Before we get started, first go over to Run With Jill and sign up for the Holiday Blogger Gift Exchange. It is a blast – I did it last year. It’s like Secret Santa meets the blog world and they have babies, or something like that. What’s not to like?
The heat in my car is not working. This is a crisis for someone like me who is cold when I have on fleece pajamas, am sitting on a heating pad and am drinking hot tea. Sometimes I fart to warm myself up. It’s a survival mechanism.
This is my best imitation of a peasant. If you call me “four eyes,” I’ll kill you
This got me to thinking/dreaming about buying a new car. I think about all of the things I would want in a car. Keyless entry, leather seats, 495 miles to the gallon, wipe warmer built into the console. But, what I want the most in my new car is heated seats. Have you ever ridden in a car with heated seats? There are many bonuses:
- If you ass is sore from running it feels very good
- If you pass gas, there is an exaggerated effect (if you like that sort of thing)
- If you are slightly constipated, the heated seats sometimes move things along
- You can switch your position to put any body part on the seat. The heat loosens the muscle and provides increased circulation
- If you grilled cheese got cold, you could warm it up on the seat
- If the heat goes out in your house, you could warm up yourself or the dog on the seat (just don’t forget to open the garage door. It would be a shame to die of carbon monoxide poisoning while heating your butt).
I think you buy this car at Target
I am sure there are many more advantages, but these are the ones that immediately came to mind.
Don’t get me wrong. My 2003 Explorer is fine and has been good to me over the years. It’s a decent car for my kids and their friends. It totes all of my workout shit and has a hitch for my bike rack. I can ignore the vomit stains my nephew left in the back and that sticky stuff on the floor. If I can find a battery operated space heater I will be all set. I think that would be a very safe option.
What feature would you most want in a new car?
What do you drive? Is it a good athlete’s car?