I am off to run in the screaming wind and cold because this blog is not called Shut Up and Sit On Your Ass When the Weather Sucks. But, before I do that…
It was a birthday of perfection and I have not one picture to prove it (well, maybe ONE). A real and true blogger would have been taking pictures of every morsel of food, every gift unwrapped, every trip to the bathroom. Not me. I got one stinking picture, and it was this crappy one of the vast amounts of sushi we consumed last night (the best ones were the shrimp tempura rolls in the middle in case you were wondering):
I like photos on my blog as much as the next guy. I can’t help but feel, however, that when I spend time with people and my priority is getting pictures for the blog, I’m distracted. Or, maybe I’m just lazy and that’s my excuse. Plus, you can always steal pictures from other blogs or Google images and pretend they are yours. I’m sure it breaks a copyright law or two, but I like living on the edge. For example, here is the cake we ate, kind of. I did not take this picture, it is not my cake, and that is not my hand. But my cake looked exactly like this. If you click on the photo, you will see where I got the picture, so I am not stealing.
This was cute: Last night before bed Sam asked if I wanted him to tell me the story of the day I was born. On my kid’s birthdays I always lay with them at night and tell about all of the blood, screaming, sweating and cussing that led up to their graceful emergence from my body and other sordid and fabulous details about the days they were born. Sam has no clue about anything that happened on the day I was born (except that the angels SUNG), but it was a nice offer.
One of the deep family discussions that came up yesterday was this:
Sam: Mom, did you know if you eat candy right before bed, you have nightmares?
Me: That is so not true. I eat 56 Jelly Bellies every night, in bed, and never have nightmares.
Sam: Well, I read it somewhere. I’m sure it’s true.
Me: I think that’s a lie made up by dentists or parents**.
I started thinking about lying to kids. We all do it. My parents did it. We tell white lies so that we can encourage better behavior, or to shut kids up. You can call them “myths,” I call them “lies.” Like my dad telling me it cost 5¢ every time I flicked the light switch on or off. I am guessing this annoyed the hell out of him, and for good reason. But, 5¢? Where did he get that number and how? Did he call the electric company and put in a formal request asking how much it cost to flick the lights at our address?
I lie to my kids too and not just about the tooth fairy and Santa. We have a county fair that comes to town every July. For the rest of the year my then-three-year-old would ask where the fair went. I tried explaining in my best grown up-to-child vernacular that the fair only comes once a year, then packs up and comes back the next year. This clearly wasn’t satisfying her, so the 125th time she asked, I told her that the fair went into a box and under the bed. I told her it would get opened in July and that is when we would go again. Slam dunk. No more questions. I don’t know what was wrong with her, but she never asked which bed the box was under and never asked to see the box. She never wondered how it was possible to have a box so big to fit the whole fair in it or how it was possible to wedge said box under the bed. Like I said, slam dunk. Kids are such easy targets.
I also told my kids that if they kicked the seat on the airplane the pilot would beat them up or throw them out the emergency exit door.
Other common “myths” told by parents that are bullsh!t (from HERE):
- If you crack your knuckles, you’ll get arthritis
- Coffee will stunt your growth
- If you go out with wet hair, you’ll get sick.
- If you sneeze with your eyes open, they will fall out (what? this is new to me)
- Crossing your eyes will make you go cross-eyed
- Carrots help you see in the dark
Do you tell little lies to your kids? Did your parents lie to you? If you are still waiting to 30 minutes to swim after you eat or are waiting for your gum to digest after 7 years, you’ve been had.
**Turns out there is some truth to this!! But it’s not just candy. It’s more that if you sleep on a full stomach of anything, particularly junk food, brain stimulation is increased thereby causing nightmares.