Tonight’s dinnertime discussion:
Emma: What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Me: Ummm…don’t know, but it’s a great question
Emma: You can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup
Moving on. Water running is not like land running. For many, many reasons. I don’t love it. I kind of hate it, truth be told. I do it only because I have this stupid crack in my hip.
Despite my training plan that mixes things up every day, water running can be compared to watching paint dry or grass growing. To maximize this training plan, and to avoid excessive loss of fitness, one is supposed to water run six times per week.
Let me say this. If I was of the male persuasion I would get a boredom boner from all that water running. If you haven’t heard of this type of erection, it is as follows (from the urban dictionary) :
This is a specific variety of boner which occurs when a person is so tired and/or bored that to increase blood flow and activity level, the body acquires an erection as a form of stimulant to heighten alertness.
I guess it’s fortunate I can’t get boners because that is unsightly in a bathing suit and would probably startle the water aerobics ladies. Lord knows with their doctor’s appointments and early bird specials they don’t need any more excitement or heart attacks in the pool.
Now that we’ve established that water running is boring enough to produce and promote erections in the best of us, suffice it to say that I have lots of time to think while I’m fake running in the water.
Today I pondered the new item available from Victoria’s secret, the Miraculous Push Up Bra. Vicki’s insists that this gem will “miraculously add 2 cup sizes to your breasts.” Supposedly women who are considering boob jobs are advised to purchase this bra to test out how it feels to be larger.
Two cup sizes? What’s are these bras made out of? Cantaloupes?
The Miraculous Bra comes in sizes 32AA to 38DD. Jeezus! If you are already a 38DD you have no business graduating two cup sizes. That’s 38F ladies! I don’t even know what that looks like. Off to Google images, be right back.
Ah, hell. Didn’t find much in the way of good images, but did find this:
All you do is eat these cookies and your breast size is supposed to grow to an F cup. How does the cookie know? There is also cake, pudding and tea. Those Asians have amazing technology these days. And big ass boobs, I suppose.
Welcome to my world. The world of water running where your mind wanders to far off places.
Winner of the running skirt? This was not to be a random drawing. I asked why you read my blog to try to find out something very specific. Why you read my blog. What you like, why you bother. It is useful info to me.
Poop. Farts. Humor. Inspiration. Information. Crudeness.
That’s what you like.
Loved, loved the feedback. I have to give it to Laurie from the (Mis)adventures of a Jogging Stroller Mom for her Ode to SUAR poem. It wasn’t just that the poem was clever, but I did think it caught the essence of the blog and what I try to convey here. Do you think you could add in a line about F Cup Cookies? Laurie, send me your address and I’ll get the skirt out to you. You need to get a job with Hallmark or something. You’ve got raw talent.
Don’t worry. I’ll be back to “real” running soon and all this talk of erections, old ladies and F Cup Pudding will be just a bad memory.
Off to eat some cookies,