Not a Cool Kid

It’s become very clear to me I will never be one of those cool athletes. You know the kind: they look all sleek and natural and like they were born to wear compression shorts and to cross finish lines, breaking the tape and throwing their arms in the air. They cruise along on their aero bars with their crazy-ass helmets that have tails and don’t miss a beat when they take a drink or eat a gel. Their sculpted muscles fit perfectly into their racing clothing and they always have on a game face. A look of pure determination and athleticism.

Chrissie Wellington

I don’t have it in me. I’m am just not that cool.

For example, today at my cycling group I was informed that triathletes don’t usually keep reflectors on their bike wheels. DOH! As I was being told this, someone else pointed out that I still had the price tag sticker on one of my spokes. DOH!

Bike lock combo = FART. I bet the pros don’t have a secret code like that.

Despite the dorkiness factor, I am one of those people that is so uncool that they are almost cool. We all knew those types in high school. The nerd who one day became popular because they could laugh at themselves and everyone started to think they were pretty funny. That was kind of me. I was never totally a nerd, but I was always the class clown kid. I knew I would never be noticed for my looks or boobs. My brains were okay, but nothing exceptional. So I played up the humor.

Once in 7th grade, I wore overalls which I guess invited torture and I was hung on the monkey bars, so high that I couldn’t get down by myself. I just hung there for a bit. But, I thought it was pretty funny, and some cute guy came and rescued me so it all worked out okay. Damsel in distress and all that.

Anyway, I digress.

Last night was my first open water swim ever. I got in a mile before it started lightening, so we had to get out.

I grew up in Maryland and Greece going to the beach, but it’s not like I would get in the ocean and swim 2,000 yards before breakfast. Too busy watching “I Dream of Jeannie.” (I used to love it when Jeannie would get in her bottle and you got to see the inside with all of its fluffy pillows and pink drapey curtains. I used to try to make my forts look like that).

I loved the open water. There is something so natural about being in “real” water versus pool water. The only thing, is I really wish there was a line on the bottom of the reservoir so I could see where the hell I was going. I got of course quite a bit. Guess I need to learn some sort of spotting technique. Any ideas?

If I ever start to feel down on myself because I am uncool, I can just gaze at this makeover Emma did of me on her iPod. Clearly I am meant to have a beehive.

Or, I could just get all excited that they are writing “suar” on the roads during the Tour de France to honor me:

Which do you like better, pool or open water? I’m new in the open water, but I think I like that more.

What’s your favorite older show? I love “I Dream of Jeannie” and “The Love Boat”

What’s the most uncool athlete thing you’ve ever done? My list is too long. Wetsuit worn inside out, crapping my pants, reflectors on bike to name a few.

SUAR

PS: Just tried Honey Stinger Waffles. Those things are the shit. My new favorite fueling. 160 cals, 21 g carbs. I ordered them from Runningwarehouse.com. Use coupon code “rwjuly” to get an extra 10% off.