Thursday, February 11, 2010

Bathroom Echo

Man, you guys are in serious need of some new running clothes. I say that because a butt-load of you entered my giveaway. Some of you are poor, some of you have running clothes that are down to their last threads (how can you go out in public like that?), some of you just like free things and would probably enter a giveaway if it was for a turd, and some of you are just running clothing whores who, like me, can never have enough. Never.

Keep posted, I'll select a winner on 2/16 (can anyone tell me how to do that random generator selection thing?)

Well, it's not just about the running gear over here. Yours truly went swimming today (and not in the Boulder Reservoir). I decided to swim with my bathing suit over my underwear to see if anyone would notice.


Do you think I'm that ridiculous? Really? I only do that if I don't have time to shave.

In actuality, it was a great workout. 2100 meters or 84 lengths. I did this swim workout. Even if you are a runner who thinks you are a stud and too cool for swimming pools, this workout will kick your butt if you do it right. Timed swim intervals are no joke. And tonight? More Bikram yoga.

Prior to swimming, however, I needed to use the facilities (what would any of my posts be without some bathroom-related disclosure?). I changed in the locker room and headed into the stall. Naturally, the stalls are in the middle of the locker room, as in there is no (soundproof) door leading to the stalls, just the stalls.

So, I sit on the pot to take an innocent piss. No number two was in the picture as far as I knew. As I pushed a tad bit to let the pee out, a rather loud and airy fart escaped. No biggie, I suppose. But here's my question: Why does the damn echo in the bathroom have to be so loud? I mean the fart in and of itself was no big deal, but that echo. I might as well have been farting into a microphone. The worst part is that after you let one fly of that magnitude, you have to walk out and mingle in the locker room with everyone who just heard you fart. You know they are stealing sideways glances at you wondering who owned that explosion. They are too polite to say anything, but they are judging you wildly in their minds. It's all they can do to get out into the parking lot where they can call their friends with the news. "OMG! This old lady with underwear on under her bathing suit just cut a really loud one!" If only anyone really cared that much.

After my workout, I did my usual 10 minutes of relaxation in the hot tub. Only today wasn't so relaxing because a bald, gold chain-wearing, Peruvian, 64 year old salsa dancer tried to pick me up. And not lift me up. But pick me up as in "Hey baby, want to get it on in the stall?" I said, "I would have except I just farted in there." That was my signal to get out of dodge.

Speaking of getting picked up, my husband sent me this picture today. Everyone who owns a pet should have one of these on hand especially if you are having a dinner party. Personally, I think that the baboons at the zoo with those pink assholes should be required to wear them:

Drinking: H20

40 comments:

  1. oh mannn you are so funny. :-) tee hee; i'm with you on the echoing bathrooms though - why do they have to do that??!! annnyway - you are looking mighty lean and mean in your swimming garb; no wonder the baldie tried to pick you up, hottie!! thanks for sharing and for the giggle this afternoon!

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  2. Um hello of course we want some free ish! :)

    You are hilarious with your bathing suit and farting but that brown eye cover for the pets takes the cake! OMFG! LMFAO!!!!!!!!

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  3. I totally need one of those rear gear for my dog..an alive does he smell!! I seriously can't believe that you went swimming in you undies..did anyone say anything! great way to get around not shaving! Thanks for the swim workout..i had been wanting to get back in the pool. totally can't wait for your giveaway.

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  4. OMG...wow...I don't even know what to say...I am hysterical over here. :) I didn't know it was possible to laugh so many times during one blog post...love it all.

    I fall into the running clothes whore catergory. I haven't run the last week and a half because of an injury, but that didn't stop me from buying some new stuff yesterday...it is a sickness I think. :)

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  5. I'm a running clothes whore. What can I say, I'm OBSESSED!!!

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  6. OMG this is hilarious. I cannot stop laughing.

    I'm a running clothes whore so please pick me, k? Thanks.

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  7. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth! Funny, gross and all around entertaining - the usual SUAR post - thanks :)
    I am a running clothes whore - it's a problem I intend to just ignore. I tell myself, it could be worse, I could be addicted to crack :)

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  8. Way too funny and too true!!! I can't afford to be a clothes whore, but if I could, I would definitely fall into that category! :)

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  9. I think the fact that you let one go in the stall would have turned Mr Peruvian on even further. That and the undies!

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  10. If anyone can pull of the swim suit over underwear, it's you!

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  11. Too, Too FUNNY! I was waiting to hear what all the gals thought about your suit over your underwear AND seeing you take a picture of it!!!

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  12. Good heavens that pic of you and your panties/bathing suit get-up is too funny! And I absolutely need one of those little kits for my dog. Great post.

    I fall into the poor grad student category, but someday hope to become a clothes whore.

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  13. You are a riot.

    BTW: Check out my blog for a cool giveaway!

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  14. So Funny!! I was laughing out loud reading that. I totally agree, the echo is the killer!!
    I think a pink cupcake for my miniature poodle's asshole would be perfect!!!

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  15. omg...no more brown eye!! Hey, maybe you can use one of those as a fart muffler in the bathroom :P

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  16. OMG. You are f.r.i.g.g.i.n. hilarious! I love your blog!

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  17. I'm poor, have holes in my running clothes, just like freebies, AND a running clothes whore. I think that mandates me as winner??!! :)

    Gotta love the swim attire, you rock!! I was in the hot tub the other day and the same 64 Peruvian was letting out gas bubbles from his suit. I exited quickly, too.

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  18. I totally farted while reading this post....or I think I should say "larted" right??!!!

    I have two cats, I could totally use the "sphincter covers" for them!

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  19. You are so hilarious and I love reading your posts! No matter how rough of a day I've had, you always seem to make me crack up laughing...so thanks!

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  20. Sister, you can rock anything you wear. Yes, even a bathingsuit with underwear...tone it down, baby, my husband reads this blog too!!!! JK.

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  21. When I was younger, I used to hate using public restrooms because of the pee echo and the fear of the fart echo. Now I just have no shame. Your post cracked me up remembering how I used to try to pee quiet to avoid the echo! (Maybe I shouldn't be disclosing my irrational fears like this . . . )

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  22. No more brown eye ... *loves it!*

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  23. Oh my! Oh my! You are so funny. I am spitting coffee all over my screen this morning. I have a serious dislike for public restrooms for the echoes. Although, I love the places that play music in the restrooms.

    I fall into the running clothes whore category. Although, I only have a limited amount of sports bras b/c I would rather look good on the outside. :) I run races just for the shirts!

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  24. Why is there a picture of an alien on your blog?

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  25. Geez that was funny...laughed out loud this morning! ...you are the only one I know who not only gets away with so much crap talk but is encouraged by us, to give us more :)

    Total running clothes whore here...

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  26. Too funny, all around. I want the rear gear for my cats. They are shameless, constantly licking themselves in front of my guests. Jerks.

    random.org is a great site for the random # generation deal. Or you can just pick me :)

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  27. Hilarious post! Go to random.org for the random number generator.

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  28. I'm poor and a running clothes whore!

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  29. I love that you say everything you all know we're thinking!! Love reading your entries.

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  30. For future reference, if you farted in the hot tub, it's called a burt.

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  31. Things that are great:

    1) that photo
    2) thinking about you in a stall with a microphone (I know it only sounded that way...but picturing you with a microphone is funny)
    3) Rear gear
    4) Your response to creepy Peruvian man (though I do feel bad for my dad getting shot down all the time like that...)

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  32. The only think I hate about reading hilarious posts such as this is that the coworker I share an office with probably thinks I'm a total nut!! Thanks for the lunch time laughs.

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  33. I am laughing out loud right now. I'm usually the one in the next stall over unable to contain my laughter. I think farts are funny. :o)

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  34. HO-LEE-CRAP.
    Totally understand the farting in the pool locker room stall. It happened a lot during swim team days! Not to me, of course. Ok, maybe once or twice. ;)
    Where in the world did your hubby find that Rear Gear??? Hilarious!

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  35. O MY!! That's some funny shiz right there. My gym bathroom has those sensor things that flush for you. And when it flushes it sounds like Niagra freakin Falls. Somehow it always goes off early and leaves 1 stranded turd. WTF?

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  36. Bwahahahahaha. Best.picture.ever. (you, not the cat brown-eye hider. Gross)

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  37. oh my gosh that is the funniest thing!! my husband always lifts my cats tail to show me her butt hole and it grosses me out. i need to get one of these!

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  38. Makes me glad I don't have pets. Fish don't really count as pets, right?

    Hawtness in that bathing suit, chica :D

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  39. OMG! Lovin the "Rear Gear" I have always thought animals needed to be more modest about their assholes!

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