Friday, June 10, 2011

Felt Longer Than 13 Miles

I hate my intestines/colon/sphincter and think I might have them removed. I mean Marshall Ulrich had his toenails removed to make ultra running easier, so what’s the big deal?

It’s true that most of my workouts go swimmingly (for lack of a better term). But, every once in awhile (well, like once a week practically) I have a workout that almost makes me cry or actually does make me cry. A couple weeks ago it was the banged up knee.

P1090941

This week it was my long run yesterday, but I won’t show pictures because it would probably be illegal.

Oh, wait. Before the fun started I did get this adorable picture of the “Geese” family who lives on a lake near my house. This was about mile three, so the wheels had not come off yet and I was still shitting glitter and rainbows. Yeah, glitter and rainbows get shat early on. Later, it’s not that pretty.

geese

I had decided to mix it up a bit and put a longish run of two hours on the schedule mid week. I’m doing workouts by time, not mileage these days. I figured a nice, slow run for two hours would get me about 13 miles. And it did, right on the nose.

It started out well with the Geese family on a cool, misty Colorado day. My stomach had revolted a tad right before I left home – Ken and I had had a date night in Boulder at the Med the night before and while I didn’t overdo it, I mixed all kinds of tapas from calamari to hangar steak to pizza to feta/tomatoes. I should know better.

I was fine until about mile six. The cramps hit hard and I kept running, hoping, like we all do, that it was just a fart. Nope. Had to check my surroundings and make a b-line for the bushes. Fortunately I was on a back country road, so no harm, no foul (well, it was foul, but you know what I mean). Back on the road and feeling great, I hit the turn around point and cruised for home.

Mile ten and the cramps revisited. I was feeling so good cardio and muscle wise that I was pissed to keep getting derailed by this G.I. crap. Again, pulled off in the bushes, right by the Geese family. Those birds poop while just walking around, so they need not judge me. At least I hid, unlike some geese I know.

Mile eleven and I was still in trouble. I contemplated giving Ken and call for a pussy pickup, but sucks to be two miles from home and not be able to get there.

Mile twelve, I really did think I’d have to call for a pickup. I’m not too proud to go in the bushes, but there was nowhere to escape to. And I AM too proud to have stuff coming down my leg.

Running is mental. Your body wants to give out long before your brain. Having to hold in an explosion is very mental too. I would venture to say it takes more brain power than crossing a finish line sometimes. We’ve all been there. You know what I’m talking about.

I made it home. Ken met me at the door. I said, “You don’t want to get near me. This isn’t pretty.”

The story is funny and not funny. I was pissed my run got all interrupted by crap. I still did the run in 2:00, which was my goal. You have to laugh at all the adventures we go through while training. I now know mixing tapas the night before a long run and washing it down with two glasses of wine is not advisable. I should have learned this a long time ago, but as much as my training means to me, I also try to live a normal life and not be ruled by it. If that means a shitty run every once in awhile, so be it.

Have any “let down” runs this week?

SUAR

37 comments:

  1. Farts are NEVER just farts in my running world! I feel your pain...I had to run back by my house 1.5 miles into a planned short (4-5 mi) run, I thought I was going to double over. Then I headed back out thinking all was well for the last 3.5....I barely made it back to the house! OK stomach, seriously WTF?

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  2. I ran with a girl in HS whose dad used to tell us before every race to make sure we hit the bathroom because "everythings jiggles around when you run, and it might not end up pretty." I keep that in mind before every run and check at least twice before heading out.

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  3. Wow. I thank my lucky stars daily that I haven't encountered any such mishaps during a run...yet. On my 1st marathon I came upon a woman who was bleeding down her leg...and I don't think she was injured. We were only at mile 6ish too. For that reason alone I will never do a marathon during that "special time" each month. Not that I could run a marathon then anywa, not without Haagen Daz in hand. (How many guy followers do you have? Sorry dudes.) Anyway, on with my story, another woman leaped over and whispered in the runners ear about her "situation" and she hauled ass to the nearest porta-potty....I assume. She dusted me and I never saw her again. What I'm trying to say is that I am inspired by women like you and her who are faced with really shitty predicaments and CONTINUE RUNNING. I will think of you both when my turn comes around....

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  4. That's a SHART.

    My belly can't be trusted either. One thing that can cause it is dehydration or low blood count-if you don't have enough blood volume (water or red blood cells), and all the blood in your body is shunted to your legs, there's nothing going to your guts, so they get pissed! If it happens from time to time, I blame food. If it happens every time, try drinking more water before you head out the door. If it happens EVERY WORKOUT, talk to your doc.
    Love poop stories. Also love that it's my job to talk to people about their poops on a regular basis.

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  5. i love this movie and especially this quote (you made me think of it) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91MfdqM3gaQ PS mmmm The Med is awesome. best tapas ever.

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  6. Same here. I plan my runs around easy bush access (ha that sounds funny!) And before all triathlons or other races I am in the port o john at least 6 times....or the woods if the line is too long. I dont eat anything solid 24 hours before a race....what the heck! No one I know suffers as much as I do but I have to exercise on a very empty stomach and even then....it happens.

    But I keep going.....and keep reading your blog for comfort! ha

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  7. I had a bad run today, but there was no poop involved. My allergies were bothering me and even though I was indoors it was sweltering. Now that it's later in the day I feel miserable and my sinuses are going CRAZY!!

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  8. umm...makes my #$% pucker up just thinking about it. I did, however, PR a 10K due to this condition, and in retrospect I completely and absolutely rolled the dice. Ran 6.35 miles because the extra .15 put me where I needed to be.

    Kind of makes me wish I was a puker, which I'm not. That seems like it would be easier.

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  9. I kid you not EMZ said she had a dumpy run today and I told her that if she was SUAR I would believe that literally meant she had to you know, but because it was her I took it to mean a tough run... and then you post this :)

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  10. I feel ya. My lower GI system is on speed. I seriously have to plan long runs around some sort of public restroom/porta-potty and I MUST pinch one off before a run or I am already in trouble. It's REALLY bad if I take an 800-mg ibuprofen before. Had to stop and shit under a date tree once after that. Yikes. Have pooped during both of my marathons too. Good times.

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  11. So do you do what I do: I could stop and call but that will take X amount of time or I can keep running and get there faster and you keep going but all the while you are calculating times and minutes/seconds and holding tight and the stomach is hurting and you are sweating more than normal but again back to math. Stop/Call/Wait/GoBack = 35 minutes. If I keep running with some walking I am there in 33 minutes......what to do, what to do?

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  12. ha ha! It happen to me on my way to work on Monday! I thought I pooped in my pants in the car and turned around. I barely made it back to my house! I also had close calls while running :)

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  13. I totally understand. Whereas I haven't had that issue (yet), I sometimes get sick while running and have to walk it back, fast. I have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), so my days are full of pooping and farting. Some days it's a sport to see how fast I can get to the bathroom from my desk, or if I can contain the willpower to not pass out on the pot.
    Right now I am battling the "poop, feel better, feel hungry, feel nauseous, repeat" mode.

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  14. oh yes, adventures are a good word for them. COngrats on your running. You've come so far!

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  15. Oh my goodness - I have a sensitive stomach, but knock on wood nothing like this has happened to me (I better add...yet).

    Runs lately? What's that? I have a marathon in a month and have run 10 miles so far...ugh. More on that later :P

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  16. Oh woman, I completely understand. The ups and downs of training are definitely WEEKLY for me too. You are back and RUNNING 13 miles with no hip pain and that makes me extremely happy. Cramps while running really are the worst things in the world and I hope you get it figured out ASAP!!

    Thanks for the taco soup recipe...I will be making that!

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  17. I've had issues during my long runs too, but I started chewing Pepto Bismol before my runs and it seems to have helped. Just two chewables and I don't have any problems until I get done. Worth a try!

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  18. I rarely have poop issues while running, but....well....my worst experience with chronic diarrhea during my first half ironman. Ack. I know. That does not bode well for you. During the run I literally ran from porta potty to porta potty. Sometimes, that's just the way it goes.

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  19. 13 miles in 2 hours is FAST!! You are humming right along ... even when you have GI issues!

    Seems like all my runs are crap runs...but that's just b/c I can't get over how Sloooooow I am.

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  20. I'm really sorry. Just in case misery loves company, this happened to me last weekend on my long run (13 miles for me too--unlucky number? intestinal number?). One of my good friends, after reading my post about it on my blog, told me this is why she'll never try distance running. So much for inspiring people! Know that, as "shitty" as this run was for you, you are inspiring those of us with the same "issues" to keep at it anyway.

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  21. So glad I'm not alone. A "shitty" run for me usually means just that. I frequently do a lap that includes a stop at Safeway and later one at Subway to, you know, freshen up. :) Why does this happen?? Are diapers acceptable?? Thanks for your encouragement, as always!

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  22. Sorry you had a shitty run, glad you avoided the pussy pick up, nice job. Running may be mental, but if the the tush doesn't want to cooperate, it doesn't matter how much you focus on not pooping. Great 2 hour run despite the runs, damn tapas.

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  23. Hahahahaha! This is so timely! I unknowingly had a letdown moment today. I know what you're thinking…how could that happen 'unknowingly'? I will spare you the details :P

    13 in 2…pretty much right in the pack there, SUAR :) When can we say 'comeback complete'? You are pretty awesome :)

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  24. I've had 3 runs this week and 3 runs ended with code browns. What the?!! I wish I knew the answer.

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  25. Wow someone really had their toenails removed?? My husband wanted to do that! I run for time too, I think it works better personally. I'm enjoying myself more. So you had a bad run.. you are such an incredible athlete. Days like this come but they go too... I know that if I eat a gel on an empty dehydrated body I will be in the bushes!!!!!!

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  26. I had a bad long run today, I'm really disappointed. Ten miles took me 2 hours. I am so bummed. I had to take walk breaks because my hips were bothering me so much. And this is only the second week of marathon training. Great...

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  27. Well, before you wish you had no large intestines think twice. I actually don't have mine anymore (long story).
    While it was an obvious life adjustment after my surgeries, it took a long time to figure out how to manage working out - especially my long run days. I've worked through it and have mostly figured out what works and what doesn't, but it took years (literally) and a lot of patience.
    It sucks to be feeling strong and having a great run, only for it to be completely ruined by a mandatory pit-stop (or four). For me, that's just life... but for the average runner I can see how completely frustrating it would be. But I can't help but dream about how awesome it would be to NOT have to plan and worry about it so much, and just be able to go for an impromptu issue-free run for once.
    When it comes down to it, I am just thankful that I'm now healthy and can run at all. :)

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  28. All "that" going on and you still ran 13 miles in 2 hours.... kudos to you!

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  29. For all races except a marathon, I do a 2 mile warm up. That seems to work to get it "all out". As for training runs, like you, I make sure the bushes are at advantage points because I get up, give myself all of 10 - 15 minutes and I'm off. Not enough time to accomplish much unless I'm really lucky.
    By the way, even when you THINK you eat clean, it can work against you when eating out. You never know what the chef puts in the food.

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  30. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiNZdTSH3-A

    I have fertilized the hills in California and Colorado.

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  31. I blogged about a goose encounter today....sorry about your crappy run. :(

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  32. I am laughing so hard right now! :) I totally feel ya. On the last two mile stretch home, I have to run by a KFC and it NEVER fails that I have to go #2 (I think its a combo of running and the smell of KFC) and have to squeeze the urge. Every time we drive by, I've gotta fill my hubby in and he just shakes his head while I laugh away...

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  33. I am loving the honesty! Yeah, those farts can be deceiving sometimes..

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  34. Not fun times! I can't count how many times I've had to run into a McDonald's bathroom halfway through my run. I'm pretty sure the staff there thinks I'm crazy...and gross.

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