Monday, December 20, 2010

Why I Need My Own Pool

I’m getting tired of being on display at the pool. I need my own lap pool. I’m asking Santa. Just like Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation. He wanted a pool. I hope I don’t end up with the Jelly of the Month Club too. Although Cousin Eddie says it is the gift that keeps giving all year long, so it can’t be that bad.

Here are the top three things that bugged me about the public pool today.

1. You can’t swim naked. My bathing suit is disintegrating before my eyes. The chlorine has eaten it away. I got home today from my 64 minute water running session (I said, 64 FREAKING MINUTES) and showed Ken the suit. When I held it up he said, “That is really see through. Those male lifeguards must love you!” What I hadn’t realized was that as the chlorine at up the suit, it also ate up the lining (Here’s a pic, it’s seriously not as bad as it looks. The sun added some dramatic affect. OK it’s bad. That’s one worn out piece of crap. Really good views of my boobs and torso). Where is my new grab bag suit???

P1080530

2. Stuff in the pool. Today before I got into the DE (deep end) I noticed the lifeguard squatting down and trying to see something on the bottom of the pool. I looked too and saw something shaped like a turd. I asked him, “Is there anything I need to be concerned about on the bottom of the pool?” He said, “Oh, I’m just trying to figure out if that’s a hairball or not.” I responded,  “Oh, good. I thought it might be a turd.” He exclaimed, “Oh no! Nothing like that.” He didn’t even crack a smile. They take dumping in the pool very seriously. As they should. I’d rather swim with a hairball than a floater any day.

3. One on One. At noon the pool cleared out. It was just me and the lifeguard. Awkward. Kind of like being in an elevator for a really long time with a stranger. For some reason I wouldn’t feel awkward if I was swimming, but to be bobbing around in the deep end water running somehow made me feel like a dork on display.

Picture of the week. Yesterday was my nephew’s sixth birthday party. At a roller rink. Haven't been to one since doing the couple’s skate in fifth grade with Casey. I tore it up. Pretty soon I was flying around the rink on my broken hip doing the fancy cross over turns every chance I got. I was a star, something to behold.  See? I’m singing Van Halen. Even that guy behind me is standing back in adoration.

skating

To make up for my ghastly skating, Emma agreed to pose with me for a mom/daughter shot. I love that girl. She’s eating a pixie stick. Remember those?

meandemma

I have some news to share, but can’t. Hopefully soon. I’m not pregnant. And, I’m not really a man.

Wishing I liked jelly more,

SUAR

54 comments:

  1. I remember Adam in 6th grade would snort pixie stix so his snot would be different colors......

    How was he so sure it wasn't a turd.

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  2. I used to climb in the tub with my suit then try and stand on the bathroom counter and look in the mirror to see if it was see through... it seems the mirror never shows as much as what everyone else see though.

    Love the rock out skating picture. You and Emma are adorable.

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  3. LOL!! Yup my suit did the same thing, except I think my butt wore out first. My husband was like WHOA!! DON'T WEAR THAT! hahaha!! I once, I mean once aqua jogged for 3.5 hours to simulate a long run incase I was able to run MCM before I got confirmed. I cursed the whole time. Love your candid photo!! Have a great day!

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  4. That suit is done. Think of the see-through suit and the lone lifeguard, just watching you...creepy.

    If you don't get a pool, at least a new suit?!

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  5. I never comment on your blogs, but I have been an avid reader for a while, and I just have to tell you how much I seriously love you!! You will never have any idea how much you have inspired me this year throughout my own lowly beginner efforts. Your attitude throughout your injury has astounded me--I'm such a whiner by nature!! I just can't believe that you are there in Colorado, in the middle of winter,in an outdoor pool (heated or not, it doesn't matter), WATER RUNNING for at least an HOUR at a time?? Wow. I hope you can run again soon, and I look forward to following your journey to Boston. Ok, I'm totally done sucking up now!! Nice bathing suit.

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  6. This is why swimmers need swim buddies, at least periodically. Suits do go transparent eventually. Which, from a guys perspective, can be good or bad, depending. I think you know what I'm saying here, cause I'm just saying.

    Try without the float belt. Some of the things you see in public pools are best defined as "stuff you don't want to think about". If not your own lap pool you could get one of those recirculating pools about the same size as a hot tub, but the water flows past you at a pace you set, then you swim in one place. Expensive, but they look cheap in comparison to a real 25 m lap pool.

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  7. OK everyone says don't wear the float belt, it's a better workout. This is why I wear it and will probably keep wearing it.

    -My heart rate is already up to at last 170 bpms, that's equal to 187 on land. With the belt on. I'm good with that. I'm getting a decent cardio workout.
    -When I've tried w/o the belt, my form goes to crap. I use way to much upper body to stay afloat and not enough legs. Remember I don't have much body fat so I sink. Fast. Part of what i love about water running is concentrating on my form. w/o the belt I have trouble doing that.

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  8. Can't tell if I enjoy the fact that you're singing (like I would be) or the groovy green skates more...

    And my suits do that and my husband makes the same remark about the lifeguards (and the dads at the pool).

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  9. I have been in the pool before when a turd surfaced. PROMISE it wasn't me! Not my idea of fun.

    Your blog totally cracks me up!!

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  10. Oh man, Pixie Stix! Colored sugar goodness!

    Now all I want for Christmas is one of those candy necklaces I haven't seen since I was 8.

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  11. Hey, nice suit! :) I'll bet you are popular at the pool! I think you should just wear undies and a bra under it - that's such a good look, isn't it? :) I want my own pool, too, one of these days!

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  12. What a great picture of you with your daughter! She looks a lot like you.

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  13. My swimsuit looked just like that last spring! It's amazing how the chlorine just eats away at it! I hope you get your grab bag suit soon!
    That picture at the skating rink is awesome! Ha ha!
    Can't wait to hear what your news is! :)

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  14. Your daughter is adorable. Cannot wait to hear the big news!

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  15. The butt crack seam of my suits always wear out first in my spring/summer suits. I think I've narrowed it down to my wetsuit rubbing the material away. Unfortunately, I don't often look at my butt crack so it's usually been a month or two of other people seeing more than they bargained for before I realize something is wrong.

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  16. I have that same top from Target! Glad you had fun at the skating rink!

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  17. Love the skating picture!
    You can swim in my pool if you like, 60 laps will = 1/4 a mile (j/k) it just ain't that big.

    Can't believe you left us all with a teaser.

    Merry Christmas!

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  18. ew, i hate seeing stuff in the pool ew, i hate pools in general.

    great pic of you and emma!!

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  19. Love what Laurie says she does to test her suit! :) Beth, I'm sure the lifeguard stuck around for a reason since he was getting a show. Your daughter is beautiful...lovely pic of you two! can't wait to hear your news.

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  20. I love the photos in this post! The one of you skating and singing is pure awesome, and the one of you and your daughter is gorgeous :)
    I often think it would be awesome to have one of those infinite pools and a treadmill set up beside my bike. I'd be a non-stop training machine!! However, in the meantime a new suit wouldn't hurt...but on the other hand, you're probably making that lifeguard's job a little better! Glad you didn't have to swim with a turd, and can't wait to hear about your MRI!

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  21. Any stuff in the pool= gross. But it is what it is.

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  22. I once ordered a vintage leopard print suit from etsy. It arrived, as see through as a suit could possibly be. BOO.

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  23. Suits do wear out... :( I get sad when I used to have to retire them.
    If your not already - you should wash them by hand in cold water. When I swam twice day(way back in the day) I shampooed it with special swimsuit cleaner. They should sell it at any specialty store or use the anti chlorine shampoo for hair on the suit(some people used Woolite). I let it soak in the sink with the shampoo for about a minute then gently squeezed out water and layed flat to dry. Washing the suit while in the shower is okay but it doesn't get everything out.

    I found that if I hung them up the straps would eventually start to sag-if you hang it from the middle over a bar it works better(if you have to hang it up).

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  24. Sexiest picture ever at the roller rink....would have been even better if you were wearing your thread bare swim suit ha!! Your posts always make my day....if you are this funny over a blog I can't imagine how funny you are in real life!! Can't wait for the news:)

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  25. ok
    loving
    the
    mom/daughter
    photo.

    LOVE THAT!

    Come to AZ - you can use my pool. even naked.

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  26. I'm sad you don't like jelly more.

    That's a fantastic picture of you and emma. But my favorite will always be the one of you in the bathing suit in your white panties (and I hope that doesn't make me sound too creepy..."

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  27. Beautiful blog, Congratulations!!!

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  28. Nice suit! You are so funny and random...love it. So, was it a hairball or a turd?!?!

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  29. Glad it wasn't a turd! That would have been a funny post! I think you should just wear your white panties under your suit.

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  30. It is me or does that bathing suit look like the mask in Scream in reverse?

    And who did you bribe to get the cool green skates while the guy adoring you is in the brown suede from the day you and Casey were the skate couple?

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  31. Lovin the green skates! Yum, pixie stix were pure sugar goodness:).
    Sweet pic of you and mini me.

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  32. haha, my swimsuits do the same thing. Good thing the sun wasnt shining on you......yet.
    Can't wait for the news, it better be good!
    LC

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  33. LOL!! hey, you got your run in, if the lifeguards get some eye candy, it's a bonus for them!

    Love your action skating shot! hehehehe!

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  34. I hope you get what you wish for!! But the lifeguards are probably hoping that you continue to wear that suit....

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  35. photo #1: Don't throw away that suit just yet. You can still use that for halloween. Just hang it up. It looks like a face of a ghost. Haha!;p

    photo #2: you look like a rockstar on the rink! woot!

    photo #3: VERY pretty photo indeed! =)

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  36. At my pool they call floaters "bio alerts". I had the displeasure of being there for not one but two. I guess 2 is appropriate.

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  37. The public pool - UGH. On Saturday the public pool I swim in had 12 people sharing 4 lanes with no lane dividers. Craziness. It was good training for triathlon though as you were constantly dodging people who couldn't swim in a straight line. Also, that pool has closed on a couple of occassions because of ACTUAL turds. Awesome.

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  38. haha oh man now I need to go home immediately and check my suit out! Love the pic of you roller skating...you sure know how to rock out!

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  39. 64 freaking minutes?! I might have died! Boring!! Good for you to get through that! You rock!!

    That pic of you and Emma is AWESOME. You both have great smiles and very pretty blue eyes!!

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  40. Haha loved your post. I am about to start swimming at my colleges pool to train for a triathlon (literally no one uses it). I know I'm gonna be super awkward with the lifeguard students who probably have never even had to prove they can swim and just are lifeguarding as a student job haha.

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  41. Yup, I'm sure the guys liked that suit at the gym.

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  42. Holy cow, that suit is pretty thin!! ha ha Makes it even weirder being alone with the lifeguard, right?

    Actually, it is often just the lifeguard and I at the pool when I swim, and I am get wicked self conscious - so I do not envy you.

    64 minutes, you are a rock star. When you are able to run out of the water again, you are totally going to be rocking it.

    SWEET roller skating moves.

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  43. Dying. of. laughter.

    You cracked me up. Again.

    Merry Christmas. Wishing you get the pool...

    S

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  44. As a lycra professional I just need to tell you to give that swimsuit a well-earned funeral. There is no resurrecting that baby.

    Did your doc know you were skating on thin ice with that hip?

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  45. love the pic! :) super cute!

    when i used to work in the pool filled with chlorine 3 days a week, i suported champion shorts from target, a champion bra and tank. it held up way better than swimsuits- even though your time swimming is almost done, its worth a shot- plus its way cheaper!

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  46. Super cute pic! But, uh, only 64 minutes?! You're getting soft.

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  47. Oh my. Second nicole on the champion gear in the pool...holds up WAY better. Or check with keifer or sprint aquatics because their suits hold up pretty well!

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  48. I absolutely adore the mom/daughter photo!

    She is a mini version of you - so cute! :)

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  49. Even though what you really need for Christmas is family friendly swimwear, I though I would give you a shout-out instead... check it out on my blog http://cantstophappening.blogspot.com. I know you have like a million awards, but now you can start the new year with a million and one ;)

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  50. News? You're running away (in the pool) with Dean???

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  51. I love it when I'm counting tiles on the bottom of the pool to entertain myself swimming laps and I see something floating across one of the tiles, distrupting my count and I have to start over. Sometimes I have to guess what it is but today it was loud and clear: Bandaid. Super GROSS!

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  52. hilarious. Did EMZ proposition you in her comment?!

    I have a suit that rivals that sucker. To be honest... I am shocked they even let me walk to the pool anymore. I did ask for a new suit from santa so I will not get kicked out of the pool in the near future... one more week, fingers crossed!

    64 minutes... sheesh, how funny did your legs feel when you got out?!

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  53. If you're keeping up with this pool thing after you're back at running, I'd recommend polyester suits. They're harder to put on than lycra, but those babies LAST. No see through suit when it gets old, and it takes a LONG time to get old (I'm talking years here, not weeks).

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  54. You have hair on your head, right? Why would you be freaked out about hair in the bottom of the pool? It was probably your hair from the day before.... either that or pussy possy pubes. Either way, no big deal!

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