Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Corn Dog

I’ve got six miles of white-woman-power-walking on my agenda for this morning.

So, if you see a blond pony-tailed, skinny-assed honkey making her way around the back roads of Boulder County, give her a shout out. She is likely bored out of her mind. She might be dancing as she walks because this is one way she keeps things interesting. She could be on the phone, but she will hang up instantly if it means talking to a real human being. Please don’t throw Mountain Dew bottles and/or cigarette butts at her and keep your cat calls to a minimum no matter how great her butt looks in her tights. This is all very distracting.

I love to talk about myself in the third person. It is so mature.

I will walk to a tiny greasy spoon restaurant to meet a running client. Yes, having a destination helps.

Yesterday, Sam (13) came home to let me know the subject of his health class.

Sam:Today we learned about sexual harassment. We talked about corndogging.”

Me: (becoming very uncomfortable because I am familiar enough with the Urban Dictionary to know that anything with “dogging” at the end is very naughty and disgusting). “Really?” I said while laughing my ass off, “What’s corndogging?”

Sam: It’s when you knee someone in the butt. We also learned what a Snuggi is.”

Me: “That is so last week. I got a leopard print one for Christmas.”

Sam: “No. Not that kind of Snuggi. A Snuggi is when you hug someone and grab their butt.”

If you see me walking today don’t even attempt to corndog or Snuggi me. I will slap you in the face.

1.6.8.3.5

That is my Boston bib number. It is all becoming very real. Maybe my walk this morning should be 30 miles. I am not prepared. Not ready. But crazy excited for what April 18 will hold. I am in coral #2, have a white bib and will start this adventure at 10:20 a.m. on Patriot’s Day. I know Tall Mom is in my coral. Are you? Did you buy your pool raft yet?

16835 is a very lucky. If you translate those numbers into Arabic and read them backwards with a British accent it means, “You will have a very good running day, your hip will not hurt, the weather will be perfect and you will not have a care in the world."

I knew it!

Don’t forget my Twist running shirt giveaway. Ends Friday.

Off and walking,

SUAR

50 comments:

  1. bahahahah. kids these days. :) have a great walk!

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  2. Arabic and an English Accent? Do your talents ever end?

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  3. Loved the Corndogging and snuggi statements, gotta love kids! Have a GREAT walk!!

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  4. I'm 4148 - red bib. I can't wait to meet all of the cool bloggers!

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  5. I'll be ready to corndog and snuggi strangers the day I BQ!

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  6. Have a great walk! Boston is so close :)

    (btw, in urban dictionary, corn dogging is NOTHING like your son described....blech!)

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  7. enjoy that walk, and hey enjoy Boston! Just soak up that crowd!!!!!!

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  8. We learned about the "dolphin" in our Health class, but not from the teacher - um, nevermind.

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  9. Have a great time on your speedy walking....you are going to look good doing it. Thank you for the definition of those words, my students use them all the time and I am CLUELESS of what they mean. I will be sending you an email with about 20 other words for your son to define for me!

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  10. I will be in your coral! I heard about filling leaf bags with crumpled newspaper for sitting but a pool raft sounds less dorky! See you in 26 days!!!

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  11. Thanks to your blog I've learned to fear the Urban Dictionary. Regardless of the term, there always seems to be at least one description that has to have originated from prison.

    Enjoy your walk and daydreams of Boston. Right around the corner.

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  12. Wishing you a wonderful Wednesday walk :) I am getting to be such a skilled blogger that I can even comment with alliteration :P

    If you get super bored you can always téléphone moi! We could speak Franglish. And when you get home you could relax in your leopard Snuggi and eat a corndog. Yum.

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  13. My students have a different word for corndogging. They call it rhinoing.

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  14. I got 2 sons. they are 5 and 6. I think I need a pill to make them stay at that age. no crazy words I don't know yet. for me I have an extra degree of difficulty: I speak French not English! well not really english!

    boston will be great! you are going on your 2 feet! it will be great!

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  15. Snuggi and corndogging? My health classes used to be so boring.

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  16. Have a good walk!

    I'm not even going to bother trying to learn those phrases. Everything will change again a few times before my kids bring home different phrases. I can't keep up, so I'll just catch up when I have to.

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  17. Let's contrast the generational language here: You use "honky," something I'm sure you children are not familiar with (I hate dangle participles) and they use corndog and snuggi. So funny.

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  18. be careful with that speedwalking! i have, point of fact, had a 2-liter of mt. dew thrown at me during a run. it was awesome...

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  19. Since I use to live in Erie CO, as a mom I would be scared of what the Boulder schools taught in Sex Ed Class. "Corndogging" could have been a whole lot worse. Glad you got that lucky #.

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  20. Ummmm i am not old and have never heard of those terms. Why can't they just say "copping a feel"? or kneeing someone in the ass. How is kneeing someone in the ass sexual harrassment anyways?!?!

    WOW, I feel old now.

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  21. Any walk that includes a view of the Flat-irons & Green Mtn. is okay in my book.

    After running Boston the last three years I’m starting to regret not running it again this year. Love that race.

    All the best,

    Ron

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  22. Snuggi is gonna be my new thing. Too funny! Good luck on your run.
    :)
    LC

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  23. I've really gotta brush up on my adolescent slang.

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  24. I feel so out of the loop, but will now incorporate these into my vocabulary.
    Have a good walk!

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  25. Around these parts, a corndog (when not food) is a comment that sounds like a compliment at first, and is something else when you think about it.

    btw, nice job building up to the 10 miler the other day!

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  26. emz always loves talking about herself in the 3rd person.

    I love what our kids learn at school.
    up next...hobagging

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  27. OMG Corndogging?!!!! hahahha I'll contact you in 10 years when the Peanut is 13 and learning about sexual harrassmant and what they call it then. I can only imagine!

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  28. You will have a great day. Think of it when you cross that finish line. You put in a lot of hard work and it will have paid off.

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  29. Hope you had a great walk without getting corn-dogged or sbuggi'd!

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  30. Have a good walk. I hope you didn't get corndogged or snuggied ... or anything else horrifying.

    Your number DOES look very lucky. I know you'll do fantastic. :)

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  31. Snuggi and corndogging?! Ha! Health class sure has changed from my days...! Enjoy your power walk!

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  32. I'll be in there with you-#16638! I had better hurry to Target and pick up my pool raft.

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  33. i'd believe your translation. but you forgot: and look hot while doing it. YAY for boston bibs.

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  34. I'm pretty sure there are other definitions for corndogging. At least according to my husband.

    Hope you enjoyed your walk. I think you should do a live action video next time you power walk. I can only imagine the things you would share...

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  35. Corndogging... I love it! I was never taught about that or Snuggi-ing when I was in school. I missed out!

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  36. your bib reminds me of... 2_4_6_8 who do we appreciate.... mostly because of the 6 & 8... no other reason ;-)

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  37. Darn it! No corndogging, huh? There go my plans for Easter!

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  38. hahaha! I laughed this entire post. too funny.

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  39. hahaha - I don't know how you can have these kinds of serious conversations with your kids without completely falling apart laughing.

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  40. Corndogging......hilarious.

    16835, 16835, 16835

    Officially engrained in the brain.

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  41. And once again, I have learned something new. Go Boston!! One day....

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  42. I'm in coral #2 too! We should try and stalk each other out, make awkward jokes to ease the nerves, sit on our pool rafts together, and soak in the whole experience. It's gonna be awesome!

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  43. Wow, you know backwards arabic also! That is TOTALLY what it means. You are going to have an AWESOME time in Boston!

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  44. OMG. I NEED to go back to middle school. Seriously.

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