Tuesday, January 3, 2012

One Ginormous Chopping Block

Last night I was going to read Tolstoy or teach myself hieroglyphics, but to show how well rounded I am, I watched The Bachelor instead. Yes, I did. And, I learned a lot.

Girls on this show are stupid, especially when they drink

If you bring your grandmother who is on crutches, you will get a rose

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If you ride in on a horse, you will get a rose

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If you act like a raging insecure lunatic, you will get a rose

The show reminded me how many terms and phrases are completely overused. Here is my list of my pet peeve phrases/words (in general, not just from the show):

  • At the end of the day
  • Game on
  • I’m on the chopping block
  • Done and done
  • It is what it is
  • Whatever
  • Amazing!
  • Literally
  • Think outside of the box
  • I was all, like…
  • Just my two cents
  • My bad
  • Ginormous
  • Shut up and run (how did that get in there?)

Funny thing is, I have used every one of these at some point. Probably more than once. At the end of the day, I just have to give my ginormous two cents. Whatever.

Tonight the cadillac of all reality shows returns, The Biggest Loser. Expect lots of “Game ons!” and chopping block references Apparently pairs are split up, so crying will not be in…sob…short supply. I’m just glad Bonnie isn’t on board or it would be one long term weeping fest.

Bob and Dolvett are the only trainers, so there will be no perky breasts and/or camel toes to gawk over (unless you count those on the guys weighing in). I plan on sending the producers some XS compression tights for Dolvett. My little post-Christmas gift.

Did you know that lovebirds Jess and Ramone are now trainers at the Biggest Loser Resort? If you want, you can enter a contest to stay at the Malibu haven for four weeks. No caffeine, no alcohol, lots of sweating and moving . Sounds like a convent on steroids. Plus, you’ll get to watch Ramone fawn over Jess while she acts like she doesn’t care. Details HERE.

What’s your most hated phrase?

Will you tune in for TBL this season or have you had enough?

Favorite reality show? Or are you too cool for that sort of thing? Mine is TBL. Closely followed by Toddlers and Tiaras (JK)

SUAR

63 comments:

  1. JUST when I need a laugh you post somethig HILARIOUS. Thank you!!

    Keep the laughs coming!

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  2. I always tune in for TBL, knowing that there's no way that I WOULD or ever SHOULD try to drop the pounds that these people do, on a weekly basis.

    I truck along, losing 1-2 lbs/week, but they inspire me to make life changes and overcome obstacles that are really just el lame-o excuses for not making those changes!

    That, and I can't seem to eat anything junk-food-ish while watching, for some reason. I've always had this irrational fear that Bob or Jillian (and now Dolvett) will stop what they're doing, look right into the camera and scream, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" at me. :-D

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  3. Sadly - I use the phrase "I was all, like..." and I use it a lot. I also say a lot a lot. I didn't realize it until I started speaking french and was always saying beaucoup de. So I fixed that by not speaking french and promptly forgetting it.

    Hooray Biggest Loser!

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  4. that was a fun read and I'm geekily looking forward to loser tonight. what is it about that show?

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  5. Ok you're joking about them on the BL right???

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  6. Definitely tuning in for TBL!
    Game on is one of my favorite sayings - maybe it can jump from your naughty to nice list if you watch the Hidden Valley Ranch skit from Saturday Night Live (with Melissa McCarthy). Not only will you be saying, "game on," but you'll be shouting, "H-V-R," and "Write that down!"

    http://www.hulu.com/watch/284927/saturday-night-live-taste-test

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  7. 1) Epic
    2) Uber
    I use both of them frequently. I told my PT a few times, "My foot's uber painful today." I'm sure he thinks I left school in the 4th grade.

    I have to work tonight - whaaaa. Sad I will miss TBL. Give Dolvette a hug from me!

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  8. If you watch Food Network competitions the following three cliches will be said consecutively on at least one occasion:

    1. "At the end of the day...
    2. I'm here to win...
    3. and I stand by my food."

    I'll probably watch bits and pieces of TBL... I go to bed between 8 and 8:30.

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  9. Want a fun drinking game?

    Pick a reality show. Anytime one of the contestants/whores/whatever say the word "Journey" drink a shot! You'll be hammered after about 20 minutes. I know from experience.

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  10. Ouch! I totally just used ginormous in a blog post...and you're totally right. :)

    And now that I've used it in the preceding sentence twice, I'm done using the word "totally".

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  11. I don't say most of those phrases, except for "ginormous". My husband always yells at me. (By the way, it wasn't underlined in red as I typed it, so does that make it a real word?)

    I somehow never get tired of TBL. SO glad it's on again for some winter motivation! In the summer, my fave reality show is Big Brother.

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  12. definitely tuning in to Biggest Loser. love Dolvett!

    i hate when people do the dear so and so, write a 1 sentence complaint, then sign sincerely and their name.

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  13. I had an old co-worker that started almost every sentence with "but truthfully...". It irritated the hell out of me. Is every other sentence out of her mouth bullshit, except for when she says "truthfully"? I don't get it.

    I also have a few friends from the bay area and everything is "hella" crazy, or "hella" stupid or "hella" sexy. Enough of the HELLA! What is wrong with the words very or extremely?

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  14. Like, I really can't stand "like". You know? I hate "you know?" at the end of a sentence. Also hate rising inflections. Don't get me started!

    Guilty pleasures (if I can wrestle the remote off hubby) - Wife Swap and Hoarders. Love 'em.

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  15. A friend and I joked that we should make a drinking game out of every time one of the girl said "like"...way overused last night!

    I am going to tune into TBL.

    I still like Big Brother....can't help myself.

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  16. I just wanted to "touch base"...blah blah... Hate that one!

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  17. I'm pretty positive I say 99% of those expressions! It is what it is, right?! (Shoot!)

    The one that I hate isn't even a real word yet I hear people say it all the time: irregardless. I have tried logically dissecting this for so many people (how the prefix and the suffix cancel each other out), but they never get it. Brad Womack used to say it all the time on his season of the Bachelor and it drove me insane!

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  18. Epic. Bugs me to no end.

    Awesomesauce. Also.

    Woot. Too.

    I think you should gift Dolvett one of these:

    http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff37/rachaelsampayo/roflalert.jpg

    (warning: while risqué it isn't legally obscene...legally)

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  19. Love this post (and watch the Bachelor)...I agree with the overused phrases....another one that bothers me is "with that being said"....

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  20. I loathe the phrase "my bad" since a lot of my (much-younger) co-workers use it far too often! "Just sayin'" and "whatevs" rank up there as well.

    I'll be watching. I try to do my core workouts during the show so I'm not a total hypocrite.

    My favourite reality show is America's Next Top Model. Tyra Banks is ridiculously annoying with her made up words and self-promotion, but I just can't stop. One day I'll learn to smize.

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  21. I love how hard you are on Bonnie and I feel the same way!!

    I can only think about how hard Jillian would have rode (probably literally) her backside until she shut up!

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  22. Colorado Gal- "Irregardless" almost got Hubby fired once because he lost his shit when his boss would not stop saying it. True story.

    I say all of these things, primarily to irritate my grammar nazi Hubs. Plus, I grew up in Deliverance country, so I'm just keeping it real. (that should totally be on the list, like, you know?)

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  23. Yes, I'll watch BL. I really do love that show. I don't watch any other reality show. I hate the Bachelor! I can't get over how slutty everyone is.....I'm probably showing my age, but you've got to have more than chemistry to make a relationship work. How will those women and men ever be able to teach morals to their kids. Oh well, I guess it's better than Toddlers and Tiaras....lol

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  24. Surreal. I HATE THAT WORD!!! If it is never uttered again that would be just fine with me.

    I love big brother, amazing race, and I can't stop watching hoarders and the couponing show.

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  25. The BF's daughter says "Just sayin'" a lot. So much the BF is doing it now.

    I bet BL ratings would improve if Dolvett was in XS compression shorts the whole season.

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  26. In case you haven't seen it already... there's a university that puts together an annual list of the most egregious word offenses:

    http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=144467940

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  27. I'm a sucker for America's Next Top Model and The Sing-Off, but other than that I can't abide by reality TV!

    As for phrases I hate...the dreaded, awful Internet abbreviation FML. Especially when it follows something hugely trivial, like "OMG, I have a hangnail!!! FML!"

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  28. Bonnie drives me nuts...nuts! but really, so did Ramone and whats her name...but Antone made me weep like a baby. not sure about this season.

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  29. My most hated phrases all involve the word journey. In my book, a journey involves travelling somewhere and should be reserved for travel shows or The Amazing Race - not cooking shows where the contestants don't leave the kitchen.

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  30. Honestly. my MOST hated phrase. I have a friend who says it 100x per convo. Honestly!!!

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  31. You know Beth, at the end of the day, we're all on the chopping block...of life.

    You know, my friend once told me that I needed to change my attitude, by thinking outside the box.

    But I was all, like, Whatever! It is what it is. Literally. Done and done.

    But then, I started thinking she might be right. And I was all, like game on! And you know what? It was amazing! It was a ginormous change and just what I needed in my life! I was literally walking on cloud nine!

    Well, anyways, that's just my two cents. I hope I haven't offended anyone, but if I did, whoops! My bad.

    I guess at the end of the day there's nothing left to do but shut up and run.


    P.S. I love Jersey Shore. They're psycho and totally awesome. I mean, amazing.

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  32. I rarely watch TV, never mind reality shows, but if I do, it's gotta be Amazing Race. I often don't care about the drama, but I really love the locales they race in, and sometimes the activities they do.

    I recently came across an episode of Toddler and Tiaras, couldn't watch it for more than 30 secs without making me sick. I have a daughter almost 3 years old and it makes me so sad that these moms are basically screwing their daughters up by putting them thru the beauty pageant gauntlet....I must admit, my two cents - but I feel strongly on this.

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  33. I love this post! I get really irritated by the whole cell phone phrases, i.e., OMG, LOL, ROFLMAO...etc. It's "BEFORE" not B4 people!!

    :) Love the blog! And yes, I will be tuning into TBL...never miss it. Although I do get a bit tired of the sob fest it can become some seasons. After losing 45 lbs myself, it does take on new meaning when they gush over the emotional side of things. (And I love Dolvett too....and I for one will be looking for those xs compression shorts!)

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  34. Lala Mama: could not agree more about Toddlers and Tiaras. It's disgusting.

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  35. My bad is one of my dislikes, as well as LOL on fb or a text. I have never used it.
    I will keep watching TBL, I've only been watching for a few seasons. I am a sucker for reality tv, Big Brother, Survivor, THe Amazing Race, pathetic I know. And I like to drink wine while watching TBL HA!

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  36. My 7-year old picked up "my bad" from a friend, and it drove me up a wall. I had to explain that "my bad" is in NO way an actual apology, and was not an acceptable substitute for one. If you do something wrong, you say, "I'm sorry". Period!

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  37. So I have watched the Bachelor once...and it annoyed the hell out of me! It is like going to a brew pub and ordering a sampler. I can't believe any of those women sign up for that shit!

    Oh. And I overuse the word amazing. I annoy myself with that word. And I hate the word moist. It kind of creeps me out.

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  38. My boyfriend despises it when I say "It is what it is." Drives him crazy.

    I can't STAND it when people say "literally" for emphasis instead of actually using it for what it means. When I hear someone say something like "She literally bit my head off!" I want to say, "Really? So how are you standing here right now? Your head seems to be perfectly intact." But then again, I'm a bit of a grammar nazi. I get it from my mother. :-)

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  39. Love your blog...you crack me up DAILY.

    Just my 2 cents worth....just sayin'

    I watched TBL last night- I love Santa! I liked when he said (when picking his trainer) "My wife wants me to look like Dolvette"

    It made me mad that the guy WANTED to go home. I mean I get that he missed his wife and 9 kids, but dude, you need this place and can focus here. Looks like he did a great job losing on his own though.

    Have a great day!
    Kelly in Michigan
    sitesx6@aol.com (too lazy for a blog of my own)

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  40. I use uber. I like that word.

    People make fun of me for still using goober. But it's better than using other expletives when annoyed, I think.

    Word I wish I could stop using because it was so 90's/2000's? Hella. Like saying "It's hella cold outside." I don't know why I insist on using it. It just flows out like word vomit, and I search my mind afterwards to see if there was a better, non-Gwen-Stefani-esque word I could have used, and I draw blank. Ugh.

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  41. Never have watched TBL, just like I avert my eyes driving by accidents. Just don't want to see it.

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  42. "weight loss journey".... it's not a journey. It's just losing weight and going through the emotional crap that accompanied why you gained it in the first place. I liked the guy a few seasons ago that said he gained weight because he liked food. That was pretty honest and straightforward. He then proceeded to go on a whole long spiel about loving food. It was almost a tribute to food. It was pretty fantastic. I feel the same way. I love food. I like to prepare it, eat it, think about it... At any rate, I love TBL and maybe for all the wrong reasons. I'll stop there, lest the whole world realize exactly what a bad bad person I am.

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  43. Most hated phrase:
    1) LSU put together with the word win...
    2) I deserve (used by people who have not done a dang thing).
    3) "Professor I did not finish my assignment for blah, blah, blah reason..."

    I'm not a reality show person. I guess it would be Hoarders because my house needs clean and 5 minutes wit that show you'll be I'm on a mission to make my house spotless!

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  44. The compression shorts comment made my day. I will be dreaming of that for weeks.

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  45. WORST PHRASE EVER - "Step up to the plate". People use it over and over and I hate it. Step up to what plate? I don't watch baseball and my dinnerware isn't all that attractive. Uggg. Can people find no better way to describe bettering their effort than "stepping up to the plate?"
    English teachers of the world unite and please make it stop.

    I watched both shows. Had to turn off the Bachelor because the insane one was crying in the bathroom. She gives bloggers a bad name AND I made no fewer than 10 inappropriate jokes about Dolvette and what I would like to do with him during the show. He can step up to my plate.

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  46. HA my boss always says "for future reference" and " let me ask you this" and it drives me nuts!!!

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  47. My all time hate phrase is "Whatever". I think it is so rude. e.g. You should have called to let us know you wouldn't be coming. Response "Whatever". How do people get so rude?!

    As for reality shows, I don't watch them. There isn't one out there that I enjoy. It seems they typically involve someone yelling at someone else which isn't entertaining for me. I'd rather read a good book or do the crossword puzzle. How old am I?!!!!

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  48. I once worked with a woman who said "Just so you know" and before long, it became an office-wide epidemic. Even though we are in New England, it came out with a mid-western twang. Try it out. Annoying.

    Next, "Basically" and I'm surprised that no one else (at least from my quick scan) had posted about "Basically" yet. One of my grad school professors actually outlawed it in the syllabus from using during presentations.

    Lastly, and my favorite, "git-go." Allow me to use it in a sentence: "I didn't think this plan would work from the git-go." Drives.Me.Up.A.Wall. Fortunately, I don't usually here it much unless I am at my mother's house in western NY state and I rarely hear it in Greater Beantown...

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  49. Can't wait for TBL and all of the overused phrases and overexposed body parts! I was in bed sick at 8pm yesterday but I will be watching on the PVR right after I make it through this work day.

    Your take on the show cracks me up... and sooo true, all around. (especially Ramone and Jess)

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  50. Ginormous was retired officially this morning on HOda and Kathie Lee. Just so you'd know. I thought you'd appreciate it. And "it is what it is" - I'm sick of that one as well. If my hubby says it one more time.....

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  51. ginormous = my most hated word in the entire universe. MOST HATED.

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  52. Another great post.
    Hate "110%" or any percent over 100. How can you give more than 100%?

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  53. My kids making inappropriate comments followed immediately by "J-K....J-K, Dad". Drives me nuts.

    Watched TBL with my lovely last night. First time we've ever seen Dolvett. I turned to her and asked, "Is he as good looking as I think he is?"

    Silence...

    "Well? Hot? Awesome? Amazing?"

    Her eyes never left the screen:

    "He's ef'n beautiful."

    I'm reasonably confident we'll be watching all season.

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  54. Yes, I'm bad about using my bad, but I do it in a cute way. I swear!

    I stopped watching TBL a couple seasons back. I got tired of the couples thing, but then they would split them up at the end. I also got tired of the 2nd season in a row with more than 3 people over 400lbs, lots of 300lbs, and some 200lbs people. It is not a competition at that point. And I didn't like that they put them on 26.2 mile bike ride on the first day when most of these people haven't worked out EVER. It's really unsafe.

    Oh and don't get me started on Jilian who turned in to a therapist during the most inappropriate time. I'm lifting 200lbs and doing 50,000 squats...yes, this is the perfect time to talk about my dead sister who died of cancer when I was 15 and thus, throwing me in to obsesity.

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  55. Cannot stand "At the end of the day". In my world, the sun goes down and I go to sleep "at the end of the day".....followed closely by "we have to get employees more engaged at work"!

    Reality TV - try to catch Ice Pilots NWT on history channel sometime....good ole Canadian fun, like bacon and beavertails!

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  56. haha..."Game on". Totally guilty of saying that.

    Guilty pleasure: The Real Housewives of (Fill in the blank). Or anything on Bravo really. Horrible, I know.

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  57. Well I learned something today! I thought GINORMOUS was a phrase used my Minnesotans as we left the US in 2004 and the only time we've heard that is when the MN cousins visit. So that is interesting to note it is a new modismo. We haven't watched TV since kids were young - say 1996 or so - so I have no clue on any of the shows.

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  58. Count me among those who find "ginormous" to be silly, esp. when uttered by anyone over 10. When I posted a comment about this on Facebook the other day, most of my friends razzed me mercilessly, as they like that word.

    Other disliked words (in no particular order):

    "whatever" -- sounds contemptuous. I have lectured my 8 y.o. NOT to use that phrase with me. A friend of mine uses it constantly, along with other current cliches, as if to sound young and hip (she is neither)

    "it is what it is" and "having said that" (both favorites of my MIL)

    "and whatnot" (see above, but overused by one of my BILs)

    "random" (common among kids, who have no inkling as to its actual meaning)

    "I like me some" and "Me likey" (both make the speaker sound like an illiterate fool)

    "Chillax/chillaxing" (makes my skin crawl just THINKING of it. "Chill," on the other hand, is a perfectly old and succinct verb)

    "No worries": I guess this has replaced "no problem," which in turn has replaced "you're welcome" and "my pleasure". (I find it's often used as a coverup to one's annoyance after you offer an apology.)

    Cutesy abbreviations like "adorbs," "totes," and "sammies,"

    People who insist on using "retarded" to denote a foolish action/idea/person. I've also heard "gay" used in a similar context.

    Thanks -- needed to get this off my chest today.

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