Friday, July 15, 2011

Ass on the Trail

I clearly overestimated my reading crowd. I cannot believe so few of you (37!) have hidden talents to share. I mean, seriously? Haven’t we been at this for awhile? Aren’t you the kind of audience who has some originality and prowess (TWSS)?  Get your ass over to my giveaway/contest, and cut out this shy business.

In other news, on this glorious Friday morning Joie and I headed to the hills for a 12 mile trail run. picturerock5

This is the Picture Rock Trail. You can make it as long as you want, because once you reach the top, you can go forever on all of the trails up there. Mostly the trail is single track and pretty technical with lots of rocks and roots so you “almost” fall about 90 times. Very popular with mountain bikers, although we only saw about five today. It is not super steep, but you feel the climb in elevation and your heart rate really picks up.



It took Joie one mile before she told me my right ass cheek was hanging out. You know how your shorts get pulled up by your fuel belt? She stared at my nice piece of ass for awhile before telling me. A true friend.

About three miles up, we passed an old burned out car. How it got up there, I’ll never know.


I did what any sane person does and got in what would have been the trunk. Not sure how many people have lost their virginity in this car. I was not one of them.


The last time I did this run I saw a huge pile of bear scat, but we didn’t see any today.

We got up to the top around mile 5 and ran for another mile or so in the pines.


This is serious mountain lion territory, so I’m always pretty wary since I have had a slight encounter with one before (he/she just growled at me from the side of the trail as if to say, “you’re too close.”).


Early morning and dusk are the worst times to go if you want to avoid being eaten by a lion, but we did go early to avoid the heat. One runner came down while we were going up (the only runner we saw). He had bells hanging from his Camelback, I guess to alert the lions he was coming. Or maybe he was Santa Clause.

It was a gorgeous morning to be out there. Here’s Joie taking in the view while I take in the view of her cool shirt and nice ass. She saw my ass, so I think I’m entitled to look at hers.


Overall, it was almost 1,300 feet of elevation gain over the six miles up. A nice perky boob-shaped kind of run:


I did not have to stop to crap, which is too bad because there were all kinds of cool places to do it (like the trunk of that car). Someone might have just mistook it for bear scat anyway because I eat a lot of berries.

Ever have a scary wildlife encounter? Or, ever just see wildlife on your runs? Besides that one time when I heard a mountain lion, my interaction is usually limited to deer and the occasional rabbit. Although I did see a peacock last week. I said “cock.”

Do you mix in trail running with regular road/path running? I don’t do it as often as I’d like, but I LOVE being on the trails and even though pace is much slower, the workout feels much tougher. Almost, just almost, makes me want to run an ultra. Did I just say that?

Lastly, check out Stacey at the beautiful Virgin Timber Resort on Moose Lake in Wisconsin sporting her SUAR Burn Out Tee!

Tonight is the secret flash mob performance. I am giddy.

Happy weekend!



  1. Wait..I was going to write a comment about trail running then I saw the "flash mob" alert. When, where...
    I went trail running myself this morning. Trail running MO is not the same as trail running in CO. I learned this years ago after I moved to the latter from the first. Having "mountain biked" here in MO, I set out to do a trail around Red Rock's I think my first weekend after I moved there. I nearly killed myself. I've never been so scraped and bloodied up in all my life. But I enjoyed it. I posted on my FB page my trail running today. To which one of my asshole HS friends commented "that's not much climbing." Jerk. I'm readying myself for a sprint tri next Sunday. Today was an easy, flat, beautiful trail run.

  2. Mountain Lions? I thought skunks were bad...

  3. Last summer I went out around 6am for a 8mile run....around mile 7 I saw a fawn that was hit on the opposite side of the road. I was busy trying not to look at it that I ran right up to a bear! It was about 15feet off the side of the road I was running on. Being a country girl I knew to yell at it very loudly and it would go away! Thanks goodness it did....but it was the first bear I ever saw so I did the smart thing and ran after it trying to get a was too fast so no good picture!

  4. Big Ass Feral hogs around here! I tend to sing loudly and badly periodically to let them know I'm coming...thankfully they have stayed in the wheat field! Other animals that won't eat me have been deer, rabbits, antelope and skunks.

  5. I run in a state park/wilderness area...I encounter lots of wildlife, (even got sprayed by a skunk) but the scariest thing i ever encountered was the very LARGE man wearing a hot-pink thong while he was riding a bike....and oh yeah, I got a picture of that one and posted it on FB!

  6. Ok, that's the biggest pile of poo I've ever seen!

  7. I see deer on nearly every early morning or late evening run around here. They are WILDLY overpopulated in this area. But when we were hiking in the Smoky Mountains a couple of months ago, we came up on a momma bear and her two cubs.

    Very cool about the flash mob! Can't wait to see your video!

  8. Is it too late to boast of a talent? After my dog had an explosive bowel episode today (we were at work), I cleaned up all 7 piles/puddles WITHOUT puking or even gagging.

    Yet, I will not run where the bear and the mountain lion roam. I'm definitely a wuss like that. So I'll live vicariously through you!

  9. Amazing trails! You make me want to move there every time you post pics of your runs! ha ha the running kind!!

  10. I saw a mountain lion on a night hike last fall. Luckily I wasn't alone, or I would have pulled a SUAR.

  11. There is a giveaway?? Must have missed that one. Are you gonna post about the flash mob later? Usually I just see squirrels and rabbits but I saw a wild turkey the other day. Pretty hike!

  12. I am working on my talents, hoing them to brag-worthy sharpness. In the meantime…this is the funniest trail run I have ever heard of…i am so jealous. A bombed-out car! Awesome! I try to mix in as many trails as I can. I have been face to face with coyotes, watched bunnies scamper by, been chased by cows (I think they were wild), and met up with skunks. Having your shorts hiked up your butt by a hydration belt is just one more reason why I think i'll stick with a handheld :P

  13. Funny that you ask about wildlife because we saw a cayote on the Highline Canal trail today. It was just hanging out, sunbathing. A biker passed it and it just sat there. Eventually enough people we coming from both sides (but keeping their distance) that it wandered back into the trees.. but it was very intimidating!

  14. Wild life. The non-human kind.

    Running - wolf, coyotes, several kinds of deer, skunk, rabbit, and I think a raccoon or a badger.

    Riding - several kinds of deer creatures, some extremely large and one of those was holy-shit close, skunk, gophers, and the scariest highlight was a grizzly bear.

    There are mountain lions or cougers here, but typically people don't see them until it's much too late. They get a couple people a year. I think of it as evolution in action.

    My problem with trail running is that around here it very quickly turns into trail hiking.

    Can't wait for my shirt to arrive. Will pose for pics when it comes.

  15. I love trail running. I hope I never encounter a bear or a mountain lion. In Texas all the mean animals only come out at night. Crazy shit like the Chupacabra.

  16. LOVE the trail pics! I am running my first trail half on Sunday and while NW Ohio is as flat as a 10 year old girl I am excited for some forest scenery.

  17. Nice job on the run! I like to add some trail running when I have the opportunity - good for some variety. And no mountain lions around here!

  18. Glad to see that you adjusted your shorts before posing for the rear shots.

    Were they berries in the bear scat? He doesn't seem to be doing a great job at digesting them - maybe if he chewed a few more times before swallowing.

  19. I wore a running skirt in my first half marathon and realized on about mile 6 that I'd been flashing my amply-stuffed bike shorts at everyone behind me.. no clue how long it was like that.
    My running buddy and I just started doing "real" trails" (although CO's are probably a *tad* tougher). On our first long one last weekend, we started a Root Count, to see who tripped over the most roots before we finished. Even if you tried to play it off, you could still here the "thwak" of the other person's foot hitting the root, ensuring an accurate count!

  20. Wait a gorgeous place to run, but the wildlife would likely scare me off. My hubby had an encounter with bear cubs while trekking to a fly fishing spot. He quickly passed, knowing that mama bear was likely close by. He once asked a shopkeeper about whether the bear bells worked and which worked better on black or brown bears. The guy said you can tell black and brown bears by their poo (for lack of a better word) A pile of standard poo, it's a brown bear. Black bear poo is a pile with the bells stuck in it. :)

  21. I am seriously jones'n for that trail run. We visited Breckenridge for the first time last summer (first time to visit Colorado, actually), and it's pretty safe to say that I'm basically obsessed with Colorado now. My husband and I often wonder what the hell we're doing here in Kansas City. Two sets of g'parents w/in 20 minutes of us, but the landscape is god-awful!!

  22. Alas its true...only 31 but that hardly makes me a baby. Ha ha! I never have seen bear doodie, so that was probably what I would do if I ever heard a huge cat roar at me! I am really jonesing to get out and do a trail run/walk. Its been since before my spine broke and I had to learn to walk again (27). I've just gotten under the 200 lbs mark (197) and your blog motivates me and gives me ideas for things I want to do! Thank you!!! Hearts, Janna Lynn

  23. WOW, you are so lucky to have such beautiful areas to run. There isnt much of that here in O-H-I-O, sorry I just had to do that. The only animal I once ran into was a Mamma deer and her babies. They were at our local park and I didnt even see them until I was right up next to them. I stopped right in my tracks,she looked at me like "Hello, look at my babies , arent they adorable,now please move along with your sweaty stinky self. Please and Thank you!" Since I was only a few feet away from her I was glad that she was so polite.....Did I tell u how much I Love my burn out shirt!? O, ya I did in my last post, sorry, but I am crazy about it!

  24. Love, love, love trail running, it totally rocks.
    Wildlife I've seen on runs: Wolves, coyotes, eagles, moose (all the friggin' time), bears, blackies and grizzlies), marmots, mountain goats and mountain sheep. Plus I've seen about two tons of bear scat and often bring it home on the bottoms of my shoes.

  25. So cool. Really amazing pics. You are lucky. I was wondering how you would last 12 miles with only that hand-held, but I see you had a fuel belt too.

    I've never had an encounter except with a rattle snake, but it wasn't all that dramatic.

    I want to do more trail running, but just can't seem to get to it. Meg's hubby is still injured and he's my trail partner.

  26. follow my blog and i will follow yours.

  27. I saw a big horned sheep as well as a mountain lion on two separate occasions in Rock Canyon, Provo, UT. I wasn't running, but hiking in for rock climbing, back when I had no kids and could do that.

    I miss trail running, I don't get much in as a mom now, since the big double wide doesn't work so well on them. I would love to mountain bike on that trail. I have a mountain bike race on Sat, and haven't ridden my mountain bike for almost a year. Its going to be a fun one for sure, but it is supposed to be. At least I have the fitness from my road biking. I just have to worry about my lack of bike handling skills.

  28. Once again, I am shamed into not appreciating how lucky I am to be where I am - trails to run and loads of wildlife, but nothing that could eat me.

  29. I've encountered coyotes, skunks, wild turkeys, and rattlesnakes on the trails....the snakes are the worst for me. I can't stand the sight of them.

  30. This is so beautiful... wow... but I would be panting like an elephant in heat after 100 ft of elevation.