Thursday, May 5, 2011

I’m Confused

Do you ever see stuff that makes you scratch your head? Ironies and contradictions all over the place?

At the risk of sounding really bright, I call these things oxymorons. Like jumbo-shrimp or butt-head or family-vacation. 

Get it? Because going on vacation with your family is not a vacation!!  And how could you be a butt and a head at the same time??

Here are today’s contradictions in action. I witnessed the following:

  1. There was a woman riding her bike vigorously down my street while smoking a cigarette.
  2. Then dude in a car with a “Make Love, Not War” bumper sticker cut me off.
  3. Later, a woman in Wal-Mart gave her a child a spanking while saying “We don’t hit!”

Life is confusing. People are confusing. All I can say is…

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I don’t know what else to do. Except that I just made these cookies:

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(My son just asked why the cookies have crayons in them like when our dog eats crayons and poops. C’mon. They’re sprinkles. Would I really put crayons in cookies? Well maybe but only on April Fools Day or when I’m feeling especially sassy).

And I wore this new shirt that is so kick-ass for yoga and now the world makes sense again. This shirt – seriously, you need it. It is tech-ish fabric, built in bra, from Athleta. Click HERE to see more.

Yes, if you zoom in you can see my hairy armpits. That is not an oxymoron. That is just me being a moron.

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Look! I zoomed for you just so you wouldn’t have to make the extra effort. I really need to get that one LONG hair.  That is SICK!

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What doesn’t make sense to you? Besides the last picture.

SUAR

46 comments:

  1. you
    freaking
    kill me

    Razor much? joke. joke.

    I adore you.
    Proud to be a SUAR sticker owner.

    but even happier I can annoy you with texts any freaking time I wish.

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  2. You are amazing... Thanks for making me snort!

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  3. It doesn't make sense to me when I ask for regular coffee at Starbucks they ask "are you sure you don't want a latte?"

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  4. You make me laugh and laugh and laugh. I am so glad I found and follow your blog.

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  5. You are hysterical with the zoom! hahaha

    Thanks for keeping it real!

    I think you should still have my mailing address, so please feel free to send me some of those cookie dough bad boys!

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  6. I absolutely LOVE reading your whacky blog! It really....simply makes sense. I walk around most of the day thinking the same thoughts as you (and voicing them with no fear of the typical "huh" looks and responses back at me)...and to see it expressed is just ...soothing. :) Cheers whacky SUAR lady.

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  7. Hahaha! So fricken hilarious.
    My armpits look like that unless I shave twice a day:/

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  8. Those aren't "hairy" armpits ... they are just stubbly.
    And that "family vacation" ... FOR REAL! I can't even count how many people said "oooo, vacation! must've been nice..." when we returned from our trip last month. Yeah, 'vacation' with 4 kids and a nine-hour time change :P
    At least one usually gets a chuckle out of a good oxymoron.

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  9. One time, I wore a tank to a family function. And only AFTER the function I realized I had one hairy pit and one shaved pit. BRILLIANT!

    I have no oxymorons.

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  10. Always a guaranteed riot here!!

    You can carry off the Athleta gear like no other YOU FEATURED ATHLETE YOU--rock star!! love it!

    --I love the tank top--sans pit hair!

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  11. Those cant be your arm pits.....can they??? mine would give you a run for your money today!

    i MUST make then devour some of those gooey balls of goodness (my husband only wishes i would talk to him that way!)

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  12. yeah, my world is full of the irony of the barefoot shoe..Oi.

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  13. You have a bony armpit.

    My life is one big contradiction.

    And I am all about the WTF on people who spank their kids for hitting!

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  14. hahaha! you always make me laugh!!

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  15. and no that wasn't my oxymoron meaning that you make me laugh even tho you aren't funny....

    thats not what i meant at all ;)

    haha... seriously tho, i have no oxymorons to share...

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  16. My favorite oxymoron: Stay-at-home mom. As if!

    I also LOVE when people super-size their McDonald's Big Mac Valu Meal...and order a Diet Coke. I...don't get it.

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  17. That cookie looks deilcious. Love the hairy armpit pic. Heh.

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  18. What doesn't make sense was the homeless dude today wearing a huge nikon camera around his neck.

    He probably could have taken that photo of your arm pit HAIR from here and gotten closer with the camera he had.

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  19. bahahah people are ridiculous!! Those cookies look amazing. No shame in some armpit fuzz from time to time!

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  20. Whatever Ivster, this is just simply over my Old Head!

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  21. We don't hit. I understand that one.

    I have a pug who barks at the TV. After 5 years of yelling at her to "Stop Barking!" I realized that I'm barking at her to stop barking. Now I don't know how to live.

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  22. Ok I don't get how CO2 is bad for the the world if trees use it to make oxygen??????

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  23. You are completely funny! I love reading your blog!

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  24. Dude, they make lasers for that.
    What doesn't make sense to me is the lady gulping a coke and complaining that her blood pressure was sky-high. She was waiting in my pharmacy, drinking caffeine, and telling me she was going to die from hypertension. Yeah, you are.

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  25. I live in Portland. Armpit hair is a must. :-)

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  26. Pass me a cookie, minus the hair!

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  27. i need a suar sticker!!! mojo me! xoxo

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  28. I always see people smoking before the enter the gym, and when they leave. I guess they are just making sure that they don't get too healthy by working out.

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  29. LOVE that Athleta shirt!

    I work with families and have had *many* a conversation about spanking for hitting. Why is it so difficult to understand??

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  30. Oooooh! Going off of what Cynthia said, I don't get it when I ask for a skinny mocha and they ask me if I want whipped cream on it. Um, no.. that defeats the purpose. Or the other day, when I went to Dunkin Donuts and wanted a bagel and coffee combo but I really just wanted a small hot chocolate instead of coffee and they told me that no, I couldn't get a small hot chocolat instead, but I COULD get a medium. WTF?

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  31. That hair looks like it's growing out of your ankle. Sexy.

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  32. hahahaha too funny as always.

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  33. Not sure if this is oxymoronish but for sure its moronish when peeps smoke while spectating a marathon.
    Love the Athleta top. Let me know what you think of their new cycling skirt with the butt padding. I think I may pull e trigger on that if it's good.

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  34. Shirt rocks!!!!
    Show that to the guy who cut you off!

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  35. This entire post cracked me up!! Love that Athleta shirt...of course I love all of their stuff. I just wish I had enough money to buy it all! :)

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  36. Kids talking on cell phones while skateboarding!

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  37. ...that you feel there's a risk of you sounding bright.

    (Of course I'm kidding)

    (Well...)

    (No, I am.)

    (Really, swear.)

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  38. You Freakin' entertain me everyday!! We can trade cookie dough for a little Laser Tx on those underarm!!!

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  39. Well you just made some sense to the woman who once asked me, as I went jogging by her, "Do you have a cigarette." When I replied with an all too annoyed, "No." She responded back, "are you jogging." WTF. What did she think I was doing. Maybe she was the one smoking and riding the bike down your street. You make laugh daily. Keep it coming. Oh, just ordered my triathalon bible as I will be doing my first sprint tri at then end of July

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  40. And to add to your hairy armpit. I once farted, OUT LOUD,in a very small yoga class. At the end of class I quickly got up and got out of there to avoid further humiliation. Only to run, and fall, right off the curb; created a yard sale of yoga mat, water bottle, sunglasses, keys, flip-flops, in the middle of Main St. Hyannis, MA; ending with a broken foot. My mom proceeded to tell the whole city of St. Louis (my home town) after I asked her to not tell anyone. When she was relaying one such gossip session, she interjected (she has never taken yoga in her life), "well Allie, when I was telling Lisa at the hair salon, one of the other ladies there said that is how y ou know you are doing it correctly...yoga makes you fart." Just thought I'd share.

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  41. It is really a beautiful and creative blog having some vital information over the subject. Thank you for share.

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  42. Very good post in this website!

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