Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Creeper Emails

Is it just me, or do you sometimes get odd emails too? I’m not talking about the ones from Saudi Arabia begging for $5 million dollars. Those are totally legit and I always send a money order right away. Nor am I talking about the ones advising that I need a penile implant, because I couldn’t agree more and I’ve had several surgically implanted.

What I am talking about are emails like this one that I got a couple of days ago:

From: God is Good
Subject Line: You are a winner

“I really enjoy watching you on the Biggest Loser. I love your style.....charmer and then the strongest motivator. You are adorable. You can train me any day. By the way are you married or taken?”

This email makes a ton of sense. I am very frequently mistaken for Anna Kournikova. I mean, I look just like her:












Or, perhaps the emailer saw my slightly thinning hair and thought I was Bob? I mean we do share a similar figure. Flat abs, flat chest, shapely calves. We also both have veiny arms.











I do, however, not see how this person could have mistaken me for Dolvett. My teeth are no where near as nice as his, I don’t throw medicine balls on people’s chests and I haven’t been able to bounce a quarter off of my ass in years. Not to mention that despite my L’Oreal Perfect Match powder, I just can’t seem to achieve the same skin tone that he has. And, I’ve never in my life touched Justin Bieber.

What to make of this? I shall never know.

As to the question about me being married or taken – well, I am taken. I cannot stop breaking hearts wherever I go. I will say that if I were not taken, I would definitely want to meet my soul mate through a random email.

Ever get weird crap in your in box? I get lots of amazing and inspirational emails. But, occasionally there’s one that makes me go, “huh?”

Who do you think the next BL trainer should be? Does Dolvett have a sister? Could Jillian come back? Besides me, I think this woman would do a kick ass job.



  1. Ryan changed my filter on my I miss all sorts of important stuff, but don't get nearly as much strange stuff.

    I would love to see Jillian back, or the blonde that was there before. I am terrible that I can't remember her name. She was super cute, Ryan thought she was a barbie.

  2. That's a great post. Loved it

    I get all kinds of weird shit all the time - my favorite stuff is the wacky stuff… unfortunately, I've never been compared to Anna, Bob or any other trainer.

    I would like to see Jillian back.

  3. Nothing creepy, a couple of hate emails about my blog, those are fun

    You girls have Dolvette, the guys want Kim Lyons back on the show!!!!

  4. Ha! See, that's the kinda chick I'm talking about. (if they can't get you of course).

    Haven't gotten too many weird emails. Remember getting a virus (computer virus) from a myspace thing years ago...something about a short bus. So weird, bc i've totally ridden on one. lol

  5. Okay so the email is a little weird, but your post about it is nothing short of hilarious!

  6. Um can't say I've ever gotten weird emails. I've gotten nice ones or questions, but that's about it.

  7. Oh my gosh, I just started getting weird creeper phishing emails through my blog.

    I find it kind of awesome. It's like I am internet famous or something. Except for the ones that say, "I can see you must not be very popular. Come to my to increase traffic!" Those ones I want to smack.

    No one has told me that they love me, though. Maybe you are just that special.

  8. I'd love to see Jackie Warner, if only for the absolute hilarity's sake.

  9. Angel would be awesome.

    I don't get very many emails beyond the regular school car pool notifications and what to bring to the next pot luck. I'd love to get something interesting...I'm just not very popular or desirable or something. Must be my hair...

  10. You have all the proposals on my end. Must be my lovely personality.

  11. I just found you through facebook and this post is HILARIOUS - new follower now :) love you and your blog. xo

  12. I don't get weird emails... yet. I used to get crazy stuff back in the myspace days though.

  13. I don't get weird emails... yet. I used to get crazy stuff back in the myspace days though.

  14. I second the Jackie Warner vote for the train wreck quotient. Has BL jumped the shark or is it just me?

    Yes, I totally get creeper emails *(and then I shudder).

  15. I get odd shit all the time but nothing as odd as that. I guess I should stop putting my email address into all the porn sites......

    Now as for the trainer....I think it should be ME. I can yell at people to get their damn hands off my treadmill (channeling Dolvett), I have thinning hair (channeling Bob) and I have no sympathy for these people (channeling Jillian) so there you have it. My application for BL trainer.

  16. I've never gotten anything that weird lol... i've gotten random thanks emails for how inspirational my blog is usually followed by some advertisement for some website or something or a person wanting money... if they really read my blog they would know that i'm a broke college student ;) tehe...

  17. it should be someone who knows about training not someone who is a pretty face
    not a pro athlete either
    they are pro at being the athlete not the trainer
    so someone who has trained olympians would be a good choice

    no Jillian

  18. This is going to sound completely stalker-ish, but the girl you linked at the end of your post -- Angel -- is she by any chance a spin instructor in the DC area? I SWEAR I've taken her spin classes...If not, it's someone who is the spitting image of her (with the same name). Small world!

  19. Allison: totaly could be. She teaches/does personal training out of Arlington, VA.

  20. Love. This. Post.

    And yes, I get creepy emails. I never know whether to respond or not so I usually do not!

    I would only watch BL again if Jillian DOES come back.

  21. Wait you mean nobody on their deathbed sent you 5 million bucks yet? Guess I'd better count my I mean blessings.
    Emile like those are highly entertaining. Thanks for sharing that one!

  22. Yep, that's her! The classes I've taken were at an Arlington Gold's -- she's an animal!

  23. That's an odd one. I get a ton of unintentionally funny spray and pray emails from PR firms. I recently got an offer to receive and review some adult toys- just in time for the holidays! I have a blog about children's hair care, so, uh, no.

  24. I get the occasional "You have offended me" email. I have a canned response of, "Then don't F****G read my blog Douchebag!"

    Just the fact that I take the time to respond should show them just how compassionate I really am!

    Got one yesterday. "Hello, I really enjoy your blog. Is it okay if I ask you a question? -Erin"

    My reply was,"Erin, didn't you just ask a question?"

    No reply back yet. On pins and needles waiting!

  25. I just get the random spam - your stuff sounds so much more entertaining!

  26. I dont' blame Anna for not wanting to come back. What a bunch of whiners this season and seemingly ungrateful too, for her help.

    Hmmmm maybe Apollo Ono... looked a bit to me like he was auditioning last night.

  27. Good timing on this post - here's part of a Facebook friend request I just got yesterday:

    ...and i saw your profile,to be honest i paused to read you,cos you profile picture caught my eyes,plus you are beautiful and i bet you've got this beauty from an Angel...

    Yeeeahh. Not adding that one.

  28. i though apollo was trying to become the next trainer ....with his cheering last night

  29. I like your bathing suit pic better than Anna's for 2 reasons: Goggles for safety, and underwear to protect your tan line!

    Hopefully your 'creeper' won't see these sexy pictures...might not take you 'being taken already' so well!

  30. That was hysterical!

    Sometimes I check my spam folder because I miss those Nigerian princes begging for help getting to their money. But mostly I just say that things ended up in my spam folder when they didn't, because I don't want to tell people that I just had no desire to go to their ______ event and would rather become one with my couch.

  31. I get weird emails all the time. I guess that goes with having my email publicly posted on my blog.

    The majority of my weird emails are for strange PR pitches. I have gotten many that told me how good I would look in the latest woman's fashion, and asking me to promote some strange products like these:

    Handy Spray

    Swim Shapers

    My favorite was when I was asked to pitch the X-Pole complete with a sample if I wanted one!

    Even in the past couple months I have been pitched another Pole Dancing Exercise the S Factor and they started the email:

    Hi Tim,

    When’s the last time you took a luxurious bubble bath, painted your toe nails because you felt you deserved it, or bought yourself a present just because? Often with the hustle-and-bustle of everyday life it is hard for women to take the time to relax and devote the time to appreciate themselves.

    They went on......

    Acknowledge your feminine power: Close your eyes and imagine the letter "S." Now fill in the curves of that S shape with your cheekbones, neck, shoulders, breasts, elbows, wrists, waist, hips, butt, pelvis, thighs, calves and ankles... Now open your eyes and gaze down at your body.

    (I don't think I saw what I was supposed to see....)

    They then wrapped it up by telling me I should be doing the "The S Walk" - Move through the world with a confident I-am-woman-hear-me-roar walk all day long

    (I got some strange looks at work the next day....)

    Yea, I get some strange emails, and some, like the X-Pole email, I even respond to and ask if they even check their lists even a little.

  32. Tim: hilarious! I never got an Xpole invitation so clearly they think you have some feminine potential that some of us don't possess.

  33. In my inbox: "Good day president is certainly offering Govt Funds to help individuals in the area so that they can energize typically the overall economy. Find out about it g6News . com you should not lose out. It won't last extensive!!!"
    With language skills like this, it must be legit, right??

  34. You're a hoot! I love that you have the balls to wear your underwear under your bathing suit. So funny. The goggles and cap are so perfect.

  35. I have looked really close (talk about being a creeper)and I don't see any outline of balls, underwear or no underwear.

    Just sayin

  36. ha ha! Your Bob pic is epic! Female trainers....hmmmm, maybe they will go androgynous on us next season!

  37. I'm really not surprised. You and Anna could almost be twins.

  38. I never get Email asking me to give money to anyone, but i win the LOTTO a couple of times a week, maybe I should buy you the treadmill you want!!!

    Oh I think you should be the next trainer...

  39. Uhhhmmm, don't open that email that says "Your whole family is sunshine and light and I want to sit in your living room with a parasol to shield me from your overwhelming wonderfulness"...ok??

    It's totally not from me. Of course.

  40. Gee, a whole lotta us seem to have erectile dysfunction and need penile implants! I find that very interesting!

    Just thought I'd tell you I mentioned you in my blog post today... and it had nothing to do with farts. I figured people might want to know when their name is getting thrown out there on the internet ;)

    Keep on inspiring, mama!

  41. and i thought you were the one claiming you were pregnant with beibers kid. guess not. glad i solved that.

  42. Maybe they should have a reality show and the winner is the next Biggest Loser trainer. Ok, I'm kidding. Jillian was always tough. She and Bob complimented each other.

  43. :( Dude. I don't get crazy spam like that OR hate mail like the Daddy Diesel & Jeff.

    I just feel left out now...

  44. Snap. I don’t e-mails like that. SO creepy.

    I love your post on it though!

  45. So um yeah sorry about that email...I could have sworn you were on TBL...and I thought we had a connection after you sent me those Snickers Marathon Bars, (delicious, by the way)...

    I had a stalker once but that ended once I married her...