Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Vagina Dance

You may or may not have heard about the Vagina Dance. Probably not. I am glad you come to SUAR for your news, because this is one headline you might have missed.

I’ll start by saying, I did not make up this dance, although it seems like something I could have created. I am sure I would be very good at it, and certainly the pussy posse and I could organize a flash mob at the local food court or bowling alley.

This is not a joke. It happened earlier this week. For real.

Picture this. You are a sophomore in Prairie Ridge High School in suburban Chicago (hey, isn’t that where Kovas lives?) You meander your way into your health class expecting the usual onslaught of diagrams and textbook phrases to depict menstrual cycles, ovaries and gonads (balls, nuts, sacs). Instead, you are barraged by a teacher, Jacqueline Levin, who asks you to get out of your seat and prance around as if you were a vagina. diagram

Although I have a vagina, I can’t imagine how you dance like one. I couldn’t even stand still and imitate one no matter how hard I tried. But, apparently, this genius of a teacher masterminded a means of making her arms fallopian tubes, her hands ovaries, and piping in the “Hokey Pokey” song. She did this to help the students memorize the female reproductive parts.

Upon hearing this, one parent freaked out. Yep, it only takes one parent to spoil the fun. While the school district didn’t reprimand the teacher, the Illinois Family Institute sure did. They complained that,

“Her selection of this inappropriate instructional activity demonstrated a lack of empathy for those who may have a degree of modesty and self-respect that Levin does not possess. Did she consider that some students might feel uncomfortable participating in or even watching this dance and that they might fear being ridiculed if they chose to opt-out?”

I won’t even mention that the principal of this high school is Paul Humpa. Won’t go there.

I know it shocks you, but I’m not the most modest girl in the nudist colony. Therefore, I don’t take much issue with the dance itself. I can, however, see why some students and parents would balk at such a thing. If it were my class, I would have started with the anus dance and worked my way up from there. Like Laurie said, as long as you aren’t teaching the vagina and penis dancers to grind together, it’s okay.

Next time I go to the clubs in Vegas I am so bringing out that fallopian tube move.

By the way, Googling Vagina Dance images is a bit traumatizing. Just saying.

On a different note, PT was much improved today. My doc and PT had “a talk” and the attitude was vastly different. For the better.

I have decided to stop running until my pain lessens. I will keep water running, cycling, yoga and swimming for endurance. I will keep doing my PT exercises and building strength back up in my hip and glutes. I may be the first person ever to have run the Boston Marathon without training on land. Perhaps I will just run alongside in the Charles River and call it good.

Boston or bust.

How would you feel about your kids doing the vagina dance in high school health class?

Off to dance like a body part,

SUAR

56 comments:

  1. When one of my running club members spoke at our meeting about water running he told us about several relatively well-known athletes who trained for big races almost entirely in the water due to injury and then managed to set records or PRs at their events. Perhaps you will join their legendary ranks! (Of course I can't remember any of their names right now...)

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  2. If anyone could train entirely off-land and then run a marathon, it's you!

    Or if all else fails, vagina dance your way through Boston.

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  3. If it rains torrentially on April 18, you may have a definite edge on the rest of the field.

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  4. Did you get this off the "Onion Report" again or is this one legit?

    Do you have to run a BQ time for the Boston Marathon? All you really have to do is beat the bus right?

    Rock on SUAR, you will get there!

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  5. Hmmm...I kind of think the vagina dance isn't so bad. I like that my kids know what is what (appropriate to their age) and words like penis and uterus have become regulars in our house as the children learn how babies are made.

    My 8 y/o son learned the word vulva, though, and now when he feels his 6 y/o sister has threatened his family jewels in some way he threatens to kick her in the vulva (his retribution for almost getting kicked in the "nuts"...see...we also use inappropriate terms as well :-).
    I'm not sure where I'm going with this...however, anything to help the youth know what is what doesn't seem so bad. I would like my kids to know how it all happens BEFORE it all happens...

    As for you ~ keep on keepin' on! You're doing great! Work it...work it!!

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  6. The Vagina Dance sounds awesome and hilarious. If kids can't laugh about a vagina they need to lighten up.

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  7. 1. Deena Kastor did a lot of her training in the water when she won the Chicago Marathon. enough said.
    2. I can guarantee that that father doesn't even know the parts of the vagina himself.

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  8. Here is the good news: if it rains like a muther funker in Boston, it will be a piece of cake.

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  9. i guess i learn something new everyday. i think i'm going to share this gem at the dinner table tonight...

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  10. I say bring on the vagina dance!! We all have become so over sensitive when it comes to learning about our bodies...lighten up people!

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  11. Do you think she had a dance for the guys too?

    Glad to hear your doctors figured themselves out. Best of luck with your training!

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  12. Would not be crazy about the vag dance ... but I bet those kids will remember the female anatomy very well. A catchy song and large muscle movement ... about any else, this is the perfect memorization tool. I would not call the school all irate if it happened, but it does seem a bit much.

    Love that you are going to run Boston in the Charles. Maybe you could swim the regatta?

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  13. Vagina dance? Totally appropriate learning tool. My high school gym teacher had a class of grade 10 students play charades, where "orgasm" and "doggie style" were drawn out of the hat. That is inappropriate. (And she was fired).

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  14. That cracks me up... the vagina dance, not so much your heading back to the pool. I would say as long as it is a solo dance and the next step isn't to add in the penis dance and make it a couples dance then I'd be cool with it. Speaking of getting together though, I'm glad your Dr and PT are synching more.

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  15. It's not the first time I've heard about using a dance to learn the parts of female anatomy. Not even the first time I've heard about it outside the club, either! My BF's daughter went to a uppity private super expensive cultural school (this would've been late 80s) and they did the fallopian dance. So yeah, that's nothing new. Heck, there's nothing new under the sun.

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  16. I don't think I'd be the biggest fan, but it also depends on the age of the students. High school, I think they're all old enough to dance around the room like a vagina if they want to.

    Elementary, I feel that is a smidge innappropriate. Middle school is on the fence. But I don't have children yet, so we'll see my opinion when I do. Lol.

    Awesome about your doctor's attitude!

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  17. If I recall, your doctor told you early on you were going to "win" the Boston.

    Believe it. And don't run through pain!!! Train, don't strain! The marathon is a test of your overall fitness, and you will be able to do it if you can keep yourself healthy.

    Also. The Vagina Dance? Brilliant. Is it on youtube? I am afraid to search for it.

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  18. LoL on Laurie's remark. But seriously, didn't PeeWee Herman do the Vagina Dance in his Big Adventure's movie?

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  19. I have no problem. Humor is a great tool in teaching. I understand it's not for everyone. But it a shame to see that a teacher is trying to make learning (a potentially embarrassing subject) more fun and the teacher gets in trouble. What was she thinking?

    I think you could hold a new record at Boston for that non-land based training!

    Thanks for the humor today. I am in need of it.

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  20. I hear health education and my ears perk! I am also from Chicago and very familiar with that area. I went to college to be a community health educator, like Miss.Vagina Dance. We spent a great deal of time learning about HOW to educate on these topics. I am a HUGE proponent of comprehensive sex ed, and well, this is quite comprehensive, I guess you could say. Unfortunately, I am not creative enough to come up with a dance and I prefer to talk openly about vaginas and penises without being super silly. Which is strange because I am NEVER serious, but this teaching method doesn't seem THAT crazy to me. I don't think I would be offended or concerned as a parent. It's no different than doing the armpit dance or the foot dance. It's just a different region of the body. Big whooptie doo. (Wow, did I just say that?) I wish our society would become more comfortable with their nether regions and stop using words like "privates" and "pee-pees" and "hoo-hoos". It's a Vagina and it's a PENIS and we have a urethra and a cervix and so on and so forth. TESTICLE, VULVA, LABIA... I am practically shouting these words now.

    Ahhh, okay, I'm done. :)

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  21. I'm all about it. As long as I don't have to hear the repeat version over dinner. :)

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  22. I am pretty sure I wouldn't have a problem with it, depending on how it was done. We made all kinds of songs up during school to remember stuff, so what's bad about a dance?

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  23. I learned all my South American countries and capitols with a handy song and to this day I know South America better than my own countries states and capitols. More power to the Vagina dance! Prude parents make school boring!... Lema, Peru... La paz, Bolivia... Asuncion, Paraguay...

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  24. I think the vagina dance sounds sort of silly. But I'm all for openness. My 4-YO kids use the words penis and vagina--no silly slang. Only problem is my daughter thinks the vagina is where the pee comes out. I'm letting her live with that little illusion for now. Is that bad?

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  25. I think people are too easily offended sometimes..

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  26. I would love it if my kid did a vagina dance! Lightening up is a good thing.

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  27. I wouldn't have a problem with my kids doing the vagina dance. I think if they learn to laugh at things in life (like the vagina dance, not the importance of sex education) then they'll be better people for it.

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  28. haha, not too sure about that one. I think they should learn by text book. I dont want that song stuck in my head!
    LC

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  29. another health teacher here....ummm..no Vagina Dance going on in my classroom. I just got repremanded for having a guest speaker hand out information cards for the local clinic. The cards had her name and number and she offers information on abstinence, contraception and STD's. Parents were also upset to find out from thier kidss that DE state law that kids can have an abortion without parental consent at age 12.scary thought as a mom with 2 girls, but as a Mom it's also our role to know the rules pertaining to these topics. right? God forbid kids receive counseling at a clinic that pushes kids NOT to have sex. I posted before as anonymous...but not about your dry hair btw..how dare her.....but about me also having a stress fracture(anterior tibial)..it's taken me 14 months to be able to do 3 miles painfree....patience. I was surprised at how much the swimming really helped with cardio endurance, not so much with leg strength, be sure to lift too...you can do The Boston! good luck..pulling for you. love your blog. DYingling

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  30. For some reason I don't think that would be happening in Utah. If it did though, I think as a parent I'd be mad. That being said, I would hope that I'd taught my kids enough at home that they wouldn't be traumatized by the whole thing.
    If I were you I would take comfort in the Spirit of the Marathon movie where Deena Castor did a lot of her training in water. I think you'll be just fine. You are super strong and have mental strength as well.

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  31. If I were a parent, I don't think I'd have a problem with the v-dance. Perhaps, as a family, we'd even do a little dance to work off dinner... (however, not a parent yet, so I know I don't have too much weight to pull here)

    I think as a teacher of another subject, I would have gotten frustrated as the choruses of the vagina dance were used to distract others from writing enlightening essays on whether or not the vagina dance should be permitted in school.

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  32. Beth, I've been following/reading your blog since January 2010, when I started my own blog (project3sixfive.blogspot.com) to chart my adventures of running everyday for a year. Anyway, I wasn't super good about blogging but am totally inspired by you. When you mentioned googling "vagina dance" images, I did. Did you see this?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GbHkhGr6-A&feature=related

    HAHAHAHA!

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  33. I honestly don't even know how to respond to this. It's too funny.

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  34. That's the stupidest - yet most creative - thing I've ever heard!
    Vaginas don't dance - pulsate, push, or even squeeze - but NOT dance! of course, I don't know what THAT would look like if I were to interpret.

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  35. Bring on the Vagina dance. If it helps kids learn anything, then do it!

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  36. That is too funny! Let me add that in middle school, I had a teacher named Mr. Cockshute, a vice principle named Mr. Love, and a principle named Mr. Semen. Yes, we had a field day with it.

    Sorry to hear you're stepping back with the running, but...probably very wise if you have pain. I hope it's a very brief respite!

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  37. Misszippy-no freakinng way with the cockshute and the semen. funnniest thing ever.wish i could see them do the vag dance.

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  38. i realize you get a million comments and I don't know if you'll even see this one, but I'm a fellow injured runner. It's THE HARDEST thing ever! I am an all- or- nothing person too. I don't want to do anything else but run! How do you keep yourself in the game? Keep positive?

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  39. The vagina dance was one of the highlights of my youth, but it was in California where they used a Beach Boys song. The Hokey Pokey just makes it really sick, thank god for Illinois putting its foot down. (And no, I wasn't the parent...)

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  40. I'm thinking there are bigger and worse things to get riled up about than dancing around and learning the proper names for body parts.

    By the way, I love your blog... because of you I have become so much more open about farting!

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  41. That's my hero right there....first person ever to not train on land and run in THE BOSTON. Seriously that is awesome!!!!!

    Now onto the va-jay-jay dance.....uncomfortable? How about the fact that I was uncomfortable in history class learning that it wasn't until the 20th Century that America actually allowed women and blacks to vote? How about the fact that I'm still uncomfortable with the knowledge that there is still racisim in this country and women are still not considered equal in a lot of ways. But there is still a need to learn about it the same way there is a need to learn about the va-jay-jay.

    Maybe not a good comparison but aren't we subjected to a lot of things that make us uncomfortable and you make the best of it and learn from it.

    OK....who do I pass the soapbox to?

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  42. I just read Zippy's comment: my high school swim coach's name was Mr. Cockshoot. Same name as Zippy's just a different spelling. Funny.

    Hang in there Bethie....maybe they'll make a special Boston swimming event for you!

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  43. OMG... I can always get a great laugh when I stop by on this blog.

    People need to lighten up a bit.

    Hang in there Beth. Boston is on the radar!

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  44. I'm not anti dancing like body parts, but this just sounds dumb. However my 8th grader did have to do the Hannah Montana Bone Dance in health class, so which is worse?

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  45. It helps learning to have aids such as this. I don't know why some parents get their noses out of joint over perfectly legitimate teaching tools. I learnt my 12 cranial nerves by using this saying - oh, oh, oh to touch and feel a girl's vagina and hymen. I learnt that over 30 years ago and can still remember what the nerves are. Here's to smut in education!

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  46. so funny! I was just picturing you aqua-jogging "the Boston"...now that's awesome! Keep up the good fight! You are doing great!!!! And would I protest to one of my kids doing the vagina dance? only if it obviously humiliated them and the teacher insisted they do it anyway...then yes, I would protest. But that would be the only reason. xoxo

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  47. I only wish that in high school my teacher had done the Vagina Dance. Would have made for a much more interesting class compared to the one where my lady doctor walked in to talk about STDs and my vagina and myself wanted to dance right out of there.

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  48. Love your use of humour. Delightful! Just started a running blog myself this week.

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  49. At least it wasn't VA-jayjay dance....

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  50. There are worse things that could be taught. Besides your kids have to learn this sooner or later.

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  51. Love your outlook on your training and your commitment to attain your goal of running The Boston. Seems like a healthy way to go. Glad the PT was set straight by your MD. Approach and perspective she's got it right now. Hope your vagina is dancing soon it will be running along with the rest of you.

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  52. My kids would be singing it at all the wrong moments. In the grocery store. At church. In the library. It would rate right up there with their version of the Barbie Girl song: "I'm a Barbie Girl in a Barbie World. My boobs are plastic! I'm so fantastic!"

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  53. In high school gym class, we had to learn various dances and one was square dancing. I still laugh when I think of Mr. Percival announcing formations saying, "Grab your partner by the tits. Pull 'em apart until she splits. Do-si-do." He'd probably be fired today.

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  54. .... hmmm I know why my wife says I dance like a dick now ...

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  55. I think I wish my health teacher had given us the "vagina dance" in high school. Maybe less girls would have gotten knocked up and went "oh! thats where babies are made!"

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  56. first, I really hope you are on the road to recovery. Sending healing prayers your way!!

    Ahh, the vagina dance. I think in theory, her idea is actually pretty smart. As a parent, I would not be upset about it but...I guess Im a little more laid back about that stuff. Health class can be an uncomfortable place for teens and I think she was just trying to lighten things up.

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