Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Spread Eagle Tuesday

I had this great little fart post ready to go last night, but decided to take it down. Wasn’t sure if enough people are like me and want to indulge in lengthy reading about gas. I will say that I learned a ton from the article, What Makes a Fart? Like the fact that a mom hands down the fart smell to her kids through her bacteria during delivery. To my kids I say: You are welcome!

Go read it. You will seriously die laughing and will actually learn quite a bit (Why does coffee cause farting? Do people really have body parts reconstructed to change the noises their farts make?). It is rather graphic, however. I always wonder what motivates people to go into the field of proctology. Guess I will have to ask Dr. Jelly Fingers himself.

Lately I have gotten into the habit of spending quite a bit of time at the gym on Tuesdays. Tuesday is yoga day with Andrea at 9:15. I’ve been going early and getting in a challenging treadmill run (3-4% incline for a few miles will kick your ass unless you are much tougher than I am). I then do some strength work. As much as I want my adductors (inner thighs) to get stronger (generally this area is weak on runners, but helps stabilize your body and helps with alignment when you run – thanks, Matt), the adductor weight machine freaks me out.

This is not me

The fact is, I am not a prude, but this spread eagle thing is a bit much. I now realize why they put this particular machine in the back of the gym, facing a wall. It would be really creepy if they put the water fountain right in front of the machine and all the pervs could come over and “get water” while stealing a look at your “repetitions.” Honestly, weight machines in general freak me out a bit. Mostly because I’ve never really use them. If I do weight training, I usually use my body as the resistance (lunges, etc). Yet, the weight machine has its time and place. Just not with a lot of people watching.

Another thing I noticed on gym-Tuesdays is that there are millions of people who go to the gym to just wander around. It’s weird. My biggest pet peeve, though, is when people talk on the phone while working out. One day I had a woman get on the elliptical right beside me (even though there were others available) and scream into her phone the whole time. I wanted to pinch her head off. I egged her car instead.

Speaking of gyms, I have some Biggest Loser impressions from last night (spoiler alert):

  • The food eating challenge was gross. You know that food had to have been cold and congealed. Plus, the thought of eating an entire bowl of cranberry sauce makes me gag. I honestly think I would have won that challenge because I would have gone for the cornbread first given the fact it might have been one of the lower calorie items.
  • Dolvett sweats a lot during the weigh-ins. I would like to see him on the adductor machine. Naked.
  • Even though Ramon returned to his beloved, Jess, for a skydive jump I could just tell by her body language she’s not into him. I might be wrong, this is just a hunch. Not like Jess and I text and go to Subway all the time together or anything.
  • Ramon looks much better with short hair. But, about that argyle vest…
  • John had it out for Sunny. I get why he gave her the pound disadvantage, but not sure why he also crushed her at the vote.
  • Dolvett looks good in red. Dolvett looks good in flannel. Dolvett looks good in _________. The answer is: anything!
  • You can tell Anna has checked out. You don’t hear much from her anymore. Except, “You can do eeeet!”
  • Bob almost cried when talking about his sister. This was quite touching and heartfelt.
  • I cannot wait for makeover week! But, what I really cannot wait for is the MARATHON!! I wish more of you lived closer, we could have a party on marathon night and place bets on who would win. Heck, I think I’ll do that anyway. I love to gamble.

Do you use the weight machines at the gym? No. Only sporadically.

What are your pet peeves at the gym? Mine is people who use their phones. And, yes, that is allowed at my gym. I also hate it when people use the adductor machine naked.

Who do you think will win the marathon on TBL? Right now my money is on John.


Don’t forget the SUAR sale. Go HERE. End Monday. Lots of cool stuff including long sleeve techs.


  1. No gym for me ... I use my awesome basement ... when I do jump squats my head goes through the family room floor and I can see my mother-in-law snoring on the couch ...

    I would say naked squats ... after an extra spicy chipotle burrito ... definitely look away

  2. I used to complain all the time to my trainer that people were reading magazines at the weight machines or talking on their phone on the treadmill. Really? I did love the guy that showed up from work and did his weight routine in his WORK CLOTHES!!

    I didn't see BL last night, I watched the 'BL where are they now special'. Dolvett, yum!

  3. The adductor and abductor machines used to freak me out, too, but I do them anyway. Helps prevent IT band pain.

  4. Ummm I don't know for sure but I'm almost positive Dolvett looks good in nothing..... :)

    And I just have to fess up and say I could eat a whole bowl of least my homemade ones with good stuff...not that canned crap.

  5. Ok, I just skipped almost the whole post because I haven't seen BL yet!!!! OH and yeah..that machine is WEIRD! Really, is that necessary.. LOL! Have a great, great day Beth!

  6. I posted this on BDD's blog as well:

    I have no issues with what John did as this is a game and as Herm Edwards said: You Play To WIN The Game!

    Anybody could have won that contest if they wanted to and could have kept the advantage and handed out the disadvantage to anybody they wanted to. They did not and so they need to stop pointing fingers and need to look inside.

    I thought yesterday's episode was one of the worst because of all the finger pointing and calling out of John. Game play and they lost.

    I read the fart post and I laughed so hard that I wish you would have kept it up so that I could read other's comments.

  7. I use weight machines sometimes when I work out with my trainer, other than that, not much. I prefer body weight. There is one guy at my gym who wanders around and has his shoulder all puffed up like an angry dog .. he will do like 2-3 reps on a machine, then wander, then again .. and he's not even lifting heavy weights, it's so weird. I haven't been watching the biggest loser enough to know who might win, I use to love that show though .. I miss Jillian :(

  8. So I used to go to the gym, and I got so annoyed that people were standing over machines talking. Women with big fake boobs and perfect hair/make-up smelling like they bathed in perfume (or just forgot to rinse?) hovering around the guys with perfect hair who ALSO need to rinse...who happen to be leaning on the barbells that I WANT TO USE...Seriously.

    So anyway, I have some stuff at home I use now.

    AND that spread-em machine...Why is it always facing a mirror???

  9. That hip machine is awkward but I still use it because my hips are really weak.

    I purposely keep a lookout for freaks though and will give a dirty look to anyone I catch staring.

  10. Anna looks good in red. Anna looks good in flannel. Anna looks good in _________. The answer is: Her Birthday Suit!

  11. Howard: yeah, I know lots of guys who would agree with you. And some girls.

  12. I don't use the weight machines nearly as much as I should. They intimidate me. And my pet peeve is the girl with perfect hair and make-up who is drinking a Starbucks and smells like a perfume factory. She is always walking at .10 mph on the tread next to me while reading a magazine and talking on the phone.

  13. Re: BL comments

    -I totally said "Go for the cornbread!" out loud last night... they didn't hear me.

    -Ramon is way more into Jess than she is into him. Agreed.

    -Bob is the only thing keeping tuned in this season.

    PS - I read your fart post, and shared my new found knowledge with my husband. He was impressed.

  14. First off, I hope they can keep Dolvett on the show. Either SI will snatch him up for the centerfold (every month, in which I will become a very eager subscriber) or he will be abducted by some crazy lunatic...named Bobbi B.

    Yes, I use the gym for my arms. I hate people who talk to me. Kind of a loner here.

  15. My trainer once told me that machine is bad for your hips. I also hate it when people talk on their phones while at the gym, especially blue tooth.

  16. I too am suspicious of the weight machines. Like the Smith Machine - takes away the "balance" factor in squats and deadlifts, hello, that's half of what makes it effective! Why don't you just workout using someone else's right leg? That should give you good benefits!
    Gym Pet Peeve: don't come chat me up. Besides the "I'm here to work out" factor, I'm an introvert and that makes me nervous.

  17. Weight machines...NOT A FAN.

    BL...Ramon definitely looks better with short hair and BL is doing a great job of making Jess not seem as interested as Ramon is.

    Fart article... you cannot tempt us with that tid bit and leave us to read "What Makes a Fart?"

  18. Runners Fuel: Apparently everything is bad depending on who you talk to. It might not be for everyone, but I think for me it will make a positive difference.

  19. Your fart post totally came through on my Google Reader, FYI. It was interesting!

    I used to use the weight machines because I didn't know what else to do. Now, though, I prefer free weights and Pilates.

  20. Umm...mostly a free weight guy. But anybody who locks up a station for 3+ sets of reps without stepping out for me to rotate in....they're getting a lump of coal in their stocking.

    On a completely separate note, notice how I used "they're" and "their" correctly? I'm thankful for a good vocabulary. :-)

  21. I'm a home-worker-outer, but loved the weight machines when I was a gym member. I didn't know that about adductors being weak on runners; I need to use my resistance bands to strengthen them up!!

    My pet peeve at the gym was people taking forever filling up their water bottle at the drinking fountain, but it's okay when I do it...

    Yeah, I think John will win the marathon, but Sunny is going to give him a good run for his money...

  22. My friend has a name for the adductor/abductor machine - the "good girl/bad girl" machine! I stay away when wearing running shorts, but in yoga pants I'll use if for a good workout, especially since weak hips seem to be a problem area for my running.

  23. Great post from a new follower. I do go to the gym but I don't use the weight machines. Too confusing. I like good old free weights. My pet peeve is when there are 20 open treadmills and someone steps on the one right next to me! Argh!

  24. I'm not a big fan of nakedness in the locker rooms at the same time they're trying to carry a conversation with me!

    I heard the TBL producers can't get enough footage of Anna because she's such a diva. But, did you notice the evil eyes she gave John once Sunny came down off the scale? If looks could kill, he'll definitely not be winning the Marathon. My vote is for Jessica to win her way back! Maybe we can vote on that in Vegas...

  25. I just started using those machines and I call them the spread eagle twins. It is very awkward to use in public and I am very glad that they are not in front of a mirror at my gym. I am glad I am not the only one who finds them a little intimidating.

    I watched BL for the first time ever last night. I have to say I think you need to start at the beginning of the season. I was confused why they were giving them an eating challenge, but like I said I think you need to start from the beginning of the season. I also now fully understand the appeal of Dolvett.

  26. What about the readers?! I noticed someone posted on your fb about that.. we have a woman who reads on the weight machines! How do you work your biceps and read at the same time? She apparently takes this as a challenge.

    I had a trainer that called those in an out machines "yes's" and "no's." Bwahhaha. And ours IS right by the water fountain, wtf. Come down to Denver and come to Bally's sometime so we can make fun of all of the crazies together.

  27. I'm so sad you took down the fart post. I saw it on FB last night and told my kids how excited I was to read it today (I wait to read your blog at work because I need something to brighten my day - I'm 1 of those poor saps tied to a desk for 8 hours). Haha, imagine me trying to stifle my laughter... sometimes I snort in the process which is worse than just laughing. I seriously need to get a life.

    I don't use a gym but I did donate $ to the YMCA for a year. I like to work out in private so I never used the membership.

    I really want to love TBL but it is hard this season. I just can't get into it. I was disappointed that Ramon went home before the make-over because he REALLY needed a hair cut. So wasn't that a pleasant surprise at the end?! And how gracious of Jess to play along as to not embarass him on TV. I like Vinny. Not sure he'll be the winner but he seems like a sweet guy.

    Love your blog! Teresa

  28. I don't use weight machines very often at the gym. If I do, they are cable machines. At my gym the adductor machine faces the windows. Yup.

    My biggest pet peeve is when the girl is at the gym with her guy and she's watching him work out really hard and then picks up the 1 pound barbie weight to do a couple of bicep curls and then goes back to trying to look sexy. I AM NOT HERE TO WATCH YOUR MATING DANCE!

    No idea on the BL marathon. We haven't really seen them run, except for the 1 mile. Based on that I think maybe Ramon? Bonnie will be picked up by the sweeper.

  29. Saw biggest loser last night and John got on my nerves... poor Sunny! Who do you think is going to win the marathon and ultimately overall?
    If I lived closer I'd come join you, but not the gambling part.. I'd prolly lose tons of money as I'm bad at it ;)

  30. That fart article is really informative. I learned a lot - I never knew that when you were on crack you wanted to stick things in your crack. Another reason to just say no! But I'm left wondering if c-section babies till get stink bombed by their mothers?

    I'm a new reader and I'm loving your blog.

  31. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the adductor machine, and I had no idea it was actually a good thing. It just makes me happy. Insanely happy. Almost as happy as the abductor machine beside it. Something about feeling my hips complain on that thing is joyful to me. I actually stay away from these machines on purpose because I worry I do them too much and I'll throw something off. How bizarre.

    Off to read the fart article. Because "the more you know..." insert rainbow and awesome music here.

  32. - I hate the people who drop their weights on the ground, you know, you hear all the away cross the gym, who are we trying to show off to anyways???

    - I had someone once tell me at the gym "excuse I am on the phone"

    - Wouldnt it be awesome if Jess said no to Ramons proposal at the finale!!!!!

    - I pick Bonnie to win the marathon..... not really, I am not sure yet, Jess is working out with all her boy toys from the Steelers, she might win it

  33. KMHoover: you may be one of the funniest people ever.

  34. Okay, Biggest Loser. I am with you 100% on everything. Including Dolvette in nothing. Woo. Is it hot in here? ANYWAY... also, Vinny. Awww melted my heart this episode. Did you catch the part where he said "ring money" to Ramon when they won $2500 each? :)
    What annoys me at the gym...when people let their kids play on the equipment. Hello?! I am trying to use that!
    Happy Thanksgiving.

  35. A marathon party for BL is a great idea! And I passed my fart smell on to my new precious baby? Oh dear.. at least she got her dad's small bottom and skinny legs (so at least they'll SOUND different).

  36. Totally agree about the adductor machine! I like sumo squats to hit those inner thighs instead. They're not nearly as awkward.

    I use machines a lot for stuff like leg pressing, seated rows, lat pull downs, and a few others. But the squat rack, and Z-bars are my current essentials. It's kind of annoying when there's someone taking up the equipment I need and just sitting there texting. Lame!

    Antone did a great job of calling out John last night. He might be my favorite contestant... and yeah, Anna really didn't say a whole lot last night. The producers must be editing her out a little.

  37. I don't use a gym. Just my running shoes, my bike, and some weights at home.

    I used to go to a local gym. There are still stories about me working out in my purple lycra tights. Not a pretty sight...


    stop at about one min.-

  39. Skipped the spoilers b/c I didn't get to watch TBL yet!

    I've always been a little wary of weight machines too. I always worry that I look like an idiot. But I guess I can't possibly look like as much of an idiot as those people wandering around yapping on their phones.

  40. For me my biggest pet peeve at the gym would have to be people who camp out at one station! I hate waiting for 30 minutes just to finish up and go home....that and gym rats, but as I get older they tend not to annoy me as much....

  41. I hate it when people get on their phones in the gym and talk about Biggest Loser.... I'm putting my money on Ryan Hall in the marathon.

  42. I don't usually use the weight machines at the gym. I pretty much use the pool, the treadmill, and the bosu ball.

    You would hate me at the gym....I talk on the phone all the time while I run. It helps me stay at a conversational pace on those long runs. It also makes all my sweat drip down my left arm and pool on the side of the treadmill. Nasty! It takes several paper towels to get the whole treadmill cleaned up. My biggest pet peeve is people who take the keys to the pool, and then don't go directly to the pool. It is one thing to go to the locker room, change into your suit, swim, and then do a quick shower and change back before returning your key. No one wants you to walk through the gym in a dripping wet bathing suit, but I HATE it when people take them into an hour class because they are allowed to have the key for an hour and a half. That drives me nuts.

  43. Gym with no spin classes don't work for me. In fact, I stopped my membership early this year, only to find that this summer was 100 deg F with 100% humidity in Texas :)

    I am not a big fan of treadmill running, so I saved my gym money and use them towards more races :)

    Another reason is that I found people staring at me alot - I guess I run a little fast on the treadmill?!

  44. I use weight machines at the gym - even the spread eagle one. muahah.

    I ran a half marathon in October and between mile 9 and 10 a girl running a few strides ahead of me ANSWERED HER PHONE. I wanted to hip check her into a ditch. She ran, talking on the phone for at least a mile. PUNCH!

  45. I thought the fart post was hilarious!

    And I'm with you -- not going anywhere near most of the lifting equipment in the gym. Give me free weights! (And I'll do leg lifts and bridge/butt-squeeze exercises in the privacy of my own living room thankyouverymuch.) ;-)

  46. I mostly do free weights at my gym, jump rope, jump squats and then like 3 machines: lat pulldowns, row machine (name?), and hams and quad machines. okay, 4. Have done the spread eagle and they put it RIGHT in the MIDDLE of the freaking gym, facing the cable machine, which we all know is for the big dudes working hard to buff their chest out and NOT work on their legs. UGH. i've had a creeper stare at me on it before. i put my towel over my crouch one time when i was wearing my shorter shorts. looked snazzy i'm sure.

    Pet peeves: the lady who brings her romance novel to read while going 1 mph on the bike, the 5 min cardio ppl( I swear, they come for 5 min then leave?!), and the naked old wrinkly ladies in the locker room after their water aerobic class(ew!!)

    Dolvett DOES look good in red. Yummy! That food did look sick and John sabatauges(sp) himself. The 1lb thing i understood but voting for her after his sobbing/apology session=malarky!! whatever. But i'm tired of ppl saying it's T'giving blah blah blah. IT"S A GAME! they're there to win, so get over it!!!
    And Ramon did look better w/ short hair but she did seem bored w/ him. She's prob'ly thinking of those NFL dudes anywho;)

  47. My biggest pet peeve by far is when some guy walks over to the machine I'm using and waits for me to finish. I normally try to take my time and finish my sets, but I normally feel pressured to rush. Once I'm done he hopps on the machine and pushes out one quick set and then goes over to something else. Something close to a mirror. Gag. Why not go do your other random workouts and leave me to my sets in peace instead of hovering like a kidnapper. I promise you can do your 30 seconds when I'm done and far away.

  48. First and foremost: AWESOME fart article!
    Biggest gym pet peeve: groups of women walking at 1mph on ALL the treadmills sipping starbucks...gossiping for ages!
    Good on them for walking...BUT. please dont use ALL the treadmills.
    Second biggest: If I have my ipod on, I want to hear MY music, NO the doof doof doof from some jerk across the room with too much volume!
    Rant complete...

  49. I live closeby, so does Tara...we'll be there for your BL Marathon party - yay!

  50. Wouldn't that be fun to have a BL Marathon party? I think Bonnie is going to win the marathon. (kidding...) Either John or Jess. You know since she dropped Ramon for the guy who was training her from the Steelers, I am sure they run together now :) I so hope John makes it to the end so Dolvett doesn't have to leave!

  51. Love your posts and always have a good laugh when reading them. I have 2 pet peeves: not wiping off the machines after using them and really loud grunters. I have never been self conscious about using the adductor machines but I will be from now on. Thanks for that :/

  52. Aren't you glad that most gyms insist on clothing for their patrons?

    You'll never know how many times I clicked on your deleted post hoping that it had been reinstated. My fascination with bodily functions started at the age of 2 and has never really diminished.

  53. Is it bad if I say I hate most people at the gym? I'm using my complex's gym right now. It's in the main building and pretty small, but it does the trick. BUT if I go too late in the day (any time after 9am), I run into annoying people! Cell phone talkers, wanders, half naked chicks, dudes who grunt when barely moving, machine savers ("I'm going to use that"), etc.

    Yesterday two ladies came in while I was already happily on the treadmill listening to NPR on my headphones and they decided to BLAST some Contemporary Christian music. Then, they proceed to talk over the music loudly. I shouldn't have to ask them to keep it down, but I did and they were rude and tried to explain to me that my headphones will block out the music. You better believe I complained to the staff after I finished running.

    PS - fart post was amazing! Bring it back!

  54. What is 10x worse...cell phones at the library. WTF???? I just want to go over and slap them in the head and say, "WTF?"

  55. I am a gym person in the winter. I really should go in the summer but I don't. I do use the hip machine although my gym has it in the old folks portion of the gym so I feel weird but I know it is helpful for my legs and running.

  56. First of all, I think my BIGGEST pet peeve EVER is idiots who hang on their cell phone at the gym. Seriously: Drives me nuts. I'm all focused and I can hear them talking OVER my music... I turn into a fiesty firecracker in a hurry! ;)

    Dolvett. Abductor Machine. YES! We are SO in sync! Ha!

    And about Jess & Ramon and their chemistry: Agreed. It was ...ackward.


    P.S. I just realized you were on FB. You have a new fan. I rarely have time anymore to get on Blogger, so it'll be easier to keep up. :)