Friday, February 4, 2011

I’m Too Tired To Resist

I will not let this blog become a forum for whining, complaining, and moaning. Yet, sometimes this girl has got to BITCH!

You all know me well enough to know I’m a fighter. No doubt. Give me a goal, a challenge and I show up, gloves on, ready to rumble. I honestly can’t think of a time I set my mind to do something and didn’t complete it or have my “happy ending.” ( not in the massage parlor sense, although that sounds fun).

That said, this hip stress fracture has taken me to my knees. It has been nearly four months since that fateful day when I went out to run eight miles and hobbled home knowing something had gone terribly wrong. Four stinking months. During that time, you have been witness to my attempts to keep up my endurance. From endless water running sessions to yoga to dates with my bike trainer to  laps swum up and down the pool. You watched me attempt eight minutes of running on January 10, and cheered me on the whole way. You gave words of encouragement when the pain returned and got behind me again (although not too close) when I had my first “good” run on January 24.

Today I sit here discouraged and humbled. I am reminded that healing and recovery are not linear processes. There are bumps and swerves in the road. I can be the most motivated and disciplined person, but that does not mean I can run on a hip that is still damaged.

Giving up? Never. This week I kicked some ass in the pool and on the bike. Today was 3 miles of run/walk, 21 minutes of that running. I’m still busting it out and hoping for the best.

My lesson for this week, however, is acceptance. Mind you, acceptance does not mean apathy or giving up.

“Some people confuse acceptance with apathy, but there's all the difference in the world. Apathy fails to distinguish between what can and what cannot be helped; acceptance makes that distinction. Apathy paralyzes the will-to-action; acceptance frees it by relieving it of impossible burdens.” – Arthur Gordon

Acceptance simply means a willingness to stop resisting what is. My unhappiness this week has stemmed from me trying way too hard to make things different. Trying to control it all. In order to stay sane and to be content, I need to let some of that control go.

I’m injured- and so it is.
I’m limited - and so it is.
I’m  frustrated -and so it is.
I’m in pain -and so it is.

I accept these feelings and the situation because it's there, it's happened.  Now, I decide what I want for my future and what steps I will take to create it.

“If you relax your mind into every situation exactly the way it is and accept that fact without any ifs, ands, or buts, then you can gain peace, self-acceptance, and the ability to allow solutions. Otherwise, you are locked in that place of your past behaviors which created your present reality.” (source)

I’m sick of this injury shit. And, so it is.

Good news! Bright spot! We will be headed to sunny Costa Rica at the end of the month where we will climb the Arenal volcano, bathe in the hot springs, zip above the forest canopies, take a catamaran out to see the sea turtles and whales, eat fresh fruit until it comes out our asses, drink some of the finest coffee on earth, and take time to heal in all senses of the word. This makes me happy. This I can accept.

What do you need to stop resisting and start accepting? Cause you know there’s something.

Keeping it honest,

SUAR

PS: Reading a great book, The Room. Anyone read it?

64 comments:

  1. Costa Rica sounds awesome - it will get better.

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  2. Acceptance is hard. Good for you for trying to do it and still staying strong. I think it would be hard not to heal (at least your mind) while hanging out in Costa Rica, should be a great trip!

    I'm trying to accept that 4 kids and the mess they make is more than I can stay on top of. My house is just going to have to be dirty (most of the time) and sometimes I just won't get the laundry done.

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  3. stop resisting and start accepting...my weight!

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  4. You are awesome! I need to have more of this same attitude.

    I keep hearing that the book is great, maybe I should get the e-book. Hmmm

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  5. I think it is hard to accept things that are out of our control especially when our will and determination are there but don't always seem to be enough. You absolutely KNOW you are going to be such a stronger person through all of this!

    I remember when I was injured last May, you wrote a comment on my blog (I think it was actually the first comment I got... ever) about how you were injured, came back, and BQed. You inspired me then to overcome, and you inspire me still.

    You will beat this!

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  6. I officially want to go to Costa Rica. Wow, sounds awesome.

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  7. I think maybe Acceptance is the hardest part. We are all rooting for you.

    I have Room on my reader up next! Looks interesting...

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  8. I have learned this lesson in spades... and not just in regard to sports. The hardest lesson I have faced that required this acceptance is so deeply personal and not entirely mine to share... so I won't. I love the quotes you used in this post.

    Acceptance is the way.

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  9. You have a great attitude. If anyone can beat this, you can!

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  10. Really like that quote about acceptance and apathy. I'll pretend you said it originally, since I like you better than Arthur Gordon, and he's never demonstrated any aquajogging skills.

    I've got a few things I need to learn to accept, and I'm slowly learning the lesson. However, you know what they say about about what happens when you accept .... "You make an ACC out of E and PT". Wait ... that doesn't look right.

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  11. I'm sorry the injury is getting you down girl, but like you said, so it is... just gotta keep being a fighter! You've got this and we all believe in you!!!

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  12. Accept, yes. But know that this too shall pass.

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  13. you know I've been exactly at the place you are. So what bitch, whine, heck cry! Either way you're going to get better, get up and be even more awesome when it's said and done! ((Hugs))

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  14. Sometimes it's hard to accept things, especially injuries. As athletes we equate our worth to our athletic ability. It's difficult to accept the timeline of an injury. No control. I went through the same thing with each of my ACL injuries. You've done splendidly though and I think that this will truly (and has already) made you both a better person and a better runner :)

    Sending positive healing vibes towards you.

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  15. So jealous that you're going to Costa Rica!!

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  16. I really needed this post today. While I am sad that you are injured you have been great for me to follow these past months. I was supposed to run National Marathon at the end of March. I have injured my hip as well. (no stress fracture) but my sports medicine doc kind of spelled it out for me the other day that it was probably not going to happen. i came home, i cried, i yelled at my husband and then i started to let it go and accept that i am still going to go, still meet my buddies, but this is just not going to be my race. i have to be honest it has taken the pressure off of training. I was sitting here trying to figure out how I was going to get my 20's in when I have only run 6 miles this week, with pain:(
    Heard The Room was awesome!

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  17. I read it. I found it horribly depressing, but those are usually the only books I read. Hearing the story from a child's perspective is fascinating though. It really had me thinking afterwards. Can't wait to hear your thoughts when you finish.

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  18. Enjoy the volcano and the hot springs-so fabulous! I hope you're going to Tabacon. If not, change your plans because you should.

    I mucked up one of my hammies a few years ago-it took everything out of me. I could bike for hours but I was so unsatisfied-I was a RUNNER! It took so much out of me, made worse by the fact that I couldn't run off my frustration. It took me months to get over it(about 9 before I could run a decent distance), but that was partly my own doing as I kept trying to push it. I got so depressed. I eventually started going to spin classes, which gave me that runners high that I so badly craved, but it was a really rough patch for me. It did give me time to spend more time with family and friends! But I give you a lot of credit-you've had such a positive attitude! Keep your head up, don't push it, and I'll keep sending my positive runner vibes toward you!!

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  19. You are going to have such a great time in Costa Rica. Drink some Guanabana juice. SO GOOD.

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  20. There's no way to get around the fact that a stress fracture sucks, and despite your struggles you really are handling it well! As a runner, not being able to run for months can actually drive someone batshit insane. Which maybe you were alraedy.... :) Enjoy your trip to Costa Rica! You deserve it!

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  21. I'll accept a trip to Costa Rica - that's for sure!

    There are a few things I need to stop resisting and start accepting. Actually, probably a lot. From accepting my husband as he is to accepting my own personality.
    I resist A.LOT.
    It's in my DNA...the therapist said so ;-)

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  22. Reality can be a bitch. Sorry, mama...I hope your vacation is swell.

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  23. Enjoy your vacation and let your body heal. Sometimes rest is better than training. Let your body do what it is supposed to do all by itself.

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  24. A nice vacation is just what you need!!!! I'm jealous! Hang in there!!!

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  25. I am thankful that you have come to a place that will allow you to think clearly about what it is you want. I believe that with this acceptance you will heal quicker. You won't be hoping for health all the time and it will soon come. This is a great place to be.

    Costa Rica will also help you focus on all the good stuff surrounding you (like me) and truly begin to heal.

    I believe that this all happens for a reason. You will take advantage of it all and the body/mind will heal simultaneously.

    Be good my friend.

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  26. Acceptance is sometimes the hardest part! Hang in there!

    I am soooo jealous that you're going to Costa Rica! It sounds like just the vacation you need!

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  27. I need to accept that it is time to get my big ass moving again and to make smart choices to drop some weight.

    Heal up soon.

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  28. That I will not get better or faster unless I accept that running sucks and it's hard. Running sucks and it's hard!!! (twss)

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  29. I must accept my weight. I have this imagine in my head that I have to be somewhere between 130-135. My body doesn't seem to allow it.

    Gosh I hope I never have an injury like this. I give you a lot of credit for keeping such a great attitude!

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  30. Acceptance is a good thing ... I'm struggling with an issue now and I have had a great problem with sending my coach training results that show I did not give it my best effort. It's terrible!

    I think this takes a while - acceptance, that is.

    The trip sounds awesome ... we don't do enough of that kind of stuff in the Winter, we tend to not mix the seasons to much.

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  31. I took alot of woo-woo personal growth seminars in my days and there are two very cool things that I learned. One is a mantra. It simply says, "So what, now what". The other was the realization that there is a huge difference between giving up and giving in.

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  32. Use acceptance when you can, but there is nothing wrong with spreading a little pitty party here and there, and most importantly lots of pampering. Oh, and Costa Rica:)

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  33. Life does goes on. And you'll forgot all about this injury one day...Have fun in Costa Rica!
    Honestly, I need to stop resisting that I can't do EVERYTHING. Such as every race in my town. Or every internship that comes my way. I just gotta stop feeling left out. I need some time to relax, as boring as that may sound...

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  34. Costa Rica is one of my on-the-list destinations...cannot wait to hear about it.

    And buck up, lil camper. If anyone is going to come out of this whole injury mess better than before...it's you...

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  35. We put my aunt in a nursing home today. I fought every step of the way. I tried to get another med facility to admit her. I involved friends in an issue that was not their own. I cried a million tears and may have - possibly ;) - raised my voice. But I surrender. It is her reality. At least for a little while. I have to accept that the decision was not mine and while I tried my very best to prevent it from happening, it was beyond my control. I have to learn to let go.

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  36. I'm so glad you decided on Costa Rica! You will love it!

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  37. I need to accept the fact that I'm broke, will not be going to Costa Rica anytime soon, or any vacation for that matter. I hope you have a wonderful time, you really need it!
    Acceptance is bittersweet huh? But necessary.
    So how would you feel if you had to walk most of 'the Boston'? You still would have done it....just sayin.
    You are strong you will sort it out, that I am sure of.

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  38. It's hard to do the accepting thing you are doing.
    Even harder to actually pen it down/type it out for the everyone else to see.
    I'm working on a few right now. And not even at the point where I can just share it with someone other than myself.

    Everything will be just fine.
    And Costa Rica will be so fine!
    Enjoy.

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  39. Costa Rica sounds like a great place to drown some sorrows, if you ask me! I'm sorry you are in this place, even if you are accepting of it.

    I read Room last month! I loved it--I think she did an amazing job of presenting the little boys perspective on the world.

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  40. So happy you're going to Arenal & the hot springs....yeehaw! I love the acceptance poem. THere are some things that i need to start accepting. Maybe i'll write my own 'and so it is' poem :)

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  41. I needed to read this post, too. I just did something that made me feel really, really stupid. I need to accept I'm not perfect, I will make mistakes, and move on.

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  42. I'm sorry you don't feel so great right now. I need to stop resisting speed. Not the drug but the fact that I can go faster and can do it.

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  43. okay. so my acceptance is no where near the level yours is butttttt i need to start accepting winter. i'm trying sooooooooooo hard!

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  44. here is mine. since October 2010 I have been eating the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Same exact F ing thing every day. I got pretty sick, spare you the long story, ended up at the surgeon, lost my Gallbladder and 70lbs along the way, the first 20 i was happy to let go the last 30 not so much. If I eat different food I get sick sometimes for days so no food is worth the pain. No more alcohol for me, that sucks since I have been over 21 for the last 21 yrs. The one vice I refuse to give up is coffee even though it is not good for me. I hate that I am prisonner of the food I eat but so it is and now I accept it.

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  45. i finally posted a picture of me with my SUAR sticker on my latest blog post. :)

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  46. Acceptance. So hard to do, but you are doing it! It's something I know I can work on.

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  47. I love the whole "accepting" thing. So important, I think. The whole "accept the things you can't change and change the things you can" is life, right? Really, God made life so simple for us. We make it so complicated. BTW, my sissy is in Costa Rica. I miss her. You Rock. No if, ands, or butts. I hope you know that. <3

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  48. What a great example your attitude is! I love your blog header!

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  49. Sometimes, the more I force something and the more I want it, the tougher it is to make the mark. I forced this stupid heel to cooperate for months and it wouldn't, which frustrated me, and finally...I just had to accept it and train around when it wanted me to. That damn hip just isn't ready yet....hard to accept, but Costa Rica will really help! :)

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  50. I think frustration is normal and healthy. Get angry punch a bag then hop back in the pool and keep on keeping on.

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  51. That's wild. I was going to email you and ask "how are you really doing?" - I've been there and it is frustrating.

    On the bright side, you have given me an idea for a family trip and defined by acceptance as apathy - I'm a really lazy runner and give up waaay too easy.

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  52. Like # 25 or so, "this too shall pass" makes it easier. I see clients all the time who must accept things as they are, such as injury. When it's you though, it's a tough pill to swallow. I try and project myself 6 mos from now, healthy when injured and laughing at what a baby I was.

    Injuries are like peer pressure: if you can't beat em, just go with em. Then wait for your opportunity to stab it in the back!

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  53. Beth, you really do have the best head on your shoulders. Again, this is an excellent post. Discouraged, humbled....but strong as ever, persevering and tackling life's lemons head on!!

    I can't wait for this season to be over for you. I see rainbows and unicorns in the near future:)

    I am BEYOND jealous of the Costa Rica trip. I hope you have just an unbelievable time! Hang in there. Every day is one day closer to THAT day-the day you look in the mirror and really know without any doubt that you've been this! I'm expecting quite a fun post that day!!! Have a great weekend!

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  54. Acceptance is not easy - don't let it deflate you. Costa Rica sounds like the perfect way to recharge and focus on what you CAN do. I can't wait to hear about your trip...it's on my bucket list. ;)

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  55. I'm right there with you. I feel lucky I only have this injury and nothing worse. I feel happy that I can start swimming and riding my bike (on the trainer) as soon as my foot will fit into my biking shoe. I feel fortunate that I am healthy and able to get the PT and care that I need. I am so thankful for my family and friends that have helped me along the way.

    and yes, I have read the book The Room, couldn't put it down.

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  56. Costa Rica? So exciting. Sounds like the perfect trip to get away and give your mind something exciting and new to think about. Your question about what we are resisting in our life really has me thinking. Not sure about this but definitely in reflecting mode. I love your perspective on life Beth.

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  57. Yay for Costa Rica!! Girl, you don't complain enough....don't feel like you have to hold back what you are really feeling because we KNOW how much you love running and how important it is too you! YOU ARE A FIGHTER and absolutely amazing. Acceptance is so important but don't let this bring you down....I know you are going to return better than EVER!!

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  58. Gonna share this with an injured friend (double pelvic stress fractures). Thanks for your words.

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  59. In the wise and witty words of Winston Churchill: "When you are going through hell, keep going".

    . . . Or, maybe he said "When you are going through hell . .go to Costa Rica".

    I think they both apply!!

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  60. So glad you have Costa Rica to look forward to! Still rooting for you daily.

    The Room is on my "to read" list. Currently, a 1000 White Women, next up: Water for Elephants

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  61. I think the trip is just the ticket for what's ailing you right now! :)

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  62. Injuries are a runner's worst nightmare, and they are very difficult to accept. We live in a "no pain, no gain" society. People who don't run may not even realize what a big deal it is. I hope you'll be running 26 miles in the near future, but you have to take care of your body so that day is sooner than later!

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