Before I move into the trials and tribulations of today (trust me, it’s worth the wait), have you discovered the new SIGG personalized water bottles? Cafe Press offered to let me create one* and here’s what I came away with:
Pretty cool, eh? Yes, that’s me. Yes, it says “Shut Up and Run.” Yes, the real product is crystal clear and not blurry. You can find millions of personalized water bottles, cool aprons and posters at CafePress – for any topic, interest or brand! (Plus you can get 20% off for Labor Day).
Now for the day. I don’t know what the hell’s going on. It could be all that pea-sniffin”:
Or the new bone in my mouth.
Or the drugs from the surgery.
Or the fact that I’ve slept sitting up the past two nights.
Or not having run for three, yes, three days.
In any event, it’s been a weird day.
First of all, I went to Costco with my slippers on. Didn’t know it until I got there. At least they’re the kind all the cool kids are wearing:
On the way to Costco I got pulled over. I was innocently returning some trail shoes to Runner’s Roost. I had parked the car when Mr. Officer approached and asked me to get back in the car. I guess they don’t like talking to you casually outside of your car. You might be a 110 pound girl who just had gum surgery. You might jump him, then he’d have to restrain you and worry about a lawsuit.
He says, “I didn’t turn on my lights and siren. I didn't want to embarrass you in front of all of these people.” (I had just parked in front of a Starbucks. He clearly doesn’t know I’m used to embarrassing myself in front of large groups of people). Then he told me I made an illegal u-turn. I told him I never saw the sign. I really didn’t. He gave me a warning. He shook his finger at me and said, “I’m warning you!” Hahhaha (I make myself laugh).
I do get lucky a lot on the road (no, not in that sense). I am a chronic speedster. I always get warnings, no tickets. Great, now that I said that we all know what’s going to happen tomorrow.
My mom and dad, who were in the car, said, “He was the nicest officer!! You should email the department and compliment him. He probably just thought you were cute that’s why he didn’t ticket you.” Thanks Pops. Your parents always think you’re cuter than the rest of the world. Any other 43 year olds go to Costco with their parents? You should try it. We have a good time especially when my dad hides the cart and I walk around carrying 49 rolls of toilet paper. Seriously, everyone should be lucky enough to have parents like mine.
At Costco I bought these Halloween nightlights (cue the crickets):
Do you ever get home from Costco and wonder why the hell you bought something? In the moment I just needed that 95 lb bag of cheese curls and that 40 oz container of Pepto. Halloween nightlights? Really?
Lastly, when I got home from this exciting outing, I made a sandwich. Perfection. Turkey on whole wheat with swiss, mayo, lettuce, tomato. On a new plate.
Only I forgot I can’t eat it. I can’t bite into things. You can see the bite mark where I tried. I’m going back to bed with my mashed potatoes.
Plus, I can’t run today. My face is swollen. If I move around too much my head starts pounding and my mouth aches. I’m not even sure I’ll be able to do my long run this weekend. Gasp. I guess that means more Wendy Williams and TMZ in my future.
Never fear. Next week I will rev back up! My marathon training won’t know what hit it. In the meantime I will not stress about not running. I will not try to figure out how to make up for lost miles. I will not run in place while watching Wendy Williams. I will not call the race director and ask him/her to move the race ahead a couple of weeks so I will be ready. I will not obsess.
I’m not sure what Labor Day is, but it means long weekend.
(Kidding. I know what it is. I was in labor once. Or twice. It’s nice they have a holiday for women like me).
*Fine Print: Cafe Press gave me this water bottle free of charge.