Thursday, March 10, 2011


Age: 44

Bed Size: Queen because I am a queen. Wish I were a king, though. Glad I’m not a twin.

Chore You Hate: Cleaning out the skids

Dogs?: Three legged, one eyed Cocker Spaniel named Lucky who has lengthy penis licking sessions each and every day.

Essential Start Your Day Item: Pee, brush teeth, coffee

Favorite Color: Don’t have one. Changes too often.

Gold or Silver? Platinum because remember I’m a queen

Height: 5’5”

Instruments You Play: Butt horn

Job Title: Freelance Writer, Home Study Contractor (social worker)

Kids: Emma age 9, Sam age 13

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Live: Yes, I do

Mom's Name: Susan (w/brother, Dave)


Nicknames: Betty, Booty, Hon, Mom, Mother Earth

Overnight Hospital Stays? Pregnancies only unless you count Emma having surgery and me staying there with her overnight (2006)


Pet Peeve: ABC blog games

Quote from a Movie: Airplane


Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.

Right or Left Handed? Right

Siblings: Older brother by three years: David (see above)

Time You Wake Up? 6:30 a.m.

Underwear: An assortment depending on what is planned for the day – running, biking – commando. Regular day – low rise lacey things. Time of the month: junk underwear. Never thongs. Don’t like them.


Vegetable You Dislike: None

What Makes You Run Late: Diarrhea

X-Rays You've Had Done: Wrist, foot, knee, mammograms, etc.

Yummy Food You Make: Chocolate cake, taco salad, Butterfinger cookies

Zoo, Favorite Animal: Polar bear

Bet you didn’t know about the thong thing or the butt horn,




  1. I have never heard of a queen adorned in platinum, but whatever. Maybe you meant a platinum toilet...

  2. Butt horn. ha!

    I prefer coffee, then brush my teeth. Do you have to brush your teeth a second time?

  3. Julie - yeah, gotta brush first to get rid of morning breath then later to get rid of coffee breath.

  4. Everyone is mentioning going commando for running. I was apparently out of the loop, because I keep trying to find the perfect underwear for it.

  5. Butt horn.... haha!!!

  6. Elaine Dickinson:
    You got a telegram from headquarters today.
    Ted Striker:
    Headquarters--what is it?
    Elaine Dickinson:
    Well, it's a big building where generals meet, but that's not important right now.

  7. Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it?
    Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
    Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.
    (One of my favorite movies.)

    I play the butt horn too! We have so much in common.

  8. I like the last picture - too funny.

  9. Yay for a pic of Lucky with two eyes!

  10. My sister is always bragging about playing the butt tuba.

  11. Butt horn! hahahahaha! And I can't stand thongs...feels like underwear that are too big and crawled in your crack! Thanks for the laughs over my coffee. Oh, I drink the coffee, and THEN brush my teeth.

  12. Butt horn!! I'm a professional musician and trust me we have plenty of butt horns in the orchestra!

  13. LOVE Airplane. Love watching it with my husband too, because he's a pilot and gets even more geeked out over the movie than me!

  14. Oh man, Airplane. I can remember laughing my head off at (were we about 12, 13?) when it came out.

    Do you give butt horn lessons?

  15. :) airplane is hilarious
    no thongs huh ?? you strike me as a thong girl but then again...there is that sweet bathing suit shot with the granny-panny so....

  16. ooooh, love airplane! i'll take some chocolate cake :)

  17. I am with you on the underwear thing...
    Last pic is the best
    I bought a box of cards with with similar ones and that one was in it
    I send them to my friends back home once in a while. I still like REAL mail!
    Love the picture of your kids, you should frame that one!

  18. You sure have some great looking kids (and mom & brother too for that matter). Please feel free to share your butterfinger cookie recipe... that sounds super yummy!

  19. The photo of the kids is GREAT!

    I brush my teeth twice in the morning too.

  20. I play the butt horn too! Look at that. I gave a great performance yesterday at work. Damn chickpeas and onions... get me every time.

  21. I'm with you on thongs - the only thing that needs to get that close to my butt crack is toilet paper!!

  22. Can you bring some butterfinger cookies to Boston?!?

    Also - ordered the jacket through and googled a 15% off coupon :)

  23. You are freaking hilarious. Glad I found your blog, enjoy a good laugh every other day (because you aren't ALWAYS funny haha).

    I feel better knowing I am not the only commando out there... wonder who else goes commando? Do I hear blog topic?!

  24. Whenever I watch something scary I always comment that it's not realistic, people the people involved should be shitting their pants.

  25. Your kids are adorable. Love the one of little Emma.

    Your ABCs rock. You are too funny. And I often go commando when running and always when biking. And proud of it!

  26. Why is it called 'commando'? Anyone know?

    I love that pic of the older people... acute angina... lol.

    "I speak jive."

  27. XLMIC - great question - answer from the Urban Dic:

    "It is called 'going commando' because of an old practice in the army, where, so you didn't shit your underwear in battle, you didn't wear any - and therefore could boast that you didn't shit your pants."

  28. Good choice of fave animal. Polar bears rule!

  29. Hahaha, I love that last pic!

    And I quote Airplane to myself. All the time. I'm a weirdo.

  30. I really have to stop reading your posts at work! Love the last pic, that is really funny!

  31. You make butterfinger cookies?! And we've never seen them?!! Sad.

    Very cute pic of those kiddos ;)

  32. I feel a poll about to start, so I'm going to raise my hand for "Those of you who run commando" question.

    It's the only way to fly. But I'm wearing a thong right now.

    Also, I stole your idea and posted ABCs on my blog, too. Thanks for the idea. Kisses!

  33. Butterfinger cookies.... NEED. RECIPE. NOW. Please and Thank you : )

    AMEN to running in no undies; best decision ever.

  34. OMG .. Matty O has found your blog (re: #27). Be careful! :)
    Loved the ABC's and the 3-legged dog comment about his penis licking session ... funny (even though I know it's true)
    Commando for running and biking (oh and swimming if you want to be technical) - Absolutely!

  35. Very funny! Thanks! I really enjoyed this post.

  36. haha enjoyed your answers! fave! The kids LOVE the butthorn around here.

  37. I love that pic of Sam and Emma....too precious.

    You play the best butt horn that I've ever heard.

  38. My first thought was why brush your teeth BEFORE coffee. Upon reading the comments, I'm glad to know I'm not the only freak who doesn't. :)

    What happened to Lucky's eye?

  39. see, I would have said internet meme's in general for my pet peeve.

    Now, off to generate a few more things about me for my blog...