Friday, March 19, 2010

Free Ball

Running tip: Avoid carrying loose change. It will annoy those running with you.

Well, shit. I just cannot pull one over on you guys. I apparently had two faux pas (pauses?) in my last post.

First of all, I told you about Devon from Outside PR who so graciously sent me the Ryders Eyewear to review. I eloquently described Devon as being a cute guy, but this was just in my imagination. Imagine my surprise when Devon emailed me to let me know she was a she. Vagina and all. Well, she didn’t say that, but I did. Sorry, Devon. Those names that could go either way really mess me up (Pat, Morgan, Drew, Yanni). I never should have assumed. Ass out of U and Me. Right?

Secondly, Paul from PB Down Under was kind enough to leave me this comment on my last post when I spoke of "wetting whetting your pallet":

What a giggle you have given me when you say something like "wet your pallet." ROTFL :-) Maybe you think we are all truckers and have piles of these things (pallets) lying around?? Methinks your fingers meant to type "palate!" Blame it on the finger with the cut who was probably just trying to get you back for attempting to chop her off!

Well, Paul, let me tell you something. I actually was talking about a trucker’s pallet. How did you know? I was hoping that we could all take a moment to rinse off and hose down those pallets we have laying around. Did you think I meant “palate?” (The roof of the mouth in vertebrates having a complete or partial separation of the oral and nasal cavities). As in a cleft palate? Oh no, my friend.

And if you believe that then you’ll believe I meant to say "Chopin was a concert penis" not a "concert pianist."

Seriously, though, thanks for the comment. You guys always make me laugh. I read each and everyone one of them.

Despite all of my shortcomings (and there are too many of them to ever confine to this blog), someone out there loved me yesterday.

Let me set the stage for you. I had just finished an 8.5 mile run, rinsed off, and decided to hit the Starbuck’s drive-thru before running a few mom-errands. I was not wearing mom jeans or listening to mom music (Kenny Rogers, Billy Joel) when I did this. The line at the drive thru was long, but I was in no hurry. I passed the time listening to Dr. Laura berate someone for the 201st time about the fact that they lived with their boyfriend (I think “whore” was the word she used). I finally ordered my grande mild coffee with extra cream (right to my colon), and inched my way to the pay window. I had my $2 out and ready to go. Rolling my window down as I approached the cashier I heard her say, “You’re all taken care of. The car in front of you paid for your drink.” Damn, I love this pay it forward stuff. And, damn, if I would have known I would have gotten a triple venti extra large mocha with gold shavings.

Seriously, thanks to that anonymous soul. I tried to chase him/her down flailing my money at their car so I wouldn’t feel so indebted to the universe, but he/she had disappeared into the mess of side streets and box stores.

This has been happening to me all over the place. First the guy at the Chelsea Handler show buying me drinks. Then my massage therapist gave me a free massage the other day because I lended an ear to listen to some of her personal problems. Now, the free coffee. What is this world coming to? Who do these generous people think they are? And, who of you, and I mean who of you is going to pay my mortgage this month?

Wish me luck on my 20 miler this weekend. I had it all mapped out on back dirt roads until we got major snow today. Now what’s a girl to do? Will she ice bath or won't she ice bath? Will she wear any clothes this time, or will she free ball? (What is the female equivalent of "free ball" anyway? Loose lip? Feel free to comment about that one).

Misszippy is doing a great giveaway on her blog for the new book Run Like a Mother that comes out 3/23. Also on her blog is an interview with the author.

Drinking: H20

48 comments:

  1. too funny :)

    good luck this weekend!

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  2. You made me second guess myself with Devon, I could have swore she was a girl but then I thought maybe I just assumed she was a girl. Thanks for at least setting me straight after thoroughly confusing me. :)

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  3. Loose lip????!?!?!

    I just spit wine all over my laptop on that one!

    Oh and isn't it 'whet your palate' instead of wet?? (Nevermind, I just googled it and it's both...the English language is so stupid.)

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  4. great post. I'm too brain dead to have a witty comment about it at the moment, but had to give ya props for it;-)

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  5. Lol! I was going to comment that it's "whet" as well. :o)

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  6. Too funny - as always - laughing and reading your blog go hand in hand. Good luck with the run tomorrow - snow snow go away - and return next year in full force. I love snow -but am so ready for nice weather.

    I enjoyed a 5 mile run with my dog this morning - first time I didn't wear a jacket - it was great. Temp was 50 . . . it is now 31 and drizzling and we are expecting snow showers this evening.

    Have a GREAT run!!!

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  7. Follower #400 here!

    I am a new runner and a new reader of your blog -- stumbled upon it recently...added it to my reader but forgot to follow here...SO, consider yourself officially followed by me now! I love the blog, thanks!

    Sandy (I'm a girl. Not a boy. Or a Dog. The name can be ambiguous, so I wanted to clarify...what with the whole Devon debacle and all).

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  8. hope its sunny on your 20 miler. i can't wait for a more complete review of your new glasses!!!

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  9. wow that is awesome about someone paying for your coffee. i've been trying to do the pay-it-forward stuff with driving, like letting others makes turns or pull out into traffic. soooo not new england of me hahah!

    good luck with your 20 miler. youre going to rock it :)

    oh and i don't think it's "wet" it's "whet" like some other comments have said :P

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  10. Our local radio station has been doing a campaign for quite some time called "The Drive-Thru Difference." On Fridays you are encouraged to pay for the car behind you at whatever drive-thru and pass them a little note of encouragement. It's all about loving your neighbor - expecting nothing in return - as a symbol of Christ's love for us and God's unmerited grace. I have done this and loved it! I think it is a great idea! And it is fun to hear the stories of the people who call in to the radio station to relate their experiences on either end. Sounds like it has made it's way to CO. :)

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  11. Good luck on your 20 miles...and if you do ice bath...remember to get used to the cold water first :) Loose lip!?!?! hahahahahahahaha

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  12. How sweet of that person to pay for you at the drive thru! Someone once did that for me, so I decided to pay for the car behind me. Unfortunately, my drink would have only been $3.00 and the car behind me that I paid for was like $15.00. :( But at that point I would have felt too cheap to be like "$15?? Forget about that!"
    And I think it should definitely be loose lips. :)

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  13. "Loose lips sink ships" has an entirely new meaning now!

    Have a nice 20 miler. Hopefully you won't sink too many ships on your run. That would be a fun run, though!

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  14. I love that you thought Devon was a hot, sexy guy. And fair enough too - Devon seems to be a gender-neutral name. Reminded me of the year that I thought my Scottish penpal was a boy - not because of her name, Gillian which is patently female - but because she'd ticked the male box on the form. I just thought that the Scots had weird names for boys and decided, in my pre-pubescent fantasy world, that haveing a male Scottish penpal was akin to having a boyfriend. I wa gutted when I found out the truth.

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  15. Free coffee? Deal of the century!

    Good luck on the 20-miler :-)

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  16. Your blog cracks me up!! See what happens when you're a great person, you get all this free stuff!

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  17. I say since you make us all laugh constantly , you are getting paid back in generosity! Seriously your blog, I was talking about "you" to some of my besties today like I knew you personally....I was trying to give them your Ice bath bleeeeeepppp it just was not as funny!

    Good luck this weekend... you will bleeeeping rock it!

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  18. Yay to free coffee. Aren't you lucky?

    I believe, in Dr. Laura's words, it is "shack up honey" and "unpaid whore."

    I will be doing my first 8-miler this weekend. And I am thinking I might ease myself into a cool-to-semi cold bath after that. Thanks to the many comments on your ice bath video. I think I learned a trick or two.

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  19. I love reading your blogs...I'm laughing out loud! I'm a massage therapist too and lately I have had a lot of running clients and I always tell them they MUST read your blog!

    Keep the laughs coming!

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  20. Pay it forward? What a cool idea! It almost makes me want to take up drinking coffee or tea. Almost....

    Good luck with your run this weekend.

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  21. Ha ha..you are so funny!!

    Ughh..doesn't this snow suck! I was going to do a long run tomorrow too, but I don't know if I'll be able to w/ the snow we've got. I think I'll wait until Sunday when it's 50 (wishful thinking!) Are you still going to run 20 miles tomorrow? Good luck with that if you do! I guess you're more committed then me! :)

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  22. Just so there's no confusion, I'm a girl.

    Moving on...

    Love random acts of kindness like that! Pay it forward girl!

    Good luck on the 20 miler! Go kick it's ass!

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  23. Free Ball = Loose Lip....you should TM that one! I hear ya about where to run. I've got 14 and was going to run the backroads around Union Resevoir, but not now. It's just gonna be too mushy. Gotta find pavement. Good luck! Oh yea, skip the Starbucks and go to the new drive thru Ziggi's opened this week on 17th/Hover. Support local business!

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  24. I am reading your blog for the first time... HILARIOUS! I am following forever now, this just made my day times ten! I am laughing so hard, i love your sense of humor, your honestly, Love love love it! cant wait for more!

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  25. I'm at work on a Saturday morning, attempting to get people's tax's done so I have no whitty comment for you this morning, only a thank you for the laugh - I really needed that :)
    Good luck on the 20 miler, run fast, run strong and enjoy it!

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  26. Ugh sorry you didn't get that 20 in before the snow. Now it'll have to be ice lip I guess.

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  27. I know I can count on this blog to make me laugh, no matter what!
    Good luck on the 20 miler and enjoy that ice bath!

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  28. I have no words... really.

    that loose lip comment made me pee my pants!!

    I'm sure someone beat me to it but I'm going to be a follower...cus I Lurve ya!!

    xoxo

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  29. Hai Beth,

    Shelley directed me to your blog when I asked for great blogs to follow especially about running.

    I've read some of your posts and I like them. Look forward to following you.

    Maybe someday you've got the time to visit mine.

    Fran

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  30. LOL! Seriously, luck is already on your side and you've got all that training you've been working so hard at too. So, you don't need any luck, but it's on it's way from me to you anyway! Guess you can't have too much. Have a great weekend!

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  31. Every single time I read a blog post from you, I crack up. :P

    Good luck on your 20 mile run tomorrow! I'm planning on doing an 18 miler, but the forecast is rain. So if you could send some luck my way... ;)

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  32. you are flipping hilarious!

    hope 20 went/goes well!

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  33. I know I already commented - but I wanted to mention that I really did have a pair of jeans that looked like that. AND I wore my shirts tucked in OMG !!!!

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  34. Ok--I want some of your good vibes right now! Hope your 20 was good. I'm gonna go become number 407. I am looking for a number 100 on mine right now if you care to reciprocate! ; )

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  35. Hey--Thanks for becoming a follower! So do you still have family here? Do you ever come back this way? I run w/ the Striders if you do--you could come out and entertain us!

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  36. Here's hoping you don't freeze your loose lips off in your post-20-miler ice bath.

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  37. That is awesome about the Random Acts of Kindness! I want some of those vibes sent my way :) Have a great week, maybe someone will send you a check for the mortgage, who knows, right!?

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  38. Wow, lucky you! If you want to pay it forward, I could send you my particulars...

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  39. people think i am a boy ALL THE TIME. makes me crazy but i am used to it :) but i am sure it has happened to her more than once.

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  40. You might want to be careful with that. My old navy friend tells me that loose lips sink ships...and apparently spread syphilis. Always listen to a war vet...they're just full of wisdom. And syphilis.

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  41. Every paragraph had me laughing. Great post. All the luck in the world on your 20 miler. Can't wait to hear about it.

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  42. I can't believe you had some good Karma whilst listening to Dr. Laura...will wonders ever cease? :)

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  43. Sorry, didn't get to read this post prior to the weekend but I hope your run went well. I enjoyed the post though.

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  44. Mmmmmmmmm, Yanni. Can't you just see him licking his mustache? Ohhhh yeahhhh.

    Oh that Dr Laura just won't quit. She is helping us all with the Whores (mostly, pointing me in the direction where they congregate).

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