Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Skinny Jeans and the Spider

First, major congrats to Chris K. at BQ or Die who BQ’d today! Now, he’ll have to change his blog name.

I started doing yoga about eight years ago. I’ve never been especially hard  core, but I’ve been regular (like the guy on the Metamucil commercials). Yoga gives me a chance to put my sweat inducing, heart pumping cardio workouts to  rest for the day and to focus on balance, strength and flexibility. I used to be a gymnast, and with yoga, I can revisit the ways my body used to be able to fold, move and hold itself. Long before I started running, I realized the benefits of yoga and how it would keep me strong and stretched out as I got older. Once I became a runner, yoga was a necessity to counteract how stiff running makes me (that’s what he said).

Here is me trying to show you how I do Warrior II pose in my living room. For all you pros out there, don’t mind my form.


I go to two different yoga classes. One is a class taught at my gym. A typical Vinyasa (flow) style. The instructor is knowledgeable and brings many spiritual and contemplative elements to the class in addition to the physical challenges. She is comforting and approachable. Sometimes she gives us a treat during savasana (“corpse” or resting/meditative pose at the end of class) where she comes by with lavender lotion and rubs our necks. It’s heavenly and if she and I were lesbian lovers I would ask her to do this for me all the time and not just on my neck.

This class is predominately women. Walking into the studio there’s a lot of chit chat about kids, injuries, our cycles and the like.

The other class is taught at a hot studio with temps always kept between 100 and 107 degrees. People take themselves very seriously. Everyone is incredibly focused and intense. There is no talking, no smiling. The styles and instructors vary, but they’re all good. I usually attend Vinyasa or Bikram classes. I LOVE the hot room. The way my muscles can stretch and deepen into all sorts of contorted postures. How the sweat pools at my feet. How cleansed I feel afterwards.

Here I am trying to push Lucky away while Emma takes pictures.


Sometimes for me yoga is like being in church. Not because of the spiritual aspect (although there is that comparison) as much as the fact that you’re not supposed to laugh. Or fart. But, people do all the  time. I don’t expect you to believe this, but I have never farted during a yoga class. Not even by accident. I did, however, crap my pants once. Just kidding.

Today I went to the intense yoga studio and two interesting things happened.

First of all, the girl next to me in the 100 degree room was wearing skinny jeans. She did 1.5 hours of yoga in a HOT room in skinny jeans. That’s gotta be one stinky…. I’ve never seen anything like it. So, I did what any curious Yogi does and Googled, “yoga jeans” when I got home. And, they do exist. To be honest, her jeans looked like they were a standard skinny jean from Kohl’s, not pants meant to do yoga in, but what do I know?

Second of all, when the class started and I rolled out my mat, I noticed a spider crawling towards me. Oh, sweet spider who I now must kill. It went under my mat. I’m not a a pussy about spiders, but I don’t really like them crawling on me. So, when this guy went underneath, I smashed him with my mat. I pulled up my mat to find dead spider securely crammed into the material. All was well.

Fast forward to the end of class. I am in the changing room. A girl comes in and notices there are ants on the floor. She says, “I saw an ant near my yoga mat during class and thought about killing it, but then I realized there as no way I could kill a defenseless ant, especially during yoga.” The other women nearby all nodded their heads in agreement as if to silently say, “You go girl. A precious ant should never meet its demise at the hand for foot of a human being. Least of all in a peaceful environment such as yoga.”

I smirked to myself thinking of the smushed spider still on my mat. I’m a bully. A murderess. A killer. The peaceful and non violent lessons of yoga are clearly lost on me. But, I can do Triangle pose in my living room.


Ever heard of/tried yoga jeans? Do you kill bugs just for the hell of it? Do you fart in yoga?

Feeling scared for all the insects in Costa Rica,



  1. 3rd pic: wow! are you sure you are not 17?

  2. if they are inside and I am inside the bugs have to go

  3. I can't even imagine practicing yoga in any kind of jeans. Weird!

  4. Hilarious! Poor, poor, sweet Brown Recluse. I trust that you won't bite me and rot my flesh during yoga class.

  5. First of all, the pics are awesome! You look great doing the poses...I, on the other hand, feel like I'm doing my form all wrong when I do it!

    I totally would have squashed the spider under my mat too! He he!

    Yoga jeans? No thanks!

  6. I have never done yoga, but have always said I should ... maybe 2011 will be the year of the Yoga for me. Therefore I've never farted during yoga and I've never worn yoga jeans, though I had heard of them. There are pajama jeans too. Weird.

    I never kill spiders. I don't kill other bugs either. I try to think how I'd feel crawling across the floor in a room filled with giants. Those bugs are brave little suckers. Gotta give 'em that.

  7. Ha ha - you cruel woman! You will end up your days in one of the levels of purgatory that's filled with spiders all bent on revenge.

  8. You look amazing!! You can tell you are an 8 year pro!

    I have actually done bikram and cannot imagine being stuck in jeans for 90 minutes while sweating like does she even get those off?!

  9. I NEED to do this.. I find though it moves too slow for me. I could really learn from it. You look awesome!!

  10. I've heard of pajama jeans but never skinny jeans for yoga. That's just as bad I think.

  11. Yoga is amazing, I need to get back into it! And yes, the peaceful love thy neighborhness definitely does not include spiders. Squash the sucker!

  12. I don't want yoga jeans or pajama jeans or anything other than my good old jean jeans. :)
    Love yoga though! Great pics.

    And I am a bug smoosher too. My son's teacher is a "love the bugs and set them free" type and in his five year old innocence (?) my son announced to her and the whole class, "My mom just kills bugs. We don't put them outside". So add me to the "evil" side I guess!!

    And Yay for Chris!

  13. i dont think ive ever farted but had other wind producing bodily functions LOL!!! (i hate that word, so i refuse to use it!)

  14. Jeans in a yoga class? That's just weird! And yes, even though they are supposed to eat other bugs and help control insect population, spiders definitely get killed in our house... usually by a freshly shod running shoe.

  15. The jeans are pretty hilarious! Once this guy came into the Bikram studio where I used to go (it's in Berkeley, CA so lots of 'eclectic' types) and set up next to my husband in his work clothes... khakis, button-down shirt, undershirt underneath, socks... And as if that wasn't funny enough, when he bent over for that first folding posture where you grab your heels, his keys, loose change AND PACK OF CIGARETTES all spilled out around him!

    I only farted in there when I was pregnant... and during that time I just couldn't NOT fart wherever I was.

    I try to not need to kill bugs, but I am not at all opposed to doing it when I deem it necessary. Ants? Who the fuck wants to save ants? Clearly not someone who has had to fend off a full-fledged invasion in their kitchen!

  16. I kill spiders too! Great pic on Chris' blog. I have always been skinny but never defined. Which I am sure has nothing to do with the fact that I never, yoga, sit up, pull up, push up or pick up weights : ) I am a cardio girl and thats it. My heart has definition or something like that!

  17. No yoga jeans. Especially in hot yoga.
    I like spiders and will go to some efforts to get them out of the way of whatever I'm doing. Spiders are good at dealing with other bugs.
    I have not farted in yoga, but it's been close a few times. What gets me is the people that snore during savasana.

    Yoga is all good stuff, and I'm getting back what little flexibility I used to have. Even better, it's good for stretching and relaxing and gently working those muscles that typically do the swim, bike, run thing.

    But sometimes I get twitchy about the "spiritual" part of things, that a pose is supposed to be good for this or that, and roll onto your right side away from your heart, and melt your heart into the mat, and getting your internal organs massaged, and breath into your hams or wherever hurts, or activating your chakra's, and a bunch of other stuff. Maybe I haven't truly got it yet.

  18. "I have never farted during a yoga class" hahah...really?

    i love the pictures. strong woman!

  19. kill the bugs

    love your workout top in the photos

    i don't think i could go to yoga withOUT farting.

  20. Shows what I know... I thought your headstand looked amazing.

    anyway... I am not a big fan of ants and spiders, especially in my house or invading my space in any way. Definitely would have done the same. As for the bugs in Costa Rica, I think you probably have a lot more to be worried about then they do... good luck. :)

  21. wait look what i found

  22. I thought all spiders inside were meant to be squished!!

  23. Your arms look awesome - I am jealous of your arm tone-age!

    And yoga jeans?! Seriously!? Aren't jeggings bad enough? Just wear your damn jeggings to yoga - they would be cheaper...just sayin'!

  24. I really like your's nice to see a runner with a sense of humor. I agree with you on most your points about yoga. A must for runners to stay injury free. For someone who claims to not be a diehard, you really look like you know what you are doing!

  25. The poor little spider - meeting his demise in a yoga room! *Snort* - hahahaha

  26. Your arms are amazing!

    Spiders, I don't kill them. But hey, you are in the class and you are just taking care of business. :)

  27. Yoga jeans? Wowzers. No way.

    I would have crushed the spider too. No regrets.

  28. Laugh out loud. As usual. I

    f it was a fly, I'd have smashed the little bugger. Hate those disgusting things. Everything else generally gets a pass.

    No on jeans (OMG, seriously?!?!) - utterly disgusting, thinking about the sweat factor. Although who am I to talk. After a run, my clothes are so disgusting I have to peel them off and toss them far away. Although, I guess if I was skinny enough to own a pair of skinny jeans, I'd be wearing those things to bed at night.


  29. I saw a commercial for pajama jeans not long ago. I wonder if that's what she had on?

    Funny...I just posted today on inappropriately laughing in church.

  30. im glad you killed that spider! i would have said guess what? a large spider was creeping up to me during yoga and i smashed it with my mat!

  31. Look at that muscle tone!

    I think we should all be trying to come up with possibilities of what's so bright on the back of your shirt. Perhaps you got it from the TRON movie, or maybe someone off camera is trying to burn a hole in your back with a magnifying glass.

  32. I love hot yoga, but I can't imagine doing any sort of stretching in jeans.

  33. Yay, you showed that spider! Unlike you, I am a total pussy about spiders. Squash them!

  34. man I love you, you are hilarious.

    -great form by the way, recently videoed my yoga and I am nowhere near as streamlined as you are... impressive ( i have done yoga for 3 years now).

    -I hate the over the top spiritual crap. give me the relaxation and the ass kicking workout, save me the incense and save the planet crap.

    -I fart during yoga. I fart during sex. What's wrong with farting?!

    -Hot yoga in skinny jeans... I would venture A, she isn't married or B, she never has anyone go down on her LOL.

    Alright that's all i got. Love yoga. Glad someone else is finally preaching it as a running workout.

  35. My rule: Bugs INSIDE must die. Bugs OUTSIDE may live(unless they land on/bite me). How's that for the yin and the yang?

  36. Your form looks great to me! (Note, I am no expert) :P

    You've inspired me to incorporate yoga into my routine again.

  37. I've been meaning to suggest something for a while, but kept forgetting. You should get Jim Fixx's "Complete Book of Running" (available just about anywhere) and check out the chapter entitled "Boston and/or Bust." It has a very good mile-by mile description of the course and covers a lot of the history of the race; anyone doing Boston should give it a look.

  38. Lesbian lavender lovers-I just have got to stop reading your posts at work. It is so hard to minimize my screen and pretend that looking at the schedule of patients or the list of accounts receivable is HILARIOUS!

    Yoga jeans-ha! I suck at Yoga. Seriously, I am the most uncoordinated unrelaxed person there is. I should really work on this.

    Your back and arms-NICE! Bugs get no sympathy from me-Yoga or elsewhere. I'm just nasty I guess.

  39. Make a list of all the places the Bachelor ladies crotches touch, so you know, when you're in CR, where to use the disinfectant wipes.

    My brother and his wife are going to Iceland soon, and she's studying the Bachelorette episodes from Iceland to see what she wants to do there. I guess the show really is good PR.

  40. I can not even fathom wearing any kind of jean-like material to a hot yoga class (especially Bikram). Sweaty p-word. :O

    Bahahahaha. If you and the yoga instructor were lesbian lovers I would be so excited! I have had a definite crush or two on my yoga instructors (except mine were REAL crushes) :)

    I have never farted in yoga, thank god. Wouldn't want to disrupt the peace. I did, however, fart so loudly during the marathon yesterday!!! There was a very attractive male about 2 feet behind me. It's a good thing I'm not single and/or straight because I would have been mortified. My farts are almost ALWAYS silent. This one, not so much. I instantly wished you were there so we could laugh about it. Damn it Beth, where were you!?

  41. p.s. where the hell was my BQ shout out!? Chris K gets the royal treatment and I am just the red headed step child.

    :) I kid.

  42. love the yoga top.


    No farting? what? no "audible" ones or seriously none?!

    I'm in shock here.

  43. I bought a yoga dvd a little over a year ago and swore once I was more flexible, I would try a public class. I still haven't gone public. You look great!

  44. Yoga jeans? Seems totally pointless to me. Now killing spiders is another story...

  45. Dude. I keep wanting to try yoga, mostly because then I will have an excuse to buy some yoga clothes.

    And it's good for me. Yeah. Totally. It isn't just the clothes.

  46. Girl you have a killer back and arms. Wow!

    Yoga jeans sound gross. Ewwwww for wearing yoga jeans during Hot yoga. I don't want my sweat obstructed! ;-)

  47. OK, so I've done lots of yoga (though my arms and back look NOTHING like yours!) Ultimately . . . Be Merciless! Kill the damn spider! Let those farts fly (and I've farted plenty, in yoga and outside of yoga. Wind removing pose, are you kidding me? How can you not?) Yoga jeans, tho? No thanks. However, I keep on hearing about this LuLuLemon stuff . . .