Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Brotherly Love

Man, you guys love to talk some poop. I adore that about you. Each and every 47 of you who left a turd related comment.

In real life, I love how everyone shies away from the subject.

"Oh, that Beth," you croon. "She is so crude. Oh, excuse me for a moment while I use the ladies' room," you say to your girlfriends while sipping mimosas and eating crust less cucumber sandwiches. You gingerly walk into the door labeled "women," crouch down to see if there are any telltale feet under the stalls, and finding that it is all clear, you sit down and oh-so-ladylike on the white porcelain and let a big, fat one rip. The rip is followed by the turd the size of Detroit (although it may smell better). You take your time cleaning up, wash your hands, fluff your hair and head back to the luncheon, making no mention of the friend you left behind.

I think one of the reasons I'm so open about the poop/fart factor is that I've had a number of experiences that have left me with absolutely no shame in this department. My brother, who is three years older, has told me for as long as I can remember that when I was 18 months he came in one day during my nap and found me "rolling around with my poop in the crib." He told me this pretty much every week of my life. My question: what the hell was he doing in my room during my nap?? Can't a girl get some privacy?

It used to seem so disgusting, that someone, even a baby would do such a thing. Big brother made me feel like a freak for doing it. What I came to understand, however, is that once you have kids it is a free for all. Kids do the worst things, especially in their cribs. They take off diapers, smear things, eat things, smell things, make castles with things. So big eff'ing deal that I rolled around with some poop. A friend of mine has a daughter who at the age of two took off her diaper while napping. My friend went in and noticed her daughter was eating something. Turns out she had found a piece of corn. Yep, we all know that particular vegetable doesn't digest well.

So, if my older brother is reading this: You gave me a complex for no good reason at all. Manhandling poop when you're a toddler is commonplace. I think you were the weirdo for not doing it. And I won't even tell everyone about the time you told your health teacher you were getting breasts.



(See - I hard runner's legs even back then. My eyes are closed because I'm obviously re-living the time in my crib with my friend, poop)

This was just the tip of my poop iceberg. I have had several public moments of embarrassment around this subject that I would like to share with you, but that's for another day.

Yeah, you're right. This post has nothing to do with running. We talk too much about running anyway. Just like we take rest days from running, we take rest days from blogging about running. Although if you really think about it, running and pooping go hand in hand. So, I take that back. This post has everything to do with running.

30 comments:

  1. I love poop posts. I come from a long line of poop talkers; we sit around and talk about it at thanksgiving. It's the highlight of the dinner actually. So I love it when you talk poop......bring on the poop iceberg baby.

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  2. Farts and poop are a top conversation subjects in my household. My son proudly announces that he makes rocks and wants us to see it. Oh, and I am known to pee or poop on a run; i try to bring toilet paper, but sometimes leaves just have to do the job!

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  3. your poop posts make for a good laugh. i love reading your blog- no matter what, always puts a smile on my face! you rock!

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  4. I am the mother to 4 boys. I am no longer squeamish. ever. I love your candor and your readers too!

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  5. With three boys in my house (husband, 4yr. old, and 2yr. old) poop and farts are so commonplace. What's funny though is that my 4yr. old is at the age where poop humor is just absolutely hilarious to him and I love it! Oh to be a kid again!

    Oh..and although I wasn't one of the 47 that left you a poop comment, believe me, I have had my fair share of poop stories while out on runs!

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  6. My kiddos (and myself) have always been a little on the constipated side so I don't have a lot of poop stories. My kids always did gross things with vomit, something I try really hard to avoid while running.

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  7. Love my brothers too.

    My daughter had that incident in her crib too. It was everywhere. She really enjoyed painting with it.

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  8. People willingly dive in to poop to win Super Bowl tickets. Are you going to the Super Bowl this year?

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  9. LOVE IT. It's all part of life, right? I don't have any good poop stories from when I was a baby because apparently, I was one constipated kiddo. My mom said she and my dad used to wait with bated breath for some action in my diaper. Thanfully I am much more regular now, in case you were wondering.

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  10. I may or may not have had to poop like a bear in the woods on a recent long run.

    They have actually changed the question to "Does a B.o.B. poop in the wood?"

    You are freakin' hilarious. And the corn story made me vomit in my mouth a little. I know you appreciate that. :)

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  11. The corn story was a bit over the top - thanks for sharing. *Note to self, do not feed my future kids corn until they are pooping in the toilet on their own and whiping their own butts! LOL!
    I love talking poop here- I feel so free! If nothing else, we are united by our running and our runner's trots! Happy Thursday!

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  12. i'm known among my running friends by my poop stories/mishaps...and i love it! nothing to be ashamed of! everybody poops!

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  13. OMG your childhood picture is TOOO cute! Funny how we posted pictures of ourselves with our brothers on the same day! Big Brothers can be so cruel! :-) Mine used to pin me down sit on me and make me recite all the band members names of Van Halen (from the Sammy days AND the David days). :-)

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  14. Atta girl Beth! That was THE best post I have read in a week. Of course the "Bathroom Tip Jar" comes in a real close second...

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  15. Absolutely love it! Keep the posts coming whether about running or poop. They are hilarious!

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  16. "tip of my poop iceberg" -- I'm stealing this.

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  17. Poop on!
    Hey what's that trophy on the mantle above you? Does talent run in your family?

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  18. I have a friend who's baby took off their diaper during their nap and smeared their poop all over the wall. So, no, you are not alone!

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  19. I have never enjoyed poop so much. You are hilarious!

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  20. I could go for a poop right now... Crap, I didn't want to post again about poop. Shit! Did I just use 3 different versions of poop in this comment? (poop, crap, shit.... yup.. bummer)

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  21. Ha ha. I love that story about your brother :)

    I wish I had more people to talk to poop about. I can with my grandma! My husband was so disgusted, but I enjoyed the conversation.

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  22. I just found your blog. It is almost 2:30 in the morning and I couldn't sleep, but I am sitting here trying not to scream with laughter and wake up my family. I might have cried a little.

    Man, I love me a good poop story.

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