Sunday, November 14, 2010

When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemon Drops (video)

As far as days go, Saturday was a damn good one.

For like the 512th time in her short life, Emma, 9, was yanked prematurely from the warmth of her bed to go watch some combination of family members running a race. This ritual has become as much a part of our lives as playing “20 questions” at dinner or “fart in the round” (a fun game where each family member does their best to fart and you go in a circle. Often times this is a spontaneous game where one person starts, usually a child, and the rest join in. You should try it sometime. You know what they say about families who fart together. They smell?).

Sam, 13, and Ken were running the Turkey Trot 10K. Sam was aiming for a PR, which would be anything below 57:24. 57:23 would be fine. I did my best to park Ken’s big ass truck all crazy and sideways on the side of the road so we could catch them at the four mile mark.

The only thing I like more than watching races is running races. Being on on the sidelines ROCKS even when you are injured and wish you could be running. I get so caught up I find myself getting horse from cheering on strangers and loved ones. I fight back tears constantly. I love the spirit of the race, what can I say.

Mile four and here they come, looking strong, strong, strong. Jess from Mile High Jess left me a comment letting me know she was just behind the boys and recognized me. Hi Jess! She got a PR, so congrats!! (Oh, and whoever it was that said, “I read your blog!” when they ran by, leave me a comment and let me know who you are!)

Here’s Sam (664) and Ken (663). Okay, #450. If you even try to edge out my son or flirt with my husband, I’ll take you down with my crutch:


Here’s Ken handing something off to Emma (see her sweet little gloved pink hand?). Probably his giblet warmer: (Hey! Look! It’s Jess and her husband, right behind them, 895 and 896)


There they go. My two most  favorite clumps of testosterone in the whole world, (well, and then there’s my dad, of course).


Emma and I hauled ass in Ken’s oversized manly truck to the finish, honking and yelling like maniacs. I had to pull a u-turn at one point and it involved driving off road into a ditch. I’m convinced that driving/parking to find love ones while their running races is completely life threatening. You have no idea how many close calls I’ve had.

But, dammit if we weren't at the finish when they crossed it in 55:25! Sam takes a full two minutes off for a new PR. He’s looking a bit ragged, but he’s doing it. Ken, like a good dad, let’s son take the lead. (Note to self: Sam needs new shoes):



7th grade posse. All kinds of middle school greatness:


Us. Playing “Fart in the Round” and you can’t even tell:


Post race, I grabbed my vodka and PJs and headed up to mountains with Erika for some girl time. Once we hit the Continental Divide the weather got crazy bad.


And cold.


We got to the house, which is really shabby and should be condemned (note sarcasm):


And immediately started with the cocktails because nothing says happy hour like 2pm on a snowy Saturday (cue most overused phrase ever: It’s 5 o’clock somewhere).


I had decided that lemon drop martinis were in order (thanks, Kathy, for the recipe), and if you’re going to make them right, you need to use a shit ton of lemons (this was for three drinks, sorry lemon trees somewhere you are feeding girls’ weekends everywhere):


And, then obviously you need to make a video (me and Erika). Don’t look like I have no hurt hip:

What the hell was that?, is right. See, life after 40 can be fun! And insane. I probably need to be on some sort of downer medication to bring me back to earth. I swear, I hadn’t yet had even a sip of alcohol. Just lots of meth. Kidding.

We drank, ate and watched SATC2, which we thought sucked the big one. Like Aidan would really just happen to be in Abu Dabi.

Late night, once were were really dehydrated and tired, we got in the hot tub. It was about 5 degrees, snowing and windy. We farted out chicken enchiladas for awhile (but with the bubbles, it’s hard to tell, but the stench, good God). We stayed in until we saw a coyote walk by and then heard him start howling. We hauled ass inside because we are wimps like that. Camera got so cold it fogged up.


This morning, it was time to head back to reality (one eyed dog is probably hungry, dirty skid marked underwear to launder, etc.).

We bid farewell. Right here are two of the best girlfriends anyone could hope for:


Grateful for it all,



  1. congrats to sam! that's awesome. love the pics too.

    sounds like a pretty great girls getaway. i love spending time with the girlies. and with cocktails :)

  2. "The only thing I like more than watching races is running races..." this little paragraph summed up exactly how I feel. Glad to know I'm not the only one that cries when they're spectating. Races are so awesome.

  3. To have one best friend is blessed. To have two best friends, girl, you are beyond blessed.

  4. I love the family pix!

    Looks like you had a great time with your girls.

    But that is WAY too cold for me! :)

  5. Great Job Sam.....good for Dad for stepping back, that's the best reward to watch them do it themselves.....wack video, loved it...don't look like no hip injury in that dance??? Way to cut loose and have fun.....

  6. Wow, somehow you managed to write a hilarious and touching post. That was cool. I bet you are an awesome Mom.

  7. i think we need to hook up and party;-) your bf's would be SO bf's w/mine;0

    and love your lil' dude's race even more!

  8. Congrats to Sam!! Love the family pic! And then off for a weekend with the girls - perfect!

  9. Hey! I'm the one who ran by and said "I read your blog!" I love it, I read it everyday! I'm surprised I recognized you during the race! You've inspired me to start running again, I ran all through high school, and kinda fell out of it in college. i'm glad to be back again, I'm starting to realize how much I've missed it. Hope you recover quick and can get back out there,running with the rest of us! Glad Sam PRed too!

  10. Wow, those are some mad juggling skilz! Looks like you had a blast.

    Congrats to Sam!!

  11. I don't run (dropped out of C25K on week 3) but I find you totally amusing :)

  12. Congrats to Sam on a kickass PR!

    My family plays 'Dueling Farts', much to my older sister's disgust. We know she loves it though. :)

  13. 20 degree?!?!? I would need at least 4 cocktails so keep me warm. Congrats to your boy for a great race!

  14. Yay Sam...congrats on your awesome PR!!

    Sounds like a great time with your made me smile out loud :)

    Great post once again.

  15. I love checking your blog in the mornings and seeing a new post, you make me laugh. Thanks for making my day MUCH better than it was than when the kids woke me up this morning;)

  16. This post had everything! Great job tying it all together with the farting.

  17. What a weekend!!! Congrats to Sam on a great PR :)

  18. Thanks for the shout out! That is a scary picture of me. Yikes. Note to self, running tights bad idea. haha.

  19. What a fun time!!! Great family and friends :-)

  20. Congrats to Sam!! Of course, he's got great role models, so great runs are expected and more are definitely in his future. No pressure! So, I have to ask, does one get extra points in the fart game if there is content other than gas? Inquiring minds need to know.....

  21. What a weekend!!! Big congrats to Sam and Ken was awesome for sticking with him! Does he always make it look that easy?

    So jealous of the girls' getaway! I need to plan me one of those.

  22. Go Sam! Very cool.

    The weekend looks and sounds like the perfect medicine for you right now. I am heading off to one this weekend myself. Cannot wait!

  23. Looks like a great time with the girls!

  24. LOL you kill me. Also, now I really want some vodka. (It's 8:30am)

    Congrats to your boys on a great race!

  25. Your blog is like a cup of coffee in the morning! I get to work and the first thing I do is read your blog. (wow. that is embarrassing - don't tell my boss). I want a girl's trip to a snowey cabin. You make it look fabulous. I'll take a lemon drop martini, too. :)

  26. oh, and Aidan in Abu Dabi - Pishhh. Yea right.

  27. so proud of sam!! tell him congrats. what a rock star.

  28. Dude, I love your family. That is fantastic that Sam OWNED his PR. Oh and I totally agree with you about the whole Aiden in Abu Dabi thing. Psh, Please. Butttttt I did love most of their clothing choices (even tho I'm so poor I probably couldn't afford 1 of their shoes). Anyways.

  29. Congrats to your son! That's so awesome you are all able to run/cheer together. :)

  30. That martini song is very catchy!!!

  31. Congrats to Sam!looks like you are healing up beautifully. You'll be back out there in no time!

  32. Love the pics!!! Great job to Sam and Ken!!!!

  33. Looks like you had a great time! :)
    I LOVE how other kids Sam's age ran the race too! That's amazing!
    I thought Sex and the City 2 completely sucked! I saw it in theatres and I hated it, plus there were kids at the movie, to each one's own, but still, it was nothing like the TV series or first movie.

  34. bravo Sam..bang up job, mate! As for the video..can we get you your own cooking show??? LOL

  35. Best video ever!!! Got a real belly laugh out of that one. (Not to mention, the tags you put on your post - farts, girl time.)

    Awesome job Sam! That's quite a distance for a 13-year old. And good dad for letting him pull off the win!

  36. First of all, good for your daughter for hanging in there, it will get better (promise her this). Just wait Honey someday soon you too will get up at the crack of dawn to go suffer, "IT'S GREAT" I swear. 2nd good job Sam. 3rd great job dad, you've clearly picked a fantastic wife, that has a great out look on life, happy and is o.k. with farting. And lastly, don't quit your day job to seek a position at Coyote ungly. Im sure you'll do fine in the looks department but the song and dance is suffering. JUST SAYING.

    P.S. TOO MANY DAMN LEMONS FOR 3 DRINKS. Ice would have been just fine.

  37. Wonderful family race recap. Good running!

    It looks like you had such a great time with the gals. So jealous of the lemon drops..where's the recipe?

  38. Congrats on Sam's PR! And it sounds like you had a fab weekend!!!

  39. Congrats to Sam! Looks like a great weekend getaway :-)

  40. Awesome.
    Congrats to Sam.
    Congrats to you for rocking the girls weekend with great pals.

  41. Glad you had a wonderful Girl's out weekend!! :D Brr 5 degrees is cold!!

  42. Congrats to Sam and Kudos to Ken for husband/father of the year and damn you and Julie and Erica for living so far away from me. I am in tears from jealousy and mostly miss of great times with you. I think I'll do do a lemon drop shooters or some meth to get me through the night.

  43. NICE!!! Tell Sam good job for me. And, tell him that I think his mom would be SO embarrassing in public. (Him and my wife would get along) No wonder he always trys to hide his face behind oatmeal. I will say one thing - you are totally right. Freaking 3 pounds to make 3 baby martinis! What a rip off

  44. Woohoo! Congrats to Sam on his PR! Yay!

    Yay for best friends too! It looks like you had a great time! :) That video was hilarious! Ha ha!