57 measly entries for the Butt Shield Giveaway.
I feel let down. I thought you all liked all things ASS more than that. I also thought more of you would be invested in protecting your butts while you ran, biked, road tripped and sat on airplanes. Everyone needs a good Butt Shield. Don’t ever get so cocky so that you think your butt is exempt.
Just to show the importance of protection, I am going to wear Butt Shield on my five hour, red-eye trip to Costa Rica on Friday. They don’t call it a red-eye for nothing. I will emerge into the city of San Jose with a fresh, rash-less ass and the locals (“Ticos,” you call them) will turn their heads, noses in the air sniffing, wondering who has just entered their country and hoping she will never leave.
Funny thing I just learned. The unit of money in Costa Rica is the Colon, named after none other than Chris Columbus who discovered the country (guess he had a nice colon). No joke. I am going to keep my colons clean while I visit. My colons might be brown, but they will be shiny and hygienic. My colons will be exchanged for souvenirs of beauty.
The winners of the almighty Shield:
- Holly (She chafes right at the base of her tail bone, where her cheeks come together)
- Diana Tries-A-Tri (She has no ass, so chafe happens)
- Steve Q (He’s tried everything stop chafing during ultramarathons. Nothing's worked yet including K-Y he just “happened” to have on hand, wink, wink).
- LaVonne (She had a chafing nightmare once and had to lay on the couch for 2 days with her legs spread apart. She then I had to wear skirts with no underwear for a week).
- Jamoosh (Who says, “I am a poster child for inner butt cheek chafing.” Nice image).
Congrats. Email me your address at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thanks for asking, my birthday party was fun.
Me opening gifts. No one is paying attention. You should call that number on the screen. Laurie, I’m wearing the necklace you sent!!
Me with squinty eyes and holding my special birthday glass that got refilled with Buffalo Gold beer a few times. My sis-in-law in the back looks pissed. She is talking to my mom. You can see her half-face.
You had to be blond to come to my party. Can you find me in the dark?
Three people went home sick and I ate a lot of Buffalo wings. When we got in the car at the end of the night, I sat between my two friends in the backseat. I let one fly and my one friend started gagging and had to open the door for some air. I’m proud of that. The Urban Dictionary would appropriately call this a fire fart (see link for amazing details).
You might be old when… the waiter asked if I wanted a birthday shot or a dessert. I did the inconceivable and went with dessert. God, I’m old. But, I wasn’t so hung-over I couldn't do my 20 mile ride Sunday and play video poker on my iPad for three hours. So, suck it, you young’uns.
My real birthday is tomorrow. I have lots of fun things planned for myself. I like having multiple-day birthdays.
Not too old to stink up the car like a sailor,