Sunday, January 17, 2010

That Starbucks Guy Runs Too Much

Today I had to take my own advice. Stop thinking about it and start moving. I woke up to gray skies and 35 degrees. Call me crazy, but sitting with the Sunday paper and a big cup of coffee sounded more appealing than an 8 mile run. Just so I couldn't back out, I rolled out of bed and into my running clothes. I figured I would looks stupid reading the paper in my tights and Under Armour and the kids would just keep asking me when/if I was going to run. Better to just go do it. Plus, Ken was coming along and it's way easier to get out there with someone else than on your own.

I'd like to say the run was the best ever and I got inspired and I was so glad to be out there. But, really, it was just okay. I was sluggish. The air smelled like cow shit. There were big hills. I felt queasy. My stomach cramped, but I farted and felt better. In the end we did 8 miles in 1 hour, 10 minutes. Not the fastest but still a respectable (in my book) 8:52 min/mile pace.

Afterwards, I went to Starbucks to grab a misto. I was wearing my Boulder Marathon running hat. The baristo (is that masculine for barista?) asked me if I was gong to run that race again this year. He said he had done his first half at that race this year. In my head I'm thinking, "Ah, a new runner. Doing is first half." So, I ask him how his first half went. His reply? "Well I had done a 100K the weekend before and I just wanted to see how it would go doing a shorter race with a different crowd." My head was spinning as I tried to add up how many miles a 100K was. I know a 10K is 6.2 miles, so it must be close to...holy shit 60 miles! And if I was a mathematician or even slightly smart I would've known immediately that 6.2 x 100 = 62 but I think all that smell of cow shit had killed some brain cells. So much for cute boy doing his first half. He quickly moved from being coy and vulnerable first-half-boy to slightly annoying stud.

And, if this wasn't enough, I got the following text from my 12 year old son when I got home:


I wasn't sure if I should call social services to come pick him up or if I should congratulate him for being clever. I know it is my fault he writes these things since I make may pooping habits fairly public. For what it's worth, I don't just poop my pants whenever, like when I'm watching American Idol (although I did love the "pants on the ground" song). The crapping of the pants only happens sometimes and only when I'm exerting myself beyond what is safe on a run. And it's not a huge turd, but more of a squirt. Just to clarify.

I am going to make my first million developing a running short with built-in Depends. What are your goals?


Drinking: H20. Trying to re-hydrate.

36 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh I'm laughing my ass off! Love this post!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm laughing my butt off too! Hilarious!

    New follower here by the way :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. LMAO!!! You are too freakin' funny. Eff that Starbuck's guy. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Funny funny!

    YOu say what I'm not brave enough to say.

    My goal is the half in Austin Feb. 14. Do you use a Garmin or anything?

    I'm seriously in a love hate (Mainly HATE) relationship with my Nike+...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think you slept in your running clothes. Not a bad thing though...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Funny! Let me know when the running shorts are available!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Please let me know also when they are available I have ah...friend...that might be interested. :)

    You are to funny!

    ReplyDelete
  8. HAHA. Your post made me laugh. love it!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Beth,
    I am glad to hear that your run went spendidly! Funny Starbuck's story:)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Add me to your running depends waiting list.

    ReplyDelete
  11. haha!!

    nice run girl- not all of them can be perfect! :)

    way to get out there and get it done!

    ReplyDelete
  12. You are too much... seriously... I'm dying laughing over here. Thanks for the TMI! LOL! :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Putting on running gear is the best way to get out there. Is it just me, or is technical fabric EXTREMELY uncomfortable unless you're running? Not to mention looking like an idiot...

    ReplyDelete
  14. As always, so funny! It's nice to be smiling at this late hour.

    Nice that the guy at Starbucks can afford to run ultras. It's probably all the coffee he drinks! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Fun-E!!!! A guy I work with runs the Leadville 100 every year and it's like a daily jaunt or something. Err!

    Your comment on my blog today left me laughing. We've talked a few times via blog land, that we live fairly closeby to one other :). I am running Boston two weeks before CO marathon but I may try to run the half just for grins (we'll see) but if not, I will try to be there to root you and Tara on for the full! Either way, I wanna see ya guys cross. As for Denver marathon? I think I may do Chicago on 10/10/10. Something about those numbers are alluring to me. Do you plan to do any local smaller races?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Yeah, a 100K....no biggie. :P

    ReplyDelete
  17. I ws laughing hard enough to...woops. I got to go wipe.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This post is hilarious! My sister (who helped inspire me to run marathons) also makes her pooping habits public, and it is because of her candor on the subject that I felt perfectly normal asking someone on my half marathon last year if I could use their bathroom.

    Also, a friend and I have a new name for farts while we're running: boosters. It comes from the book "The Runner's Rule Book." It's like a little speed booster. You fart, and the expulsion of wind behind you propels you forward. Sometimes math and science can work in our favor... ;)

    ReplyDelete
  19. O my. I just randomly stumbled upon this blog, read this one post, and am now a huge fan. Hi there!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Even in the worst days you make me laugh.I love your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Great text message! Those ultra runners are out of control. They make running a marathon look easy.

    ReplyDelete
  22. After a near miss of pooping my pants, I like to text about it. I'd call BS on the baristo and challenge him to a race. That's just me, though.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Gotta love when your 12yr old picks up your sense of humor ;)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Holy shit (pun intended)! Someone who talks about poop more than I do. You're my new hero. :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Well, I'm glad you cleared that up! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Funny lady :) :) ...made me laugh

    ReplyDelete
  27. OMG you are too funny. Love your posts!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I walked in to work on Thursday and our 70 year old secretary was singing the pants on the floor song AND dancing. Best day of work ever.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I will never fart while running again without thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  30. LOL, you crack me up. I love that you talk about farting and poop, you're so real...and hilarious!!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. gawd you are funny. how crazy he was dialing back his run to that distance!

    ReplyDelete
  32. That was so funny. I wouldn't dare fart when I was running or the poop thing might happen.

    ReplyDelete