Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Douche

Warning: This post is not about a cleansing product for vaginas.

Moving on.

Jealous people are mean. There always has to be a douche bag in the group, and it’s usually the guy who’s green with envy.

Take, for example, columnist Dave Hollander’s recent article, “Are New York Marathoners Athletes?”

Dave and his like-minded turd friend, C.J. Sullivan, have a deep discussion on this topic and come to the conclusion that

  • While the elite runners are something to watch, the 36,500 other fools” are not athletes.
  • The NYC Marathon is “like a parade of badly clad folks sucking wind an struggling up First Avenue.
  • While “running 26 miles is some kind of torturous accomplishment, the runners are not athletes. It (running a marathon) smacks of narcissism, not sport. Marathons are the last refuge for those that couldn’t cut it  in other sports.”
  • “Any knucklehead in decent shape can train and then run 26 miles in under 4 or 5 hours. It means you are in shape it doesn’t make you an athlete.”

Hang on here. It’s 26 point TWO miles. Don’t forget the point two. And don’t call us “badly clad folks.” Haven’t you seen the new running skirts? And tattoo arm sleeves? Don’t forget the lime green compression socks.

All of this trash talk took me to do some research on Mr. Hollander. Here’s some trivia:

  • He sings national anthem at major sporting events.
  • He holds his high school’s record for technical fouls in a season and a career

Dang, that guy is special. He is clearly a running expert. However, I can’t find anything that talks of how he has ever trained for or been able to run a marathon. Maybe he left it off his bio.

It cracks me up to think of these two middle aged dudes (who probably can’t run more than five miles), hanging out and picking on those of us who are trying to be healthy, to find purpose, to have goals. Go criticize Al Qaeda or Lindsey Lohan if you’re bored.

I’m not stupid. I get what he’s trying to do. Be offensive and provocative and thereby gain readers and attention. It’s an age-old trick. I've used it from time to time:

Babies are stupid! All they do is roll around and drool. They should be banned or kicked in the head!

That was like my most popular post ever.

Hollander does bring up an interesting, although dull, point. How do we define athlete? If you want to go old school, the straight Miriam Webster definition is: “a person who is trained or skilled in exercises, sports, or games requiring physical strength, agility, or stamina.”

Let’s see – to run 26.2 miles you need to be trained, and you need to have physical strength agility and/or stamina. Check. Marathoner = athlete.

Boulder Center for Sport’s Medicine thinks, “If you’re active, you’re an athlete.” In fact, it’s part of their slogan.

Mr. Hollander, do you have to run five minute miles to be an athlete? Maybe you need to earn 10 million dollars a year and be sponsored. Or have been on the cover of Sport’s Illustrated. Or have been interviewed in your book.

To me, the bigger issue is not if marathoners are athletes or not. I really don’t care. You can call yourself whatever you want. That you believe it is all it counts. Today, I am a buxom super model. YES! What I don't like about his bullshit article is that it smacks of jealousy and negativity. And, he thinks a marathon is 26 miles and that we don’t dress well. Dick.

One thing I do agree slightly with is that we marathoners can get a bit self involved. Blisters, chafing, crapping in bushes, cramps, long runs gone bad, fatigue, scheduling, you name it. The key is to share with the like minded people that are dong the same thing. I don’t bore my non-running friends with my tales of woe. I save that for you on this blog. And my mom.

I just bet Hollander has a really small penis.

Are marathoners athletes in your book?

Always an athlete but I never douche,

SUAR

PS: Here’s me at the store last night. Things are really going south with this injury.

blameit

Blame what? The ankle bracelet? The dark roots? The Daisy Dukes?

73 comments:

  1. That article REALLY got under my skin! Pompous lazy a-hole!!! Great rebuttle.

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  2. pretty much the same thing I said on my blog yesterday. Nicely done.

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  3. technical fouls in a season . . . . sounds like HIS life is a big "FOUL".

    Seriously, people like this don't even deserve to be talked about.

    We run.
    We are runners.
    We ARE athletes.

    He's a "technical" douche.

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. Ooops didn't mean to delete that sorry!

    Dave Hollander makes my skin boil!! EVERY MARATHONER is an ATHLETE! 26.2 miles is a ridiculous distance and it doesn't matter what speed you are going that takes balls and a lot of training! Great post!

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  6. Yup, I'm an athlete. I was an athlete in high school too when I threw javelin. I wasn't a great athlete, but an athlete nonetheless since I was on the T&F team.

    Maybe he's in cahoots with Pearl Izumi?

    Two other things: please never write about your warning (ew!) and can I have the outfit you describe?

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  7. Dang, I was hoping for a fresh feeling product review, maybe even a giveaway.

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  8. I will not click on that article, because I don't want to support this moron! You got it right, what a douche bag!!! What he's failing to distinguish is the difference between "athlete" and "ELITE athlete". There is absolutely no doubt that marathon runners are athletes - all runners are athletes!

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  9. I have a strong desire to give this scumbag a flying elbow smash right now. I think he's more of a pussy than a douche.

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  10. Those who CAN'T, are typically the ones who criticize.

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  11. Wow what an A hole! I would venture to say he's NEVER run a marathon! JACKASS!

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  12. Oh my gosh, what a total *ss. This was hilarious to read, though! In my book, running you need to be an athlete to run a marathon. i'd like to see this guy TRY to run 26.2 miles. What a douche.

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  13. that kind of stuff irritates me only because it implies that there's no hard work involved. i think that the definition of "athlete" is soooo subjective. there are those people who i know run only to fit in their pants but i think that committing to run a marathon = athlete. that's dedication (at least for most people i also know people who just have it on the bucket list and don't really care about the process)

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  14. As a runner, I obviously feel that marathoners are athletes. However, I will concede that there are probably levels of athletes. For example, the [giant number] of people who come out and skip, gallop, run, walk, and whatever else to the finish line in 6 hours but have no medical condition [i.e. some seriously out of shape person tackling this new challenge and just having a piss poor time versus healthy individuals who haven't trained and aren't runners just doing it for the hell of it]. Those people can get irritating and insulting and I can see how someone outside of the running community could make assumptions based on said people. That is all.

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  15. I admit, I didn't click through and read the article but I get the gist from your rantings....and have I told you how much I LOVE your rantings (I am being serious, not sarcastic)

    I only recently started reading your blog and I love how you put IT ALL out there on here. I

    I am a runner newbie but I completed a half marathon using run/walk intervals. I don't know that I felt like an athlete and I am still not sure but I will train for another event and let ya know....but I do know that I am in awe of the athletes who are able to run a marathon...26.2 miles is a freaking longass way to run and if that doesn't make a person an athlete then what the heck does>?!?

    jen
    jeninreallife@yahoo.com

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  16. He's not the first idiot to pull this nonsense - remember a few years back when some moron on Salon wrote about slow runners "ruining" the marathon, and some folks went and looked up his times and darn if he wasn't a middle-of-the-pack runner himself! Funny how that works, huh? Thanks for sticking up for those of us at the back of the pack!

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  17. Or maybe it was Slate - one of those magazines, anyway! Again, thanks!

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  18. I agree...dick. I consider runners athletes regardless of whether they do distance races or run shorter races.

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  19. I don't let things like this article bother me, i just pass it off as 2 middle-aged men who feel bad about themselves because there are 40,000 people bettering their lives and improving their health while the two of them sit on their lazy asses. Of course they are going to put it down because it's something they could never do and it probably makes them feel bad about themselves. When someone disses on something like that they tend to make it sound like "oh please, that is so stupid i would NEVER do that because its so dumb and such a waste of tome." a.k.a. i *could* never do that because it takes mroe than i have. While i get they are trying to make people like us look bad, all there really doing is making themselves look bad. I love all the reasons why they will never run a marathon, but it's okay because we know the REAL reason.

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  20. "I have a body, I am an athlete!" Saw that on a t-shirt the other day.

    What is up with the media lately? They must be really scared to lose their jobs, so all they produce is polarizing crap to ensure that they get as many clicks as possible. Mostly, those articles are badly written, terribly researched and just insulting to a lot of people. I try to ignore them, but it still makes my blood boil....

    Just leaves to hope that people that were about to embark on a marathon journey or any other active adventure are not getting discourage by this dirt.

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  21. Great response to an ignorant individual. Seriously...We don't say that basketball players only chose that sport because they couldn't cut it in football. I'll be honest--I can't cut it in sports that require coordination. I could never manage to serve a volleyball overhand or make a basket when playing basketball. But I am dynamite at sports that require endurance. I can run, swim, or ride a bike for hours. I have pure pig-headed stubbornness unlike you've ever seen. Just because I suck at team sports doesn't make me less of a competitor at what I do well.

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  22. I wonder at times if these people actually believe what they write or if they simply choose an opinion based on what will get them the most attention? Because I find it nearly impossible for anyone to view someone who trains and completes a marathon (or any race for that matter) as anything other than an athlete.

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  23. I'm just so tired of idiots like this guy who feel the need to take shots at runners!

    Great rebuttal!

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  24. I definitely think I am an athlete. I don't care what some FA old man with a bad attitude says. If a marathon (or even 1/2 marathon) was that easy then everyone would do it. but they aren't. period.
    on a lighter note-perhaps the lady (i think) in the pic is a huge Jamie Foxx fan??? Since I currently live in GA and grew up in AL (so I can say this) this pic has to be from one of the 2 states. I love the people of walmart pics!!!

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  25. Where does this idiot live for I'd like to show up at his front door and show him just how much athletic muscle and strength my legs are made of straight up his ass!

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  26. Great response to an ignorant article. He wanted to be offensive. He succeeded.

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  27. Ugh I don't want to even bother to waste my time to read it. He sounds horrible.

    I had to look really hard at your pic to see if she was wearing any shoes. lol

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  28. Amen. Well, except for the babies getting kicked in the head thing. (and no i don't think for a second you would ever do that)

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  29. Great response. As I mentioned on BDD post I bought the url: yesweareathletes.com and will be setting it up in the next week or so as sort of a rebuttal to this article. I want all those average janes and joes to post their race reports on the site (when its functional) and show the world that whether you ran/walked a 5k or 26.2 or 140.6 you are an athlete.

    I wrote an article about this as well. As you can see this gets me worked up.

    The article is here:
    http://tinyurl.com/26c493y

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  30. this is the best blog I have read all day!
    wait. no.
    all week.
    Amen sister :)
    the dude's a douche
    or as we call it in our house "a bag" (gotta edit for the 2 year old mocking bird)

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  31. His piece was a jealous, flacid waste of time. His other piece probably is as well.

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  32. I won't waste my time reading his article. Obviously he's either a) never met someone who has trained for a marathon or b) is just insanely jealous. I've yet to run a 1/2, more or less a full marathon, but those people have my full respect - every last one of them. They got off their asses and decided to run a marathon. I have the same respect for people who get up and run a mile. "Athlete" in my opinion is anyone who gets off the couch and moves with purpose.

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  33. Ah it's this article again written by an ignorant person. Marathoners are athletes in my book. Don't care what this fool thinks.

    hey I love your tee and daisy dukes! hot legs! hehe =)

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  34. I glad you had the guts and raw passion to say exactly how we all feel about that article. Thanks.

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  35. I wonder if this idiot realizes how much money these "36,500 other fools" tossed to the NYC economy over the weekend. What a Jackass.

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  36. The wise man can learn more from the fool than the fool will ever learn from the wise man.

    That's deep I know.

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  37. he sounds like an idiot. but i have to say, i'm conflicted. i watched a marathon maniac walk and text during asbury park marathon. he was giving it NO effort. just doing another marathon to keep up his status. he was a bigger guy, didn't look exceptionally fit and aside from him giving all of us a bad name, i'm not sure i'd consider him an athlete.

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  38. well, he at least wasn't acting like an athlete that day...and i actually know who he came with and it's not that he was injured, etc.

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  39. You ARE an athlete. I am an athlete. That guy is an ass.

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  40. Of course runners are athletes. Runners are revered by other athletes.

    In fact it takes a special kind of athlete to be a runner. Try this, tell any baseball, football or basketball player that they'd better do "X" or they'll have to run a mile. They will cower in fear. They don't even get how we can do what we do. Our sport is their punishment.

    Make no mistake, runners are made from superior stock. Anybody can throw a ball.

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  41. Best response I've read to his article. Tell it like it is (as if I expected any less). I personally don't consider myself an athlete (just not there with that mentally), but that's not HIS place to define... and the only people enjoying this are people who already think that way... and hopefully I will never encounter those people.

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  42. Runners are athletes! All runners not just the elite. While I am running at 8:00 pm after my 2 year old has gone to bed and I have taught all day I am sure dipsh** is kicked back with a Scotch or something! Oh well some people are not happy until they have put down others to make themselves feel better.

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  43. What a jerk!!! Jealous much???
    Great response from you. Glad you posted this.

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  44. As the French say: "Je suis d'accord." As the Germans say: "Hiermit bin ich einverstanden." As idiot Hollander and Sullivan would say: "We're too lazy to even try so we'll criticize those who make the attempt. We'll focus our attack on those who've succeeded, since to do otherwise would be to acknowledge what we're not." Life is too short to fight such idiocy.

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  45. Love your blog. You made some good points.

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  46. OMG, I ran that marathon...it was hard...I looked like a fool because I was SOOOO cold but I was definitely and AM definitely an athlete. Grrr.

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  47. First things first. I agree not to forget the .2 miles mother f@$%er. This thing still pisses me off. And douch is fitting.

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  48. Wow, what a jerk!! This makes me so mad but I got a good laugh from your response :)
    We know what we are. He can shove it.

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  49. Ok, well, I might be poorly clad if you look at some of my throwaway clothes. But that's all I'll give these assholes.

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  50. I consider myself more of an athlete now in my 40's than at any other time in my life. I played basketball (and sucked) when I was in high school, and also ran Cross Country and Track (which I was pretty good at). I considered myself an athlete then, but even more so now - why? Because I take it seriously. I do what I need to do to meet my goals and accomplish what I set out to so. Since that is running (and running IS a sport) I am an athlete.

    I will probably look horrible (I don't have great fashion sense) this Saturday when I run my second marathon, and I will probably walk around for days looking like a fool with my sore tight legs, but I will accomplish more in those 4 hours than he could in a lifetime. I will finish with pride and dignity what I set out to do, and I will do it to the best of my ability.

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  51. Oh - and in that picture - I see you have the ankle bracelet, but where is your one crutch?

    And do you really shop at walmart? That explains a lot :)

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  52. Unfortunately, our world is saturated with those kind of unpleasant people. I think the best thing is to just "let it go" and not give them the attention they are looking for. Steve says to let them go sulk about their dinky winkies. ;-) And my, my - you've been spending A LOT of time at that cheese counter, haven't you!!!

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  53. Who cares what he thinks? He is just trying to get attention.

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  54. It's the Huffington Post guys - come on. It's like saying Runner's World should be taken seriously for writing an editorial on Quantitative Easing.

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  55. I'm an athlete and I am not speedy.
    I train.
    I persevere.
    I race.
    I encourage.
    I support.
    And I have stamina.

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  56. I thought that article was completely ridiculous!!
    But, I agree that they were doing it to get attention. Pretty immature if you ask me!

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  57. If he wanted attention (the "author"), I guess he got it.
    After seeing that picture, I now have a desire to hurry up and touch up my roots! :0

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  58. I've seen talk of this article on a couple other blogs now and the article did wreak in my opinion... I dont know how anybody cannot look at someone who runs 26 POINT 2 miles lol... and not think they are athletes!
    I grew up playing sports in school... one of which was track... RUNNING... i have never looked at someone who runs as a non-athlete... plus i love runner's legs... they're hot! :D

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  59. I read this article a few days ago and could only think that there's a nicer way of saying that, as you put it, Marathoners can be a self-involved. I don't think there's ONE black and white definition of an "athlete" ... if you want to train for 26.2 and decide that's your athletic victory? Go for it! It's not easy and you Should be proud. Simple as that...

    There's definitely something he's (trying) to make up for... ;)

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  60. I agree, he must have a small penis, LOL!

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  61. God love ya. Thanks for posting this and please tell me someone sent it to those two dbags.

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  62. You really nailed it chica...they have nothing better to do than pick on the cool kid runners!

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  63. Here is his contact info

    David Hollander
    Adjunct Instructor
    Tisch Center Hosp Tour&sports Mgt, School of Continuing & Professional Studies
    dah13@nyu.edu

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  64. I consider "runners" in general an athlete, and "runners" come in all ranges. So, yes, we are all athletes. Let's see this douche bag keep up with me on a 100 mile ultra. :)

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  65. That article pissed me off. As an editor, I take exception to that guy calling himself a writer. I spotted several typos in that article.

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  66. Are you kidding me?! What a moron. Yes, most people CAN train and run 26.2 miles. But it takes serious dedication and a ton of hard work. Clearly these lazy asses would never be willing to do this, they would rather sit around talking smack about those that do. Poop on them!

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  67. When I saw this article last week I was livid! I couldn't even formulate enough words to touch on it. What complete ignorant assholes.

    That is all.

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  68. If you want to email him use this. I am still working on his huffington post address.

    dah13@nyu.edu

    Remember this is from the Huffington Post which has zero reliability when it comes to it being a news source!

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  70. Yes, he must have a really small penis! What an idiot. Hope he reads your blog! :)

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  71. Well said - especially about the dingle.

    I HATE HATE HATE people like that. What frustrates me most is that he totally does that to sell papers. ARG!

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  72. Great post, by you, not him. It reminds me of Julian Michaels post on facebook. It was a post about a recent study of a whole whopping 30 runners they did a study on. They found heart damage in a percentage of the runners after running a marathon. (sorry I don't remember details because I was so pissed she of all people would even point it out, hellloooo Ms. Fitness way to motivate.) Anyway, after 3 months they looked at their hearts again, damage was gone. Like I said sorry I didn't pay attention to detail. Try to run a marathon Mr. Hollander, it goes way beyond athletic ability. Running a marathon is so much more than that. It's a soul shifter!

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