All I Wanted Was to Be Stroked

Last night Ken and I did the Stroke ‘n Stride. No, this hasn’t become an x-rated blog, although stroking is a good thing.

The Sroke ‘n Stride is really a fancy name for an aqua-thon. It is a casual timed swim/run event where you can choose to swim 750 or 1,500 meters then do a 5K run. It’s at the Boulder Reservoir, same place as the half Ironman. We thought this would be good practice for Sunday’s race as it would give us a chance to be part of a mass start of swimmers.

If you volunteer at one event, you get to do one for free (it’s usually $20). We tried to volunteer, but I sent an email saying could be in a kayak but would not save anyone’s life (joke, joke), but I never heard back and I think it’s because they thought I was callous and rude.

I, personally, was also hoping this mini-race it would calm these freaking nerves. I am about to explode with anticipation and fear of the unknown and I’ve got the shits – a sure sign of anxiety. Or, maybe it was that bean/cheese burrito.

The start was to be at 6:00 p.m. for the long course (1,500 meters). We got there by 5:30 p.m. to set up our transition area and to get our timing chips. On the way in, I saw this:

The reality of what this truck meant (that, yes, my race is only 4 days away) made me both sick and excited. (Breath, Nora, breathe!)

We put on our wetsuits, which is a very hot thing to do when it is 92 degrees. Nut soup, as Ken would say.

We waited, and waited. The weather was looking iffy and they kept moving the swim start until later and later. We went to sit in the shade and that’s when the dude about 2 feet to my right let the hugest fart rip. I mean HUGE. Ken looked at me and asked, “Was that you?,” which is a perfectly acceptable and expected question. But, for once it was not me. And, this dude just sat there letting things fly as if I he was doing nothing at all. I mean, c’mon, at least fan your crotch area or put your thumb on your head or laugh out loud and say, “Good one!”

We waited and waited. Ken remarked, “All these f&cking people are so in shape. This is ridiculous!” I said, “I know. They just need to CALM DOWN and stop working out so much and being so fit.”

That is just how Boulder is. A collection of muscular, svelte, beautiful, gluten/dairy free*, socially conscious, Prius driving folks who can kick ass in any and all races. We who live in Longmont are just a shadow of these beauties. The red-headed step sisters, if you will. I like gluten. A lot. (Yes, I’ve been tested. No, I don’t have an intolerance).

Now, the start had been moved to 6:40 p.m., the wind had picked up big time and there were major white caps on the reservoir. That’s about the time they cancelled the swim but let us know the run would still be happening.

After sitting for almost an hour in my wetsuit I could not wait to rip that sucker off. And it was soaked, just from my lady-like perspiration.

We went to the start line for the run and Ken looked at me and asked, “So, are you racing this thing? Like going fast?” I said, “No. I didn’t plan on kicking ass in a 5K tonight.” Ken said, “I am not going to beat any one of these people. Like not even that little girl over there.”

So much for not racing. I had some nerves I needed to work out. The wind was pretty horrendous going around the lake on the way out. I was huffing and puffing, probably in about zone 20. I looked at my watch and we were only six minutes in. Shit. I kept it up. At the turn around, the wind was at my back. I didn’t have my Garmin, so had no clue how I was pacing. I passed a few people and finished up in 22:58 (7:25 average). A new PR for me and good enough for 2nd in my age group and 20/99 overall for women. Score one for the Longmont step sister!

Afterwards Ken asked me what was hanging down from my bathing suit. I told him it was the tie for my suit.

 

He said, “Good, I knew it was either that or a really huge tampon.” Good to know the white string had made a showing all along. Hello Boulder! I have a huge tampon and it is NOT ORGANIC!

3 days. Oh, my.

SUAR

*PS: I get why people are dairy/gluten free and why the Prius is an awesome car. I also happen to love Boulder and all the Boulderites.  Just poking some fun so don’t get your panties in a wad.