Warning: This post is not about a cleansing product for vaginas.
Jealous people are mean. There always has to be a douche bag in the group, and it’s usually the guy who’s green with envy.
Take, for example, columnist Dave Hollander’s recent article, “Are New York Marathoners Athletes?”
Dave and his like-minded turd friend, C.J. Sullivan, have a deep discussion on this topic and come to the conclusion that
- “While the elite runners are something to watch, the 36,500 other fools” are not athletes.
- The NYC Marathon is “like a parade of badly clad folks sucking wind an struggling up First Avenue.”
- While “running 26 miles is some kind of torturous accomplishment, the runners are not athletes. It (running a marathon) smacks of narcissism, not sport. Marathons are the last refuge for those that couldn’t cut it in other sports.”
- “Any knucklehead in decent shape can train and then run 26 miles in under 4 or 5 hours. It means you are in shape it doesn’t make you an athlete.”
Hang on here. It’s 26 point TWO miles. Don’t forget the point two. And don’t call us “badly clad folks.” Haven’t you seen the new running skirts? And tattoo arm sleeves? Don’t forget the lime green compression socks.
All of this trash talk took me to do some research on Mr. Hollander. Here’s some trivia:
- He sings national anthem at major sporting events.
- He holds his high school’s record for technical fouls in a season and a career
Dang, that guy is special. He is clearly a running expert. However, I can’t find anything that talks of how he has ever trained for or been able to run a marathon. Maybe he left it off his bio.
It cracks me up to think of these two middle aged dudes (who probably can’t run more than five miles), hanging out and picking on those of us who are trying to be healthy, to find purpose, to have goals. Go criticize Al Qaeda or Lindsey Lohan if you’re bored.
I’m not stupid. I get what he’s trying to do. Be offensive and provocative and thereby gain readers and attention. It’s an age-old trick. I've used it from time to time:
Babies are stupid! All they do is roll around and drool. They should be banned or kicked in the head!
That was like my most popular post ever.
Hollander does bring up an interesting, although dull, point. How do we define athlete? If you want to go old school, the straight Miriam Webster definition is: “a person who is trained or skilled in exercises, sports, or games requiring physical strength, agility, or stamina.”
Let’s see – to run 26.2 miles you need to be trained, and you need to have physical strength agility and/or stamina. Check. Marathoner = athlete.
Boulder Center for Sport’s Medicine thinks, “If you’re active, you’re an athlete.” In fact, it’s part of their slogan.
Mr. Hollander, do you have to run five minute miles to be an athlete? Maybe you need to earn 10 million dollars a year and be sponsored. Or have been on the cover of Sport’s Illustrated. Or have been interviewed in your book.
To me, the bigger issue is not if marathoners are athletes or not. I really don’t care. You can call yourself whatever you want. That you believe it is all it counts. Today, I am a buxom super model. YES! What I don't like about his bullshit article is that it smacks of jealousy and negativity. And, he thinks a marathon is 26 miles and that we don’t dress well. Dick.
One thing I do agree slightly with is that we marathoners can get a bit self involved. Blisters, chafing, crapping in bushes, cramps, long runs gone bad, fatigue, scheduling, you name it. The key is to share with the like minded people that are dong the same thing. I don’t bore my non-running friends with my tales of woe. I save that for you on this blog. And my mom.
I just bet Hollander has a really small penis.
Are marathoners athletes in your book?
Always an athlete but I never douche,
PS: Here’s me at the store last night. Things are really going south with this injury.
Blame what? The ankle bracelet? The dark roots? The Daisy Dukes?