First, congrats to Adam (Boring Runner, who is really not that boring) and his wife Tiffany. They welcomed baby boy Hayden into the world yesterday!! Here’s to a the next few years being filled with poop, vomit, spit up and breast pumps. And maybe a little happiness and love.
Warning: stir crazy bloggers who are injured and can’t run are a bit brain damaged. This post reflects that for sure.
The weirdest thing happened last night. I was asleep and heard a faint rumbling somewhere in the house. It sounded like whispering, hair swishing, boob bouncing. An almost frenetic energy. I chalked it up to my imagination or a serial killer on the loose and went back to sleep. But, then this morning I went into the playroom and found this:
Apparently, Barbie and all of her friends had a convention in front of the castle in the middle of the night. Clearly, there is a stage set up for someone famous to appear who has not yet appeared. Will it be Al Roker? Prince William? Dean Karnazes? Obama?
All I know is I was left out. Those damn girls. It’s just like high school. They think because you don’t have measurements of 39-23-33 (that's bust, waist, hips) and long legs and a flat, hairless vagina you can't be included in their little parties. Well, guess what, blondies. I’m a person too. I have feelings. I have a group at the pool called the pussy posse and we hang out out daily. We might not do it in front of a blue castle with all of our perfect friends, but we share stories of operations and early bird specials and spanx.
This is not the first time Barbie pulled this crap. One time I got up in the morning to find this.
Ken’s really working it in his sleeveless shirt. You know what he’s hoping for post-massage. There are always strings attached. Her boobs have to hurt. They just have to.
Kudos to daughter Emma for getting creative with her dolls. No tea parties here.
Okay, enough of that. I’m off to the pool. 40 minutes of water running awaits. Laugh if you want, but that’s about 4-5 miles. 29 days until my feet hit the land again. It can’t come soon enough. Enough being tormented by Barbie and her castle.
By the way, Ken (as in Barbie and Ken, not my husband) totally scored. Just check out the convention. 27 women and one dude. I’m surprised he still has the black pants on. Dude needs a Thermajock. Just ask Kovas.
Oh, and SUAR has reached Israel. This is Jennifer from Running Bubby. She just finished a 32 km run (20 miles). She runs her first marathon in Tiberius, Israel on January 6. She says, “I’m a religious Jew and because of modesty reasons, I run in a skirt.” You go girl. Kudos to you.
Feeling worldly,
SUAR
For stickers go HERE.
Nice and warm in Israel, no need for a kitten cover. Do they make a aquajogging version?
ReplyDelete29 DAYS!!! Wahoo!! That picture is hilarious, your daughter is awesome. Hope you had an awesome time aqua jogging!
ReplyDeleteKovas
ReplyDeletekovas
kovas
Really 39-23-33 [Barbie] I always thought it was 36-24-36 [ha, ha, only if she's 5'3"]
YAY to Adam!
Kovas - I don't know. You tell me, you're the expert. Wetsuit for the weiner?
ReplyDeleteGood god, you really are bored aren't you. LOL.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to Adam! Hope the water running went well.
And I am 39-23-33, so I can join their party. As you can see, I am brain damaged too.
Notice that the sticker is right below the dent... looks like someone was getting close enough to see where they too could get such an awesome sticker.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't Kovas know that the pussy posse likes the pool to be nice and warm so that there is no need for an aquajogging version of the kitten cover?
I love that my former love Saucony Triumph 7 are getting love in Israel from Jennifer. I left them for Brooks and heard they were on the rebound.
ReplyDeleteBarbie's a bitch.
Ok, this is probably the funniest thing I have read all day.
ReplyDelete29 days will be here before you know it!!
Bahahahaha...I love how you found a way to slip it in.
ReplyDeleteI know a trappist monk who runs in a cassock; I'll have to get someone to send him a SUAR sticker so more religious types get photos here!
ReplyDeleteOh my, more lemon drops involved here I'm sure. And appears less lemons and more vodka was used at this ummmm will call it a party.
ReplyDeleteVery cool you have made it all the way to Isreal!
ReplyDeleteBarbie's got nothin' on you!
Have fun in the pool!
oh my. this is good stuff.
ReplyDeletei am worried though. will things change in SUAR bloggy land once you are on land again and not "stir crazy" ???
and heck ya...where is my SUAR sticker?? I thought I made the cut??
and I think that you should develop and market a SUAR branded kitty cover that is also waterproof.
whaddaya think?
How do I get a SUAR sticker?
ReplyDeleteYour posts crack me up!! Count down is on: 29 days!
ReplyDeleteSUAR is a global product!
You just keep spreading the SUAR message across the globe!
ReplyDeleteIt must have been a barefoot convention.
Looks like people back into posts in Israel too! I can just see them scratching their heads wondering what the heck SUAR means!
ReplyDeleteBarbie's ok, but that Ken guy is kind of creepy - and I don't mean your hubby - i think?
Ken was great in the latest Toy Story movie - loved his outfits, but not as much as he did - and in the end he really was a creep!
HAHAHAAHAH! I love the barbie party! TOO FUNNY!
ReplyDeleteJennifer - let me check on the sticker...
ReplyDeleteYes, I am all over a SUAR kitty cover. Every girl needs one.
Stickers. Awesome - I'm getting 1 for the Barbie Jeep.
ReplyDeleteI have never seen so many Barbie's! Although I have to admit ken would have quite a few affairs with teh Barbie's I did have :-O Love that your sticker is world wide! Way to represent!
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting Barbie in her place.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget: NO NIPPLES.
ReplyDeleteDid Q really write "you found a way to slip it in?" Sounds more like Ken's doing.
ReplyDeleteKovas - I was kind of thinking the same thing. Unless he was thinking about you slipping something into the thermajock.
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!!!!!!! Funniest thing I've read today.. in fact, the whole month!
ReplyDeleteLoved the title!! :)
ReplyDeleteThat picture with all those Barbies should come with a warning -- a little disturbing...just too much blonde "perfection" in one place! LOL!
ReplyDeleteYeah for 29 days!!!
That barbie convention was a little freaky to me...ha ha!
ReplyDeleteThat is so cool that your sticker is in Israel! Awesome!
I enjoy your blog. It was so funny. I know you are getting excited - only 29 more days.
ReplyDeletedoubled over from laughter right now. Boobs and Thermojock in the same post....LOVE IT!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Good luck on your pool run!
ReplyDeleteGot my sticker today, thanks!
ReplyDeleteBarbie IS a bitch. I've always thought so.
I thought Ken was gay. Just sayin'.
(Not your husband)...
I LOVE that SUAR is representing in Israel! Quite possibly the funniest post I've read in a long time!
ReplyDeletePossibly one of your top 10 funniest posts... HILARIOUS... those Barbies are up to NO GOOD!
ReplyDeleteYeah, watch out for that Barbie Army!!
ReplyDeleteHahaha, nice post! And I know exactly what you mean with the injured-runner stir-crazy issue. That shit sucks!
ReplyDeleteI've never run anywhere except to the bathroom, but I love your writing - so funny! I'm a social worker too, and a little crazy because of it, I think. Since I sit on my butt all day and hardly move, I'm going to read your blog to get a little balance in my life, OK?
ReplyDeleteThe barbies are all waiting for 29 freaking days!!
ReplyDeleteI love Barbie! And was never allowed to have one when I was growing up - can you believe it?
ReplyDeleteThat picture with the runner in Isreal is awesome! She's rockin the skirt, and it's not a typical running skirt - love it!
It makes my heart swell to be mentioned in this same post. I'm sure that the little man feels the same way.
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