I’m Too Tired To Resist

I will not let this blog become a forum for whining, complaining, and moaning. Yet, sometimes this girl has got to BITCH!

You all know me well enough to know I’m a fighter. No doubt. Give me a goal, a challenge and I show up, gloves on, ready to rumble. I honestly can’t think of a time I set my mind to do something and didn’t complete it or have my “happy ending.” ( not in the massage parlor sense, although that sounds fun).

That said, this hip stress fracture has taken me to my knees. It has been nearly four months since that fateful day when I went out to run eight miles and hobbled home knowing something had gone terribly wrong. Four stinking months. During that time, you have been witness to my attempts to keep up my endurance. From endless water running sessions to yoga to dates with my bike trainer to  laps swum up and down the pool. You watched me attempt eight minutes of running on January 10, and cheered me on the whole way. You gave words of encouragement when the pain returned and got behind me again (although not too close) when I had my first “good” run on January 24.

Today I sit here discouraged and humbled. I am reminded that healing and recovery are not linear processes. There are bumps and swerves in the road. I can be the most motivated and disciplined person, but that does not mean I can run on a hip that is still damaged.

Giving up? Never. This week I kicked some ass in the pool and on the bike. Today was 3 miles of run/walk, 21 minutes of that running. I’m still busting it out and hoping for the best.

My lesson for this week, however, is acceptance. Mind you, acceptance does not mean apathy or giving up.

“Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there's all the difference in the world. Apathy fails to distinguish between what can and what cannot be helped; acceptance makes that distinction. Apathy paralyzes the will-to-action; acceptance frees it by relieving it of impossible burdens.” – Arthur Gordon

Acceptance simply means a willingness to stop resisting what is. My unhappiness this week has stemmed from me trying way too hard to make things different. Trying to control it all. In order to stay sane and to be content, I need to let some of that control go.

I’m injured- and so it is.
I’m limited - and so it is.
I’m  frustrated -and so it is.
I’m in pain -and so it is.

I accept these feelings and the situation because it's there, it's happened.  Now, I decide what I want for my future and what steps I will take to create it.

“If you relax your mind into every situation exactly the way it is and accept that fact without any ifs, ands, or buts, then you can gain peace, self-acceptance, and the ability to allow solutions. Otherwise, you are locked in that place of your past behaviors which created your present reality.” (source)

I’m sick of this injury shit. And, so it is.

Good news! Bright spot! We will be headed to sunny Costa Rica at the end of the month where we will climb the Arenal volcano, bathe in the hot springs, zip above the forest canopies, take a catamaran out to see the sea turtles and whales, eat fresh fruit until it comes out our asses, drink some of the finest coffee on earth, and take time to heal in all senses of the word. This makes me happy. This I can accept.

What do you need to stop resisting and start accepting? Cause you know there’s something.

Keeping it honest,

SUAR

PS: Reading a great book, The Room. Anyone read it?