Thursday, September 30, 2010

A First For Me

I discovered a new thing I love about running today. It is a sport of “firsts.” As in:

  • First time you crap your pants on a long run or in a race. It doesn’t have to be a full on explosion, even a squirt qualifies. If you keep running long enough, this is bound to happen. Oh, you think you’re better than that? Just you wait, crappy pants.
  • The first time you hit the wall in a race. Bye bye glycogen. Not a good feeling.
  • The first time you cross the finish line of a marathon. No words to describe that one.
  • The first time your iPod dies when you were really counting on it (Emz a couple weeks ago)
  • The first time you fart really loud in your running group (or at a bar – Jamoosh)
  • The first time you cry or sob either out of pain or because of the emotion of being almost to the finish line.
  • The first time you chafe in places the sun don’t shine

This was my first today.

I got my FIRE back today. I wanted to run seven miles fast. I had to get to the dentist and only had a certain amount of time after dropping off kids at school and my appointment (plus, I needed time to go home and floss prior so I could pretend that I floss regularly. I’m sure I pull nothing over on the dentist). I didn't have an exact pace in mind, but I wanted it to be significantly faster than marathon pace (dream MP = 8:20). 

I killed it. Overall pace was 8:02 for the seven miles (with miles 5 & 6 at 7:41 – oh yeah!).

However….when I got to the half way mark, I took a few swigs of Cytomax, as I had been doing for the first 3.5 miles. I felt fine. No tummy trouble. No queasiness. I was moderately tired, but nothing to write home about. Not one minute after I made the turn for home I threw up in my mouth! Significantly. No freaking joke. This has never happened to me on a run, even one involving intervals.

Totally in shock from the fluid coming up from my throat, I exclaimed “Shit!” (kind of garbled) and proceeded to gasp and choke and cough (but kept running, hard core I tell you). I swallowed it back down (hard core) because it never occurred to me to spit. I was in shock.

Guys, I told you yesterday, I have a vomit phobia. That means I NEVER throw up. I haven't had the stomach flu since 1988. I think the last time I legitimately threw up was in Vegas two years ago after a dirty martini the size of the Situation’s head.  I had to dissociate from my body because I cannot look at myself or stand myself if I’m vomiting. Good news is I could never be bulimic.

Anyway, this was a startling first for me. Exertion does the weirdest things to your body. I’ve adjusted to the poop thing on runs. But, this puke business better not become a habit. It would be like Phil smelling paint on Modern Family last night. Not attractive.

What’s a first for you while running? Don’t be embarrassed.

PS: I am edging towards 800 of you fancy followers…who are the 4 of you who are going to get me there???

45 comments:

  1. I haven't been running all that long, but I've still managed to do most of those already. iPod death during my first 20-miler was awful. But the first time I crapped my pants? My husband still makes fun of me...

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  2. That sinking feeling the first time you know a PR is out of reach. I'm not refering to the wall, but at that point in the run, usually Mile 23 or 24, when you know you need to go faster, but it's just not in you.

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  3. Yep... I've done the squirt. Bad thing was we were meeting the men folk and kids for breakfast at a RESTAURANT right after!!! I had to use baby wipes out side in a secluded spot off the street (think alley way) and then when we were able to go in, "rinsed" my short in the bathroom stall.... horrible I tell you!! (I can't believe I just shared that in public)

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  4. Almost 800 followers?? Hot damn, look at you! Nice! I'd make up random names if I could to get you there but they'd be unoriginal and stupid like "Gretchen Spandex" and "Ilean Dover".

    Your vomit phobia is just like my loogie phobia (is there a fancy name for that?). If someone within earshot hawks a loogie, I throw up. Never fails. In college I accidentally got some snot in the back of my mouth after blowing my nose. I threw up in my kitchen sink in front of my new boyfriend. Awesome.

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  5. I didn't crap my pants but I did pee them. We have a small little run in our town called the downtown mile and it is exactly that, a mile that you run balls to the wall (so to speak I don't have them but I hear that's what happens). I took off as fast as I could and 1/2 way through I felt a warm wet feeling below the waist but just kept running. With every stride more pee flowed. I tried my hardest to clench and stop it but those muscles just weren't having any of that (damn kids, ruined me for life). Got across the finish line at my fastest mile time EVER and hide behind some friends while they handed out awards. Never mind the race is in December and it was FREEZING out. So there I stood with wet, freezing pee pants in December. That pretty much sucked!

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  6. Oh Jamoosh I am so dreading that sinking feeling!
    Knock wood, I haven't had the displeasure of a poop event. Now if you wanna know about pee we can talk.

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  7. Can I follow you again?

    Crapping - yeah, a little but nobody really knows about it, till now that is.

    Peeing - OK, guilty here also.

    Puking - not yet.

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  8. I HATE Puking and it's the one thing I am most afraid of and would much rather crap my pants than vomit.

    I am proud to announce I had my first gas cramps during my morning run this morning and all due to the double sized bowl of fiber rich cereal I had before bed last night. I did make it home in time though as I had no intention doing natures duty in the woods as it was still pitch black out and had no toilet paper anyhow.

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  9. YAY getting the FIRE back! i don't think i've vomited while running before but i know i sure have wanted to at time on a run or during a tough workout or race!

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  10. 801! Woohoo!!!

    OMG this happened to me a couple weeks ago during 800's. Somehow I forgot about it... must have blocked it out. I, also, did not think to spit. Blech!

    Another first? Attempting a snot rocket and getting it all over the side of your face. That definitely did not happen to me this morning... :S

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  11. I do the same thing with the dentist - I floss for a good couple of days before though, too - you should try it ;)

    Back when I was using energy gels and gatorade or heed, I was puking all the time on runs. Stupid me, it took over 3 years of running to figure out my stomach did not like that stuff. I had a race earlie this year where I literally puked mile after mile 6 of a half - and like you, still did pretty kick ass ;)
    I'm a sympathy puker - if I see you puke, I'm going down with ya!
    Nice job on the run!

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  12. I puked in my mouth running intervals earlier this summer. BLECH! Although how about the sick part of myself that said "yeah...I really pushed it to the max" HAHA! This should not be a badge of honor!

    Gotta LOVE the flossing right before the dental appointment thing...I SO do that. I actually just rescheduled my dentist appt today and though "yeah 11 more days to start flossing more" (Yeah RIGHT)

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  13. That IS hard core. My "first" when I couldn't contain my pee during a race, and once it started, I figured I was sweaty enough no one would notice, so I just let it go... but as the urine was literally flying off my thighs as I ran. But it was funny how little I cared and just wanted to finish.

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  14. Pooping, peeing, puking...done it all. And we keep going back for more!

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  15. Ahhh, the Cytomax-flavored vurp. My favorite. :)

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  16. Haven't pooped my pants but I have gone in the middle of a school playground......... Poor kids that came across that pile!!!!!

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  17. Oh the firsts. The first time I chafed. The first time I had to find a porta potty RIGHT THIS MINUTE. The first time I got so totally overwhelmed by the emotion of the finish line (my first marathon) that I sobbed.

    My favorite though? The first time I though I was being charged by a deer, screamed, then realized it was a man running full speed through his hedges and onto the bike path.

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  18. I can't believe you went there.
    If that's what happens when you speed up, then I have to either stop running or slow down.
    Damn!

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  19. yep, youre hardcore

    (and I seriously had no idea I had "crapping my pants" to look forward to)

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  20. mine was just last month at the disneyland half marathon. first time for me to feel cramps on my legs. seriously! and it was just a few meters from the finish line! =/

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  21. Woohoo on your super fast pace! Boo on puking! Yuck! I seriously hate puking too..it's just so gross!
    Sorry, I'm lame and can't think of any "firsts" right now!

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  22. I hadn't crapped my pants until I started following this blog. Does that count?

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  23. I hate wet shoes - but it happens.

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  24. I thought I was the only "pretend floss-er" out there. My lady actually called me out. "You know you have to floss daily not just before you come here?" WHAT THE.....

    just curious - is James saying he pees in his shoes?!

    Getting T.H.O on just one boob so you have to squeeze the other one so you don't look like one doesn't own a "headlight".

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  25. I am following you ;) follow me ;))

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  26. You are a girl after my own heart! I can't tell my 'crappy' running stories to my friends (who are basically all non-runners) cuz they think I am disgusting. Here's my latest for you: just after the 1st mile of my run yesterday, I felt that familiar knocking at the back door . . . not sure if it was gas, I tried to release a bit. Not gas, but an official squirt. So, I did the 4year old potty shuffle with hands holding front and back until I could cut thru a few back yards to get to the nearby parks portapotty. I just made it in time, only to have my explosive release bounce off the nearly-full contents of the portapotty and splash up on me. The slime even hit my shirt over my right ribcage . . . yuk! Covered in my own crap, what do you think I did? Yup, finished my 4-mile run. Sure hope this doesn't happen at the Twin Cities Marathon this weekend or those behind me are in for a real treat! Thanks for providing a safe forum to laugh about our runners' ailments!!

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  27. I ran my first 10k this past weekend and my mom came to support me and as I ran thru the finish line I saw her and she was so proud and it was the first time that I teared up at the end of a race

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  28. I threw up on a run for the first time 2 weeks ago. But I did not swallow... dear God, how did you do that? I think that would have made me puke even more! I think I am puke prone, though. There are times at the end of the run when I want to cough but I am afraid I will puke and I don't want to be the girl puking on the running path. At least you can crap your pants sort of discretely. There is no way to discretely vomit.

    And can I say how impressed I am that you haven't had the stomach flu since 1988? wow. I used to have a major vomit phobia. Then I went to college and realized that it takes like little to no liquor for me to throw up... so I got over that little phobia rather quickly. I still f'ing hate it, but not as much as I used...

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  29. jeesh that's nasty lol... and i know from experience... my experience was just like yours except a few weird puckering the mouth faces were added lol ;)

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  30. YUCK..I can't remember the last time I threw up..

    Look at you.. 804 followers! ( :

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  31. I just started running this spring....oh I clearly have so many firsts to look forward to! LOL!

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  32. I pooped my pant during the Houston Marathon in 2004, and I puked after some hill work last year. Neither a first, but both a first during a run

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  33. you are so funny. i cant stop my laughing to even think about anything you said. the end.

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  34. Wow! That is hard core. A first for me was actually this past weekend durning SNER double marathon. It was my first drop at mile 47, first time I had to sit on the trail, first time getting chaffed so bad where the sun does not shine, and first time I cried on the trail. But what a journey and I still have a smile on my face.

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  35. I rememebr the first time I threw up in my mouth. I was a kid getting ready to go snowboarding for the first time. I was so nervous!

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  36. Ok, this story is not to be made public!

    I was a sophomore in High School and I was on the football team, but the coach decided to give some freshman a chance the next day without telling the rest of the team. So some freshman took us all out the night before to the local Lion's Club fair, we ate a lot of firehall chilly, and we got drunk on half a bottle of sneeked beer or something and then we slept really poorly. Oh and "Melissa" was there - not her real name, but main crush in High School - so had to show off with the beer.

    Ok, next day. Coach says we are going to have tryouts to get some freshman on the team. WHAT!
    Then the coach says, I've locked 15 players that are keepers but 12 of you will be put into the pool with the freshman and I'm going to pick the best to fill the last 12 spots.

    So I tackle-dummy my a$$ off, I sprint my a$$ off, I side-step my a$$ off, I run 54-left my a$$ off (I hated that play - I was the lead tackle going through the line on that one) ... and the freshman are beating my a$$ everywhere!

    So we're nearly done and I really need to crack one! Like I have so much pressure inside ... if one more person runs into me the guy in the back is going to be brown-faced. So I get in a little position and let a little gas out. But immediately I know, somebody just squeezed something out of the toothpaste tube!

    So the rest of the practice, I'm thinking of what's down there - and if anyone can smell it. We go to the change room and I go to the can right away! I check it out - yup ... racing stripe. The big problem is that it went right through and stained the exercise uniform. I took the undies off and shoved them deep into the garbage bin, and put my uniform back on.

    Ah and I did my laundry the first time that night.

    Months later, my Mom asked me if I lost a pair of shorts somewhere.

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  37. sadly I have nutrition issues and have had my fair share of puking during races...nothing like puking off the side of a road with 100s of people around.

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  38. Andrew - I hope you never run for public office! But this story just makes me like you even more...please don't tell me the uniform was white.

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  39. yeah, i've puked in my mouth before. just a couple of weeks ago i burped up a carrot(that really should have been chewed better, oops!) Wow, i can't wait to crap myself, thanks

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  40. A runner should never trust a fart.

    Dana

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  41. The practice uniforms were white and I was on the locked list so I didn't have to try at all!

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  42. I have yet to crap my pants while running, but I have puked in my mouth. This week, I had my first "I can run FAST" epiphany. I ran two, 1-mile repeats in 7:20 pace. For this marathon cycle, I'm working up to five, 1-mile repeats at 7:10 pace and a tempo run of 5 miles at 7:45 pace. Those workouts terrify me.

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  43. I have never thrown up while running. Maybe I probably don't push myself hard enough - oh well.

    Maybe you were thinking about the puking on BL and just couldn't get it out of your mind. Self fulfilling prophecy.

    Re. BL - I really don't need to see someone puking to know that they puked. Nor do I need to see a big gop of snot running out of someones nose. I think I am done watching that show. Yeah!!!

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  44. Wow, I honestly have NEVER done that before. I've been close (I think) but have yet to break the seal.

    I feel like there is a sienfield episode floating around in that somewhere.

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