Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Clean Sheets Never Had a Chance

Thanks guys for all of your support about making this decision. To run or not to run, that is the question. I hope it becomes more clear as the week progresses. And, a big thanks to Mike who left this supportive comment. You make me all warm inside:

“Dean Karnazes did 50 marathons in 50 days but you can't do one because you've got an ouchie? I thought you had more mettle than that. “

Mettle. Had to look that one up. It means strength of character: spirited determination.  I think most runners would agree it takes incredible strength to not run a race you’ve trained for in order to avoid further injury. Now, that’s a mark of real determination. And shit! I did just jump out of a plane. What more do you want?

Moving on…it’s been the subject of blog posts – the things non-runners say to runners. I’m sure it’s the same with any sport. Those scuba divers probably have beers and chuckle over what non-scuba people say like, “How deep do you have to go to dive under the island?”. Jockeys are rolling on the floor laughing in their miniature knickers talking about what the non-jockey said to them (“Where do you buy those cute little pants?”).  Or, maybe they’re  just telling good jockey jokes*.

That said, I must share today’s funny from a non-runner. It’s very cute and sweet.

My chiropractor and I have become intimate in the past five weeks. We see each other three times a week. He’s a good guy – an ex-preacher. He calls me nicknames like “sunshine,” “gorgeous,” and “little lady” (but never “mettle”). I love a good nickname, it feels endearing and like you share a special something with someone (even if he does call everyone by these names).  He contorts my body in strange ways (while calling me little lady). A couple days ago he came at me with some device that he called a “very large vibrator” (almost couldn't keep a straight face on that one). He has seen my butt crack a few times (unintentionally) and even touched my boob once (surprised he could find the thing). And, yes, he’s smelled my gas. So, we are like this:

fingerscrossed

Today, I pleaded with him to work some magic so I could run the marathon on Sunday. This is the point where all of his non-running knowledge emerged. First, he told me to put my running shoe inserts into all the shoes I wear during the day. Somehow I don’t think those are fitting in my Danskos anytime soon. Then, the clincher:

Sunshine, I really want to see you run this race. All of it. I want you to be strong and be able to do this. Heck, I want you to win the race.”

Say what?

Sure doc. This little lady is going to crank out a 2:12 marathon on a bad hip. No problem. Hell, I could have the best hips in the universe and NEVER have a 2 in front of my marathon time. Never ever never ever never. It’s all I can do to have  “3” in the front.

Now for the joke (it is funny or I wouldn’t waste your time):

*The Big Horse Race Horses in the race are: 1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Short s6. Clean Sheets 7. Thighs 8. Big Johnson 9. Heavy Bosom 10. Merry Cherry.

At the Post: They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot. At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson. At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive. Passionate Lady is coming. At the finish it's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head. Heavy Bosom weakens and Thighs pulls-up. Clean Sheets never had a chance.

Keeping it real,

SUAR

48 comments:

  1. Well, it's kinda cute what the chiro said! Still keeping my fingers crossed for you. And yes, it takes MORE mettle to make the decision not to start.

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  2. Best wishes for whatever it is you do decide. I am learning over here, that the best runners use their heads instead of their "mettle". You have to love the non-runners who are positive. Cute!

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  3. Aww! What a sweetheart!

    I hope you are able to get things figured out soon! Saying a prayer for you!

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  4. awww to the chiropractor. hope things work out for the best!

    and i like that joke. i'm going to share it with everyone i see today :)

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  5. It takes a heck of a lot more grit and guts to NOT run a race than to run it. We are behind you, whatever you decide. Keeping fingers crossed!!!

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  6. Hope the stars align for a good race effort and performance on race day!

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  7. I love it when people say "How long is this marathon?" or "Are all marathons 26 miles?"...I guess I take for granted that people know that! haha...

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  8. You are smart to take an "ouchie" seriously. You are a long term runner-- you want to be running years from now. Alternatively, others only think about the machismo of the next race. I think deciding NOT to run this weekend would be the hardest decision. I am so sorry you have to be in this position. I am sure that as the week progresses, your decision will become more clear.

    I do love the chiro hoping you would win the race. My kids ask me that before every race :-)

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  9. If you run long enough, you'll face this dilemma - I'm sorry you're facing it now. I know you will make the decision that is right for you. I won't advise you either way - I am certainly not qualified to do so! But I will say this: what is your ultimate running goal? Because mine is to be running when I'm 80, and that directs my decisions.

    If you let your ultimate goal direct your decisions, you won't be wrong. Good luck, and let us know what you decide!

    (Oh, and favorite non-runner question: "How far is a marathon, anyway?")

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  10. Awww, my chiro is a sweet man too but yours is really sweet. =) Praying that you will be guided during your decision-making =)

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  11. Clean Sheets has mettle for taking on Passionate Lady and Big Johnson.

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  12. Haha! That was a sweet comment your chiro made. Hopefully you'll get to run (if not win). Fingers crossed!

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  13. "but never "mettle"" LOL

    the joke was funny, too, of course.

    Yeah, I'd be careful with the whole peer pressure "mettle" thing. Better run Boston in 3:20 (like I'm sure you will), then have this crappy marathon with pain and make it worse, and then have to sit out another couple of months and not run Boston.

    Anyway, there are as many opinion as you've got readers, soooooo do what's best for you! But I hope you don't run without feeling 100%. It's not worth it!

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  14. Hey get out there and win it. Ahhhhhh... Hey, it's possible, I'm considering a half-marathon in a tiny little town where my husband grew up. Last year was there first one and I saw the photos... and saw the same 10 people in each of the photos... maybe I have a chance at top 10!

    Cheering for you from Texas - marathon or not. Thanks for posting about this... it's a hard decision.

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  15. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhlWddAXSRA

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  16. whatever you decide is going to be the right decision for you. Hope you are back to feeling 110% very, very soon.

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  17. I really hope you win! Love the jockey joke.

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  18. I agree with Terri. If your hip is hurting and it could possibly mess up Boston... f*&$ mettle!

    Take it easy and see how it goes. You'll know in your heart what the right thing to do would be. As a trainer.. what would you advise a client? We are all pulling for your hip to feel better and that you will run a fantastic race (Of course you would) Good luck!

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  19. I want to you to win it, too!! But I know you have many more races in the future, including Boston, to ROCK!

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  20. Aw, I'm sure he was just hoping for the best for you. I just hope you're not injured too badly.

    Jockey joke made my day. It was a LOL for realz. Like OUT LOUD aloud.

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  21. The URL Mike G posted to the Geiko ad on youtube made me burst out loud laughing. I know it get's a bit jittery in the days leading up to the big race but it sure helps to crack a smile and have a few laughs.

    Dana

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  22. My grandmother and my 3 year old say the same thing... "Did you win?"

    No but I finished in the top third. They have no idea how much work that takes.

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  23. That's why I never bet on horse races. I really thought Bare Belly was going to make it. ... oh wait ... you said it was a joke. never mind

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  24. Hahaha. Too, too funny!!
    Crossing my fingers for a good dr. appt tomorrow!! HUGS!

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  25. I feel dirty just reading that joke. I am a visual learner, okay? I was picturing all of that in my mind as I read that. Thanks a lot. P.S. I am at work!
    But it was funny ...

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  26. Haha! I LOVE that, gonna have to pass that on to people.

    I recently had someone ask me how long the marathon was. That's not what got me laughing though, I get that question a lot. What tickled me was that after I told her how long it was, she asked: "Oh. Do you have to train for something like that". Huh???? I told her about my training, but I was secretly laughing my ass off.

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  27. Ha! Way too funny! Love a little silly adult humor. :-)

    I think chiro docs must all take the same Conversational What to Say to Your Patients Class as mine has said the exact same things to me. LOL!!! Are the adjustments helping???

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  28. Part of a conversation I had with my non-runner friend after my first marathon:

    Me: I'm still pretty sore.
    Friend: Why would you be sore?
    Me: What?
    Friend: I mean, why would you be sore? You run all the time -- it's not like running a marathon can be that different from what you do everyday. Well, did you win?

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  29. now THAT is how the next kentucky derby should go.

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  30. Sooooo, what you're saying is that if you don't win your chiro is going to be very very disappointed in you. Cool, good to know.

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  31. Well, if you DO run on Sunday, let me know. I'd love to meet up with you before the race. Maybe in the port-o-potty line? :-) Haven't seen you in way too long. Good luck deciding; go with your gut. Well, in your case, maybe not. Haha.

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  32. nice joke;-) and w/your post title, I thought you were reading my mind b/c I'm tryin' my darnest to make my house look 'presentable' for a school coffee talk...but bottom line is...i just ain't got it in me!

    and now w/your run desicion. What's your A race? You wanna do Boston right. I say if hip is still hurting...bag this race and gear up for Boston in April 2011. just my opinion;-)

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  33. I feel your pain. It's not easy to back off and heal. But it will be so worth it in the "long run".

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  34. Oh, the hip pain... Been there done that, too! I've been a bad blogger lately and haven't read along as usual, so I don't know if you got an x-ray or MRI just to be on the safe side.

    I've heard the "did you win?" comment before. Tee hee. Your chiro sounds like a sweet guy, though!

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  35. Oh, non-runners. They do give me a good laugh.
    Lol that joke is great!

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  36. Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for you. How's that for cryptic? You're welcome.

    As for comments non-runners make, I love to say to strollers who tell me to run faster or lift my knees or whatever the hell else, this is my stock response: "Would you like to set the pace for me? Didn't think so . . ."

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