A commenter on yesterday's post said I was “gross and needed to grow up.” Clearly this anonymous person is jealous that they are not as gross or immature as I am. They probably pee sitting down, never fart and wouldn’t dream of using the word “penis” in a sentence. Good for them. Each to his own.
But…so freaking boring I can’t stand it.
Moving on to more interesting topics that will confirm my grossness and immaturity…
After yesterday’s run my stomach was unsettled. Nothing major, just some gas. The kids and I were meeting my parents to see the play “Les Miserables” (one of my personal faves) and I worried a bit about the fart factor. If you have seen “Les Miz,” you know it is LONG.
Despite the fact that most of what we worry about does not happen, this did not prove true yesterday. Immediately into the first song of the first half I was using all of my strength to hold stuff in. I was seated in the middle of the row, so no quick exit was possible. I sat between Emma and some older gentleman. I knew I could not just let stuff fly. Every once in awhile when the audience clapped or it was a particularly loud scene, I would try to get something out. But, the timing was never quite right.
1-½hours in, it was finally intermission time. I was so thankful it was like an early Thanksgiving. I excused myself quickly. By this time my stomach hurt so bad from holding air in that I had sharp pains in my lower abdomen. I desperately tried to get things moving, to no avail.I bought a Blow Pop and returned to my seat. I told my kids and my dad what the problem was. They didn’t seem to have much sympathy. As I squeezed by my dad to get to his seat, he held his nose. Nice.
I did okay for the first couple of songs in the second act. But, after that I could no longer hold it in. I put my program on my lap, as a makeshift stifling mechanism, and just let it go. It was not loud.
Emma turned to me in disgust waving her hand dramatically in front of her face, saying “Ewww.” I shushed her. This was no place to be making a scene. I then heard the woman behind me turn to her friend and whisper, “Did you fart?” This sent me into my own private hysterics. The only good thing about farting in a sea of people is no one really knows it’s you. They can suspect, but they can’t really know for sure.
Farts aside, the show was incredible. After you see a musical, I find you are always speaking in a singing voice. This is very annoying to everyone around you, but it is to be expected.
Ever get “trapped” on a plane, during a show, at church, etc?
Ever seen “Les Miz?” What’s your favorite musical of all time?