Friday, June 1, 2012

Free Nipple Massages

I am not racing this weekend. There, I said it. And, after just finishing a 10 mile run where I nearly crapped myself a few times, I think it was the right choice. I also think it was a good decision because:

  • If I did the race, I would push it. I would RACE, not use it is as a training exercise. I might jeopardize my healing. Don’t I sound reasonable?
  • I want to save myself for next weekend’s Turkey Track trail half marathon, just like I saved myself for marriage (or not).
  • I am hoping to do several races this summer, and want to conserve a bit for those.

Your feedback on my dilemma was very helpful. I love this community because we don’t mess with each other. We don’t tell each other what we think the other wants to hear. Friends do this for one another. You all were the straws that broke the camel’s back and made me see the light. Hallelujah!

For those who thought I already had made the decision to race and just wanted t put it out there for “acceptance and confirmation”, you don’t know me very well. I don’t play games. When I ask for guidance, I mean it and I am open to it. I wouldn’t ask if my mind was already made up. Who has time for that?

So, Sunday morning will find me cheering on Ken as he competes. Mimosas, cowbells, obnoxious signs. I’m all over it. Next weekend will be my turn.


Like I said, 10 miles this morning was a bit rough. I really wanted to be out there, but at the same time my head wasn’t especially in the game. Plus, my gut was giving me issues. I finally stopped at a pit toilet. What I thought would be a load was just a bunch of loud gas. It was entertaining because there were some great acoustics in that small bathroom. It does not take much to make me happy.

Am I the only one who thinks that something or someone is living inside the pit toilet? Freaks me out every.single.time. I think I’ve seen too many movies.


Remember this picture from my trip to the Breckenridge last summer?
Someone should put a fake hand coming out of the hole.

Looking back at my week, I’ve put in some tough workouts and probably need a rest day. Tomorrow I will be at the Chi Running Workshop all day, so I will be taking (somewhat) of a break while I finally learn how to run for real.

So, here’s a question. I was listening on XM Radio (I love talk radio. I seriously live for it) about Brittany Spear’s pending stint on the X Factor as a judge. Apparently, she has made some demands regarding what she wants in her dressing room:

  • 34 Herve Leger dresses
  • 12 Snickers bars
  • 6 cases of Diet Coke
  • 10 bags of Doritos
  • 12 vases of magnolia blossom
  • 10 pieces of chicken
  • 4 pints of potato salad
  • Massage therapist
  • Spiritual advisor
  • Psychologist
  • Doctor

I don’t even know who or what Herve Leger is. That is why I am not cool. I will say Brittany is onto something with having a massage therapist. Happy endings all around!

What would you put in your dressing room if you were famous? I’d have to have sushi, stuff for dirty martinis, Costa Rican coffee, lots of half and half, Chipotle chicken bowls, someone to rub my feet with peppermint lotion, flip flops, a treadmill, shortbread cookies, chardonnay, Altoids and this toilet.



  1. I'm so sad that anyone with her brain can request such an odd combo of things and get them.

    Anyhow--you made the right move. It will set you up for a better experience next week. Have fun at the chi clinic--let me know what you think (your head will be spinning, but good spinning!)

  2. ... and a partridge in a pear-tree....
    All I need is my running shoes, a bottle of water. The Costa Rican coffee sounds great, too.

    Good for you for deciding to take it easy. I am doing the same and am already getting a bit nervous for skipping a race (50K). I know it's for the better, but still...

  3. This is the first time I have read your blog and I am still laughing. I look forward to more reads!

  4. This is the first time I have read your blog and I am still laughing. I look forward to more reads!

  5. Tomorrow I'm attending the chia clinic. Not nearly as beneficial as your chi clinic, but I do get to take home some really cool shrubs shaped like small dogs. Next week is the chi-huahua clinic, where I take home an actual dog shaped like a really small shrub.

  6. I'm certain giant snakes live in every pit toilet I've used.

  7. I made the tough decision not to do a race I'd hoped to do last Sunday. Temps in the 90's, and a 10 mile race the day before kept me home. When did I become an adult and make these kinds of 'wise' decisions? Blindsided me.

    My dressing room must always contain chocolate in any and all possible forms, including martinis, massage therapist, and red wine; not necessarily in that order. And when I do become famous, I will also likely demand cases of Miller Lite so it looks like I'm "keeping it real" and not being snobby. It's also good recovery carbs.

  8. I'm new to your blog as well, and enjoying it thoroughly! In my dressing room, I would have Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, a pitcher of Mojitos from Lola Coastal Mexican Restaurant in Denver, Cliff Mojo White Chocolate Macadamia bars, fresh pineapple, a Turkey and Provolone on Wheat, Food Should Taste Good Olive tortilla chips, Trader Joe's Blue Moon Coffee, a few assorted bottles of Two Buck Chuck, a cashmere throw blanket, and some down-filled booties.

  9. I ALWAYS look.

    1) When I was a kid, a little girl my age was kidnapped and harmed, and then left in a port-o-pottie. One of those deep ones, where she stood up to her neck in waste for two days before she was discovered. She survived, but I can't help but look.

    2) There was the porto-potty-peeper last year in Boulder. Remember that guy? Hid under a tarp in the pooper and looked at people peeing? Yeah, that guy.

    3) I am naturally a curious person.

  10. (I love talk radio. I seriously live for it)

    Ummmm, are we related? That's all I listen to, especially when running. Too Cool!

    Glad you took this race off, sounds like you need it! Have a great weekend!

  11. After continually re-injurring my hamstring race after race this spring, I think you are VERY smart i deciding not to....I am going to back off this silly racing for awhile and just train my tush off, which I can do much better if I am not injured...:) I hope the same for you! :)

  12. Ooh! I love this question because it's something I sometimes fantasize about. I'd have the most expensive, amazing treadmill, a bowl of fresh watermelon, starbucks coffee with steamed soy milk, cherry chocolate chip soy ice-cream, definitely a massage therapist, an acai bowl, vegan pizza, fuzzy slippers, a soft robe, someone to play with my hair and several fuzzy puppies.

  13. And nice move on not racing. You're being smart and it will pay off!

  14. I hate pit toilets. I can't keep myself from looking before I sit but then I almost barf.
    I think not racing this weekend was a good choice & your injury recovery will be better and faster.
    If I could issue a list of demands for my dressing room I would demand avocados, quinoa, sourdough bread, Cadbury mini eggs, a massage therapist, my down blanket, a stack of magazines, a treadmill, and a set of free weights in front of a big screen tv with endless episodes of Scrubs, Friends, and Arrested Development.

  15. Glad you made a smart choice regarding the race :)

    I like to think that I wouldn't want any weird, extravagant shit in my dressing room. Maybe just some water, a couple of snacks and that massage therapist. But maybe massive success WOULD go to my head? Hmmmm....

  16. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks something lives in pit toilets. Scary stuff.

  17. Pretty sure I would want the following:

    *Massage Therapist
    *Personal Trainer & Equipment
    *Starbucks Barista & Expresso Machine
    *Several Fuzzy Puppies - I think I have to copy this - this is an amazing idea!!
    *A fridge stocked with fresh & frozen fruit to make delicious smoothies
    *TV stocked with all my fave shows PVR'd
    *Super comfy bed & couch
    *Sweet potato chips
    *Dark Chocolate

    I think that's about it...

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  19. Glad you are happy with your decision. The race is always gonna be there...but it's best to save yourself to be in top form in any race you choose to run.

    I've learned from my running friends that choosing which races to run are as important as anything else about running.

    My dressing room needs are simple...I want a bubble bath at the right temperature. Food's ok, toys are ok, books/movies/music are ok - but what I *really* want is to relax by myself and hide from my 3 yr old daughter and 3 whiny cats.

  20. So glad you made the right decision. You'll completely regret it all day and likely mentally bitch about it the rest of the week, but deep in your little athletic heart you'll know it was the right thing to do!

    My room would have: Chicago Style pizza, a masseuse, unlimited LuluLemon wardrobe, chocolate (should I even have to ask?!?), and a magic clock to make time stop so I could stay in there as long as I wanted!

  21. Very smart choice!! I know how it is to watch when you want to be out there, but since it's your husband it's still fun to cheer--I'm already looking around for another race for Dan in case I don't get good news at my next PT appointment (June 12).

    I like your Brittany list much better than Brittany's (even if I think "diva" is too dignified a word for her)--the foot rub--Yes!

  22. From my girl scout days:

    Sam, Sam, the lavatory man
    chief inspector of the outhouse can
    issues the tissues and the papers and the towels,
    listens to the rumble of the human bowels.

    Deep, deep, deep beneath the ground
    all the little poopies go swimming all around
    Sam, Sam, the lavatory man
    picks them up and puts them in an old tin can.

    You're welcome!

  23. Clearly my parents were wrong when they told me that hard work and intelligence would get me ahead in life. I should have gone blonde and learned to lip-sync.

    That said... If I had made those choices and wound up with a dressing room, I'd ask for:
    - access to treadmill and a place to shower
    - a plentiful supply of coffee (I'm not even particular as long as it has caffeine)
    - a jar of peanut butter (the natural kind - no Skippy!)
    - and if they're willing to provide a massage therapist, who am i to turn that down?

  24. A doctor... to resuscitate her after she eats all those Doritos and potato salad??

    It's so hard to make the right choice for our bodies when our fragile egos are on the line. I'm glad you made the right choice for yourself and Ken's lucky to have you there to cheer him on. Hope that when you're ready to go, everything feels good and strong!

  25. Its nice to know Britney Spears is just as low class as the rest of us...oh I mean just me!

    In my dressing room would be the following...
    -Keurig Coffee Maker and 1000 K-Cups
    -Half and Half
    -Salad Bar with tons of toppings
    -Haagen Daaz Coffee Ice Cream...yummmm lots and lots of that!

  26. I don't need a dressing room if yours is near by - that sounds about right and I'll just crash yours… though I'd prefer the veggie chipotle bowl and a little cabernet instead of the chard… but everything else - spot on.

  27. how is she skinny with a million snickers bars? I need that gene.

    Glad that the honesty of the blogosphere talked you out of a runner brain decision.

  28. ok i KNOW I am gonna sound like a bitch when i say this...but if she eats all that shit in her dressing room ain't no Herve Leger dress gonna fix it. or suck it in. (He's famous for his "bandage dresses" - - and they are pricey). But i would say if you have a hot bod, you might have a chance of looking like a star in one. I thought maybe if i lost another 20 pounds and finally look like a runner instead a of a curvy girl i could pull it off. I would DEFFO need champers in my dressing room. or maybe a damn good pinot noir. Which might then lead me to habing strawberries and some fab cheese. Which means i better be running more than drinking. TO be able to fit into, say, maybe ONE herve lerger dress? But i prefer Donna Karan! oh. and a masseuse. yes. My rider calls for a masseuse.

  29. Glad you made the smart choice and decided not to run the race. With a sign like that you will bring a smile to many tired runners faces.

    I would like some lilac/roses, spicy salmon sushi, beef pho, red argentina wine, massage therapist, accupunturist, shortbread cookies with chocolate, tea with honey and milk, some work out clothes, jeans and casual clothes, vitamin supplements, a comfy bed, and bath available. As you look at your list once your seems easy how celebrities with so much power can get out of control with things they want haha.

  30. I have no idea where I would even begin. I would want some sparkling water with lime, a masseuse, fresh fruit and veggies with hummus, tea from Calistoga, and some relaxing tunes.

  31. hmmm....what I'd want in my dressing room:

    1) fresh made pico de gallo, guacamole & tortilla chips
    2) Lindt dark chocolate with sea salt
    3) Wine, both red & white - I appreciate both
    4) free weights & treadmill - so I could work at burning off all the calories from 1, 2 & 3
    5) massage therapist to help me feel better after #4
    6) hot tub that I'd use after #5 and maybe WITH #5 if he was hot.

  32. Hey, I ran the Turkey Track trail marathon last year. Easy trail for the San Juans-- but the navigation can be tricky since (last year) cows ate the ribbons marking the course! I love Pagosa Springs! Check out San Juan Sports Massage ( tell Markus that Gabrielle sent you) and the Pagosa Springs Brewing Co. ( and Kip's Grill & Cantina (live music, nice patio) and across from Kip's there is a great bakery for breakfast or a slice of pie--Pagosa Baking Company.

  33. Great decision and even better ign.

    What would I want? Hmmm... skinny margs, guac and chips, massage therapists and any friend that can be dragged out hang out with me :)

  34. So glad to see she is heating healthy. I wonder with those Doritos if she is getting all those different flavors.

    Glad you didn't race. You have bigger fish to fry in the very near future.

  35. Found your blog last night and I am reading back a bit. Love your writing style and your great tips (especially the posts on hydration and safety). I was so happy to hear someone else has the pit toilet fear - my friends and family are always laughing at my "irrational" fear. You know what did me in? That damn episode of The X Files where the half human, half swimming worm creature sucked the man down in to the depths of the port a potty. Yeah, that was enough to freak me the hell out.

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