Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Dude, I Am So Sorry

First of all – stop the presses – if you were not aware, it is Dog Week. Which means you have to look at this gem that a reader, Laurissa, pointed out to me. Here is a teaser:

image

There is more hilarity to this comic strip and you seriously have to check it out HERE. I have spent a good part of this morning laughing and re-laughing at this thing, mostly because it is much more fun than reading about foster care. My only gripe is that the author is clearly male because he does not discuss how much dogs love used tampons. Big omission.

After passing out last night in unbearable fatigue from Sunday night’s festivities, I slept for a solid 7 hours and woke up refreshed and ready to go for a run.  This is my best attempt at a white woman’s dance move. My kids think I am stiff and rhythm-less. What do they know!

P1130076

Yes, I realize my shoes look like I’ve taken this and colored them very carefully. These just might be the most loud and obnoxious shoes I’ve ever owned. I love them and next I will be getting these:

ugliest shoes in the world The Ugliest Shoes In the World

I am sharing this next picture with you from Saturday’s race so you can be jealous.

denver2012foot

Not everyone has the talent and skill to run with one foot turned almost perpendicular to their body. The Chi Running folks would shit a brick. I don’t even know how I did that without dislocating my entire pelvis.

I am happy to see I do not do that on every stride. This one is much better.

denver2012finish

I am also pleased to see that I am mostly hitting my mid foot strike, even if that strike is pointed in a different direction than the rest of my body is going.

I love running because there is always more work to do and race pictures are a wonderful way to learn how crappy you look. And, NO, these pictures are not PROOFS. What makes you think that?

Do you look differently in your race photos than you think you look? Yes. That’s why I love this:

Do you like bright shoes or prefer the subtler colors? I like bright all the way.

Does your dog do any of those things? Hell yes. My dog is a licker. All day long. He doesn’t eat a lot of poop but has been known to eat his own vomit and tampons. Humping young children is also a most favorite past time of his, so hold onto your babies.

SUAR

50 comments:

  1. I love this picture of "what I look like when I run..."
    I'm totally stealing it.
    Love your blog too. Thanks for making me laugh every time.

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  2. You are hilarious, please never stop

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  3. My race day photos are always ridiculous. I'm just happy if I don't look stoned in the pics :) I LOVE bright colored shoes, but I have giant clown feet and apparently girls with clown feet don't like colorful shoes :( My dog... well lets just say I should take out stock in Victoria's Secret because she loves the panties!

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  4. Grrrrr dogs and tampons. I wanted to kill the little Sh*t this week!
    I like cheap shoes so if they are bright.... BONUS!!!

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  5. I look goofy in all my race photos. I placed third in my age group last weekend and was kind of looking forward to seeing my finish photo but there wasn't one! Oh well, maybe there was and the photographer deleted it. I like bright colored shoes. My dog loves socks. I guess the Saucony Kinvara's didn't work out?

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    1. NO!! The Kirvanas hurt my feet. I liked them but my feet did not. I sold them. I'm sticking with the Cadence for now.

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    2. Glad you got money out of them. I love Brooks but the Pure Connect gave me horrible blisters on my ankles and toes. Maybe I'll try the Cadence or Flow. I miss the lightweight feeling of the Connect.

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    3. Yes, I love how light the Cadence's are and I also like the bigger toe box.

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  6. My dog thinks the litterbox is a buffet.

    I love whatever shoe feels the best. Even if they are ugly. Hoping for some new Brooks tomorrow night at RRS Girls Night Out.

    My race pics are always hideous. I don't usually feel as bad as I look.

    The Kidless Kronicles

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  7. I look HORRID in my race photos. I can't believe for a split second I looked that bad.

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  8. Thank you for letting me know it is dog week... you have just decided what tomorrow's post will be about.

    Photos are friggin great!

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  9. Wow I needed this laugh! I laughed so hard o cried! Thx to pavement runner for pointing this post out, I haven't been to my FB page to check out what you posted til now! LMAO!
    You are so freaking funny!

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  10. My friend is thinking about getting into running (yay!) and she asked me what kind of shoes I wear:

    Me: "They're pumas and they're black and purple and I love them"

    So yes, bright colored obnoxious shoes all the way!

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  11. I used to like the subtler colors, but lately I'm seriously digging the bright ones. Right now I have somewhere in between (orange & white), but haven't bought new shoes in a while.

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  12. Love your blog!! Totally smile and laugh each time. I haven't liked my photos yet from the few races I've done and I really want a pair of bright shoes.

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  13. Do you look different in your running photos? I try to avoid looking at my running photos. I pretty much look as tortured as I think I do!

    Do you like bright shoes or prefer the subtler colors? I so want bright colored shoes. My friend and I have a thing where we send each other photos of running shoes we want when we are out shopping. For both of us, they are brightly colored and awesome!

    Does your dog do any of those things? Yep...three dogs here and they all do some of these things...and chew underwear, which is one of their favorite things to do.

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  14. I look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame in my RnR race pictures. Seriously, WTH am I doing with my shoulders almost touching my boobs? The race photographer must have edited that, along with your foot turning out - cuz I'm sure we're the epitome of perfect running form!

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  15. I have those very shoes! I get comments on the color aaallll the time. I could care less about the attention they draw. My feet *love* those shoes. A lot.

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  16. The last race I did they informed us that when our results were posted online, there would not only be our time, but also a LINK that would take us directly to a YouTube video at the time we finish. You know...so you could WATCH it.

    Horrible fucking plan. It was awful.

    In my defense, it was the worst race of my short running life and I had hurled 3 times and spent some time in the porta-potty at mile 4. I crossed the finish line, looked at the clock, scowled and rolled my eyes. Bad attitude caught on film. I vow to never enter another race where they do this.

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  17. I love that picture and is exactly how I feel! Husband thought it was pretty funny too.

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  18. I like bright shoes. I like them better on you. I kept clicking on the picture of you busting into the dance move, trying to make the video start. Imagine my disappointment.

    I look much differently in all photos. Race photos are no worse or better than any others. Don't even think about the passport picture.

    No dog.

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  19. I either look maniacally happy or like I'm about to die. Psycho joy or death face running photos for me. I love it when I can see that there is in fact a muscle of two working under the cellulite of my sturdy peasant thighs. I love that "what I feel like/what I look like" photo for these very reasons. I feel like a prancing show horse, but I look probably look like the slow moving burro they keep around to calm the other animals.
    Bright shoes, all the way- because if I'm going to look ridiculous in race photos, I'll be darn sure I can find myself!
    Our dogs are disgusting. Especially the big boy. Let's put it this way: Last night, he had a wet dream. AGAIN. Which means I got to clean up dog spunk for the 5th time since June. And the worst part is, he always wakes up halfway, then proceeds to slink off in shame while he continues to squirt on the way to his kennel. Moments like this make me wonder why we keep animals in our house.

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    1. OMG, that's appalling! --and hysterical...

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    2. LOL! This made me laugh as much as the original blog post!

      I'm doing my first race in a couple of weeks. I hate myself in photos to begin with--maybe I shouldn't bother looking for my race photo...

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  20. I have a secret for everyone. If you want to look fabulous in your race day photos then concentrate on finishing last, like I do. ha,ha,ha
    http://www.allsportcentral.com/PhotoGallery/index.cfm?eventID=38698&PGPhotoID=369529&PGConfigID=181&CatID=1229&BIB=#header

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  21. Sweet dance moves.
    I know you sing well too. ;)

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  22. I think your race pics look great! At least you don't have a ton of gels in your bra and look oddly lumpy. I've done some of those.

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  23. Have you ever seen dog-shaming.com ? Freaking hilarious!

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  24. I love The Oatmeal. So funny. I like taking the quizzes.
    My kids don't think I can dance either. I think I'm pretty on it! My friend says I look like I'm humping a shopping cart. GASP!
    I hate my race photos. Even when I know the camera man is there I still look goofy! How do I run like that? It's painful. You look great! I usually get caught looking like the hunchback with club feet.

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  25. My puppy is tiny (5lbs) and likes to hump my eight year old's stuffed animals. Especially in front of company. She loves it more if it squeaks. Have you checked out the Dogshaming website? Hysterical.

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    1. Yes! I was just about to refer to the Dog Shaming website - I think I peed my pants a little the first time I read some of those pictures!!!

      http://dog-shaming.com/ - check it out!

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  26. That cartoon is so appropriate - we had our dog's testicles removed just yesterday. And today he gets to wear a bucket on his head because having your testicles removed just isn't humiliating enough.

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  27. Your post resonates very much today for two reasons - We lost our greyhound over the weekend, and so I found myself running a 10k race on Sunday in his memory (though granted, not at his speed!). The other reason was I got the race photo link this morning and after thinking "great, I might get one as a memento for a change it was an emotional day"... I discovered I looked every bit as ridiculous as those things always do :-S (there must be an unwritten bad race photo law!).

    Thanks for cheering me up with your post :-)

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    1. I'm sorry about your dog. So very sad. We are probably not very far behind you with our Cocker Spaniel. The decline and aging is the hardest part about being a pet owner!

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  28. Love bright shoes. I just got the Brooks pure flow.

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  29. Love love the Oatmeal! I've been a fan for a long time now, one of my favorite online comics :) If you have a dog, you can especially relate to this one!

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  30. I can't stop laughing at your perpendicular foot. Sometimes I think race photographers are trained on how to capture the worst moments instead of the best.

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  31. I just ordered some bright orange shoes. I will not be mistaken for a deer by the hunters. :)

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  32. That last photo is in my faves collection.
    And you are hilarious.

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  33. I love the how I feel, how I look photo.
    Yes, my 13 year old Jack Russell loves poop as an appetizer, followed by copious amounts of grass, rabbit poop, deer poop, then a hearty vomit, which gets eaten so as to avoid anyone seeing the vomit (not that the stain on the family room rug is not noticeable)tampons, dirty underwear, tissues filled with cold boogers, but only the wet ones, the dry tissues are not as fun, trash can contents, socks, soles of shoes with his or someone else's dog, horse, deer or rabbit poop on them, dryer sheets, crayons, and last but not least, chocolate. Lots of chocolate. So much so that he should technically not be alive anymore, but somehow, he rebounds after he vomits all over my house and eats that. Aluminium foil is always fun when you find that in their poop.

    And yes, I love my bright colored running shoes, and in all of my race photos, I have hard nipples, which isn't the worst thing in the world, if they faced in the same direction.
    Amy P. Philly Runner

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    1. OMG - X2 on the headlights!! My husband thinks that is great, but I am just appalled. I know I can't hide the fact that I have boobs under the flack jacket I wear for a bra, but at least I shouldn't have to poke out like some sort of porn star!

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    2. I wouldn't even care if they stuck out, but I kind of look like Marty Feldman - one is going left and down, the other is going right and up? They start out in the same middle section of the bra, what the heck happened????
      Glad to know I am not the only one!
      My hubs thinks it hysterical and looks at all the race photos to see if he can see anyone else sporting the high beams.

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  34. You look so serious in the first photo and everyone around you is smiling or laughing?????

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  35. Race pics usually show how tense I am. I love the bright colored shoes! Our local shoe store owner told me they are getting brighter and brighter. Stinks for those that want white running shoes (gag).

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  36. Seriously, what is with dogs and tampons!? My dog loves them too. This cracked me up (and made me sad) because I just took our dog to get spayed 2 days ago and it was exactly like that cartoon! She was so pumped to be going for a car ride and I dropped her off to get her lady parts removed. So sad. Now she is hobbling around like an old, decrepit dog and will probably NEVER want to get in the car again.

    I would love to hear more about the social work you do and you're role in foster care. I also work in foster care for an advocacy agency. Sad stuff.

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  37. When not snacking on tampons, my dipshit dingo dog supplements with chicken poop left by our 13 chickens. Damn dog just plain out stinks.

    Love me some brightness everywhere but on the badonkadonk, because no one wants to see that.

    Those Crocs have got to be the ugliest f'n things I have ever seen, and I like crocs for their purpose in the garden. But it looks like an Ugg Yeti ate the Vibram man who also happens to shop at Victoria's Secret Pink!

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  38. Yes, bright, and yes (sometimes). I was thrilled when I found a race photo where it actually looks like I'm RUNNING, both feet off the ground for a fraction of a second; most don't look good at all. I have a pair of orange Brooks Pure Grit shoes (think Ragnar orange), and they are every bit as bright as your pink ones. My dog particularly likes to go outside, sniff every blade of grass, lie down awhile, then come in and immediately poop in the house. Gotta love it; I'd blame old age, but she's not that old.

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  39. I would wear these shoes no matter what color they are. Absolutely, they are the most perfect shoes I have ever had. I have the pink, which I have now but I started out with the turquoise. I didn't even like that color at first but it grew on me. I feel great running in these shoes. Nothing else is as important!

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  40. It is just hilarious. Thanks for the recommendation. It lighted up my boring afternoon. Specially when my dog has zero interest of being clean. It is just like my dog.

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