Thursday, February 17, 2011

Never Going to Be Suave

Seriously, do you ever look at pictures of yourself and want to go back to bed?

I try so hard to be cool and coordinated and smooth. But, I’m not. My dorkiness gets the best of me every single day no matter how deliberately I try to keep it at bay. Every day is like the day in college where I clipped into my pedals on my bike thinking I was looking pretty studly and right in front of a front porch full of frat house boys I fell over. They laughed and went back to their beer bongs.

So, I’m giving up. I'm’ almost 44 and I’m never going to be suave, no matter how much of that shampoo I use. I’m going to start playing the “I’m dorky, so laugh with/at me card.” As if people weren’t already laughing.

I’m writing this water running article for Athleta. It will come out in the March newsletter when they feature water activities. I needed some pictures to go with it, so I enlisted my professional photographer, Ken, to take pictures of me at the pool. He’s cheap and agreed to do it if I made him pork green chili for dinner. We got a couple of semi-okay pictures, but you’re lucky you get to see the outtakes:

“Is that a turd I see on the bottom of the pool?”


Clearly I should be in a marching band. What the hell kind of form is that?


I so know what Rapunzel is going through. These long locks are ridiculous.


Do you have any Twinkies? Or are you just happy to see me.


A ten on the dork scale:


“Hey pussy posse members – can’t you see I’m busy? Go rinse your teeth.”


Gumby leg that should not bend in that direction. No, those are not bubbles coming out of my ass.



The suit, if you care, is this one from Athleta. It is a performance suit for swimming, running, paddling. Reversible (other side is a multi colored print), very comfortable. And CUTE, right?

I did get some good news today in an email from Run Reviews:

I'm very happy to have the opportunity to send you this email. Some time ago your husband sent us a nomination to include you for the Run Reviews 101 Most Influential Runners section.

We took time to read about your story and we were definitely impressed. The nomination was accepted and it was published on this page (together with the text your husband wrote about you). You can view it HERE.

Awwww! I’m not sure what kind of favors Ken is hoping for by submitting this, but he would have probably gotten them if he hadn’t used the picture of me in my swim goggles.

Married a keeper,



  1. Wow!! What a cool thing for Ken to send in that submission :)

    Your suit is adorable!

  2. Your link needs to be fixed.

    Also: ride the dork train proudly. I was lucky enough to marry a super super uber dork, so he makes me look cool by comparison.

  3. You took all my picture comments. Thanks.

    Soooo this is a dumb question, but I assumed water running was back and forth in the lanes at about 4ft of water... you are telling me you just sit in one place the whole time with your little floatie device and move your legs and never touch the ground?

    Are you flipping serious?

    My goodness, what is wrong with you for doing that for over an hour at a time. I would have sat home and drank a beer instead.

    You are nuts.

    Score one for Ken. Usually when husbands go out of their way for their wives, they want something pretty big. Watch out for his request!

  4. Matty O - You can go back and forth in lanes, but I prefer staying in the deep end so my feet never touch the ground. I move in circles. Yeah, shoot myself in the head.

  5. That's so awesome that Ken wrote in to nominate you! And, yay for being accepted! Woohoo!

    Your picture comments totally cracked me up!

  6. I'm having the same problem as Rose, the link just says Blog does not exist....

    I have to agree with Matty O you got to be nuts. But good on ya keeping at it.

  7. The link didn't work me either.

  8. You are suave, just not like rico is all. There are qualifying for THE Boston.

    BTW - I am listening to Julia Child arguing in french in the background. Is that adorkable or what?

  9. Girl
    girl. [well . . . way better actually].

    freaking A - I'd march around in a bikini in Boston in the middle of winter with definition like that.

  10. Dang! I wish 30 for 30 were instant watch on netflix!

  11. You have such a killer body. Dorky is the new sexy, didn't you know?

  12. Eh, suave is overrated. :) Even if you aren't, you are definitely awesome. You look great! And I love love love the Athleta bathing suits and everything else. Congrats on the Run Reviews. Maybe Ken should get pork green chili TWO nights in a row? :)

  13. Your posts are so encouraging for me right now. I am running Boston for the first time this year (2nd marathon), and I have terrible tendonitis in my foot! I haven't run in a week and am really getting scared for the race.
    I am going water running tonight and your matter-of-fact sensibilities will help to keep me focused!

    Looking forward to you Athleta article,


  14. You are on a list that has my hero Terry Fox on it.
    That should make your Freaking year!
    good for Ken. scoring major husband points there.

  15. Wow - making the same list as the Hoyts is EXTREMELY impressive. Their story is family love in it's most humbling form.

    Still a little hurt that Athleta went with you over me, but I'll admit you probably work that suit better than me.

  16. You are in the company of Terry Fox....most impressive.

    You gotta get a picture with the Posse!

    ps..still having nightmares about sweaty sex in June...eeeeeeee!!!!

  17. Ok, I am definitely no Terry Fox. Not even close. Never will be.

  18. awww, Ken is awesome!

    and that suit is super cute!

  19. circles. deep end. 1 hr.

    I could never. I don't care how much it would help me. Never.

    Oh yeah, cute swim suit! Haha, its funny all I see are the triathlon swim suits (one-pieces) at the pool, I forget they make normal ones haha!

  20. She wasn't Asian. Or I would have had a completely different experience =D (Yes that is my happy face).

  21. That explains it. When's your trip to Hong Kong?

  22. What a sweet hubby you have. Why hasn't Athleta asked you to model for their catalog yet Girl?!

  23. I don't know if anyone can look cool while water running... or getting ready to water run. The suit is cute, though!

  24. looking hot in that suit...definitely not dorky! :)

  25. Sexy! Who needs to be sauve, thats too much work. COngrats to your husband. Thats wonderful!

  26. Kudos on your accepted nomination! You are right up there with some very inspirational people.

  27. Hey Baby, do those legs go all the way up? You are one super hot sexy mama! (and your hair looks fantastic).

  28. Congrats on your award! Nice pics at the pool too, but I was under the impression you wore white undies under your swimsuits.

  29. I'd say..what a guy.. Whatever to the no bubbles thing..I'm not buying it..

  30. Those legs.... they are just exactly what I've always wanted. You are so LUCKY! Bahhahahahhahaha!

    Maybe I should try running in circles in the water with my feet never touching the bottom for hours on end... like you ;-) Oh, and doing several 90-minute hot yoga classes every week. Oh, and riding a bike forever. Oh, and running on the ground with a badass mo fo hip. Oh, guess it isn't luck *scratching head*

    Who needs to be SUAVE when you can be SUAR?

  31. Sometimes I wish these comments had a facebook-y "like" button... I would have been "liking" a lot of these comments!

  32. What a cool thing for Ken to nominate you for! Heck yeah you've been influencing hundreds (if not thousands!) of us every day! :) Congrats and thanks for what you do! As for the being suave part, well, I sure as hell can't help ya there...

  33. Hi Beth, have you found any places for happy hour in Boston yet? I'm not really that much into the bar/happy hour scene to be honest so I may not be the best person to ask. But i can certainly check out a location! I do have a few ideas tho, i'll look into them, feel free to email me anytime too

  34. You a dork? Puh-leaze. You are the cat's meow. C'mon, Ken's heart was in the right place, he gets brownie points.

  35. Well, I don't think you are dorky, and believe me, I know something about dorkiness! :)

  36. That floaty thing looks super hot!

  37. If that is 43 sign me the freak up!!! You look flawless!!

  38. I totally thought of you this morning at work when I was sorting mail and came across a bunch of Athleta catalogs. That suit you're wearing is super cute!

    And how cool of Ken to nominate you for that. :)

  39. I mean this in a non creepy way, but you have one hell of a bod! ow ow!

  40. The suit really is cute. And way to go, Ken! That was so sweet, but why didn't he send in the awesome picture of you and DEAN?!?

  41. "Go rinse your teeth" Haha, I'm sure they so appreciate your presence in the pool every week. ;)

    Definitely married a keeper! Will we get to see this "Run Reviews" article?? Congrats!!

  42. Wow, what a cool guy Ken must be! it must in in the name.............. LOL