Thursday, September 27, 2012

Just When You Think You’ve Heard It All

I ran a lovely 7 miles this morning. Last night I made a new recipe for dinner –Tiny French Beans with Smoked Sausage. I could not find any tiny French beans (my grocery store is not that sophisticated and what is a tiny French bean anyway?), so I used regular white beans. It actually tasted really good going down, but I think the whole bean/sausage combo kind of wreaked havoc on everyone’s stomachs around here. My belly felt okay, but damn there was some gas. I’m glad I ran alone today because a running partner probably would have had to disown me or wear a special mask.

This brings me to a new item you can buy now – Deodorizer Fart Pads ($29.95 for a 10 pack).

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Does anyone wear them? Well, yes they do. There are 19 reviews on the site including such testimonials as:

I farted several times today and no one even knew!!! I even tried to smell them by bending down where my rear was immediately after I ripped one, and to my surprise, nothing! The only down side is that it doesn't of muffle the sound of the farts, and isn't very absorbent.”

I am a regular farter, but I’d be hard pressed to wear a pad for this issue. I mean we all bottom burp, right? In fact, the average person farts 14 times per day. I, alone, probably bring up that average quite a bit, but I still don’t feel I need a Fart Pad. Maybe if you ate a really sulfur-rich diet of eggs and cauliflower and you worked in a 4 x 4 cubicle or spent a lot of time in elevators, the pad would be a good idea.

The Fart Pad definitely fits into the Just When You Think You Heard It All category. I think I’m a fairly informed person who is engaged with and aware of the world around me. Yet, just when I’m on the cusp of becoming complacent and bored, I learn some tid-bit that makes me realize that there will never be an end to the absurd crap that goes on in the world.

In today’s Just When You Think You’ve Heard It All news:

  • Vodka Soaked Tampons: Did anyone see the special on college-aged drinking on 20/20 last week? I found it incredibly disturbing to hear about the lengths kids are going to to get drunk as quickly as possible. This includes, for women, soaking tampons in vodka before inserting them. Really? Who even thought of that? Wouldn’t it burn? Makes me miss the days of innocent beer bongs and the occasional tequila shot.
  • Poop Transplants: Ken sent me a link to a CNN story yesterday. He is so kind to always keep me in mind for this sort of thing. In the subject line he wrote “Maybe you should be a donor.” Apparently, a young woman was in a car accident and almost died after getting a severe infection in her colon. Doctors transplanted her mother’s poop into her colon and voila!! She is cured. Something about introducing healthy bacteria found in her mother’s poop. Who knew? Obviously – poop saves the day.

In other news, the Chronic Runner wants to remind everyone that Monday October 1st is Take Your Daughter Running Day (more info HERE). Even if your daughter is not a runner herself, take a spin around the block. What a nice way to be together and to let her share in one of your passions!

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Running the Bolder Boulder 10K with Emma (and Kathy) last year

Lastly, I am leaving in the morning for Maryland to attend a memorial for my grandfather who passed away at the end of July. I am so glad I could arrange things so that I can be there with my family. I’ll catch up with you all on Sunday or Monday.

 

What’s a “Just When You Think You Heard It All” moment you had recently?

Do you run with your daughter, or hope to? Emma doesn’t LOVE to run, but she loves the race environment. At the race this weekend I asked her if it made her excited to do a half marathon one day. “NO,” she said. Typically, she will not run much, but then do a 5K or 10K at her own pace. We have a great time doing races as a family.

SUAR

42 comments:

  1. Oh, you make me laugh! I'm pretty sure I also help bring that fart average up. What can I say? I'm gassy.

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  2. Um... doesn't yogurt perform a similar healthy-bacteria task without the somewhat disturbing transplant???

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  3. http://kcanedo.blogspot.com/2010/08/major-impact.html

    Dude. I wrote about the poop transfer thing. OMG.

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    1. Wow, why do we not hang out all the time? I think we are soul sisters.

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  4. I love your stories! Good stuff! Thanks!
    Enjoy your time with family.. sorry for the loss of your grandfather.

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  5. Ahahah.. That is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen..

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  6. Apparently the vodka tampon is a myth. And gross! Sadly, the poop is true, and can only be fixed by high levels of yogurt etc. while taking the drugs that strip your body of the good bacteria in the first place. Once it's gone, apparently the poop is the best solution...eeeww.

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  7. Well this is just as gross.. Years ago Chicago Bear great Jim Butkus was talking about the problem of chewing tobacco and high school kids esp girls! I was shocked about the girls but he said if I remember that they can't smoke or chew when on the bench so they stick the tobacco in other places to get that tobacco "hit" or whatever you want to call it. Eww. And I read the poop donor thing to and I didn't think of you.

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  8. Fart pads...really! Who would think of such a thing to sell and then be able to make money off it. I need to invent something incredibly stupid too! I run with my daughter a lot, but that's only because she's still in the womb. I'm hoping when she's old enough she'll want to run with me.

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  9. Stool transplants are used for a variety of reasons, whenever we get someone who has chronic diarrhea (whether it's someone who will benefit from a transplant or not) the doctors always tease the staff about who gets to donate... Never known anyone to volunteer though. It's also a fad to take beer/ whiskey/ whatever other alcohol enemas, it works quickly and people (almost ALWAYS teenagers) won't show up intoxicated with a breathalyzer. But they come into the ER and yes, it's pretty obvious, and then they fight with you that they didn't blow positive, and then they cry when you draw their blood.

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  10. This post was the best five minutes of my day so far... you make me laugh! seriously grateful

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  11. My favorite line from the review: "I even tried to smell them by bending down where my rear was immediately after I ripped one, and to my surprise, nothing!" Too funny!

    Just found your blog, looking forward to future posts!

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  12. I think a "Tiny French Bean" should be called a "Oui Bean"

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  13. I had taco soup for lunch and dinner yesterday and have been paying for it ever since. This morning as I was letting them rip, I actually thought about these before reading your post and thought, "I wonder if Beth ever uses them..." lol

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  14. This post made my day, thank you for the great laugh!

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  15. HOW, HOW, HOW can these exist? Good lord ...
    Yes, I've heard about the vodka-pons. Also, alcohol enemas - honest to goodness.
    Sad and wrong.

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  16. The fart pad doesn't look very comfortable to wear. They should make them for dogs... my dog can clear a room. The worst part is she get up and runs away and leaves us with it!

    Did you see the story in the news this week about wine enemas? Apparently a University of Tennessee fraternity is in big trouble after one of their members ended up in the ER with a BAC of .4! The strangest part was when the police went to the frat house and found 'bags from wine boxes' and 'subjects passed out in various rooms'.
    http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2012/sep/26/alleged-alcohol-abuse-at-ut-fraternity-chapter/

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  17. I'm actually running with all 3 of my daughters this weekend (19, 18 and 5) My youngest is just doing the "fun run" and she already warned me that she runs fast so I "might not be able to keep up"! Up until now, it's just been my husband and I, so I am very excited to get to share the whole racing experience with my daughters. I would love for them to catch the running bug as well. Then, maybe, they will stop making fun of their mom for being obsessed!

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  18. The vodka tampons thing is sort of like this...

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/25/butt-chugging-wine-alcohol-enema-university-of-tennessee-pi-kappa-alpha_n_1913575.html?utm_hp_ref=college

    I mean... WHAT?

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  19. OMG, SUAR, that is the most hysterical thing I have seen...I about spit out my wine ha ha!! Sad to say, I would probably use those pads :O

    The tampon thing is scary...wow. And the poop transplant? I am really speechless over that one. I feel bad that this poor girl made the news based on receiving her mother's poop, yikes!

    I have 2 daughters and sad to say, neither will run. Well, neither will my 2 boys, unless it's part of their soccer or baseball games. I still hold out hope, though

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  20. I had chorizo, chickpea, and kale soup a few nights ago. It was delish, but I definitely feel your pain.

    Right after reading the paragraph about the poop transplant you mentioned Chronic Runner and my first thought was "Chronic Runs". Har. Bodily functions on the brain!

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  21. What really kills me is that about 12 years ago when I was in engineering school me and my roommate ate a LOT of southern bbq. The smell of our asses pretty much permanently seeped into the couch cushions. We pondered over this issue, came up with this exact same concept and esentially exact same design. We went so far as to consider material sourcing, manufacturing processes and marketing strategies, then returned to the couch for more beer, bbq and farts. Now somebody else has taken MY glory, is living MY dream in MY mansion and probably banging MY supermodel wife. A bitter lesson indeed.

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  22. Oh no! If Angela reads about those diapers, she is going to make me start wearing them! I spend my days in a 4x4 cube and I still let 'em rip. I don't want to get a stomach ache from holding them in! Luckily, my co-workers are also my friends and they understand I am one gassy broad.

    I've heard about the poop transplant (called a fecal implant) and have kind of wanted one myself in hopes that it might help with my farts! But then I read you have to swallow the poop! Through a tube... but still!

    Vodka soaked tampons?! WHAT!????

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  23. I can't run with my daughter because she is much faster than me. The craziest thing I've heard lately is the teacher who said my daughter should not complain about her test taking environment when the kid behind her would not stop singing Katy perry the whole time they were taking a short answer social studies exam.

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  24. Sometimes I HATE Google because of what appears when you search for things.

    Have you heard of Butt Chugging?

    http://reason.com/blog/2012/09/27/butt-chugging-at-least-as-common-as-vodk

    Butt Chugging. <---- I secretly think that is a hysterical phrase.

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  25. Really? I love the review. "Down side? Didn't muffle the sound." Maybe he'll invent the Fart Muffler? Hubs wants to order a 10 pack asap.

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  26. I know I shouldn't be stunned at the fart pads, but I am. How ... odd!

    I know Abbey will NOT be running with me on Monday. I need to trade her in for a running daughter :).

    Sorry about your grandfather, I hope all goes smoothly in MD.

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  27. Farts? Poop? Vodka soaked tampons? Check! This was a fantastic post.

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  28. Can I buy those pads in bulk for my Scout Troop?

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  29. The poop transplant is a for real thing. People use it as a last ditch effort to treat C. diff. A co-worker knows someone who did it and fully recovered. Only problem is now her farts smell like her husbands... True story.

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  30. I'm so disturbed that the reviewer listed "not very absorbent" as a downside. Seriously, if you need your fart pad to absorb something other than odor, get yourself to a fricking bathroom!!!

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    1. That was the part that got me too! LOL

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  31. I actually think there is a big future for fecal transplant. We've seen promising results in diabetics and the overweight population, but yeah...it's a revolting thought.

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  32. Is it sad that I've already seen the fart pads? I didn't see the CNN story on the poop but just 2 days ago my husband asked me about it - he's a director of human research safety. He was horrified at the thought and was certain this doctor was talking craziness. Well, it's true. People with c-diff can get so sick, poop transplant can save their lives. Usually it's poop from another person they live with or their own. I don't know the details, I just know it happens.
    Pooping is very important...apparently so is farting, or masking said fart.
    I will probably drag my daughter out to run. She keeps saying she wants to try running again. Guess now is the time!

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  33. But surely those pads wouldn't stop the noise? And it can be the noise that's more embarrassing than the smell.

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  34. Totally need to buy those fart pads for my husband. it's like a gas war zone in our house sometimes. although i don't quite know how i feel about sniffing his butt to make sure they worked...

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  35. My house needs the fart pads. Maybe some for the dog too?
    The c-diff thing is interesting. My son had one at the age of two after a short visit to the ER after a febrile seizure. The c-diff was repeatedly misdiagnosed as a viral infection, and finally, I got him to a colorectal specialist who did a stool sample. They are hard to treat, hard to get rid of, and the medicine (Flagil) apparently tastes like poop so I guess he wouldn't have been any worse off if he'd actually consumed the poop once as opposed to a week of taking medicine that tasted like poop for a week!
    I only wish I had invented the fart shields. I would be laughing all the way to the bank!

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  36. I can't believe there is such a thing as fart shields. I grew up with 5 brothers, so they would have come in handy then.

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  37. OMGosh - you make me laugh so hard! ;-)

    Sorry about your grandfather. :-(

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  38. Those pants looks amazing. I didn't know that something like that exist. I would like to try them out.

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