Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Not a Deposit Like at the Bank

Right at about this time yesterday (well, a bit earlier) I was sucking in air and wondering, when the hell does this get easier?

Ken and I were on a running trail outside of Boulder.  On the drive there I was finishing up my coffee when the oatmeal I had before leaving home started to talking to my colon. It was clench clench the next few miles to the trailhead. We dodged about 45 wild turkeys and some deer before parking in the dirt lot in the middle of nowhere. We were the only ones there, so I copped a squat and covered it with pine needles because I am considerate that way.

We started climbing. The ascent is about 3 miles and is a single track, very rocky trail. It’s really not that steep (1,000 feet of gain), but you are progressing up continuously and I get a little weary of that. I kept thinking what some wise ass (Frank Shorter, Olympic gold medalist, marathon) said about hills being speed work in disguise. It did not make me feel better.  I was hoping Ken would suggest  we stop for a breather, but he didn’t.

bethheil1

I always do this “hoping” on runs. I “hope” the other person will suggest a break or that we will at least get to a stoplight so it will be a mandatory break.  Because GOD KNOWS I DID NOT NEED IT. However, there are no stoplights on the trail, so I was screwed.

Finally I told him I needed a quick ‘lil break. I mean he is my husband, so there is no shame in needing a freaking break, right? I mean we have been married for almost 17 mother eff’ing years and if I need a damn break I will take a damn break. NO I DON’T HAVE MY PERIOD!

We continued on, but then I got hit with stomach cramps and made a deposit. Yes, it was a direct depost because I am efficient that way. By this time I’m sure Ken was getting sick of all my starting and stopping.  The real clincher was that he was down wind from the deposit and  asked for a divorce right then and there. How is it possible to be out in nature, with the entire open sky and still smell one small offering one leaves beside the trial (not on the trail, that would be rude).

viewheil

Okay, I guess we did do some climbing to get to this view

The descent was uneventful except that Ken is like a damn mountain goat, skipping and hopping over rocks and roots, while I am 895 yards behind concentrating so hard on not falling that I can’t see straight. I must have a very lazy stride (better than a lazy eye) because I am constantly getting caught on roots or slipping on rocks. Please tell me  you do this too.

Back to the car with 7 miles in 1:13 minutes. Not bad for time on the trail. If you haven’t done trail running, you should. It is the workout of the century, I promise you. Other advantages:

  • The world is your toilet
  • You run faster sometimes because you see bear poop and think it might be fresh
  • No car exhaust, but there is SUAR exhaust
  • Gorgeous scenery, peace and quiet

Tip: leaving your Garmin at home is a great idea because you are often doing 11-12 min/miles but you are breathing like you are doing 5 min/miles. Then you think, what the hell is wrong with me and you get all hard on yourself and then it is not fun.

Ever run on the trails? Come visit, I’ll take you. Like you’d want to go after reading this post.

SUAR

PS: Don’t forget my latest giveaway and your chance to win a SUAR shirt!

26 comments:

  1. Thank goodness you felt the same. I take my garmin with me so I'm positive of how many miles I ran on trails. But it is very very sad when I look at the garmin and realize I'm freakn running 12-13 min/mile, feels lim 5, and like you, hoping that there will be a red light somewhe so I can stop!!! I love running trails, but I'm really bad. I am not a good downhill trail runner, I'm really afraid I will slip and fall, so people fly by me all the time, and I'm obviously not a great uphill runner either, my cardiovascular is bad, oh well, some day!

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  2. I might be gross cause I still wanna trail run with you. :)

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  3. I want to train run with you, but I fear I won't keep up... but I will be in Longmont by Halloween- weather permitting... ah, to be home.. (after 2 years) and If I lag behind, well, there is the beautiful views to take in- right?

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  4. They call me the shuffler and I trip on everything. Ok, they don't really call me that, but I think they should. I've only done one run on a single track like that, and it was during a mud run. I'm not too afraid to ask for a break, but I do hate when I think I'm trying to keep up with my partner's pace and they're trying to keep up with mine and we could have been running slower the whole time.

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  5. I love the trails! I am so used to being slower on them that I actually don't consider it slower-I'm just faster on the road! I wish i had trails closer than a 30 minute drive or I could do them after work. Though, I do run around the edges of the farm fields behind our house once the farmers are totally done with the and the fertilizer that was sprayed on them has sunk in (cow, not SUAR fertilizer). The scenery is awesome on all the trails I've done! Tripping? Yeah, it happens, but I have learned to go pretty fast on the descents. Not 6 min mile fast, but faster than flats.

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  6. I ran the Xterra 10K last Saturday and it was awesome! I liken it to what women say about childbirth. While it's happening, they're saying "WTF was I thinking when I signed up for this?!" Then, when it's over, they say, "Hey, that wasn't so bad...I think I'll do it again!"

    BTW, my quads are still killing me from the downhills. It was nuts!

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  7. I love trail running, wish I lived closer to your neck of the trails so I could venture up there more often. But if you ever want some non-husband company, I'd be happy to go with ya...and I like lil breaks :).

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  8. I love trail running! But it usually turns into plain old hiking, haha :)

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  9. When we did the High Lonesome Loop from Hessie this summer, I thought I was going to die. Seriously. Poor husband was having a strong day and I was having a horrible day ... and I had to stop a bunch. Even not counting breaks, we ended up averaging something like 15min miles, what with all the power hiking the steep stuff at the end of the 3,200ft (or so) climb to the Divide. But would I have exchanged it for anything? NO! Even when I felt like I wanted to nap for a couple of hours, we were surrounded by some of the best scenery in the Indian Peaks, on great single track... and I had 16mi of tough trail (and about 8 gazillion calories) under my belt when it came time to inhale pizza, beer, and ice cream that night!

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  10. nicely done indeed! i think i run that pace on road, haha. I love that you got away with the husband, pop a squat and all!
    ;)

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  11. I love to run the trails, but the trails in Colorado would be much different than here in Georgia.

    Are you sure it was bear poop, you did say Ken was running in front of you didn't you?

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  12. Oh my Lord...almost bust a gut reading this thread! I can honestly say, I am so glad I am not the only gal that thinks, talks about this stuff! I live right in the rockies (Cranbrook, BC) and mostly trail run. It is amazing!! It is definitely harder than road running and I was told that you need to add 15-20% more time to your trail run than you do on a road run (if that makes sense). When I read post #4, undeterrable's note, I was in tears!! When I am on a trail run, and find myself "shuffling" I am ALWAYS singing "every day I'm shuffling" from LMFAO!!! I have only started running this last April, and in June, I did a 20km run called Round the Mountain....and that's what it was....20 km around the ski hill! All I can say is, if I had gone and seen the route before running it, I'm not sure I would have gone and done it. It was soooo hard....but such a confidence builder. So, to me, trails are where it's at....poops or no poops!!!

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  13. Oh my Lord...almost bust a gut reading this thread! I can honestly say, I am so glad I am not the only gal that thinks, talks about this stuff! I live right in the rockies (Cranbrook, BC) and mostly trail run. It is amazing!! It is definitely harder than road running and I was told that you need to add 15-20% more time to your trail run than you do on a road run (if that makes sense). When I read post #4, undeterrable's note, I was in tears!! When I am on a trail run, and find myself "shuffling" I am ALWAYS singing "every day I'm shuffling" from LMFAO!!! I have only started running this last April, and in June, I did a 20km run called Round the Mountain....and that's what it was....20 km around the ski hill! All I can say is, if I had gone and seen the route before running it, I'm not sure I would have gone and done it. It was soooo hard....but such a confidence builder. So, to me, trails are where it's at....poops or no poops!!!

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  14. Ooops...not poops....I posted that twice....sorry!

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  15. hey, if i ran with u it may be an issue of leapfrog 'deposits.' i live at sealevel, and i swear that anytime i go to altitude, along with sucking more wind it really messes up my guts even more.

    at least on a trail it's easier to find a spot to pop and squat. :P

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  16. There are some great trails here in NC. Single track, advanced rated bike trails and I run them. Did a half marathon on them. It is fun and the time flies by because you can't think too far ahead. Unbelievable core workout.

    If anyone is going to start I highly recommend getting trail shoes.

    The Kidless Kronicles

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  17. I would be all over a trail run out there!

    And hey, it's all biodegradable...

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  18. Excellent suggestion about leaving the Garmin at home... Trail running is not supposed to be fast, but it is one helluva good workout!

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  19. I vacationed in CO for the first time this summer and I fell in love! We went trail running almost everyday. It was an amazingly refreshing change from road running.

    We stayed in Manitou Springs, and climbed the Incline by the end of the week. We ran 4 mi down the Barr Trail after climbing the Incline (heard of it?). It was a killer killer workout! But soooo amazing. Wish I could do that stuff everyday.

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  20. i wish there were trails to run close by, it always sounds so great, but im too ,much in the middle of the city. if we ran togethered there probably be lots of squat stops, cuz i get the same booty clenchers

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  21. I am 100% with you on trail running. It is SO hard, but the reward is equilant. :)

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  22. I love trail running and try to make 1 of my runs each week a trail run when I can. I wish I could do more though.

    That's so funny about hoping for a stoplight or someone else suggesting a break b/c I was thinking that last night awhen I was running with a friend (and don't you know we didn't hit a single red light!!)

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  23. My husband has just started joining me and our dog on trail runs. He totally flies down the downhills and leaves me behind. RUDE! Also I only take my garmin to keep track of distance and completely ignore the embarrassingly slow pace.

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  24. You used the words trailhead and clincher in a post about poop.....perfect!

    I am scared of trail runs b/c I don't want to fall. Same reason I will not do an Xterra Triathlon. Hitting a root, stump, rock, petrified SUAR poop just scares me to death.

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  25. I took up trail running a couple of years ago and LOVE IT. The only downside for me is that I trip on my own shadow, so I constantly have a scraped elbow, knee, etc....

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