pillow. :)

    I think you should share with us how you got your abs...are there certain exercises that you do specific for abs???

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  10. haha, love the story about the ex-lax. I forever will enjoy a good potty story! :) yes, I know I am a kid, haha. I'm not much of a jokester myself, but one year for april fools, someone in our office went around putting up photos of 80's male stars on top of everyone's husbands photos on their desks. It was actually pretty funny :)

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  11. Bahahaha, I can only imagine the stuff that goes on in your house! Gotta laugh, right??

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  12. OMG! That is sooo funny! At first, in my google reader all I saw was the pic of the Exlax box next to the name ShutUp and Run. I thought, "this is the last chick on the planet who needs Exlax!" LOL!
    I'm a terrible liar, so practical jokes don't mix well with me. :(

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  13. OMG I love that the kids continue on the practical jokes. It always sounds like ya'll have the best time!

    I'm sorry you are having some issues with the foot, I will keep my fingers crossed for you! Xtrain & RICE and make a sacrifice to the running gods STAT!

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  14. That is AMAZING! I love the whole mask fiasco. I can't think of any good practical jokes, I must not be very good at them either! Although I do get a serious kick out of torturing my neice with this really big toy spider we have... you know, hiding it in her teapot and telling her to come pour me some tea... classic... :)

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  15. I like how you just threw in the whole part about your FOOT HURTING YOU AGAIN as if it's no big thang but a dang chicken wang (ew.) you need to be careful girly! No more injuries! I can't take your whining all over again, haha!

    That is a great halloween costume. Put it in the visor of the car, when Ken gets in he'll get a suprise if he pulls it down to use it ... could cause an accident though. So nevermind.

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  16. Ah! Thanks for the explanation! Great costume!

    Best practical joke I've seen (quite similar to Aimee's): I am an ER nurse, and one night shift the medics brought in a patient, and then spent the next 20 minutes flirting with one of the nurses (this happens ALL the time), leaving their ambulance in the ambulance bay. Another nurse, who used to be a medic herself, snuck out the door and drove the rig around front, sneaking back in as if nothing was amiss. Eventually, the medics tried to leave -- and they were QUITE upset. Mind you, this was at 3:00 am in not such a nice area. She let them stew for 20 minutes, then gave them the keys. This set off a whole round of practical jokes (we're a jokey bunch, ER folks), but that one was the best.

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  17. That is too much! would have really scared the shit outta me but I would have laughed all the same!

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  18. My family and I had a similar hiding object as well! Too much fun!! :)

    And FYI, you are SUPER HOT! Killer abs.

    {daiseeangel.blogspot.com}

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  19. "But those were the days when I was immature". Oh girl, you aren't fooling anyone, you know that you would totally pull that laxative prank right now if you could! That's too funny!

    I can't believe that you stripped in your vlog from your post below. You naughty girl you. But seriously, those clothes don't look too bad and they seem to be fairly inexpensive.

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  20. I vote for putting it in the toilet - lift the seat: what the heck? Classic.

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  21. AWESOMMMMEEE. I'm a bit of a practical joker myself. The most fun thing I did was seran wrap a buddies car shut. :)

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  22. That is funny! That mask is super hideous!

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  23. Hahaha what a fun family!! :) I put paint in my dad's cereal instead of milk one day...but I stopped him before he put it in is mouth

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  24. haha. I love it. We were cutting up in the studio off the air one day... my boss come into the studio pissed.... and told us about 150,000 listeners have heard our conversation and now the front desk phones are ringing off the hook.... then he busted out laughing and said....'you jackass, you left the phone off the hook and i heard everything yall were saying!" Close call but a good one!

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  25. Oh my gosh! I just found this blog and have been literally laughing out loud reading all of these past blogs! You are hilarious and I think I have found a great new way to procrastinate and not work! Thanks

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  26. Being an identical twin, my sister and I switched classes. Everyone figured it but her boyfriend and she was really mad!!

    Jen
    settingufree.blogspot.com/

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  27. I didn't play this particular joke, but I allowed it to happen.

    In college, my dorm roommate's best friends came knocking on our door one night saying they want to play a prank on her. Since my roommate wasn't my favorite person, I was elated. I was all "come on in and do your magic". What could go wrong? It's a prank joke!!! So, these girls put fake cockroaches all over my roommate's bed and in her underwear drawer.

    After they did their setup, I left for pretty much an entire night without seeing my roommate. I come back at 5 in the morning, slowly and very quietly open the door thinking she's asleep and I need to be quiet. And I see this - it's completely dark, she's sitting in a long white gown, like a ghost, in the corner of the room - she obviously stayed up the entire night waiting for me to come back. When I walk in, she goes: "I cannot believe you let him go through my private stuff". I was like "um, him? who? what?" And she goes, "You have no right to let your boyfriend invade my privacy".

    I was all "wow, how the heck do you go there? it's your best friends who did that." I couldn't believe that her mind went there - especially because my boyfriend (now husband) is the nicest person who's never stepped a foot into my dorm room. I knew she didn't like me or my boyfriend, but I didn't know about all these conspiracy theory type of scenarios running in her head.

    Anyway, on the one hand - yay for the prank because she's been always mean to me and would pick on me, etc, etc, and it felt like a small pay back to her from fate. On the other hand, I didn't enjoy seeing her feel so betrayed.

    Oh wow, started light, ended somber, haha.

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  28. Oh, and I have another one. In school, a bunch of kids put laxative in our teacher's tea (we were horrible... plus, it happened in Russia, i don't know if kids do that in America). BUT nothing happened. We were all watching her, and she didn't go to the bathroom once all day long. Must have been clogged up pretty well. LOL

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  29. Ulyana - great story!!! I just want to know what you were doing coming home at 5am!

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  30. Too funny!

    And I'm heading off to get caught up on your past. I was just diagnosed with a stress fracture in my ankle. No running for 6 weeks and I get to wear this lovely boot. I look forward to reading how you handled it. :)

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  31. Oh my gosh. My mom LOVES to play jokes on us, to this day! I am not very good at practical jokes though!

    Sorry to hear your foot is bothering you! I have been a bit absent from the blogosphere and am just now catching up.

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  32. Ha, ha on the jokes, we were HORRIBLE towards our kids when they were little. On St. Patrick's Day we used to sneak into their rooms at night while they were sleeping and scribble on their faces with green marker. When they work up, we'd tell them a leprechaun must have written on their faces. Once, my husband used a marker that wasn't washable and they had to go to school with green scribbles all over their faces. I have a million stories like that one...we were BAD! But hey, you've got to have some fun parenting!!

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  33. You, my dear, are one of my very favorite bloggers. I absolutely love your sense of humor and "say anything" fearlessness! I am a high school teacher who lives on a military base overseas, so believe me, laughter is an important stress reliever some days. Thanks for the online Rx.
    Lori (Misawa Air Base, Japan)

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  34. That's so fun that you and your kids can play jokes on each other.

    Here's my story:
    I was in a sorority in college. The cook always put out some sort of dessert after dinner. Sometimes it was Rice Krispy Treats, sometimes it was a scoop of vanilla ice cream with a generous amount of chocolate sauce dumped on top. That's what it was this night.

    I came into the dining room and walked over to the buffet where there were about 20 bowls of ice cream still waiting. Probably 20 0r so girls already had theirs and were sitting at the dining tables (there were about 50 girls in the house).

    I grabbed a bowl and sat at a table. I took a bite. It took me a couple seconds to figure it out and I'm sure "WTF?" was written across my forehead. But then the entire room errupted in laughter and all eyes were looking at me.

    Mashed potatoes covered in chocolate. Yuck.

    PS: Why you should not do lunges while talking on the phone with your sister. I did that on Wednesday night and lost track of how many I did/how long I did them (about 15 minutes, I guessed). Could barely walk yesterday. Still very, very sore today.

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  35. Ooh, so many practical jokes to choose from! I can't choose between two: once I redecorated my boss's office to be a shrine to Kim Basinger, with about 400 photos; he arrived to work after the guy who he was interviewing for a position that morning(wonder what HE thought?) The other: a friend was bragging about the great gas mileage she was getting in the old beater she'd bought, so I kept going to her house at night and adding gas to the tank until she was getting 45 mpg; then it became too expensive to continue.

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  36. A few years back at a haunted house my sis and I acquired rubber cockroaches. Ever since then Mom has hidden them around the house and made me freak out. Well the other day I was at work and I opened up my leftovers to find a giant bug eating my sandwhich. I SCREAMED and threw my food to the floor making a huge mess. Yeaaaa not coool, no food ) ; But my coworkers all laughed

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  37. I ran a bead of Super Glue around my Ra's door frame in college...glued her door shut.

    And I turned all the furniture in our dorm lounge upside down once. That was so funny that we decided to try it again in the third floor lounge. The only problem was that this lounge was directly above our Residence Director's apartment and she did NOT find it funny when she came storming upstairs in her nightgown to scream that we were keeping her awake...

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