No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn – Hal Borland
I’m a believer that we learn from the hard stuff.
Yet, overcoming adversity still sucks the big one.
The input from friends, family, health professionals and my favorite bloggers to “keep your chin up” and, “see the silver lining,” is immensely helpful. No doubt about it. But, it’s my fire within that puts the exclamation point on it all.
What exactly is the fire within? This was my fire today:
- Getting up up when it’s negative degrees outside and slip-sliding my way to the pool to run in the water for 60 minutes even though I’ve come to kind of hate it.
- *Sniff* tearing up during my workout because a song reminded me:
- Driving in that same snowstorm 12 miles to Boulder to go to physical therapy even though no one would question if I cancelled.
- Laying on the PT table and crying, despite my best efforts to hold it inside. Crying because I want something so bad, yet are desperately afraid I might not get it.
- Before the tears can even dry I am pushing and stretching and continuing to recover in baby steps.
The fire is an internal spark that doesn’t die out despite pain, self doubt, setbacks, inconvenience, discouragement.
The fire is about fighting, yet knowing when to pull back.
Here is what I think. You don’t have to agree with me if you don’t want to: If training is hard, recovery is harder. At least with training you feel somewhat in control of the amount of motivation and self discipline you bring to the table. With recovery, however, the body is limited and on its own time-line. I know this because I have been in active recovery for four months. I have done it all right. But, every time I run, it sets me back.
Tell me to train to run 50 miles and I am there. I will do what it takes to be successful.
Tell me to recover from a hip stress fracture and start running again and…well, shit…not much I can do to be in control of that goal except to cross train, do my exercises, stretch, rest, take my vitamins and eat well. My body gets to choose when I’m really ready to run. I have so far been unable to will my hip not to hurt. In fact, when I try to run on a hip that hurts and to pretend it doesn’t, I am only lengthening my recovery and setting myself back.
What does all this mean? I don’t know. I could come up with something really philosophical like what Winston Churchill (and Rodney Atkins) said: “When you’re going through hell, keep on going.” Because that’s what I will keep doing. The only thing I know for sure is that I won’t give up. And, you shouldn’t either.
Whatever demon you are fighting, and I know most demons are worse than a stress fracture, keep up the fight. Keep the fire within. Yet, don’t ever let the fight make you weaker. Always make sure it is building you up not tearing you down.
These lyrics always speak to me about moving forward, shaking it off and accepting what you can’t change. And having the grace to take the joys from the “little wonders.” If you need that message today, please watch:
Dammit. This post was serious. I’m going to throw in the words nipple and merkin for good measure.
Love the Urban Dictionary,