Tuesday, July 19, 2011

She Felt Me Up

I’ve got my new Xterra wetsuit (the Vortex 3 Fullsuit) and she seems to have a life of her own. First, she tried to look like a wedding dress in disguise.

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Then she laid on her ass all afternoon not even lifting a finger to help with the kids, laundry or cooking:

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She felt me up on the stairs (pervert!).

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I wonder if I’ll even fit into her (TWSS):

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She had the nerve to use the crapper when I wasn’t looking. Gross, skids in my suit:

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And, she stole a Blue Moon beer from the fridge (drunkard!).

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She even got on my bike, and no one gets on my bike but me. Especially since the reflectors are gone and it is 1.5 ounces lighter.

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I was going to wiggle myself into her tonight with the help of some Body Glide (TWSS) and go for an open water swim at the reservoir.

But, the monsoon moved in with lightening and it was not to be.

So, I did the next best thing because I am ridiculous:

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Hello, Xterra Wetusits, if you are reading I cannot thank you enough for sending me the suit to try out and review. I feel like Catwoman. I know I’m going to love it.

SUAR

51 comments:

  1. Okay... I am so NOT one of the cool kids... what is this TWSS that is all over the place?

    And that lazy wetsuit... I hope she isn't that lazy once you two hit the water! Maybe she's saving her energy?

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  2. I can only say that I am SO glad I found you. You are freakin hilarious and I look forward to your posts!

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  3. Do you always line your tub with aluminum foil?

    And does your cat (I mean, wet) suit have any friends she can hook me up with?

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  4. At least she only had ONE beer. And shame on her... kinda like a man leaving the toilet seat/lid in the wrong position.

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  5. This post cracked me up! I can't believe you got in the tub with your wetsuit on! Did you put ice in the tub too? I have the sleeveless version and LOVE IT.

    My wetsuit it like my "wubby". It comes to all my races, even though I know it will be way to hot to use it sometimes, like last race the the water was 82 degrees! The wetsuit was still in the car, just in case!

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  6. one last thig:

    Make sure you don't pee in your wetsuit. That was one thing I looked for when I purchased a used one, one without pee.

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  7. XLMIC ... That's What She Said (ba dum dum)

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  8. That Xterra is quite the cutie! I don't particularly care for her personal hygiene however.

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  9. I'm not one of the cool kids either- Big happy family- I thought you were "that's what she said" about XLMIC's comment, "what is this TWSS that is all over the place?" I still had to look it up. I finally found it(TWSS)

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  10. @kimert...up IS the right position! If we left it down, we would pee on it.
    How many laps did you do in the tub?

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  11. Wetsuits scare the crap out of me but you are fabulous in that one!

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  12. Your a GOOF! are you still selling tshirts? I think i need one... ;)

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  13. Shes got talent. She can crap with the toilet seat down! Did you teach her that? :)

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  14. did glynn send you the suit? they ROCK! and damn, it looks good on you.
    ;)

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  15. Her on the sofa is actually creeping me out. And you're the only human on earth who looks GOOD in a wetsuit.

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  16. Geez, you can make anything funny. I might have to buy a wetsuit now, just for the laughs--and I can barely swim! Nice beer choice, by the way.

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  17. BUT did you fart in it and see if it blew up?????

    My Xterra is sleeveless so air escapes.

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  18. Oh dear god woman, you are freaking hilarious! Seriously. Although, I will admit I am slightly concerned for your mental standing... ;)

    Have fun with that wetsuit, the little whore that it is!

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  19. sometimes I wonder if you have too much time on your hands!!! (I know you don't, you just make time to entertain us all) You crack me up...sorry you didn't make it to your open water swim but the bath tub makes for fabulous photos!

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  20. I'm new to your blog and so glad that I found it! Your post made me laugh out loud and I love the pictures!!

    Sweet wetsuit too - it'll make you super duper fast!

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  21. My favorite line:

    "no one gets on my bike but me. Especially since the reflectors are gone and it is 1.5 ounces lighter."

    This will keep me going all day lol.

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  22. The fact that you posed your wetsuit all over your house absolutely put me in hysterics. So freaking funny! I love the one with the beer!!

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  23. This is 100% something I would do. Best Post EVER!

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  24. Xterra's are great value for the money and free is even better. I have the sleeveless Vortex.

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  25. Be careful at night, those things have a way of moving around.........

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  26. Here is a tip I learned in my early wetsuit days=) Put a plastic grocery bag over each foot, it'll slide on in a second. Then you can even use those same bags to put your wet gear in so you don't wet everything else in your transition bag!

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  27. Wow! I don't even know what to say. (rare) Love the wet suit. I think she is alive. What's her name?

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  28. Why, oh why, is the toilet paper on the floor behind the toilet????? How do you expect the "lazy wetsuit" to reach it???? Beth, your "houseguest" doesn't have any hands!!!!!!

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  29. That harlot of a wetsuit. She probably tried to snuggle up with Ken, too.

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  30. that's so freaking awesome.

    you can totally trap farts in that thing.

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  31. i LOVE the one where she is feeling you up. Your facial expression is priceless!!

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  32. I'm also perplexed by TWSS and when I clicked on the link I was taken to a swinger site. (My office will block Facebook - which we use in the marketing dept - but swinger adult sites are apparently okay.) I'm still perplexed and my eyes hurt.

    You are hilarious - thanks for making my morning!

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  33. I love their wetsuits!! I have 2 and they are the best! Sure she didn't hit on your better half as well?

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  34. absolutely hilarious!! Love this post!

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  35. That wetsuit of yours has some nerve! I'd draw the line at the beer stealing personally.

    Holy, my abs hurt from core work, and I just got an EXTRA core workout LMFAO at this post.

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  36. Love the suit...you made me laugh so hard...as always!

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  37. That's the same suit I have! I love mine, but prepare for a little discomfort in the water. I mean, I was all sorts of discombobulated and it was very tiring to lift my arms. BUT I still love it and can't wait to have an excuse to wear it again. Hurray!

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  38. thanks for bringing a smile to my face :) twss :)

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  39. Stealing a Blue Moon is punishable by death in my house. Or dishes duty.

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  40. Oooo, I hope Ken is not the jealous type!

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  41. You crack me up. And I agree with Marlene....are those all the foil wraps from your marathons on the bottom of the tub? Were you planning on basting yourself in there?

    Classica SUAR and I love it.

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  42. Ha ha. That photo of you on the floor lying next to the suit makes me think of paper dolls. All you need is those paper tabs to hold the suit on.

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  43. Okay, for the record, that is actually a vortex 4. Look at the number on it. ;) And you better make it clear that the wetsuit doesn't ride the bike with you. Apparently there's the occasional person that rides the bike leg in their wetsuit...

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  44. TWSS!! If that makes every post--you have skillz. You are rockin a sexy catwoman look for sure. The water will part FOR you in that suit!

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  45. hilarious! That is the exact make and model of my wetsuit and I love it...I wear it in the cold water in San Diego (60s) and it keeps me toasty and buoyant!

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  46. Loved the post. Your Xtera would make a great version of the "Elf on the Shelf". Each day during triathlon season, you could wake up and find the suit in another room doing all sorts of mischief.

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  47. This post was hilarious! As you know, I have the same wetsuit and LOVE it!!

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  48. I love my Vortex except the crotch seam failed right before Antwerp 70.3

    I enjoyed the pix of your suit. They do arrive with quite a lot of packaging. Made me feel special!

    Hope you enjoyed the Boulder HIM. Will now hunt for a race report.

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