Monday, November 15, 2010

Two Cup Sizes (and Giveaway Winner)

Tonight’s dinnertime discussion:

Emma: What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Me: Ummm…don’t know, but it’s a great question

Emma: You can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup

Moving on. Water running is not like land running. For many, many reasons. I don’t love it. I kind of hate it, truth be told. I do it only because I have this stupid crack in my hip.

Despite my training plan that mixes things up every day, water running can be compared to watching paint dry or grass growing.  To maximize this training plan, and to avoid excessive loss of fitness, one is supposed to water run six times per week.

Let me say this. If I was of the male persuasion I would get a boredom boner from all that water running. If you haven’t heard of this type of erection, it is as follows (from the urban dictionary) :

This is a specific variety of boner which occurs when a person is so tired and/or bored that to increase blood flow and activity level, the body acquires an erection as a form of stimulant to heighten alertness.

I guess it’s fortunate I can’t get boners because that is unsightly in a bathing suit and would probably startle the water aerobics ladies. Lord knows with their doctor’s appointments and early bird specials they don’t need any more excitement or heart attacks in the pool.

Now that we’ve established that water running is boring enough to produce and promote erections in the best of us, suffice it to say that I have lots of time to think while I’m fake running in the water.

Today I pondered the new item available from Victoria’s secret, the Miraculous Push Up Bra. Vicki’s insists that this gem will “miraculously add 2 cup sizes to your breasts.” Supposedly women who are considering boob jobs are advised to purchase this bra to test out how it feels to be larger.

Two cup sizes? What’s are these bras made out of? Cantaloupes?

The Miraculous Bra comes in sizes 32AA to 38DD. Jeezus!  If you are already a 38DD you have no business graduating two cup sizes. That’s 38F ladies! I don’t even know what that looks like. Off to Google images, be right back.

Ah, hell. Didn’t find much in the way of good images, but did find this:

fcupcookie

All you do is eat these cookies and your breast size is supposed to grow to an F cup. How does the cookie know? There is also cake, pudding and tea. Those Asians have amazing technology these days. And big ass boobs, I suppose.

Welcome to my world. The world of water running where your mind wanders to far off places.

Winner of the running skirt? This was not to be a random drawing. I asked why you read my blog to try to find out something very specific. Why you read my blog. What you like, why you bother. It is useful info to me.

Poop. Farts. Humor. Inspiration. Information. Crudeness.

That’s what you like.

Loved, loved the feedback. I have to give it to Laurie from the (Mis)adventures of a Jogging Stroller Mom for her Ode to SUAR poem.  It wasn’t just that the poem was clever, but I did think it caught the essence of the blog and what I try to convey here. Do you think you could add in a line about F Cup Cookies? Laurie, send me your address and I’ll get the skirt out to you.  You need to get a job with Hallmark or something. You’ve got raw talent.

Don’t worry. I’ll be back to “real” running soon and all this talk of erections, old ladies and F Cup Pudding will be just a bad memory.

Off to eat some cookies,

SUAR

32 comments:

  1. You just had to give it to Laurie! So glad you did! And, anyone who is an F cup needs to check out my blog giveaway (Enell is the best!)

    http://23imaginaryfriends.blogspot.com/2010/11/enell-lite-bra-review-and-giveaway.html

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  2. As someone who once wore a F cup...it "f"ing sucks. people who want that are "f"ing crazy. seriously.

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  3. ..."all this talk of erections, old ladies and F Cup Pudding will be just a bad memory."

    So you won't ever be talking about erections, old people, or boobs ever again? Sounds very out of character :p

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  4. okay, I'm laughing out loud at this one. Most of your blogs make me smile or laugh to myself but something about your boredom boner comment that has me really laughing. Where do you come up with this stuff? Your kids must have some great personalities with a mom with such a great sense of humor.

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  5. Wow, I learn something new here everyday, thanks ;)
    I had no idea bordem errections existed - another reason I'm glad I'm a chic!
    Keep up the good work in the pool - it will pay dividends!

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  6. Don’t worry. I’ll be back to “real” running soon and all this talk of erections, old ladies and F Cup Pudding will be just a bad memory.

    Yeah, right..... :-)

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  7. You're F'ing hilarious. I can always find a laugh here... by the way, you were at my 20-miler yesterday... I wrote about it here... http://racingitoff.blogspot.com/2010/11/fort-worth-marathon-20-miler-race.html (Skip to mile 18 if the rest gives you a boredom erection.)

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  8. I wore an F cup when I was breastfeeding my first child. (I was also very overweight at the time in order to get that extra cuppage.)

    From experience, I can say that nobody should CHOOSE to be an F cup. There are no benefits to it unless you are porn star.

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  9. I gotta try those cookies! Water jogging does sound awfully boring but I am supposed to be doing it too! I don't know if I can push myself now after that description ha!! Thanks for the laugh you always brighten my day with your humor!

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  10. Oh My God. I've been reading your blog for a while now, but I don't think I've ever commented. I couldn't let today go by without saying *something*.
    See, I actually AM an "F" cup. And I just discussed this on my blog like last week. The post was appropriately titled "Let's Talk About Boobs." Totally bizarre. Here's the link, even ~ enjoy! :) ~Jessica
    http://healthyfor100.blogspot.com/2010/11/lets-talk-about-boobs.html

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  11. She now runs in the water
    until boredom does erect
    while trying to decide
    which F-cup goodie to select...

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  12. Ok, I'll admit.... I wanted to post a comment along the lines of

    "If that is the best picture you could find while google imaging 'f cup' then you didn't try hard enough"

    But, then I googled F Cup (research purposes only) and that is all there was were those cookies!! Crazy

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  13. This post is hilarious! LOL!

    Laurie deserves to win really =) that was really sweet of her.

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  14. I do a lot of sewing and one of my specialities is making body building costumes that have padded tops and special pockets to put extra padding in. I think that'd almost be 2 cup sizes. Talk about false advertising!

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  15. Bravo! Ode to SUAR was a work of art and I do think she deserved to win :) CONGRATS Laurie!!

    today's comments are right up there with this post on the funny factor.

    please tell emma she made me laugh! I just made pee soup this weekend-

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  16. I have an emma and thats TOTALLY where she is right now jokes wise :)
    made me laugh....

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  17. Erections and old ladies in the same pool. Um, I got nothing for that.

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  18. i know it's not the same but at least you're still moving. and it will keep you fit so you can jump right into boston training!!

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  19. I taught my 5 children (ages 2 to 10) to fart on the round during dinner last night! Not an easy task ... makes writing poetry look like water running, honestly. If only you had another skirt to contest off.

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  20. I have to say, your borig water running and rehab is providing some very entertaining posts these days!

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  21. Perhaps I need to be bored a little more often. :) I will go read the other Adam's blog. HAHA (get it? Boring runner, being bored? Oh, never mind.)

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  22. 6 days of water running... I'm getting a boredom boner over here just thinking about it!

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  23. ummmmmmmm yet again inappropriate laughter at work. you're going to get me fired.

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  24. Running with 36DDs is a pain is the ass. I think I'll forgo attempting an F cup. =P

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  25. Guess it takes a guy to find F cups on the web. Then again, I was the guy who found that pic I hope was photoshopped: http://x5c.xanga.com/91ff3af640432232285997/t183212144.jpg

    For the record, currently dating a 30A. I hear those are hard to find as well, though maybe they're just called training bras at that point.

    [She just hit me and said to mention I'm a 38AA.]

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  26. The things I missed out on, growing up without brothers!

    It's always an education here!

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  27. YAY Laurie!

    I'm a DDDDD- why not be a FFF?

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  28. love it!

    water running is on the top of everyone's "wonderful" list as soon as they get an injury - and how you manage to throw in so many bathroom humor references (that actually make sense in the post) amazes me!

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  29. Are there even "F" cup sizes?! I can't imagine those cups are made of anything other than Canteloupes...or water balloons? Something else to ponder!

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  30. If you get one of those bras, please share the before and after pics =)

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  31. Im not a big boob guy, I'm a nice butt guy. And yes my wife has big boobs ( I love her dearly). That being said the pool boner thingy is almost a new level for you.
    If that were to happen I would turn over and do the back stroke, screaming shark, shark !!! Then seeif I could get the blue hairs to do there work out at race pace !!


    WOW, YOUVE OUTDONE YOURSELF.

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  32. you are so funny! bahahahahahhahha

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