Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Sunshine Up the A$$?

Good things are happening around here today. Let’s bullet:

  • My first article just got posted on the Athleta site. Check it out HERE. It’s about a topic I have never spoken of on the blog: running with Dean Karnazes. The clean version.
  • 70 minutes of water running. Booyah! I’m kicking ass, taking names in my white underwear. Damn stress fracture.
  • This new confetti cake is the sh*t. Whoever said it has 8 servings is high. More like 2.


  • Your anagrams are killing me. Anytime someone’s comes up with the word anus or anal in it I laugh my ass off. For some reason, both of these words emerge a lot in the world of anagrams, so it’s been a day of non-stop guffawing over here. If you haven’t joined the party yet, click HERE. You could even win a sticker, which is at least as good as winning a ticket to Oprah’s Favorite Things Show or a trip to see U2 in concert.
  • Ken has been working a lot from home lately. It’s great to have him around. But, the thing that really catches me off guard is that I’m getting called out on stuff. “Hon, seriously, did you leave this skid mark in the toilet?” Or, walking into my office he says,  “Damn, Beth, just how many farts have you cut in the last five minutes?” It’s humbling. He’s such a little spy.
  • My cousin emailed me this morning. She lives in a remote part of east Montana and is a runner. She was out for a run yesterday and got hit by a car that had slipped on some ice. She fell to her knees, lost her shoe. The police were called. She was okay, just kind of sore. Then she got up and finished the last three miles of her run. I shit you not. We runners are a strange breed, no? The pussy posse would not approve.
  • Just saw this bumper sticker on the way home from the bank.


I don’t get it. I don’t recall asking this guy (who was a marine, by the way. I know this from another sticker on his powerful pickup) to blow anything up my ass. Please explain this expression to me.

  • Saw my doc. Turns out that he had a talk with the PT about her not supporting me running “the Boston.” He called her out on it. She actually agreed that this wasn’t appropriate and that she needed to be slapped around a bit. She admitted that she “put me into a box” and didn’t take into consideration my personal story or history. This makes me like her. A lot. Just goes to show how important it is to speak your mind when stuff comes up. Sometimes the outcome is really productive.

Ever done a hard-core running thing like get hit by a car and finish your run?

Ever seen stupid bumper sticker you don’t understand?

Ever leave a skid mark the size of Nebraska in your toilet?

What’s your day in bullets?

Tired from all the excitement,



  1. Now that that's out of the way...

    -I see a lot of liscene plates I don't understand, and a lot of bumper stickers that are too small to read.

    -I've never gotten hit by a car and finished a run, but I did fall off my bike and break my arm when I was young, then got back on my bike and rode home one handed. I didn't know it was broken until the next day when I got it checked out.

    -If you have loblaws in the stats, birthday sprinkle cake ice cream is also the shit.

  2. It looks like u got some conditioner ;)

  3. The queen of skid marks in my house is my 5 year old daughter....seriously, it's insane. I think my brother even took a picture one time:

    I love that bumper sticker!

  4. 2 servings of funfetti cake? i'm pretty sure that i could knock it off in one...

    awesome that your PT is on board with you. i like her too now, not just because she's now on board but bc she was able to admit that she did something wrong.

  5. Yeah for digging the water running.
    Yeah for the PT being put in her place
    Yeah for you for having sunshine blown up your a$$ today....I think.

    My day in bullet points?
    * Best swim session EVER.
    * Mailings or resumes and hopefullness
    * 1h45m ride on Trainer and Facebooking with you at the same time
    * Dinner with the family
    * Finished Athlete's Plate and have it ready to be posted in AM.
    * Had sunshine and now moonlight getting blown up my a$$

  6. Yeah one time, I shit you not, this dude, who turned out to be a chick, dressed in black, in a ski mask ran up to me at odark 30, circled me like I was a mofo maypole 3 times and got in my face. Like up in my grill, nose to nose, breathing like a dragon. So I screeched, raised my pepper spray and sprinted. Or as the runningsnobs say, I had a 'tempo' run. I called the hubz,told him to call the cops and proceded to run,albeit skittish, but run for 6 more miles. I would have kept going but my the po-lice waited at the end trail for me. My name is Karen and I am addicted to running.

  7. By the way, send me that cake Athleta Senioita. Now. Or Ill blow sunshine in your booty.

  8. I didn't get hit by a car, but Monday I tripped and tore the shit out of my arm and finished my run. I had to get home somehow.

  9. Not running related but I once fell of my bike hard and had to ride another 5 miles before I made it home. I was bloody and my hand was the size of a small grapefruit. I felt no pain until I got home.

  10. No skidmarks...just floating Carribean Islands.

  11. We SO need a trip to The Market, it will put that confetti cake to shame! Game?

  12. Just found your blog. So cool you got to run with Dean Karnazes! I am reading his 50/50 book now. Check out my blog as well:

  13. Holy hell, she got hit by a car and finished her run??? My children either leave skid marks or the entire specimen in the toilet for me to examine.

  14. I have a serious skid mark problem. Angela always laughs because it never fails, I always leave proof of my bowel movements.

    I saw this sticker recently that said "READ A FUCKING BOOK". I kind of liked that.

    I don't understand the people that still have the McCain-Palin stickers on their cars. ??

  15. That article was great. Nice job. With regards to my neighbor Kate above, I don't understand why they'd put it on in the first place. My day was great, this morning I was greeting with a very funny email from someone in the Boulder area. That's an inside joke, soon to be an outside joke.

  16. Awesome article Beth! We were just talking tonight at book club about the stickers on people's car that have the little people to show their families...not a big fan. My husband and I saw one the other day with a mom and dad and like 16 kids and a dog...surely this must have been a joke?? Or maybe it was that Duggard you think she has one of those on her car? My day:
    * played with kids
    * fed kids
    * cleaned up after kids
    * took kids to gymnastics, school, and sports.
    * Read my book club book
    * rolled and stretched my stupid IT band that is hurting.
    * took the day off running to be smart
    * read your blog

  17. When I lived in Philly I once got jumped by a pack of wild kids. I ended up chasing them down, grabbing the smallest/slowest/weakest one, threatening the rest and getting away... and finished my run. Not one of my smarter moments. Bumper stickers that say stuff like "don't kill your baby" are really hard for me to understand. As for skidmarks... two of our toilets are more like platters than bowls and have the WORST flush-power. Skidmark doesn't begin to describe what is often left behind :(

  18. Luckily I haven't been hit by a car while running, but it happened to a guy in my office and he pretty much did the same thing your friend did: got up retrieved his hat from under the tire of the truck, and kept running. Insane!

  19. whoa, thats crazy about your cousin. Glad she is okay! My husband has been knicked by car on his bike when we lived in Hawaii, not pretty!

    And good job Dr. for stickin it to the PT!

  20. That cake looks good - did you eat it frozen? Maybe your 'gas' problems come from eating boxes of yummy cakes?
    The bumper sticker I've ever seen was:
    "If it has tits or wheels, it'll give you problems"
    Have a good one!

  21. Wow, getting hit by a car and finishing the run! Damn, what do they eat in Montana?????????

  22. I've been carted off my ambulances but I don't think I was ever able to walk away from a car vs me. She's a stud.

    You srsly don't get the bumpersnicker? I'll be the gullible one and splain it. Not someone else's job to make you happy.

    We don't really have bumpersnickers here but I do have the "breeder" one on our van (4 kids and a dog).

  23. all bumper stickers are stupid :)

    Lets see, skid marks... nothing to brag about, but I will say my crap yesterday went down the toilet like the titanic, the thing stood up on end then broke in half. I wish I videoed it.

    Crazy running story? In high school XC I ran without pants, it was a full moon that day. That was the first of many suspensions in school.

  24. Never got hit by a car but ran a 4 mile trail run at night once and tripped and busted the bridge of my nose and also at the same time fell on the flashlight I was carrying right on my boob OUCH!!! Hit the flashlight so hard the top popped off of it. Guys around me asked if I were ok and being embarrissed to say my boob hurt, I just told them I hurt my ribs and got up and kept getting it. I believe one of my boobs now is smaller than the other.

  25. A strange neighbor girl (high school age) has a sticker that says "This car would be a mercedes if I didn't like dolls so much." Really?

  26. Great article Beth! Love to hear what some of your thoughts were (and Dean's) while running that thing.

  27. Since it's a Marine, I believe it's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

  28. PS Can't believe you're still milking the whole Dean thing. What's next? More skydiving memories?

  29. I've never been hit by a car, but I did get bit by a dog last summer, halfway into a 10 mile run. Bit me right on the ass. Finished the run, and didn't realize till I got home and was showering that it actually broke skin.

  30. My favorite bumper sticker?

  31. awesome.

    no - but the Pita "king of all things skidd-ish". freaking. gross.

    oh & he also farted 6 times this morning. "I thought you were asleep" - he says. well, I was until the stench awakened me.

  32. your cousin is tough! glad she's ok.

  33. I love bullets!

    That is some yummy-looking cake. LMAO at the serving size. Kind of like they way they think a box of mac & cheese is 4 servings. AS IF!

    Wowzers - glad your cousin is okay. And that is one tough runner.

  34. Not sure about the skid marks. I don't check. Love the cake and I agree it is NOT 8 servings. Super awesome about PT finally being on board.

    In 2008, for my 40th bday, I went to Virginia Beach to run the RNR Half Marathon with my sister. At mile 1, I was tripped and I fell. I was training for IMFL at the time so I threw up my arms to prevent breaking my wrists. Well I landed in my armpit and broke my humerus where it inserts into the shoulder joint. I heard snap, crackle and pop. Instant pain. However I decided that I was going to finish the race, had the med tent wrap me up in bandages and I took off. Ok well maybe I started off walking. It took forever to cross the finish line and the pictures where horrible - boob loaf and all. But I did it. I love running!

  35. I sprained my left wrist twice and both times finished my runs....first time I tripped on an uneven sidewalk,went flying and landed like a crime scene outline on the concrete...second time I slipped on a hidden ice patch under fluffy snow on my fav trail.

    We got 'super flush' toilets when we remodeled. They are noted for the water saving wooooosh flush but are notorious for leaving skid marks!

  36. I felt pretty hard core yesterday when I dressed out for my afternoon run (I work full time at an office and I run on my lunch breaks on MW&F), discovered that I'd forgotten my running shoes and did it anyway... barefoot. It was awesome.

    Glad your cousin is OK! Jeez! That's insane!

  37. Skids happen every day around this house. My 7 & 9 year old daughters could put the biggest man to shame. We seriously have to unclog the toilet every day and we have a super flusher.

    I wrecked/rolled my car down into a ravine on my way to school. I was trapped upside down for awhile, finally got out of the seat belt, crawled out the broken back window, & climbed up the muddy hill. Once someone got me home and changed I insisted on them taking me to school. Once there I proceeded to convince the principal to not mark it against me for the day so I could graduate with perfect attendance. Yes, I'm a nerd but just as committed to my running :)

  38. Bumper Stickers:

    JESUS SAVES at Banco de Mexico
    Keep Honking, I'm reloading
    It takes a lot of balls to golf like I do

  39. My answer, in bullets:

    *"Blow sunshine up your ass" = Tell you good things (that are mostly untrue) just to placate you, nice things to make you go away or stop bothering me.
    *Badass? I think I'm a badass for going for an uneventful 15 minute run. Running=Badass, in my book. I'm easily impressed!
    *I see things I don't understand all the time. I just say, "Oh, that's so elitist"
    *Left a skid mark the size of ALASKA on our snow white COMFORTER! He took a picture of it and emailed it to me, saying "Is this yours?????" Embarrassing, even for ME.

    My day in bullets:

    *Go to work
    *Deprived of sleep
    *See plenty I don't understand
    *Blow sunshine up lots of peoples' asses
    *Then take care of their skid marks

  40. I once saw a bumper sticker that read: I have everything I need but I can always use another orgasm. I...don't get it. Isn't that like stating the obvious?

    And if I got hit by a car while running, well, I would take that as a sign from God and take up swimming. Clearly, I'm not hard-core.

  41. Your Athleta article is amazing. Well written, Beth! The Joe Paterno quote is one of my favs, too. Gives me the chills every time. As for the anagrams, I wish I could make something mildly humorous, but I'm tellin' you nothing sweet came up.

  42. Hi there, I have come out of lurker hiding and just joined as a follower so your number is back up to 1132 again. I love what you are writing. I am not a runner but a dancer, and can relate to everything including the farts just in a leotard and pointe shoes instead of shorts and tennies. The best bumper sticker I have seen is "I have found Jesus, and he is hiding in my trunk!" Have a lovely day.

  43. Athlete - Your article was awesome! Looking forward to more. Also, looking forward to some athleta clothing reviews if possible!

    Hardcore - I did run the Colorado Relay (pre-marriage/kids like 10 years ago) and did the scariest run of my life - 7 miles at 9pm from Frisco to Breck before the moon came up. It was so dark I couldn't see my hand in front of my face, and I actually ran past a cemetery (or was I hallucinating?) which didn't help my feeling of about-to-be-killed-or-eaten-by-something in the woods. Don't know if I would do that again, but reading your blog gives me the itch to do something hardcore! So I'm planning to do Pikes Peak marathon with my BFF from Austin this year, which should be right up there with hardcore and a bit insane. And I registered for the Steamboat Marathon this morning b/c I thought running a regular marathon beforehand might not be a bad idea.

    Bumper Stickers - I can't think of one. But I did get my SUAR sticker from you last week and finally I can find my own silver Murano (seriously, did they make them in another color?) in the parking lot of King Soopers. I went to lift the hatch one day to put my groceries in and just as I grabbed on to it, the reverse lights came on. Oops! Not my silver Murano!

    Skids - My 6 year old daughter must definitely have running in her future because she is a fantastic skid maker, pro-farter and has already pooped in the bushes during one of our hikes!

  44. Wow. I am happy your cousin is okay.

    And that the PT is admitting she made a mistake by acting that way!

  45. Just found your blog today through lord knows where - there was a lot of link jumping - and I think it is hysterical! I also read your athleta article about running with Dean and am uber jealous. I've read his first two books and have a major obsession. I'm planning to stalk him at the Boston Marathon. :-)

  46. Glad your cousin is okay - boo to having to continue the water running, but I'm proud of you for sticking with it until you can run for real again!

  47. This comment has been removed by the author.

  48. I HAVE been hit by a car while running. But blondie didn't stop her car, and I was not bad-ass enough to keep going after taking a direct hit to the knees and going completely over a vehicle. I DID run my first half-marathon one month later though - bandaged knees and all.

  49. Never had an issue with cars while running, but HAVE been hit while cycling, and finished 50-mile training ride anyway.
    Even more painful: a 6-bike pile-up during an MS150 training ride, which luckily I ended up on top of the pile. Finished the ride with bloody socks and scabbed knees.

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