Thursday, October 20, 2011

Being Crude Gets You Things

I won EMZ’s contest because I am crude. If you were all more crude and inappropriate you might win things too. She asked readers to give a comment on her toe situation:

Is it a sick thing that it took me one millisecond to write this?

image

This has now been coined “tampon toe” which I hear is an epidemic in certain cities. It is a way to be more “green” and less wasteful if you are into that.

Other advantages of being crude involved getting fired from jobs and kicked out of clubs (not clubs as in bars, but clubs as in glee, etc.). In 7th grade I was in the Hula Club (because everyone needs to learn this skill). I got kicked out because of my “potty mouth.” I know you find that surprising. But you may also find it comforting that I have been this way my entire life, so some things do not change. The funny thing about me is I am not mean spirited. I actually have a really big heart, ask anyone. I am a social worker who finds good homes for orphans for God’s sake!

Other surprising things about me (if you care):

  • This blog was first called “Run With Me.” I changed it to “Shut Up and Run” after the first month. Good call.
  • I’ve never seen the Sound of Music
  • When my first child was a baby, I felt completely inadequate as a mother (still have these moments)
  • I don’t have a favorite color
  • The first time I left the country was when I was 12 and I moved to Greece for 4 years
  • I was miserable in 11th and 12th grades. HATED it. Dressed like a dork, bad hair, didn’t belong.
  • I’ve been in two earthquakes
  • I hate it when people quote from Monty Python movies (Emz, Jason, SR, Aron, XLMIC, Dolvett, etc - don’t even think about doing this in Vegas).
  • I cry at race finish lines every.single.time
  • I went to high school with Greg Kinnear
  • I played rugby in college for one month
  • My grandfather is 98 years old
  • I hate the taste of tarragon

What’s something surprising about you? I could go on and on about how weird I am, but I won’t.

SUAR

PS: Check back tomorrow. Major shoe giveaway. No tampon toe required.

57 comments:

  1. I don't have a favorite color either. How can anyone ever pick JUST ONE!?!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wish I was as clever as you! Haha, that's awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Most people would be surprised to find that I am a stripper (for a living) yet I have an IQ of 155.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Freaking. Love. This.
    Tampon toe. That phrase...ya, It's sticking around. What kills me is my sis is soooooo proper almost goody two shoes-esque. She freaking loved it. Awesome.

    Monty python. I've never seen it so you are safe in Vegas. WELL.....on THAT anyway.

    Ummm I still need confirmation as to which prize you picked. And uhhh btw, 8x8 = 8" x 8".

    Have you ever tried to ship a Pita!?!?!?

    ReplyDelete
  5. What was Greg Kinnear like in high school? I loved when he used to host Talk Soup

    ReplyDelete
  6. Tampon toe? GENIUS!

    Most people are surprised that as a 20 something/Not quite 30 I have 2 "baby" siblings- A brother (6) and a sister (3 on Saturday!).

    I was never meant to be an only child, and also never meant to share.

    It's great how things worked out.

    ReplyDelete
  7. If we asked Greg if he remembered going to high school with YOU, would he say 'yes'? I always ask the annoying questions.

    I guess hating Monty Python quotes is why you didn't use "it's only a flesh wound" to win that rigged contest :P

    I used to have a really bad potty mouth too. I once told Ian McHargue (the ecological planning guru of the WORLD) to go f*** himself in front of all the students in the department. Surprisingly, that made him adore me. Really.

    I am sooooo glad you changed the name of your blog. So. Glad.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love the name of your blog so I too am glad you changed it.

    Vegas sounds like it will be a great time!

    ReplyDelete
  9. LOL you may be crude but you make me laugh every time!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Monty python. I've never seen it and I dont care to see it either.

    I also cry at every race and my kids always ask why mommy is crying, in Long Beach I did the Oprah ugly cry...it was very dramatic.

    something surprising...
    I got my driver's license at 25.
    I can solve the Rubick's cube in less than a minute since I am 13.
    I have been 5'11 since I am 11 and that my friend sucks big time.
    I used to be over 200 lbs. that also sucks. now I am under 140.

    your comment on EMZ blog was the funniest! I am glad you won!

    ReplyDelete
  11. If someone could actually use their toe as a tampon would be an interesting yet disturbing thing to see! Glad you gave us all the image! Unless it was someone else's tampon...but that's a whole other blog! You'd fit right in at my office...Are you crude is a question on the job application!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I haven't seen Sound of Music either! And I did a study abroad in Salzburg...

    I've also never seen the Wizard of Oz, Grease, or Miracle on 34th Street. I'm sure there are others. About 25% of my conversations with my husband go like this:

    "Rembember in (insert famous movie here) when (person) did (something awesome)?"

    "Never seen it."

    "Why are we married?"

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nice job on the Emz win!!

    What's wrong with "Run with ...."???

    ReplyDelete
  14. -I've never seen "Gone With The Wind", and I really don't care to.
    -I lived in London for six months while in school. Hated it, but consider it one of the most important, valuable times in my life.
    -I'm a published writer. Like, in real magazines and newspapers and everything.
    -I have no sense of smell. None. Never have in my entire life.

    Top that. (Where's the smug dancing emoticon...?)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Not only was I the last person to be picked for teams in PE, but I also flunked PE my sophomore year.Now I don't just run marathons, I win them....

    ReplyDelete
  16. Not only was I the last person to be picked for teams in PE, but I also flunked PE my sophomore year.Now I don't just run marathons, I win them....

    ReplyDelete
  17. hmmm, I thought the same thing about that toe when I saw it!
    I spent most of my life in Saudi Arabia and still never rode a camel.
    I have no favorite color either - what nonsense to have one.
    Hate monty pathon and quotes about him - or the never ending chuck norris ones.
    Up until 3 years ago, I had never run. Unless you count hurdles in middle school for one track meet (I was about 4'6 at the time)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Tis better to have tampon toe than tampon foot...so I have heard.

    ReplyDelete
  19. you know all i want to do is quote monty python now, sheesh!
    Love hearing about you! I love that you cry at races. .Well deserved.
    I lived in abroad from years 12 to 16 too.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Oh, you MUST watch The Sound of Music! It's so good! I had the biggest crush on whoever it is that plays the dad in that ... when i was 12 and he was ??already dead??
    runner_girl5k at yahoo dot com

    ReplyDelete
  21. I played rugby in college too. Love'd it! But how do you not have a favorite color?

    ReplyDelete
  22. i competed in a high school beauty pageant. I never thought I would win. But when I didn't win, I was devastated. Weird how your brain works.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Tampon toe, eh? That implies an unusual degree of flexibility, or unusual devotion to your buddy. I'm pretty sure I don't want to think about this anymore.

    Something surprising about me? That my cynical and sarcastic sense of humour hasn't got me in more trouble than it already has.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I've never seen The Sound of Music either. Also, I got my passport at age 25 to go to Canada. That's the one and only time I went out of the country.

    I don't like pizza. Not one bit. If I pull all the toppings off (including cheese and sauce), I will eat the dough. That's the only good part.

    ReplyDelete
  25. You know what you get when you drop a giant can on your big toe and it swells and turns green? Guacamole toe. That was fun.Cuz no shoe fits over that monstrosity!
    I am a potty mouth in recovery. I am trying. I now make up words when I feel the urge. I sound like I was in the movie Johnny Dangerously.Fargin' idiot, I swear.
    And, I love to tell people I used to work in a funeral home. They never really know what to say.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Loved your comment. Although my newfound desire to become a fit person brought me to SUAR (much better name), it is your insane potty-mouth hilarious viewpoint on life that keeps me coming back.

    As for me: favorite color is midnight blue (only found in the set of 64 crayons); I got a passport a few years ago, but have never used it; I have seen Sound of Music MANY times and love to sing along; I worked at a movie rental store in HS and college (different ones) and know a lot about movies of the early 90s, but agree on hating Monty Python; my grandfather turned 98 the beginning of this month (and he is one of only seven people on this earth blood related to me - inlcuding my two children); I never participated in any competitive sport as a child, but took dance classes for 10 years until I figured out I wasn't good enough to ever "make it" - although at least 2 of the girls in my classes did; I also went to high school with an actor - a no name that did one soft porn movie that was big news at our 10 year and he didn't show at our 20; and last year was the first time I really felt an earthquake.

    ReplyDelete
  27. So next time my mind "goes there," I'll actually type what I'm thinking instead of keeping it to myself ;)

    I lot of people who know me now are surprised to learn I really didn't like running at all in high school. I just wanted to be on a team to be cool. I quit running and took up smoking and drinking for 6 years. When I tell people I smoked, they look at me like I've just shattered their whole view of my supposed innocence.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I just googled Greg Kinnear, and you know what... I went to middle school with his nephew. It's practically like you and I went to school together!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I knew that I couldn't compete with the tampon toe comment, so I didn't even bother trying! Nice one!

    I used to be able to suck in air and fart on command. Clearly left a lasting impression, as one of my fellow high school cheerleaders Facebooked me about it the other night.

    Those were the days. If I tried to do it now, I'd ending up either shitting myself or queefing. Or both.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Crude... But creative! Love it!

    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  31. Greatest compliment you can ever get as a blogger is: You are exactly like you are on your blog.

    After meeting you I can say that is the honest truth. I told Karen the other day that what you see with Beth is what you get. She is excited to meet you.

    Please fart in front of her so it takes the pressure off of me NOT to fart in front of her.

    Who is Monty Python?

    ReplyDelete
  32. I had the biggest (circumference) head in the hospital on the day I was born. (Yeah I oddly enjoy bragging about that one.)

    I got 2nd place in the Olympics in grade school in the oh so challenging LIMBO event.

    I could never slide when I played softball as a kid the one time I did it in a game it was more like I just took a seat at home plate. They couldn't find the ball... I was sitting on it. I never lived down looking like a chicken that layed an egg...

    ReplyDelete
  33. I don't have a favorite color but always feel the need to come up with one when asked.

    Something about me...I own an manufacturing company (nothing to do with baking) and can come across as hard and arrogant. But I'm super sensitive and get hurt very easily although I refuse to show it.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I cry at finish lines. And in my first half a few weeks ago I teared up a few times during the race just thinking about what I was doing. And do you cry when you watch other people finish sometimes?

    I was taking yearbook pictures at a cross country meet for my school (I'm the yearbook coordinator) and I stared tearing up behind my sunglasses just watching them go all out there and run like that.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I also cry at finish lines - even if I'm not competing. I just love seeing people accomplish their goals.

    Greg Kinnear went to the University of Arizona in Tuscon and worked as waiter at a restaurant we used to frequent called Bobby McGees.

    And I went to high school with Rodney Pete!

    ReplyDelete
  36. tampon toe....hilarious!!! I cry too at races...especially marathons...I mean people are reaching a dream!

    ReplyDelete
  37. For thirty-six hours now ralph lauren outlet the gucci handbags Bolsheviki prada had bottega been cut off from new balance outlet provincial Russia and the salomon outside world. ralph lauren outlet The abercrombie and fitch railway nike men michael kors and jordan release dates telegraphers adidas schuhe refused air max to transmit beats headphones their coach outlet online despatches, rolex watches for sale the postmen would not ugg handle polo ralph lauren outlet online their mail. replica watches Only prada handbags the hermes outlet Government beats by dr dre wireless at Tsarskoye Selo launched supra shoes half-hourly bulletins and huarache manifestoes to the four gucci shoes corners lululemon outlet of chi flat iron heaven; jordan retro the Commissars replica handbags of Smolny raced harrods the Commissars of nike air max the

    ReplyDelete