Sunday, February 13, 2011

Quite a Full Day

Some very interesting incidents having taken place today in the life of SUAR.

  1. During my 1.5 hours of hot yoga, something startling occurred. We were about 60 minutes in, dripping sweat, doing our Warrior poses. The person to my right started farting. Uncontrollably. Loud. Echoing throughout the quiet, music-less studio. One after another after another. Much like a motorcycle or an AK-47. Just when I thought they had ceased, yet another huge gaseous explosion would occur. It was like being in a torture chamber. I pursed my lips, trying not to laugh or wet myself. I thought, “Please, have mercy. Let this person stop their endless farting or I shall have to leave the room in hysterics and I will be banned from here for life.” I looked around. No one cracked a smile. No one fessed up. Who are these people? A bunch of mature adults? People who expect and accept gas with no reaction? Where I come from farts are acknowledged. Laughed at. Made a topic of conversation. Thankfully, at the very moment when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, it ended. Just like that. There is a God. And even he/she knows when enough is enough.
  2. After yoga I came home and I had lunch. Leftovers of shrimp/spinach salad and chicken enchiladas. I went to run some errands and my stomach was quite bubbly. I felt fine, but I had gas much like the person in the yoga class. Dammit, I thought, her gas was contagious after all. I went about my way, and when I got home I made some mint tea, which always settles things down. In the midst of the tea making, I passed a bit of gas. With a chaser that may or many not have been a shart. I bowed my head in shame. Don’t roll your eyes. You’ve done it too. And if you haven’t, your day is coming.
  3. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and needed some relaxation. In borrowing an idea from Amanda, I asked my daughter to draw a picture with gel pens on my back. It would be like a mini massage. Here’s the result – and I didn't even have to pay her to make the picture about running. I’m not sure why my left leg is so large compared to my right (maybe it has to do with the bad hip) or why I have an afro coming out from my head. I do have nice boobs, though:

    P1080868
  4. We went to some friends for dinner. My dear girlfriend made a  confession. She told me she blow dries her pubes after showers. Finds it to be a pleasant experience and likes that “dry feeling.” I’ve never heard of such a thing. This is entirely new territory for me. I found myself wondering if this is common. Maybe just with those who don’t trim regularly and have some extra length and volume.

I don’t know what to say. It was a day of firsts. I learned a lot. I experienced a lot. I grew a lot as a person.

Always up for new experiences,

SUAR

36 comments:

  1. Blow drying pubes... hmmmmm... haven't done that one yet ;-) At least I don't think I have :-/

    Mint tea! a-ha! I will have to try that. No, I wasn't in your yoga class today... but I could've been.

    Did the gel pen experience feel as good as we were thinking it would? I am considering it... for therapeutic benefits, of course.

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  2. It's too bad the farter didn't fess up. They could have done a good guest post on your blog.

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  3. If they need blow dried...they probably need a good trim too. :)

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  4. And now I am intrigued to read the comments everyone leaves on here because I have never ever heard of blow drying pubes and I want to know how many people partake in an activity like this or similar to this???

    Good thing I wasn't next to you in yoga because I would've looked at you and we would've been kicked out for laughing! I mean, even our dogs fart out loud, and I mean REALLY LOUD! Everytime they stand up onto their 2 back legs it forces a fart out heeeheeeee, we crack up every time, it can happen 20 times a night and my husband and I crack up every time! We will need help if we have a gassy baby lol

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  5. Ahh, you touched on so many great things! Farting in Yoga...classic! How can people not laugh or at least smile at farting. Still planning on getting you the book Walter The Farting Dog one of these days...totally would be a story about you if you were a dog...this dog just can't help it with his gas problem but his family loves him anyway and his farts end up really being good in the end. When is your birthday? Oh, and this Gel Back Art is fabulous...So glad you used my idea. So, did it feel good? She was nice to give you boobs.

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  6. I confused the disproportionate left leg with A) you, sitting on a large pile of poop, B) you, mid-shiva-twist and farting, and C) you, running and air drying some serious Rapunzel-like pubes. Silly me. Excellent artwork nonetheless!

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  7. I've read this at the end of a very long day and was so tired that I couldn't stop laughing. Tears came but luckily I did not shart myself.

    Are you sure the people in your yoga class are human? They could be androids. Every human I know is forced to giggle when a fart is expelled loudly and inappropriately.

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  8. I cannot believe no one laughed?? Is it normal to set off dart bombs during yoga???? I would have peed my pants!

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  9. LOL!!! That has happend to me before. I almost died laughing, but this person apologized. At least she called herself out! ha.
    LC

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  10. Even though you make me realize how dull my life is compared to yours, I really enjoy reading your blog. Things like that never happen to me!

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  11. wow, i dont even know what to say to all of that....thanks for helping start my day out with a little laugh :)

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  12. Even a tiny little fart makes me at least smile pretty big...I can't imagine keeping a straight face if someone let out a few big ones during yoga!! :)

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  13. Wow how uncomfortable, smelly and hilarious at the same time (hot yoga farting person) lol

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  14. Can we take a poll on the blow drying?

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  15. Well, there are no words for #4. That is quite an interesting topic of dinner-conversation...

    On the other hand, Farting during 90 Min HOT yoga??? Whew, double-whammy right there. Let's hope there were no sharts involved for that poor gal. ;)

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  16. Looks like a tail to me...just sayin'

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  17. I just came across your blog the other week, and let me tell you. I have been shocked, appalled, uncomfortable, and grossed out. And I love it.

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  18. My mom has my brother and I draw on her back all the time as kids. It really is very nice and relaxing.

    And does your friend use a roll brush, perhaps to straighten as she dries? Or maybe a diffuser to add some extra volume? Some infusium 23 detangler?

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  19. I have just learned more than I ever thought possible about things...down there.

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  20. first off... she has pubes?! LET ALONE PUBES LONG ENOUGH THAT NEED TO BE BLOW DRYED? My goodness what kind of friends do you keep woman?!

    As for the farting yoga... uhhhh, that deserves a huge punch in the face. Who does that... seriously... who? I would have giggled like a little girl if I were there.

    I mean, I don't care who you are, farting is funny, it loses its funny factor when they STINK!

    I try not to fart during yoga... if I were doing yoga in public I seriously would crawl under my mat hahaha.

    As always a great post from you.

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  21. SUAR is like a box of chocolates... never know what yer gonna git!

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  22. Just full of great stuff here. Okay. Farting in Yoga is a must! I was in Yoga Teacher Training all weekend and as we were rolling on our spine to Halasana (plow) a jack hammer, AK7 just went to town in the back corner. Had to be huge labia for that to happen. (flapping in the wind). Blow drying the pubes YES! Be careful of how much floofing you do... then it turns into something else. I'm just sayin'. Yes, I need a Brazilian.

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  23. LOVE THE PICTURE ON YOUR BACK!!! Brilliant....ps you have a ripped back!! LOVE the blow-drying confessions, I have NEVER heard of anyone doing that ha!! Your shrimp salad sounds amazing!! I am jealous! 1.5 hours of hot yoga, that would have killed me! have a great day!!

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  24. #1 happened in my yoga class and no one laughed! and i was like, come on people, farting is funny! sigh.

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  25. This was hilarious...I never would have made it through the Yoga class...bahahahahah

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  26. Does she braid the pubes too? Or are they more like dreadlocks? I pity her Gyno. Although the shrimp salad info followed by the pubes talk.. something smells fishy. ;)

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  27. are you still organizing the boston meet up? i'm not sure if i'm on "the list" or not...

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  28. #4 - um, nope. Interesting though.

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  29. I love the picture your daughter drew.

    My biggest fear in yoga is to drop an F bomb that leaves the people around me gagging.

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  30. mature adults?! really? where? hahah

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  31. From the yoga studio newsletter, it appears most fingers were pointing to you as the culprit. Blow-drying pubes sounds like a good idea - if it feels good...

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  32. Oh my Lord you crack me up. NOT a smile in the yoga class?? UNreal...you're taking yoga with a bunch of pod people..

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  33. Your yoga people sound like they are so uptight, they should all let out a huge fart. Are they deaf, maybe? This blow-drying pubes thing: weird. You shouldn't have enough hair down there that doesn't dry quickly! If you do, then you really need a razor...not a blow dryer. I take a class at the Y called Abs. Obviously it's abdominal exercises. It HURTS...I never know whether I'm about to puke or fart. I'm not sure which I'd rather do!!

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  34. At least you know what to get your friend for her next birthday: A razor.

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