Do not ever come to visit me unless you are prepared to be uncomfortable.
I will feed you all kinds of rich food and wine, make you stay up way past your bedtime and give you an air mattress as hard as a rock to sleep on. I will fart at my leisure and encourage you to do the same. I will try to keep my one eyed, three legged dog from humping you, but there are no guarantees.
I will wake you up at 6am and crawl in bed with you for a moment, then make you guzzle your coffee because we have things to do. I will ridicule you for wearing your fuel belt backwards and not tell you about all time times I’ve tucked skirts into underwear and walked around the restaurant so the whole world could see my ass.
I will take you on a 9 mile run even though you have not adjusted to the altitude and I will make you stand guard while I drop trou and take mini dump in the bushes at mile four.
When you come in the door from said run I will make you drink 105 ounces of water so you do not dehydrate and then I will tell you to “chop chop” we have a busy day ahead so get your ass moving.
This is SUAR boot camp and if you don’t like it or Harry Beavers then I guess you go to the Hampton Inn.
How do you treat your guests?
Off to Boulder for the Health and Fitness Bloggers Conference!
SUAR
Hilarious! Sounds like a great start to the day! Is there complimentary visit to the Pussy Posse? Because eating band-aids off the bottom of the pool would just be the icing on the cake!
ReplyDeleteYou forgot the part about running naked together and videoing it to post on our blogs... or was that just a you-and-me thing? Hope you have a great time :)
ReplyDeleteHilarious! I make my guests participate in my crazy busy schedule too. If they don't like it I send them to the hotel.. just kidding (sometimes).
ReplyDeletewhen can i come ?
ReplyDeletesounds errr fun?
ReplyDeleteenjoy the conference!
Sounds like a great time to me! As long as you would return the favor and stand guard for me somewhere between miles 5 and 6 (which is when I always seem to end up in the bushes!)
ReplyDeleteHahaha, awesome. Looks like we treat our guests the same way. See you at the conference!
ReplyDeleteMy kind of boot camp. I better make reservatioms soon - best times will go fast
ReplyDelete6 AM? Thanks for letting me sleep in - where do I sign up!
ReplyDeletei'll still be there! :)
ReplyDeleteI lost my nose senses in Nam ... fart at will!
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't really feel like a vacation to me unless I can see hookers and pimps wondering the parking lot of my ratty motel.
ReplyDeleteAwesome!
ReplyDeleteYou have a hairy beaver?
ReplyDeleteThat's all I got from this post ;) haha.
That actually sounds really awesome. When can I come visit???? I need an ass-kicking.
ReplyDeleteSounds like my kind of visit
ReplyDeleteThanks! I had no idea I was wearing my hydration belt backwards as well. ;-) Sounds like fun staying at your house, I might come next.
ReplyDeletehaha. I run with my fuel belt backwards too. I'm the ultimate lazy runner. Why reach around to get water when it can be right in front of me? :)
ReplyDeleteim jealous, i want to have that sort of hospitality treatment. ok, maybe minus the dumping in the woods part.
ReplyDeleteHey - that's "On Your Backbone"!
ReplyDeleteHOpe you girls have fun - well, actually I hope you have more fun during the visit.
Glad I ran on my own this morning without any hydration so I would not get ridiculed.
ReplyDeleteSounds like heaven!
ReplyDeleteNow I'm famous! That's me with Beth. Made it through the run, the over hydration, the assault from the dog and the mortification of farting like Clarence Clemmons plays. God rest is awesome soul.
ReplyDeleteDo you take reservations? Sounds like my kind of vacation spot!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a great vacation spot. Are you on priceline.com? LOL
ReplyDeleteYou sound awesome. I'm coming to visit.
ReplyDeleteSounds like fun!
ReplyDeleteHope you don't mind if I shart, fart, or perhaps vomit on your dog after all of that.
Haha! Are you taking reservations? lol ;) Enjoy the conference!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the conference!! Say hi to my friend Sheryl from Canyon Ranch.
ReplyDeleteNo problems - not the one-eyed humping dog, the public farting or the toilet sentry duty. I would just require that you do the same for me.
ReplyDeletethat sounds better than a 5 star hotel!! are you taking reservations??
ReplyDelete