I am totally pressed for time today. So, here’s how it went down this morning.
7:25 a.m. – MRI. 40 minutes lying still on a board listening to Vivaldi’s Four Seasons, even though I asked for Christmas music. I hate being told I can’t move. Because then all I want to do is move. It’s like: don’t think about the word “bodacious.” All you can think of is the word “bodacious.” Don’t laugh in church. Don’t cut one during your final exam. All these taboos.
I did fart during the MRI. Do you think that shows up on the scan? Fortunately its so loud in there, no one could hear.
Fortunately it was an open MRI machine, so I didn’t have a panic attack like last time where I frantically started squeezing the alarm thing while my heart rate climbed to 200 bpms. Are you okay? they questioned. No, get me out of here, I retorted loudly. Then I spent the next 30 minutes with my neck cranked back so I could see the room behind me. I went to some crazy happy place in my mind with wine, flying colors, finish lines and soft breezes.
Today, they gave me the DVD with my results. Problem is I am not a radiologist, so I have no clue what I’m looking at. It could be the cross section of Dean’s bicep for all I know. Can someone come over and read them for me, please?
Laying on that hard table for 40 minutes I had a lot of time to think. What appetizer should I make for Christmas Eve? Damn this board hurts my lower back. Where’s my Christmas music? I asked for Christmas music. Will I have time to workout today? If I have a margarita at lunch can I still work out? My throat’s scratchy. I have to fart. Ahhhh.
And, so it went. Results? I have no results. If it is bad news, I don't want to know today anyway. Merry Christmas, your hip is still broken.
Biggest hug to Laurie for my secret Santa gift. It is the best ever and I haven’t taken it off since I got it. Except in the MRI machine. Laurie, you did it up right. Thank you so so much.
I am someone’s secret Santa. So, if you haven’t gotten your gift yet, I could be yours. It was sent out last week, but who knows if its reached its final destination. It has to do with a toilet. Big surprise.
Off for hair cut and coloring. Bodacious.