The Best Q & A Ever

My firstborn, Sam, is 14 today. You may recall the post I devoted to him when he turned 13, HERE. If you have kids much littler than mine, I know you think they will never be 14. But, they WILL and it is freaking weird and wonderful at the same time.

Everyone thinks their kid is the cat’s meow, but Sam is the LION’S ROAR.

That was then:

And, this is now:

Words don’t often escape me, but it’s tough to do justice to someone like Sam. He is all at once witty, compassionate, crude, good humored and intelligent. Instead of trying to describe him, I asked him to answer a couple of questions, so you can get the full SAM flavor. Hot off the press:

Mom: What does being 14 mean to you?

Sam: For me, being 14 means that I get to watch TV 14 shows. Also, it means that I’m supposed to start getting really pissy (I can’t picture that happening!) That’s pretty much it.

Mom: If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

Sam: If I could change one thing about my life it would probably be that I could have more motivation to do things such as homework, practice various things, etc…

Mom: What’s it like having me (SUAR) as your mom. Be honest.

Sam: Having SUAR as a mom is cool I guess. It’s not like I read your blog or anything. You are still the same awesome mom you were before you had a blog. Just sometimes you think you’re really cool just because you’re a runner and have a blog and are sponsored by a chocolate milk company.

Mom: What is your earliest memory?

Sam: My earliest memory is coming out of your v***** and seeing you smile. Just kidding. It’s probably going to that church school daycare.

Mom: What do you hope to be doing ten years from today?

Sam: Ten years from today I’ll probably be partying with my friends in my high-rise condo, talking to Aunt Donna and throwing up from eating so much Ben and Jerry’s. Then as a present I’ll probably buy myself a cat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Better than throwing up from drinking too much.

I told you. Words can’t describe. I know you love him as much as I do. When you are in the stirrups and pushing that huge head out, you have no idea the journey that is in store for you. It has been a complete and total honor to be Sam’s mom.

Happy birthday my boy. You are priceless and amazing. I love you as a son, but I really, really like you as a person.

I’ll love you forever, I’ll like for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.

Love,

MOM

An Interview and Surprise Dinner!!

If you’re not following Leslie Rubinkowski of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette as she trains her way towards her first marathon (the Pittsburgh Marathon on May 15), you really should be. Leslie, a professor at the University of Pittsburgh, is a gifted writer and soon-to-be marathoner. She chronicles her training in a blog column of the paper called “The Starting Line.”

A few weeks ago she interviewed me, and the interview was posted today HERE. You can read what I say verbatim. And, all with no f words or poop talk. Weird, I know.

Moving on…

Thank you from the bottom of my un-waxed eyebrows and white underwear for your birthday wishes yesterday. Totally made my day.

Before:

After (still a bit hairy, but cleaned up at least):

I got my toes painted and went with the sparkly birthday theme. I think it accentuates my long Morton’s toe, which was the look I was going for. That thing is a FINGER!

At PT, I shared my woes of my glutes screaming at me during runs. We’ve decided to start dry-needling. Basically, a “dry” needle (kind of like an acupuncture needle) is inserted into a trigger point, hoping to make the muscle spasm and release/relax it. Sounds painful. Yeah, it does. I will wear my Depends that day in case something involuntarily slips out. I’ll start this in a couple of weeks and do it about four times.

No one, and I mean no one, guessed correctly on my birthday dinner. Not even close. My mom went Spanish with Paella and Tortilla Espanola. Also home made bread and a vat of butter.Yeah, that’s right. My mama can COOK!

I did get my lemon cake and it got messy. And I lost an eye:

Me with my amazing parents.

Me with Ken and kids. Emma is at that stage where she likes to look as crazy/unusual/demented as possible in pictures.

By far, the best line of the night was when precocious son Sam said, “Well, we’ve heard a many stories about how mom was born in Chicago during a snow storm, but we’ve never heard the story of the night she was conceived.” To which my dad said, “It was a Friday night…” I started screaming NO NO NO. Never. Don’t want to hear.

Ever tried dry needling? Did you crap yourself?

What’s your favorite birthday dinner?

Do you know the story of how you were conceived?

Glad  I was conceived,

SUAR

Winners and Partay

57 measly entries for the Butt Shield Giveaway.

I feel let down. I thought you all liked all things ASS more than that. I also thought more of you would be invested in protecting your butts while you ran, biked, road tripped and sat on airplanes. Everyone needs a good Butt Shield. Don’t ever get so cocky so that you think your butt is exempt.

Just to show the importance of protection, I am going to wear Butt Shield on my five hour, red-eye trip to Costa Rica on Friday. They don’t call it a red-eye for nothing. I will emerge into the city of San Jose with a fresh, rash-less ass and the locals (“Ticos,” you call them) will turn their heads, noses in the air sniffing, wondering who has just entered their country and hoping she will never leave.

Funny thing I just learned. The unit of money in Costa Rica is the Colon, named after none other than Chris Columbus who discovered the country (guess he had a nice colon). No joke. I am going to keep my colons clean while I visit. My colons might be brown, but they will be shiny and hygienic. My colons will be exchanged for souvenirs of beauty.

The winners of the almighty Shield:

1. Holly (She chafes right at the base of her tail bone, where her cheeks come together)
2. Diana Tries-A-Tri (She has no ass, so chafe happens)
3. Steve Q (He’s tried everything stop chafing during ultramarathons. Nothing's worked yet including K-Y he just “happened” to have on hand, wink, wink). 
4. LaVonne (She had a chafing nightmare once and had to lay on the couch for 2 days with her legs spread apart. She then I had to wear skirts with no underwear for a week).
5. Jamoosh (Who says, “I am a poster child for inner butt cheek chafing.” Nice image).

Congrats. Email me your address at shutuprun@gmail.com.

Thanks for asking, my birthday party was fun.

Me opening gifts. No one is paying attention. You should call that number on the screen. Laurie, I’m wearing the necklace you sent!!

Me with squinty eyes and holding my special birthday glass that got refilled with Buffalo Gold beer a few times. My sis-in-law in the back looks pissed.  She is talking to my mom. You can see her half-face.

You had to be blond to come to my party. Can you find me in the dark?

Three people went home sick and I ate a lot of Buffalo wings.  When we got in the car at the end of the night, I sat between my two friends in the backseat. I let one fly and my one friend started gagging and had to open the door for some air. I’m proud of that.  The Urban Dictionary would appropriately call this a fire fart (see link for amazing details).

You might be old when… the waiter asked if I wanted a birthday shot or a dessert. I did the inconceivable and went with dessert. God, I’m old. But, I wasn’t so hung-over I couldn't do my 20 mile ride Sunday and play video poker on my iPad for three hours. So, suck it, you young’uns.

My real birthday is tomorrow. I have lots of fun things planned for myself. I like having multiple-day birthdays.

Not too old to stink up the car like a sailor,

SUAR

No Snooping

Things are definitely looking up. Even Lucky, the three legged, one eyed, ball-less dog knows it (at least he hasn’t yet lost his tongue). I am not a professional photographer, but clearly I should be.

My week:

Monday: Ran 5.35 miles (run 10 mins, walk 2 mins)
Tuesday: Rest  + 1 hour of PT
Wednesday: Ran 5.5 miles
Thursday: Swam 2100 yards
Friday: Ran 4.1 miles
Saturday: Will bike 90 minutes
Sunday: Will do 90 minutes hot yoga

What is a girl to do when she can finally run again? Get new shoes.

All you minimalist shoe lovers, I see you cringing. I’m not ready to go there yet. These are actually the shoes (Mizuno Wave Inspire 6) I have been in for awhile now, including running very successfully in them pre-injury (BQ). I was told during my gait analysis that they are a good fit for me. Since I have increased my cadence I am working on moving towards a more mid foot strike and I can do that in these babies.

Plus, they have a lime green color in them and that reminds me of margaritas and vodka tonics and that makes me happy. And, the shoes were reduced from $100 to $53 (Running Warehouse), so I have an extra $46 to spend on margaritas in Costa Rica next week.

Can you freaking believe I am running? I am still pinching myself. Four months from yesterday I was diagnosed with my hip stress fracture and could barely walk. This week I ran 14.95 miles and I’m going to round that up to 15 miles because I deserve to round things up after the hellish past four months.

I am here to tell you that if you are injured, it will get better, but you have to be very diligent about your recovery. Strength train. Stretch. Do any and all cross training that is safe for your injury. Eat well. Sleep a lot. Cry when you need to, but don’t stay there long. Persevere. Know it is temporary. Have goals and meet them.

I sent my Boston or Bust training plan to my exercise physiologist and doctor to review. I wanted to make sure of two things:

1. This plan was conservative enough to not hurt me
2. This plan would prepare me adequately so when I run in Boston I won’t be comatose on a stretcher with my hip in a plastic bag at aid station #6.

Basically, I max out at 24 miles/week with my longest run being 13 miles. And, then there is shit load of cross training. Feedback from the exercise physiologist was informative:

“I think this plan looks very good, I would encourage you to continue with walk breaks throughout your runs, especially your long runs. I think a 9 minute run, 1 minute walk or 14 minute run 1 minute walk would serve you best for your training and the Boston Marathon itself. I think 13 miles is adequate for a long run for you as well.

I’d encourage you to lengthen some of your non-running workouts in order to do some workouts in the 3-4 hour range.  The purpose of these longer workouts is to prepare your body to exercise for that duration. I think you’d be better served to add duration to your cross training than to add more running.

If it doesn’t bother you, you could also add in a longer walk or hike. The Japanese and Korean style marathon training programs typically include a lot of long walks to build up time on the feet with a low impact activity. I think some 45-90+ minute walks or relatively flat hikes could be a good addition so long as they don’t bother you. I would have you do any long walks on Mondays in place of or in addition to water running/swimming.”

I was especially interested in the Japanese/Korean style of marathon training. This was new information for me.

And, as if it couldn’t get any better, tonight is my birthday party, so if you could be there I’d appreciate it. Ken sent out an Evite saying, “Leave the kids at home and come celebrate all things Beth!” Guess that means we celebrate running and bodily functions and social work and Athleta and mothering and drinking coffee/wine and blogging and hot baths and Dean. But not hot baths with Dean, unfortunately.

Don’t get all carried away. Today is not my birthday. It’s Tuesday, 2/22. You can save your birthday wishes for then when I remind you again.

One final perk of the day. Got this email today from a reader. It was simple and to the point:

“I sneezed so hard I pooped a little. Would that be considered a snoop?”

Hoping I don’t snoop at my party,

SUAR

PS: Don’t forget my Butt Shield Giveaway!

Hell to the YES!

Hold your breath…wait for it…

Yesterday’s workout: 43 minutes of running (5.35 miles with intermittent 2 minute walks).

I know. I should be in the Guinness Book of World Records or at the very least in the hall of fame or the Olympics or on some bathroom wall (which I sure I am anyway for other reasons). I did not write this, but it just goes to show all dads should check the bathroom wall on occasion.

You have to remember that three weeks ago I could barely run for 15 minutes. Damn hip stress fracture.

I have tweaked my Boston training plan considerably since I was not ready to up my running as anticipated. Today I’ll send the new plan to the Boulder Center for Sport’s Medicine so they can make sure it’s safe, conservative, yet puts me in a position to run Boston without hurting myself. I also hope it is a plan to help me win the race. All $806,000 of it.  Because that is my goal. Sounds reasonable. I could take you all out to dinner.

Today I am wearing this shirt in celebration of running. I haven't been able to wear it for awhile, because I couldn’t run and therefore I couldn’t run for wine. Now I am back to running and wining. I am not good with the self timer. And yes, I am balancing on the bad hip, which I no longer call “bad.” I call it “badass mother f*cker.”

Mine is the most screwed up, untraditional, odd, wonky, training cycle on the face of the earth. It’s so ridiculous I think it’s funny.

This training cycle:

• Longest run to date: 5 miles (would normally be 13)
• Highest weekly mileage: 5 miles (would typically be around 35-40)
• Longest anticipated long run for the marathon: 13 miles if I’m lucky (would usually be at least 2-20 milers)
• Number of weeks taken off completely for trip to Costa Rica: 1 (7 weeks out from the marathon). (Normally, I would not have one of these complete rest weeks in my plan)

So, I’m here to tell you. If you are puking your guts out and miss a few days of running don’t sweat it. If you are behind on the Bachelor and want to take the day off, don’t sweat it. If it snowed 265” and you can’t run, don’t sweat it. Just think of me over here training for a marathon with very little actual running. Yet, I’m still hopeful I can do the race. Denial is not a river in Egypt, or something stupid people say that they think is clever.

Other (overused) things people say when they think they are clever (I apologize in advance if these phrases are in your daily vocabulary):

Game on!
At the end of the day…
Phone tag…
Hell to the yes..
Been there, done that
Guesstimate
My bad
24/7
Just sayin’

What phrase do you find terribly annoying?

Today after a painful, yet glorious PT session, I headed over to Whole Foods to hit up the samples. Do you ever do this? I had a total score. Lemon Dream Cake. Huge slices for free. Or I think they were free. I ate a few and stuffed a couple of them down my pants for later. I think I could make a whole cake with them if I want. This is the very cake I will go and buy (not sample) for my birthday next week. Yes, it is my birthday on Tuesday, 2/22, one week from today. I will be 44 on 22. So, mark your calendars and remember how much I love lemon cake.  Hell to the yes!!!!!

That cake was for sure a cheer-up-quickie (urban dictionary slang),

SUAR

PS: If you live in Boston or are familiar with the city and know of a good happy hour spot for our blogger meet up, please let me know!! I’ll send you a piece of cake from my pants.

Best Gifts Ever and Then Some

Running tip (sort of): Don't wash your iPod in the washing machine after you forgot to take it out of your pocket, but if you do, immerse it in a bowl of dry rice. The rice will soak up the water and your device might just work again. Mine did!

I am spoiled. I'll admit it. Not the kind of spoiled where you ask daddy for a pony and he runs out and gets it for you and if he doesn't you make everyone's life miserable around you, but the kind of spoiled where you have the most amazing people in your life who show you they care about you all the time, in the coolest of ways. Maybe I should say I'm blessed instead of spoiled,but I don't use the word blessed like ever. I feel like that's saying that Jesus is involved and maybe he is, but he might have been dealing with other things like Haiti and Iraq and hospitals and car accidents instead of me.

Let me start this post off by saying you guys are amazing. 108 birthday wishes and 108 weird and unique facts about yourselves.

Everything from Jenn w/2 n's who said she has coulophobia, a fear of clowns, to Fit in the city who was held up at gunpoint at a bank and locked in the vault, to Runnernic who has a birthmark on her butt in the shape of the number 12. I could not have asked for more interesting and bizarre readers if I tried. The dog (see to the right ->) was even impressed. It's takes a lot to impress him since he has three legs and a chronically erect penis.

Okay, the gifts. Reading this, you just might get some gift ideas for that special person in your life who is female, turning 43, a pants crapper and a runner.

First, there were the books:

Don't know a thing about this, but want to give it a whirl? Anyone read it?

And this one from Joie, which I have read before, but LOVED about ultra marathoner, Pam Reed.

Then there was the jewelry:

This awesome one from J. Jill from my dear friend, Jenn:


And this agate bracelet that is supposed to attract miracles from best buddy and fellow blogger, Clair:

Next, Ken ordered these Chia sports drink mixes from some Native American, Wingfoot, in California (btw, if I were a Native American I would be called Wind Breaker or Turd Maker). Apparently, if I drink this I will be able to run barefoot over many mountains tomorrow. Flavors are orange, lemon and lime. I wonder what this will do to my colon?:

Of course you have to have entertainment, so Ken get us tickets to see Chelsea Handler in Denver. I just hope she brings her midget friend, Chuy, along. I've always had a secret crush on Chuy. I am wondering if everything including is penis is just shorter. I don't know how that works (don't even think about reserving seat 5 in row 1).

Anyone who knows me, knows I love my Dots. I eat them in bed at night. I know what you're thinking: she complains about turd issues when she eats Dots at night in bed? She deserves what she gets. Well, the Easter edition of Dots are out, so all is well with my world.These came from my kids, who longingly watch me eat them. I don't share. Mostly because the kids both have braces and Dots are on the shit list. The ortho would have my ass if I fed these to my kids.

Then there was the Fit Foam Roller from Carolyn. I know this will come in handy for my many post running aches and pains. I am 43, remember?

And, anyone who knows me knows I'm a coffee FREAK, so I got this ceramic/silicone to-go cup. Seriously, one of my most favorite gifts.

Then, the token Road ID (in purple) because I want people to know who to call when I am in the ditch. It even says, "Shut up and run." Notice I am not posting a photo because I do not want any modelling companies or talent searches to be contacting me.

Lastly, but not leastly, Ken who is the most thoughtful and creative dude, had this tech shirt made for me:

See what I mean about being spoiled??? To me, there is nothing better than receiving a gift that speaks to who you are as a person. This means the giver had to take time out to think about you, your likes, your passions, how you spend your time. This = love in my book. What's the best gift you've gotten this year?

Drinking: Kirkland coffee roasted by Starbucks

43 Things on My Birthday

Running tip: Don’t stretch too deeply before you run, or you’ll risk pulling or overstraining a muscle (like I'm doing in this picture ->). Wait until you are about a mile into the run, and stop to stretch. You’ll be nice and warmed up by this time. And, as always, don’t forget to stretch when you’re done!

Guess what? Today is my 43rd birthday. At the risk of being overindulgent, here are 43 things you might not know about me (in no particular order):

1. One time in 8th grade I got so mad at a boy that I peed in a cup and threw it at him

2. I went to high school with Greg Kinnear and Edward Norton

3. I’ve had two miscarriages

4. I used to deal black jack

5. I had Toxic Shock Syndrome when I was 17

6. I went to high school in Athens, Greece

7. I nearly drowned when I was 23 while swimming in the ocean at the Outer Banks of North Carolina

8. I worked at 7-11 for one week (no, I was not fired)

9. I hate it when people recite quotes from Monty Python

10. My favorite TV show in the 90s was Beverly Hills 90210

11. I was a French major in college, and spent a semester living in Paris (1988)

12. I had two friends in high school who were sisters. Their names were Cheddar and Swiss

13. My favorite movie is Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

14. I met my husband in the back seat of a 1959 Ford. No we weren’t doing the deed

15. I don’t eat ice cream

16. I didn’t start running until 2008

17. My dog has three legs

18. Ken and I moved out to Colorado on a whim in 1993 from VA. We never left

19. I once competed in a gymnastics meet in Cairo, Egypt

20. My real name is Elizabeth, but I go by Beth

21. I was named after Beth in Little Women

22. I used to be 28 pounds heavier

23. I am bow legged (guess it was that extra 28 pounds)

24. Ken and I got married in my parents’ backyard in Columbia, Maryland

25. Two people killed themselves with a shotgun on the path behind my house when I was ten (I didn’t know them)

26. I’ve never seen the Sound of Music

27. I was almost on the Dr. Oz Show in September

28. I’ve never been to California

29. Both of my babies weighed about 8 ½ lbs.

30. I have a vomit phobia. It’s called emetophobia. I went to therapy for it.

31. My grandfather is still alive. He’s 95.

32. I almost had a mountain lion encounter in 2001

33. I don’t have a favorite color

34. I was accepted into the Peace Corps in 1992, but didn’t go

35. My first car was a Fiat Strada

36. I’ve never liked Pink Floyd

37. I’ve lived in 9 different cities (Chicago, Columbia (MD), Athens, Harrisonburg (VA), Paris, Washington, D.C., Richmond, Denver, Longmont

38. My two dogs were poisoned to death by the Greek police when I was 15

39. I’ve been in two earthquakes

40. My great uncle (once removed or something) was the oldest person to fly into space. He did this in 1972 at the age of 51

41. I didn’t get my period until I was 16

42. You can’t imagine how much I love my kids and how proud of them I am

43. I don’t mind getting older

As your birthday gift to me, tell me one unique thing about you!

Drinking: Kirkland coffee roasted by Starbucks