Thursday, January 27, 2011

All About the Hair

This is a running/workout/fitness blog (well, maybe), so let’s get this out of the way. Today I had a date with the elliptical and I took advantage of him. I dripped sweat all over and panted heavily. I then moved onto yoga where I Downward Dogged and Warrior 2’d like no one’s business. It was sloppy and wet. And, it rocked.

Also, today as I made my way around the world, I thought about a couple of things.

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I like to think I wake up, put my slippers on and drink my coffee expecting the best from the day. That I give people the benefit of the doubt and try to see the good qualities in all. I am convinced this is the best and only way to live. I hope people do the same for me because Lord knows I’ve got my share of faults.

Yet, sometimes, you just have to get cranky and bitchy with the general public. I don’t fight every battle, but some are worth the time.

Last night we had a traumatic experience around here. One that each one of you has probably gone through at least once. One you wish you could forget.

The haircut gone wrong.

I have been prohibited to divulge the name of the victim, but I will tell you it wasn’t me. Suffice it to say said-victim got butchered with a capital “B.” The problem was somewhat rectified with a

  • return to the dreaded hair place
  • a refund
  • a bitch-session with the manager
  • the promise of free haircuts to come
  • a fixing of the hair to a something that the victim could live with until some hair grew back.

Let me put it this way. The victim’s hair was so messed up, the manager actually took a picture of it. Wall of shame or something.

The tears kept flowing, however. A bad haircut is like 2012: the end of the world.

I’ve had my share of trauma in the salon. When I was ten my mom and I agreed to cut off my long locks to something that resembled a Dorothy Hamill style. I figured if I had Dorothy’s hair I could become an Olympic skater.

dorothyhamill

Let’s call a spade a spade. Total bowl cut.

The inches came off and I left looking like someone with a penis – a BOY! Everyone in my fifth grade class reminded me of this fact several times a day for weeks. Clearly, the memory of the taunting isn’t still painful. At all.

The worst hair disaster, however, occurred only five years ago. I went in for highlights with my favorite hair person. We were tight. I trusted her.  I asked if she could throw in some strawberry blond. I knew things had gone south when she rinsed my hair and saidbozo, “SHIT!”

My hair was clown orange. No joke. She tried to make it better by toning it down. It then became mahogany, just like the color of your favorite cabinets. Finally, she removed all the pigment from my hair and I walked out, six hours later, bright blond with one patch of clown orange, my battle scar.

What’s your worst hair disaster?

I am not giving you the finger and don’t you dare call me Bozo,

SUAR

71 comments:

  1. My hair lady turned me gray once.... I was 16..... it was awful. I had to stay gray for a day b/c if she was to reverse it that day it would have fried my hair.

    I had pretty awesome bangs until I was 20 too.

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  2. You're looking hot in this picture Beth...middle finger and all. My brother cut my pony tail off when I was 4. It sucked. My dad had just died, my hair was cut off and I looked like a freakin' sad little boy. I'll have to find the picture and send it to you. Talk about needing some sunshine blown up my butt.

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  3. The week before my mom's wedding (October 2008), I went to my trusted hairdresser. I was her last appointment of the day and she was not focused, it seems. My hair had huge chunks of orange, some blonde, a little brown. I looked not unlike a calico cat. While many cats can pull this off, it was not the look I was going for...especially because I knew I would be in a ton of wedding photos. I also had to get my hair re-done within two days, and it ended up being much blonder than I had hoped for. But hey -- not calico, right?

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  4. My mom used to cut me and my brothers hair. We all got the same haircut, short, thus I was mistaken for a boy for YEARS!

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  5. Easy: The best part : I did it to myself.
    I burned my bangs 2 days before my wedding..oh yeah...I looked like a fool with the middle of my bangs shorter then the rest...

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  6. I've gone from shaved head to purple fuschia colored hair all on my own. My hair has cow licks so it's a mess to work with sometimes so any hair cut could be a disaster in the works.

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  7. oh and nothing to do with the hair..but I loved your article for Athleta, I saw the post on Facebook, must have missed it here anyway, really good one!

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  8. My old hairdresser would watch herself talk in the mirror while she was cutting my hair. Needless to say, she thought looking her face was WAY more important than my hair and cut a chunk a couple of inches wide out of the back. 8 inches later I was walking out, crying, with a chili bowl haircut. AND she had the nerve to try to make me pay.

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  9. My friends still refer to it as the "berries and creme" cut. You can check out my doppelganger here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYX_zhlTDr8

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  10. I had something very similar to the bowl cut when I was little. I remember going to my dad's hairdresser (never a good idea) for the main cut. And I distinctly remember my mum doing my bangs - she'd put some tape on them and then cut the tape off. I suppose it was the easiest way to get a straight line...

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  11. Girl, I don't know what you are talking about, your hair looks awesome! I loved your description of your workout this morning:) My worst hair disaster was when I decided to die it jet black, it was awful!

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  12. i love how youre giving us the finger in that first picture, you classy broad you ;)

    although i love your hair. jealous.

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  13. Hungry runner girl - wasn't me who got the bad cut. You should see the true victim.

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  14. Oh no! Hope the victim's tears have dried... My worst was the summer I was 15. BFF & I decided it would be fabulous to turn our naturally platinum heads auburn. Drugstore run on our bikes. "Temporary" color purchased. I went first... god bless my mother who shelled out serious cash to the hair salon to fix my purple hair.

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  15. Oh no!! That sucks! Let's see, the worst haircut I got was when I actually decided to go with a short style (up until that point, my hair had been shoulder length or longer). Anyways, I think the girl was new b/c she cut it and it kept getting shorter and shorter. I think she kept trying to fix it by cutting it more! Anyways, I ended up with super short spikey hair all over the place and it was horrible!
    I will NEVER go short again!
    P.S. Did you see my build-a-sign post? If you want a tri cling, send me your address and I'll mail one out to you!

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  16. LOL! have you not seen my husbands fro? ACK! He finally cut it. I got bangs one time, I looked 5!
    LC

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  17. I once to asked for "strawberry blonde" and came out with orange. I now pay too freakin much money to Zac who never messes up. I guess it's worth it.

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  18. Oh, poor victim:)
    My worst hair cut memory was in fist grade. My teacher liked everyone to have short hair (I had it long). She said that those with long hair will not become pioneers (I grew up in Communist Romania). I had long hair and mom refused to take me to get it cut. So, I cut it myself. It was ....memorable:)

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  19. Poor kid or hubby.... No mi gusta!

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  20. You know, women's hair is one of the things that is enormously confusing to men. We are poor simple creatures, easily deluded and confused. Hair colour and style is enough to do it, especially if a few years have passed. Sometimes a few weeks will do it.

    Women always want to DO things with their hair. I've never understood. No, really. Why bother? Find a good style, length, and go with it. Then you go into the hair person one a month, and say, just like it is, only an inch shorter. Short, sweet, and done in 10 minutes. Then there'd be no excuse to charge the exorbitant rates women have to pay. It's all a rip off.

    I'll tell you a secret, only because I'm three glasses of wine to the wind. Besides, none of the men who read this blog know where I live. Men aren't looking at your hair. Trust me on this. Oh sure, they'll get around to it eventually, but unless he's got a bit of a fetish for bald, he just looks enough to register (hair - check), and trust me, that's well down the check list. Do I really need to describe what's higher on the check list? No, I thought not. I, for one, am a sucker for a sultry smokey voice.

    So, someone got their hair butchered. Big deal. 2 weeks and nobody will notice. Maybe one week. MY solution is to buzz the whole works, and tell people you raised a zillion dollars for cancer. Win win all round.

    There are a ton of people (in Canada that's a tonne, in case you wanted to know) who would dearly love to have the problem of dealing with hair. Whether it's old age, or chemo, or a poor choice of parents, they face the tragic (TRAGIC!!! oh and my heart is breaking!!!!) problem of not enough hair on top, and too much hair elsewhere. I stand here and say, (actually I'm sitting) I know know the pain of hairy ears and you have a little bit of my sympathy. But not much because I'm totally a non sympathetic old curmudgeon. So there.

    While I'm on about it, lets talk about colour. Changing it gets you into a world of hurt. Even the most oblivious guy is going to notice if the curtains don't match the carpet. And no, it's not going to slow him down, just in case you were wondering. But later, he'll wonder which is the real colour. My niece once went to a stylist recommended to her by her manager, of all people. Her first clue should have been that he wasn't gay. So she went, at great inconvenience, and came home with brass yellow hair. She was devastated. She didn't get much sympathy from me, but she also wore a hat for about two weeks till she could find a good stylist that could fix it. So why, I wondered, didn't she do that FIRST???

    Maybe blondes did have more fun, back with the only way to lighten was with lemon juice. But now, when anyone can be blonde at a moments notice? I doubt it. Some hair colours look good with particular skin colours. Amanda Tapping is gorgeous as a blonde and with dark hair. (Oops, did I say that out loud?) But really, hair colour in itself is just a detail. Better to have nice healthy looking hair, cut in a style that suits you, regardless of colour.

    On another thread, lots of the girls I hang out with are fitness kind of girls. And lest you think I'm being demeaning by calling them girls, that's what they call themselves, and almost all of them can kick my ass any time they like at swimming, biking, running, and especially all three together. THEY don't care much about their hair. Or they don't admit to caring. It goes into a pony tail or a bun and is forgotten about. Maybe they pamper it at home, I don't know. But I doubt it. Their ass now, THAT they care about.

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  21. Oh my goodness. I could have written this blog post word for word until you get to the hair disaster. Mine was thankfully not a color, but my SIL was made at her then boyfriend when she fould out he bought a boat instead of a ring for her and my bangs took the wrath. I don't have the Katy Perry nose that looks good with super short bangs. It took 4 weeks.

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  22. When I was six I had really long hair. A girl that played with my hair on the magic carpet asked if she could cut it. I obviously said no. I loved my hair. She cut it anyways. Then she got suspended. Then she hated me for years. :)

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  23. I'm pretty sure had that same bowl cut around age 10... but that was my mom's fault not the hairstylist. But I am very loyal I use to drive 2 hours to b able to keep seeing the same person!

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  24. A couple of months ago a chick was cutting my hair and passed out on my head. she literally crumpled over onto my head. I caught the shearers out of her hand before they could stab me. She managed to F my hair up beyond belief. She was all drugged up. it was sad. The manager offered to fix my hair and I told her to shove it up her ass. Good times. i went home and shaved my head with the clippers.

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  25. A Dude wrote that long of a Comment? Someone wrote a longer comment than Amanda? Wonders never cease. The nice thing about being a guy is that our bad hair cuts last for 3 days.

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  26. Wow, Keith. You sure it was only three glasses of wine?

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  27. I have just discovered your blog via Athleta's Facebook....I don't know why or how it took me so long to find it but I'm currently ignoring writing a paper for Women in Modern America and studying for a quiz for Environmental Chemistry for the sole purpose of reading your blog. You are hilarious. And I am an avid Grape Nut eater. I never knew grapes had nuts..... ;D Looking forward to your next post.

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  28. My worst hair problem is going on right now. I needed a haircut two weeks ago and it is out of control. Karen calls them wings when I put my hat on. Hair all over the place.

    Thankfully I got a call from the salon tofay that my appt is at 745a tomorrow and I am fired up for it.

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  29. Bartender .... I'll have what Keith's having.

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  30. When I was a child my family didn't have much money so my mother cut my hair herself. She had no training nor dexterity for it and I would cry afterwards.

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  31. I asked for a full head of highlights and the hair person thought I meant "bleach every single hair on my head". I was in the chair for so long that I started to get nervous. I noticed toward the end that there wasn't any hair left OUTSIDE of the foils. When she rinsed me and sat me back down, I looked in the mirror and almost screamed. I was an albino.

    Her boss clearly new she f*ed up but they were closing so I had to go back the next day to get lowlights, AKA zebra stripes. I wouldn't leave the house for days.

    I will never forget my day as a freaky albino.

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  32. I was a teenager in the 80's, the hair was big, over permed and I should have bought stock in hairspray. Need I say more?

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  33. i sure hope whoever got the bad haircut is doing better.
    my worst haircut was when i was just about to leave for my first year of college. i had been going to the same stylist for 4 years and said for her to give me the usual. somehow, she chopped off my long layers and gave me bangs-- something that i never had on account of my crazy curly hair. i looked like i had a huge red and frizzy mushroom sitting on top of my head.

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  34. My mama cut my hair for years until she decided she couldn't handle the stress of potentially messing it up. So I gave myself a mullet, and she went right back to cutting it for me. Guess it doesn't count when you traumatize someone else with your horrid hair, does it?

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  35. Ha ha! I'm living a bit of a hair nightmare this week. My husband is calling me "Morticia" and I'm thinking I look a bit like I'm about to bite someone's neck and drink their blood. Anyway, it's just hair, albeit black and violet....

    Oh my-I seriously had the "Dorothy" in 5th grade! Sadly, I was SO proud of it!

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  36. OMG you people are so funny! My 14yo (son) cuts my hair - chop a bunch off the bottom (last time I took 6 inches off and no-one noticed) and that's good for anohter year. It is always in a braid, down or ponytail anyway. I think I went to a salon some time in the early 80s.

    LOVING KEITH'S comment. I think the comments are better than the post (no offence (that was for Keith) SUAR).

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  37. I have managed almost any type of hair disaster possible! When I was in 8th grade I chopped my bangs WAY too short. My punishment was....my mom called all of my friends and made me go to the movies with them.
    In high school, I had blonde hair and decided I wanted to dye it black. What does yellow and black make? Forest green! I was goth, so I rolled with it.
    In college I was getting my hair dyed blonde (from a bad black dye job cause I just never learn) and the woman started chopping my hair. She ended up layering ONE SIDE of my hair. I went back to school and my BF at the time and all of his roommates started teasing me and called me Pat Benetar
    I've tried to "foil" my own head.. lol That went over well.

    Perseverance! That is what I have learned.

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  38. As a hairstylist, there is a BIG difference in a bad haircut(color) and a bad decision! I have made my fair share of mistakes (tru dat!!) but... Communication is huge and knowing the client and trying to assess exactly what it is they are looking for is an entire different ball game. I firmly believe it is up to the stylist to advise the client if what they are asking for is indeed appropriate for them. One question I tend to ask my clients, especially if they are newer or wanting a big change is, " What DON'T you want?" It is good insurance. Sorry for your friends hair; I guess thankfully it's just hair.




    Like the bird.

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  39. John and Becca - yeah, the "victim" in this case was very clear about what she wanted, longer side bang, and ended up with very short bangs on the forehead all choppy and uneven. Think the syltist was just plain inexperienced. Do agree with you, tho, that stylists should let clients know if what they want is not realistic!!

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  40. My hairdresser moved, so I didn't cut my hair for 2 years!!

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  41. I know I'm sick but I'd have liked to see a photo of you with orange hair. My sister is my hairdresser so I never have haircut issues.

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  42. Your hair looks terrible, I'm so sorry Beth!

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  43. Beth, I have had so many hair traumas I hate to even talk about it. Let's just say I am thankful that I can wear a ball cap or wool hat to work every day. I asked for highlights, I got Bozo lights. Orange. Just like you describe, except on my dark brown hair...THEN another time I asked for a TRIM. I had hair below my shoulders and I just wanted to trim the dead stuff off. The girl cut and LITERALLY said "Ooops". Cut one big hunk to just below my chin. I almost cried as the hair fell away..So she said, well, I will just even it up...and I let her because I didn't want half a hair cut...I ended up with this horrendous bob cut. UGH The answer is a good hat, just saying

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  44. Are you flicking me off in your picture?! I THOUGHT SO!!!

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  45. I grew up in TX and loved country music in my teens. I found out I was going to get to meet Clay Walker at a party my mom's work was hosting. Therefore, i schedule a hair cut the day prior so I look my best. I went to Supercuts or TGICrapCutters and I came out looking like a mulleted 1980s softball player. So I met Clay Walker the next day with a mullet. It makes me upset even now. Dammit.

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  46. i got a perm when i was in high school and it was horrible, i hid in my room, it was devasting. i also burnt my bangs on the stove while llighting a cig up - junior high. yea i was so cool, i swear it was singed hair, i have a school photo to prove it.

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  47. First off you're too awesome to not look good. Now my hair disaster was long ago, this hair stylist CHOPPPED off my hair and then said.."It will grow back" WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!

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  48. Oh gosh... I hope the victim's hair grows back quickly and normally! Not fun. :(

    I got a MUSHROOM CUT in grade four. I wound up looking EXACTLY like my brother.

    A few years later my grade 8 class was going through old class photos for our yearbook, and someone actually picked up the grade 4 photo and asked "Why is James B**** in our picture?" And they were not even joking.

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  49. This is hilarious...I came back to read these comments and I saw good ol' Keith and I was instantly going to comment like "holy Keith" and then point out that he's got me beat for sure....Of course, Chris K, you beat me to it. :) But seriously.

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  50. I always cut my own hair. Last year I decided to cut my usually long, layered locks into a wavy, chin length style. As I cut I discovered a huge cowlick in the back of my head. All the hair at the nape of my neck curled upward no matter what I did...until it finally grew out.

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  51. I actually had a "girl mullet" between 5th and 8th grade. It still makes me shudder.

    It's been uncut and growing for almost 7 years, and is roughly ass-length now. I do not trust my hair to stylists. I feel like they're sharpening their scissors and giggling with evil glee when they see me coming. I think I'll leave it long even after I go gray.

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  52. speaking of hair...go check my race picture here

    http://journeytoahalfmaraton.blogspot.com/2011/01/more-about-half-marathon-and-oscars.html

    the one with shirtless Magnum PI
    it will make you laugh...

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  53. Way back in time when perms were in vogue, I went to the person who cut my husband's hair. I had perms before so I told her my hair takes them well. I was looking for a long relaxed curl look. But no.....I walked out of there looking like little orphan Annie, only brunette.

    That was soooo bad.

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  54. Are you giving us the bird in your picture?? ha ha

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  55. The only time I paid to have someone else color my hair it turned out purple. And that wasn't what I wanted. As for haircuts, I have really difficult hair... wavy and super thck... so I usually just cut it myself after several expensive and unimpressive cuts. I just braid it or put it in a ponytail and whack it off. It usually looks extremely shitty... but it WAS FREE! I once did this on the way to the airport and put the severed braids into the glove box when I was done. It FELT really cute, but the family photos of the three-week trip tell a different story.

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  56. I had that Dorothy do too..and I was a figure skater at the time. Every other skater had the same cut. Our parents would get us mixed up in the ice shoes. What were we all thinking?

    And my poor son went to a new place last spring, asked for a buzz cut and came out bald. Completely bald. He had a rough few weeks at school!

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  57. I really enjoy'd Keith's post. Friends don't let friends get on the internet drunk.

    My hair disaster. Senior year of high school. My friend in "Beauty School" tried to give me a spiral perm. It spiral'd right off my head. My hair melted off! I balled my eyes out lol. I went from blonde hair down to my butt, to a fried bob. sucked!

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  58. I don't think I've had a good haircut since I was 18 and I'm 51 now! Can't seem to find anyone good who can deal with my fine straight hair. My worst disaster was when a "friend", who was a hairdresser, gave me blond highlights. She cut it after she colored it and I ended up with all these blond patches all over my head, she also managed to bleach parts of my eyebrows! too. The skunk look, not pretty!

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  59. Every day is my worst hair disaster....

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  60. Wow, this hit home. I got a kind of bad haircut last week, and I was actually depressed for two days. It's not that bad considering what COULD have gone wrong...

    In college I gave myself highlights, but only on the roots b/c that is where I thought I needed them. I ended up with white circles on the top of my head.

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  61. My teen years were in the 80s so, yeah, I had tons of bad hair moments. Some pink. Some black. Some blond and black. Lots of bad.

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  62. I've hardly ever had so much fun on someone else's blog. Maybe three or four times, but then, those blogs belonged to people I know in person, and many of the commenters as well. I was just in the right mood. Thanks for the nice remarks from those who liked my mini-rant. There are more on my own blog. Finding them is an exercise left to the discerning reader.
    And Beth, love your blog. I'm going to have to make some time and visit other people that come here. (senses a frantic scurry as people go lock down their blog comments.)
    In case you were wondering, I don't have enough hair to have a hair disaster. When it gets long enough to need a comb, I go to the barber instead.

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  63. I shaved my head. Twice. The first time was boredom/rebellion induced. The second time alcohol and a desire to look like Tank Girl. The first time was high school, and I was shunned because I was a "lesbian" (why else would I shave my head, my peers thought). The second time was college, which was more forgiving, but I was pretty damn single until it started growing out.

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  64. Egg McMuffin B.O. would be awesome.

    I got to see a taping of Tosh last week. He is adorable in person. And more vulgar. And he was disappointed the viagra didn't work.

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  65. I'll never forget it. I was in 7th grade (possibly the worst time for a bad haircut) and I wanted some curl in my board-straight hair. So I got that 80s standard: a perm. My mom took me to (first mistake) a mall salon. I emerged not with the long Madonna-esque locks I was seeking but a Little Orphan Annie close-cropped nightmare. I still hate my 7th grade class picture. Ugly ugly ugly. I didn't dare to try another perm until college (went a little better, but to this day I'm not a fan and have never done it as an adult).

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  66. My mother is a beautician. She worked from home back in the day. She had the golden daugher (oldest) with beautiful straight long blond hair. She had the perfect daughter (youngest) with straight long red hair. And she made me the guinea pig, the let's try this style, the let's learn to do this color daugher (middle one)with blond crazy curly hair.

    You asked what was my worst hair disaster? Living in that house, the worse disaster would be being me.

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  67. This may help the "victim" , if the bangs arnt too short, put some kind of putty or molding paste, very lightly in dry hair and give her a cute side braid. Can you French braid? This is THE best way to handle bangs gone wrong and looks super cute, albiet trendy and very jessica simpson 2010. ;) no one ever needs to know she had a bad hairdo, she might even like her new look. good luck!

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  68. I've never had a HORRIBLE haircut. But just last summer, my girl did do a number on my bangs. She cut them WAAAAAAAAAAAY too short. When I have bangs, I like for them to hit just at my eyebrows, and these didn't even touch my first forehead wrinkle. I looked like Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice, only blonde.

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  69. This made me laugh, thanks! I have been lucky and haven't really had a horrible haircut/incident. I did experiment with dying my own hair a couple years ago and ended up with some carrot-orange color. A friend of mine who was a stylist advised me to use the developer from a box of hair dye along with some Prell (strong shampoo) and that it would take a lot of the color out. It did, and after a couple weeks I highlighted it so my hair was kind of strawberry blond. I was also working night shift at the time, so I didn't have to see many people, so it was all good!

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  70. Little late on this one but I had to share:

    I was 10 when I first dyed my hair with henna, it was bright red. Fast forward 4 years and my hair was long, with about 5 inches of red still on the bottom. I, being the rebellious teenager that I was, wanted to bleach my whole head. My mom (somehow) was ok with that but she convinced me to try to remove the henna. "With what?" I asked. She replied, "Mineral oil should do it."

    It didn't work.

    Two bottles of shampoo later I still had GREASY locks. Finally we used some kitchen degreaser and that did the trick.

    The next day, we went to my aunt's house where she proceeded to bleach my entire head. (I'm surprised I still had hair at that point!) My cousins were in the process of dying theirs fire engine red and light blue. I ended up with a blond head of hair that faded to piss yellow and then bright orange on the ends. Then to top it all off, I put a light blue stripe one each side framing my face. They faded to gray with one wash....

    Still haven't lived that one down.

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