Thursday, September 20, 2012

I Couldn’t Bare It

It’s no secret that I love running and I love races.

But, there is one race I don’t think I’d ever consider. Please don’t call me a prude, because you know I’m not (hello! I once took a crap in a tree). I just wouldn’t be comfortable doing a…

NUDE RUN

Someone on my Shut Up and Run Facebook page asked if I’d ever done a post on nude races. Um, no. He said he had done a nude race last weekend. I told him to send me a mini race report of experiences that “stuck out” (hahaha!) during the race so I could share it and see what people thought. He never did that. He did tell me the race was called “Woodstock” (of course it was!) and that he would send me pictures but I couldn't use them on the blog because he was naked.

NO dude please don’t send me those pictures! No, no, no. Not okay.

Which brings up a point. Do you think these races have photographers? What a job that would be! “Wait, could you slow down??!! Stuff is giggling too much.” “Hold on! That’s 29 circumcised, 12 uncircumcised.” “Wow, Grandma’s had a boob job. Everything else is sagging but the breasts are standing at attention.”

And another point – how do you pin on race bibs? I guess that’s what Sharpies are for.

Here’s why I don’t think I could bare to run a nude race:

  • I’d be too distracted and giggly the whole time. When I was 16, I went to a nude beach in Greece and watched men playing volleyball. I’ve never gotten over it.
  • I don't want my stuff hanging out. I just don’t. I didn’t grow up in a culture where I walked around naked in front of strangers. It would be weird for me.
  • Let’s face it. There are so many cute running clothes these days, why go without?
  • Although I’m sure people espouse this type of race saying its really liberating and feels good to have the air rush by all of their body parts, this is not something I’ve ever craved.
  • And most of all – I simply do not want to see other’s private stuff. Getting back to that nude beach in Greece – what I realized is that 99% of people who were nude on that beach were not of the center fold Playboy model caliber. There is a reason we all wear clothes. Some stuff is just not that pretty.

Other things I won’t be doing nude:

Ever been on a nude run/beach/resort? Yes on the beach. But, I was not nude. I just gawked at others with my naked eye.

Would you ever consider running a race naked? Why or why not? No. See above.

SUAR

59 comments:

  1. ROFL. This is hysterical. NO, I've never wanted to do the nude thing. I rarely even walk around outside my bedroom nude in my own house. I just would not be so pretty nude. Plus, I think it's nice to leave something to the imagination.

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  2. Would women wear a sports bra and nothing else? My boobs are too big to wear nothing; I would have to wear a bra unless I wanted to run the whole race holding my boobs.

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  3. I've been on nude beaches in Europe and I wasn't impressed. I tried going topless ONCE and we went bodysurfing. I was picking sand out of my boobs for a week and it HURT.

    No nude running. I'd have black eyes from kicking my post-kid boobs with my knees into my eyes.

    Plus, where does the timing chip go? Wait...don't answer that...

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  4. It's on my bucket list. Something fun to say hey I did that once! Love your blog!!

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  5. No and maybe...all depends on the company I keep!

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  6. That wedding pic is so disturbing......

    I have a relative, let's just call him "Bob", that runs the Bare Buns run in Seattle every year. We have yet to go and cheer him on. I don't think I will ever take a crack at a nude run. :)

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  7. No. There is a reason I invest in sports bras. Nude? My girls would never forgive me.

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  8. Saw a guy at the Colfax Marathon in a bright yellow thong; that's nude enough for me. The crazy part was he was among the top ten runners! Explain to me how he did not chafe?

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  9. OMG best. post. ever.

    I nearly spit my water out while reading from laughing so hard! HAHAHA!

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  10. Ouch. My boobs would hurt SO MUCH. No, no, and uh NO.

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  11. What happens if you have a little toot that ends up being something else...eek! No nude running for me!

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  12. Ewww. Nude running? I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Seriously! Ewww.

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  13. What happens if you have a little toot that ends up being something else...eek! No nude running for me!

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  14. Haha. I agree with some of the other ladies...I don't think my boobs could handle it! For me, a sports bra is a requirement for running.

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  15. I know several people who ran nude at Woodstock last week! There was apparently beer, if that helps. And you start clothed, and then take them off about a mile in or something. Maybe next year :P

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  16. No. Never. Not. Happening.

    Now......naked treadmill running - in my house?!...sure. :)

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  17. I friend of mine went to a nude beach in Greece. He said his being there created another ancient ruin.

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  18. UGH No WAY. Yeah, it's mostly the boob thing. Gotta have a sports bra to hold those things in. No bueno otherwise.
    That Greece trip explains a lot about you come to think of it...

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  19. Nude in a locker room is enough. Out in public, RUNNING? Please no. Visited a nude swimming hole at an event, and was scarred for life. At about 20 feet distance, in knee deep water, for the majority of the dozen people there, I could not tell gender. All the boobs were too big, all the guts covered distinguishing bits, all had long hair, and facial hair was non-determinate. The little group of us that went to check it went back to camp and seriously got into the Fuzzy Navels.

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  20. Cute running clothes, exactly why not to run nude! That and the whole boobs clashing together business... not to mention some forms are just better clothed.

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  21. No naked running for me. But I've run the Bay to Breakers a few times and there are always naked runners. I've put photos of them on my blog. It's definitely a trip...

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    Replies
    1. OK, I'll admit it. I scoured your blog until I found the nudie booties! I am soooooo 14 years old!

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    2. Ha! This year I took one naked person pic...male frontal nudity. And the guy FOUND IT! He even posted in the comments.

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  22. God good no. Running with only one sports bra is as close to nekkid as I'm ever going to get.

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  23. I read a nude race report a few months back, and I couldn't get over the fact that the premium was...a T-SHIRT. Why??

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  24. Yes! Actually I plan on getting some of my girlfriends together, registering us ahead of time, then just showing up without ever telling them what we're doing. Do you think they'll still be my friends afterward?

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    Replies
    1. Seriously? Is Hugh Jass your real name? Come on!!!!!

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  25. I did the Woodstock run and I enjoyed it! It was NOTHING like the blog says. Everyone was friendly and respectful. The nudity part becomes so secondary when you're out there.

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    1. Thanks for the feedback..hard to believe the nudity part is secondary, but glad you enjoyed it!!

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  26. I would never run a race naked. My boobs would hurt from all that jostling around. And I look better strategically covered.

    Never knew there was such a thing as a naked race.

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  27. Apart from the discomfort of the boob bounce, I would be a bit worried about sunburn. We have one of the highest sun cancer rates in the world so why go there?!

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  28. I don't really understand the point. How many people really think, "The one thing I wish I could do while racing is be naked"? It just seems like such a random association of ideas.
    And no, I'd never participate. I chose pharmacy school over medical school specifically to avoid having to see gross people naked.

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  29. Holy freaking hilarious. There is no way I'd run nude. I don't want my bits exposed to the public. More importantly, I think it would hurt, the ladies don't take well to being set free and too much bouncing could prove to be somewhat painful.
    As for nude beaches, the Toronto Island Tri starts on the beach at Hanlans Point which is a clothing optional beach. I gotta say that seeing a fat hairy sausage party is NOT the best way to start your morning especially when you're trying to focus. That image will be forever burned into my mind.

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  30. Thanks for making me laugh out loud. I know I would never do that type of race unless someone paid me a lot of money. What a ho

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  31. Before Mr. Brutalism and I were married, we took a cross-country trip and one of the places we planned to visit was Pfeiffer - a nude beach in California. (Not because I wanted to, because I HAD to...). I even made a large posterboard sign that said "CENSORED" in huge capital letters and was going to take my shirt off and hold that up in front of me for the perfect photo op. Sadly, the day we visited, it was very windy and sand was whipping around all over the place. I ended up wearing jeans and a sweatshirt and missed out on the photo op. Also? No other nudes. Nudity is so weather-dependent...

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  32. LOL, yeah the Woodstock run is held on the trails and it starts around dusk. It's not really a race either. You take your clothing off and then run the mile back to your clothing......

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  33. Yes. I have been to a nude beach and I was nude. I thought it was cool. I was 23 though. No running in the nude because I am afraid of the bounce and the pollution to my altar of love.

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    1. OMG- I thought the same thing about running in Philadelphia with my personals exposed, would the smog and pollutoin of the city get in my special place and cause me problems?
      Too funny!

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  34. Have never done a nude run, but have done the undies run for colon cancer. What made if funny was that I just put my drawers on over my running shorts, while everyone else was just sporting their undies - no shorts. What a prude I am!
    I have gone to nude beaches and once you get past the staring and pointing phase, it's just about not getting tan lines, and you stop seeing the people around you. Now, I prefer not to be constrained by a bathing suit or bikini, but I won't do it if I am the only one. That way, playing the odds, I figure there will be at least one person who's also had a c-section and as well, there will be at least one person who looks way worse naked than I do.
    The real downside to naked and out in public is that with camera phones all over the place, you never know when your photo is going to end up spread all over the internet.

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  35. The way to do a nude run is to do a nighttime nude run, in the woods, say on a group campout with friends who aren't too saggy. :)
    You go nice and slow, it's exhilarating!!

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  36. So funny! Once you see it you can't un-see it. Like the picture of the bacon bra I saw on facebook - forever scarred by it! Anyway, no nude races for me. Would want everyone to see me and I certainly don't want to see everyone else. Its not a good look for everyone. That wedding photo is disturbing. That guy in the top hat...eww.

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    1. Ack! Would NOT want everyone to see me!!

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  37. Your post made me laugh so. freaking. hard. I love it!!!!
    Hey, I also wanted to let you know that I'm hosting a blog hop today at my blog and would love to have you join in! http://feetdominatingpavement.blogspot.com. Check it out!
    Cheers!
    L Finch

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  38. Uh, no. Never did a nude race and no desire to ever do one (or see one either, ugh!). The girls are not all that big these days, but they still would NOT appreciate going without some support. Never been to a nude beach either, nor any intention of going. I'd feel weird NOT being naked, and there is no way I'm stripping in public!

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  39. I don't even want to imagine the ragein' amount of pain my tits would be in after a nude run ... or my poor eyes.
    In the words of Sweet Brown "Ain't nobody got Time fuh that!"

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  40. OMG! This had be absolutely cracking up. I never knew they had these. It wouldn't have matter anyways because I also wouldn't be brave enough to do it. lol Your post was top notch. lol Thanks for sharing. I just had to share on my Facebook page for others to read also. It was too funny not to.

    Mrs White
    http://bringingfurmanhome.blogspot.com

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  41. I run so I can look good naked but Damn! Even after running every day for the past 865ish days, I still don't think I want to run naked. Nor would anyone else want me to!

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  42. I went to Jamaica and went up to the nude bar (i was in a swimsuit) and the naked guy closely in front of me farted on me....i almost died laughing and left without my drink

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  43. I went to Jamaica and went up to the nude bar (i was in a swimsuit) and the naked guy closely in front of me farted on me....i almost died laughing and left without my drink

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  44. Nope, not me. Three words - Sports bra and chafing.
    Does the train like you race thing apply here? I can't imagine doing my morning run in my birthday suit in the cold at 6am.

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  45. Underpants run is about as naked as I get, and I sort of cheat that b/c I wear nude undies under my cute outer undies, and they cover more than my bikini bottoms typically. My standard race attire this year has been a sports bra and short compression shorts, so really, it wasn't much of a stretch for me anyway. No way am I wearing less than that or do I want to see less than that. No amount of aquaphor would save me from the chaffing, and my boobs look terrible with stretch marks from nursing. They are only cute and perky when they have help from Victoria's secret.

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  46. I love running too but my god not naked, each to their own i guess.

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  47. That is something I'd never consider, since I carry so much with me while I run (car/house key, ginger chews, ipod, gels).

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  48. I'm a NO on this one, if only because my girls need SUPPORT. I can't run in just a plain ol' tank top without boob bounce. There is no way that running au-natural wouldn't be painful.

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  49. Have you read Meals and Miles blog? She ran a 5k nude!

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  50. Yes yes yes I would totally do this and was supposed to be at the Woodstock run if I had not hurt myself. Oh the tears and sadness. Next year! It gives me plenty of time to tone

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