Thursday, August 4, 2011

All I Wanted Was to Be Stroked

Last night Ken and I did the Stroke ‘n Stride. No, this hasn’t become an x-rated blog, although stroking is a good thing.

The Sroke ‘n Stride is really a fancy name for an aqua-thon. It is a casual timed swim/run event where you can choose to swim 750 or 1,500 meters then do a 5K run. It’s at the Boulder Reservoir, same place as the half Ironman. We thought this would be good practice for Sunday’s race as it would give us a chance to be part of a mass start of swimmers.

If you volunteer at one event, you get to do one for free (it’s usually $20). We tried to volunteer, but I sent an email saying could be in a kayak but would not save anyone’s life (joke, joke), but I never heard back and I think it’s because they thought I was callous and rude.

I, personally, was also hoping this mini-race it would calm these freaking nerves. I am about to explode with anticipation and fear of the unknown and I’ve got the shits – a sure sign of anxiety. Or, maybe it was that bean/cheese burrito.

The start was to be at 6:00 p.m. for the long course (1,500 meters). We got there by 5:30 p.m. to set up our transition area and to get our timing chips. On the way in, I saw this:

ironmantruck

The reality of what this truck meant (that, yes, my race is only 4 days away) made me both sick and excited. (Breath, Nora, breathe!)

We put on our wetsuits, which is a very hot thing to do when it is 92 degrees. Nut soup, as Ken would say.

waiting

We waited, and waited. The weather was looking iffy and they kept moving the swim start until later and later. We went to sit in the shade and that’s when the dude about 2 feet to my right let the hugest fart rip. I mean HUGE. Ken looked at me and asked, “Was that you?,” which is a perfectly acceptable and expected question. But, for once it was not me. And, this dude just sat there letting things fly as if I he was doing nothing at all. I mean, c’mon, at least fan your crotch area or put your thumb on your head or laugh out loud and say, “Good one!”

We waited and waited. Ken remarked, “All these f&cking people are so in shape. This is ridiculous!” I said, “I know. They just need to CALM DOWN and stop working out so much and being so fit.”

That is just how Boulder is. A collection of muscular, svelte, beautiful, gluten/dairy free*, socially conscious, Prius driving folks who can kick ass in any and all races. We who live in Longmont are just a shadow of these beauties. The red-headed step sisters, if you will. I like gluten. A lot. (Yes, I’ve been tested. No, I don’t have an intolerance).

Now, the start had been moved to 6:40 p.m., the wind had picked up big time and there were major white caps on the reservoir. That’s about the time they cancelled the swim but let us know the run would still be happening.

After sitting for almost an hour in my wetsuit I could not wait to rip that sucker off. And it was soaked, just from my lady-like perspiration.

We went to the start line for the run and Ken looked at me and asked, “So, are you racing this thing? Like going fast?” I said, “No. I didn’t plan on kicking ass in a 5K tonight.” Ken said, “I am not going to beat any one of these people. Like not even that little girl over there.”

So much for not racing. I had some nerves I needed to work out. The wind was pretty horrendous going around the lake on the way out. I was huffing and puffing, probably in about zone 20. I looked at my watch and we were only six minutes in. Shit. I kept it up. At the turn around, the wind was at my back. I didn’t have my Garmin, so had no clue how I was pacing. I passed a few people and finished up in 22:58 (7:25 average). A new PR for me and good enough for 2nd in my age group and 20/99 overall for women. Score one for the Longmont step sister!

Afterwards Ken asked me what was hanging down from my bathing suit. I told him it was the tie for my suit.

 P1100624

He said, “Good, I knew it was either that or a really huge tampon.” Good to know the white string had made a showing all along. Hello Boulder! I have a huge tampon and it is NOT ORGANIC!

3 days. Oh, my.

SUAR

*PS: I get why people are dairy/gluten free and why the Prius is an awesome car. I also happen to love Boulder and all the Boulderites.  Just poking some fun so don’t get your panties in a wad.

41 comments:

  1. People in the cubicles around me think I am choking but I am actually trying to laugh quietly.

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  2. Colorado is one of the places I would love to live. One of my co-workers sold me on it when she told me everyone disappeared at lunch hour to run. It seems to be a pretty carefree place too - no worries about explosive sounds or dangling strings.

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  3. I love reading your stuff! Great post and congrats on your new PR!

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  4. I'd feel good about not finishing last in my age group. I guess there are downsides for the average person living in the undisputed pro athlete capital of the U.S. Still would be nice...

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  5. I have the same tri top in blue!

    whats the water temp going to be on sunday? its been like 90 degrees in some places on the east coast, and even caps have been optional!

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  6. That's why I don't wear panties ;-)

    There's a lot of what you describe here, too. But I think yoga is the activity of choice.

    Congrats on your PR!!! Those nerves were just the speedifier :)

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  7. That's too bad about the swim being cancelled, but AWESOME on the unplanned and unexpected 5K PR! Take that, Boulder!

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  8. Great post! Sounds like you're now ready to knock out the 70.3! Good luck! ~ Samara

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  9. You PRed you little bugger! I picture Boulder exactly as you described it and I think I would LOVVVVVE it.

    You came in 2nd in your age group -- you are so not the red headed stepchild. Tampon string hanging out of the bathing suit is the worst. I've been there. Have you heard of the Diva Cup? Google it.

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  10. We have a list of places we would move to if for some reason we wanted to leave SoCal (which could happen) and Boulder is one on there. In fact all the names on the list are in Colorado, Montana, Wyoming and Idaho. I can work from anywhere. And though Mary would have to figure something out she already has the Prius to get past security.

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  11. Holy Crap Batman that was hilarious! You and Ken make such a good team. Congat's on the PR - you will kill at the race.

    JessicaH

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  12. Your blogs are awesome! I enjoy reading your journey through the Triathlon world!
    I am new to triathlon and can use any and all advice. I like that you bring advice in a humorous way, and you aren't self-involved like a lot of people who take it too seriously.
    Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

    GOOD DAY!
    Kyle(South Dakota)

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  13. P.S. you should try Xterra! You are in mtn bike heaven!

    Kyle(South Dakota)

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  14. So excited for your race this weekend. I would be a basket case this close. Uhm, and so, so, jealous that you live in Colorado. It's a gorgeous little bit of heaven.

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  15. Haha! I would love to live in Colorado, even though I'm sure I'd be last in any athletic event I dared to enter. Congrats on the new PR - freaking awesome job!

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  16. An hour in a wetsuit and no swimming? OMG that must have made you a Longmont Burrito. Those things are hot.

    BTW - as muchas I loved Boulder I would live in Longmont too and bring some kickassness there so that everybody would say where's Boulder I'm going to Longmont with those red-headed awesome athletes that eat wheat and drive F150s.

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  17. LOL - love it! And good luck on Sunday :)

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  18. I don't even care to stifle my laugh - that was awesome!

    Have fun on Sunday!

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  19. Awesome PR... way to give some love to the red-headed step children of the world. :) Good luck on Saturday... just keep up your 5K pace and you should be right on track. :) Seriously though, you'll rock!

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  20. They have the Stoke 'n Stride here at Cherry Creek Res, too...and since they don't have many tris there, seems sort of dumb. I can't believe you haven't become a shallow organic wearing tampon girl yet. What's wrong with ya?!?! :)

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  21. LOL!!!! This post really cracked me up! First off that's what I keep telling Nora too. Breathe...just breathe! It's going to be ok and you guys are going to kill it!

    So if Longmont is the red headed step sister I can't help wondering what us folks in Westminster are? The first time I did a S&S in Boulder I felt so intimidated, those people are a whole different breed! :) But wait a minute...you must be part of their breed since you took 2nd!! Way to kick A$$ on that run you weren't racing! Holy crap I can't imagine running that fast!

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  22. Great job with the PR last night! I can't wait to hear about the HIM adventures!

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  23. Nothing like lady glow in a hot wetsuit

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  24. I can't imagine how awful it would be to hang out in the heat in a wetsuit. Ugh! I wait until the last possible minute, because I refuse to pee in mine.

    I am one of those dairy free people, and I take no offense :) However, ice cream is one exception. If I am going to cheat, I might as well go all the way, right?

    Good luck this weekend. You will do awesome. Love the truck pic.

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  25. Are you sure you didn't do this one too?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2TRUUu2uHo&feature=related


    LMFAO

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  26. You *are* one of those super svelte and fit Colorado gals. You fit right in. Kick butt, Beth. Kick. BUTT. And let your non-organic string hang!

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  27. Too F N Funny! Congrats on the PR!

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  28. Aww, thank you for stopping by my blog. The 70.3 was the most fun I've ever had at a race, I am guessing you will also find this to be true in a few days!

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  29. Nice running, Beth. All the best on your upcoming race!

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  30. Damn, girlfriend! That's an AMAZING 5k time! (this coming from your marathon twin ;) ) I rarely run 5ks, so am looking forward to my first one in a looonng time later this month as part of a sprint tri relay team...and I shall think of you and how you kicked some serious ass. Yay! Happy for you and your PR. You will ROCK 70.3 in three days, I just know it. p.s. love the tampon comment from your hubby.

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  31. I love Boulder!

    Keep those dangling strings in check. That would be one huge tampon.

    Good luck!! And congrats on that PR!

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  32. Yea, those Boulder people are super freaky fit! You would have totally kicked some butt doing the swim part too!

    Congrats on your 5K AND good luck to both you and Ken this weekend. I'll be rooting for you both!

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  33. Awesome PR and you are cracking me up with your string. Tee hee. You're going to kill this Ironman.

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  34. Oh my!!! Awesome job!!! Your going to do so well! Best wishes in the half ironman!

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  35. Ok Beth.. In out, In out.. I'm trying!!!!!

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  36. You're gonna rock it this weekend! ;)

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  37. Hmm... Boulder has Avery, but Longmont has Left Hand. That's a tough one! Soooo jealous of you living out there! And can't wait for my trip out in September!

    Good luck this weekend! And congrats on that 2nd place finish :)

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  38. Cannot wait to hear how you dominate the race this weekend. Can totally sympathize with the "where are all the effing normal looking people" comment. Just how I felt pulling into Tough Mudder WI. And you know what? Normal looking people can dominate too! Sure wasn't me needing a break in that medic tent 7 miles into TM.

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  39. I so want to be where you are! Racing, farting and having fun!! Even if tampon strings are coming out of your suit :)

    Love ya! and best wishes for Sunday. I know you will do great. My advice: stay relaxed. and take BIG breaths. No big farts :)

    Jennifer

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