I’ve got six miles of white-woman-power-walking on my agenda for this morning.
So, if you see a blond pony-tailed, skinny-assed honkey making her way around the back roads of Boulder County, give her a shout out. She is likely bored out of her mind. She might be dancing as she walks because this is one way she keeps things interesting. She could be on the phone, but she will hang up instantly if it means talking to a real human being. Please don’t throw Mountain Dew bottles and/or cigarette butts at her and keep your cat calls to a minimum no matter how great her butt looks in her tights. This is all very distracting.
I love to talk about myself in the third person. It is so mature.
I will walk to a tiny greasy spoon restaurant to meet a running client. Yes, having a destination helps.
Yesterday, Sam (13) came home to let me know the subject of his health class.
Sam: “Today we learned about sexual harassment. We talked about corndogging.”
Me: (becoming very uncomfortable because I am familiar enough with the Urban Dictionary to know that anything with “dogging” at the end is very naughty and disgusting). “Really?” I said while laughing my ass off, “What’s corndogging?”
Sam: “It’s when you knee someone in the butt. We also learned what a Snuggi is.”
Me: “That is so last week. I got a leopard print one for Christmas.”
Sam: “No. Not that kind of Snuggi. A Snuggi is when you hug someone and grab their butt.”
If you see me walking today don’t even attempt to corndog or Snuggi me. I will slap you in the face.
That is my Boston bib number. It is all becoming very real. Maybe my walk this morning should be 30 miles. I am not prepared. Not ready. But crazy excited for what April 18 will hold. I am in coral #2, have a white bib and will start this adventure at 10:20 a.m. on Patriot’s Day. I know Tall Mom is in my coral. Are you? Did you buy your pool raft yet?
16835 is a very lucky. If you translate those numbers into Arabic and read them backwards with a British accent it means, “You will have a very good running day, your hip will not hurt, the weather will be perfect and you will not have a care in the world."
I knew it!
Off and walking,